Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 01 - Dark Horse (30 page)

They spend a couple of hours on the boardwalk, poking around in the touristy shops. There are rides, but Dan isn’t a big fan. He’s not afraid of speed, but he’d rather be at the controls than sitting passively. And Ryan doesn’t seem to care too much one way or another, so they don’t bother. They run into Robyn and Scott a couple times, and see Nikki and Molly in the line for salt water taffy, but otherwise they’re on their own.

They make it to the far end of the boardwalk and find a little niche where they can take a break, leaning with their arms braced on the railing, looking out at the ocean. Dan takes a deep breath of the salty air, and lets his shoulders relax. He looks over and sees Ryan grinning at him.

“Not a huge fan of the crowds?”

Dan laughs a bit sheepishly. He must come across as totally neurotic. “Nah, I’m fine. Just… no point in going to the beach and not breathing sea air, right?”

“Makes sense. Hey, there’s a harbor, for boats. Wanna go have a look at them?”

Dan has no idea why anyone would want to look at boats, but he doesn’t object. Maybe he’ll be surprised by how interesting they are, and at least it sounds like it should be less crowded than the boardwalk. “Sure, all right.”

They walk over toward the harbor, but when they get to the mouth of the inlet they see a restaurant with patio, and they grin simultaneously. “Or we could get a drink,” Dan suggests as Ryan nods happily.

They find their way onto the patio and discover that they have a good view of the yachts coming in and out of the harbor, so—as Ryan says as he happily sips the gluten-free beer that he found on the menu—it’s the best of both worlds.

Most of the boats are pretty small, essentially just motor boats, but there are a few that look big enough to live on. “What do you say? Would you ever want to leave it all behind, sail around the world?” Ryan asks.

“I dunno… there might be room for the horses, but there wouldn’t be much space to ride them.”

“So, the horses—they’re really that important, are they? I mean… they’re more than just a job?”
Dan considers it. He knows that they are, but he doesn’t know how to explain it. Part of it is wrapped up in Justin, but Dan loved horses long before he moved to Kentucky, so there’s more to it than just that. Ryan isn’t pushing, and Dan knows he could just laugh him off, but he’s interested himself, now. And he feels like Ryan might appreciate a bit of actual openness from him. “Yeah. They’re a lot more than a job.”
He shrugs. “I started riding when I was a kid… a teenager, I guess. My mom was sick and there was no one to take care of us, and I got put in foster care. And, I dunno, I was angry, and a bit of an asshole, and I got kicked out of a couple places. The social worker told me I was one step away from a group home, and she put me with this family on a farm. They were super-religious, and I thought I was gonna hate them, but… they had horses.” Dan cuts his eyes over to Ryan. He could stop now, doesn’t want to be boring, but Ryan smiles encouragingly.

“So I guess it just sort of clicked. The horses didn’t care if I was scruffy, or if I did bad at school, or…. They didn’t care if I was gay.” Dan grins a little self-consciously. “Although I really didn’t advertise that to the family—they wouldn’t have been impressed.” Dan’s looking out at the harbor now, but he’s seeing the dry farm in Texas more than the ocean in California. “And then when I got better, figured out how to ride, how to work with them… it was nice to be good at something. Nice to be able to do something that people wanted. And horses are… I don’t know. I understand horses. People….” Dan thinks back to his conversation with Jeff that morning. “People confuse the hell out of me.” He smiles shyly, surprised at how much he’s just said. “I dunno. I guess that was a pretty long way of saying I don’t really want to live on a boat.”

Ryan laughs gently. “Okay, no boat. Check.”
“What about you? You like the idea of being that rootless?” Ryan shrugs. “Kinda, yeah. I mean, seeing new things and new

people every day, not getting stuck in the same old job… it sounds pretty good to me.”

Dan nods. He’s not surprised to hear that about Ryan. He seems like a traveler. “So how come you’re not doing it? I mean, not on a boat, maybe, but how come you’re stuck in a little town?”

“Stuck?” Ryan feigns disbelief. “Oh, I’m not stuck, I’m planning!” He grins. “I met the guys from the band, they’re almost all from the area, and we decided to stick around there until we got our shit together, got a good sound and were ready to tour. We’ve been trying to get some sort of a recording deal, too—get some help with expenses on the road. And it’s almost coming together, really—it won’t be long now!” Ryan’s as excited as Dan’s seen him, and Dan can’t help smiling. It’s nice to see someone with dreams. Then he realizes that it reminds him of Justin, of how sure he was that they were going to the top, that Willow was only the first in a long string of exceptional horses that they’d develop together. He realizes that the smile must have faded from his face when Ryan leans toward him in concern.

“Shit, man, I’m sorry. I mean… were you thinking that….” Ryan stumbles, and Dan can’t help him because he has no idea what the man is talking about. “I mean, I’m really enjoying spending time with you, and obviously you’re smokin’ hot….” Dan stares at him. These are nice things to hear, he supposes, but why is Ryan….

“Oh! Oh, no, man, sorry! I’m not looking for anything serious either! Like, probably not anything at all, I don’t know….” Now it’s Ryan’s turn to get a strange expression on his face. “No, not because I don’t like you, just because….” Dan is almost panicking. Things have gone really wrong really quickly. He takes a deep breath and starts again.

“I was seeing someone, back in Kentucky. Pretty long-term.” He really doesn’t want to get into details, so he leaves it there. “So I’m just sort of… unsure about dating in general. Or, not dating, even, just… everything. I’m sort of unsure of everything.” Ryan is looking much calmer, and not offended, as far as Dan can tell. That’s an improvement. “So you being excited about traveling—seriously, man, it’s not a problem.”

Ryan nods, and then laughs a little. “Yeah, okay, that makes sense.” He looks a little sheepish. “Sorry.”

 

Dan just shakes his head. “No, it’s good to get it out in the open. I mean… ‘casual if anything’… it’s good to get that clear.”

“Okay, well, as long as we’re getting things clear….” Ryan leans in a little bit, bringing his face close to Dan’s. “Casual’s great, but I’m really hoping that there’s something.”

Dan glances around nervously, but no one seems to be paying any attention to them, and he brings his hand up and finds Ryan’s, rests them both on Ryan’s knee. “Okay,” he breathes, and then he leans the little bit closer and brings his lips up to Ryan’s. It’s barely more than a peck, just a brush of lips, a little puckering motion, and then pulling away, but Dan’s heart is racing, his face is burning, and he yanks his hand back from Ryan’s as if he’s been burned. He knows he’s overreacting, knows he must seem like a freak, but… he hasn’t kissed anyone but Justin in a long time. This is a lot more than just physical, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to go ahead with it.

Ryan seems to be taking it all right, though. He looks curiously at Dan and says, “You all right?”

 

“Yeah, sorry. Just… like I said, I was with one guy for a long time.”

Ryan shakes his head a little. “He really did a number on you, huh?” He brings his hand up to where Dan is gripping the arm of his chair and gently works his fingers loose. He brushes his own fingers along Dan’s lightly before bringing his hand back to his own side.

Dan tries to relax. Their server comes over and takes orders for refills, and Dan welcomes the distraction. By the time that’s dealt with he’s back to normal, more or less, and he’s able to go back to having a casual conversation. They end up phoning the others and suggesting that they meet at the restaurant for dinner, so the only moving the two do for the next several hours is over to a larger table.

They’re walking back to the cars after dinner when Nikki’s phone rings. She answers it and has a short conversation, and then turns to Dan. “Donny says he can fix your fan belt tomorrow if you drop the car off tonight. I can run you out to your place after if you want….”

Ryan jumps in. “Or if you don’t mind me driving your truck, I could ride out with you, drop you off, and take the truck back into town with me.”

“Oh, uh… I appreciate the offers, and I do need to get it fixed, but I really don’t want to be a nuisance.”

 

Nikki talks into the phone. “Yeah, okay, book him for tomorrow.” She hangs up and smiles at him. “It’s not like you live that far out.”

They sort it out that Ryan will do the errand-running, so Robyn climbs into the truck with Ryan and Dan so they can go straight to the farm without going through town. Ryan insists that she take the front seat, but when he leans over from the back to talk to them, he rests his hands on their seats, and his fingers brush Dan’s shoulders a little too often to be accidental. Dan feels a bit like he’s back in high school. It’s sort of fun.

When they get to the farm Dan drives Robyn down and drops her at the barn, and Ryan whistles between his teeth. “Man, this barn is about ten times nicer than my apartment.”

“You should see Dan’s house!” Robyn chirps, and then looks a little awkward, as if she’s making a decision on Dan’s behalf.
Ryan just ignores the comment, though, and gives Robyn a goodnight hug before climbing into the front seat. Dan pulls away and drives the short distance to the guest house, and then leaves the engine running as he climbs out. Robyn’s suggestion or not, he’s not inviting Ryan in.

Ryan doesn’t seem surprised or disappointed. He just gets out of his own side and walks around the truck, but when he gets to the driver’s side, instead of going around Dan he stands in front of him, so they’re standing facing each other, lined up against the side of the truck.

Ryan smiles gently at him. “Thanks for coming out today. It was a good time.”

“Yeah, it was. Thanks for inviting us.” Dan looks at Ryan and tries to decide what to do. Tries to decide what he wants.
Ryan moves forward slowly, carefully, and brings his right hand up to nestle in Dan’s hair at the base of his skull. Dan lets it happen, and he lets Ryan bring Dan’s head forward, bring their mouths together. The kiss is still gentle, still not much more than a brush of lips, but it lasts a little longer this time, Ryan tilting his head and applying a gentle pressure, and Dan kisses back. Ryan moves in a little closer, then, and Dan pulls away. Ryan lets him go without protest, but Dan still feels like he has to explain.

He looks down at his shoes for a second, and then turns and leans his back against the side of the truck, looking out into the night. “The guy from Kentucky. The one I was with for a long time?”

Ryan nods and smiles ruefully. “Yeah. The guy you’re getting over.”

“We didn’t break up.” Dan takes a quick breath. “He died. He got in a riding accident, and he died.” He looks down at his shoes again. “Justin.”

Ryan freezes for a second, and then nods. “Okay. Yeah. Shit, Dan, I’m really sorry.”

“No! No, man, don’t be sorry. It was nice to have someone to just hang out with, without thinking that you were feeling sorry for me, or afraid that I was gonna break or something.” He sneaks a peek at Ryan. He isn’t running away, at least. “I just… I thought you should know, because… I don’t know, I’m kind of freaking out about all this.” He looks at Ryan again, and doesn’t see anything but warm concern on his face. “I feel like I’m cheating on him. You know?”

Ryan doesn’t say anything for a minute. “Well, I don’t
know
, but, yeah, I can see how it’d be weird.” He turns and leans his back against the truck, too, so they’re both looking out into the darkness. They stand quietly for a minute before Ryan starts talking again. “Okay, here’s the thing… I like you. Totally apart from sex.” He looks over at Dan. “When I first met you, I wasn’t sure you were gay, and I still thought you’d be a good guy to hang out with. I mean… I
hoped
you were gay… a lot. I hoped a lot.” His smile is self-deprecating. “But, you know, even if nothing happens, you’re still a good guy, we can still hang out. Right?”

Dan isn’t sure if he can believe this. “Wait. So, you’re okay with this? I mean….” He laughs a little. “Do I have to choose? I mean, I’d totally understand that, if you didn’t want me being a cocktease….”

Ryan laughs. “Let me put it this way… if I ask you to choose, you’d say just friends, right?”

 

Dan shrugs uncomfortably, then nods. “Yeah, I think so.” “Well all right then. You don’t have to choose. At least this way I have a
chance
at some action.”

 

“Seriously?”

Ryan pushes himself off the truck and stands in front of Dan, legs slightly spread, arms out to the sides. He’s laughing. “Here is my body. You can use it, or ignore it as the whim takes you.”

Dan laughs and looks away, then looks back. He grins a little. “You know, you’re really a very good waiter.” Ryan laughs. “No, I mean it, this is some exceptional service. I feel bad for only giving you a twenty percent tip.”

Ryan puts his arms down and moves around Dan, heading for the driver’s door. “Well, now I just feel cheap—” he begins, and then Dan is wrapping his fist in Ryan’s shirt and pulling him in for another kiss. It’s a bit rougher this time, a bit more needy, but it still doesn’t last long, and it’s still Dan who pulls away first. Ryan just grins at him and gives his lips a quick lick and then gets in the truck and shuts the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow about getting the truck back to you,” he says and backs it up.

As the truck turns, its headlights catch three dogs trotting down the lane toward Dan, and farther behind them, Jeff and Evan standing by the side of the road. They look as though they’d been coming down the driveway and stopped. Ryan drives out carefully, making sure to avoid people and pets, and Dan raises a hand in greeting to Jeff and Evan. He’s a bit embarrassed, and wonders how much they saw. Wonders if they’ll judge him, thinking he’s forgetting Justin or moving on too soon.

He crouches to ruffle the necks of the dogs, and lifts his chin up to avoid the worst of their licking. Jeff and Evan seem to be talking about something, and Dan isn’t sure whether they’re planning on coming the rest of the way down or not. He stands up just as they start walking toward him.