Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 01 - Dark Horse (28 page)

Nobody says anything for a moment, and then Ryan breaks the silence. “So, the great Evan Kaminski. You didn’t say that he’s who you work for.” Ryan looks a little cautious as he continues. “He seems a bit… protective.”

Dan shrugs bemusedly. “I have no idea what that was about, man.”

Robyn is looking at him curiously. “No idea? So you never… anything? With either of them?”
Ryan is following the conversation pretty closely, and Dan realizes that if Ryan had any doubts about Dan’s orientation, they’re pretty much gone after that. And he hasn’t even answered the question yet. “What? No. I mean… when would I have?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t worked out precise schedule. I just thought, you know… you all seemed pretty cozy, and then you all seemed pretty weird.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say? Every now and then I can manage to screw things up even without having sex with anyone.”
Ryan smiles at him, and Dan thinks maybe there’s just a little more warmth there than there was before. “So, we’ve got room at our table. Come on over and have a beer, meet some people.” Ryan herds them over with a hand in the middle of Dan’s back, but when they get there he takes it away, and Dan can feel a cool patch where his skin had gotten used to the warmth. The band is at the table, along with about five other people, including Donny and Nikki, and introductions are made as Robyn and Dan are given glasses from the table’s pitchers.

The conversation is lively and Robyn gets involved quickly. Dan mostly sits back and listens, and a few times he glances over and sees Ryan’s eyes on him, and he thinks he kind of likes it. Jeff and Evan are farther away, and the bar isn’t well lit, so Dan can’t be sure, but sometimes he thinks he feels their eyes on him, too, and he really doesn’t know what to make of that. The band gets up for another set and the table mostly just enjoys the music, although they still talk a little. There’s another break, and another set, and before Dan knows it the band is thanking the audience and saying good night.

Ryan comes back over to the table for last call, and takes his seat beside Dan as usual, but this time his chair is twisted around a little so he’s looking almost straight at Dan. Dan figures it’s time to stop pretending there’s any ambiguity. Ryan is interested, and Dan likes him. He’s just not really sure what he wants to do about it.

Ryan smiles at him. “So, you had a good time tonight? I told you I knew some good people.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I came. Good music too.” He smiles back, but doesn’t look right at Ryan. He thinks back to Chris’s words:
“See how things go; see how you feel.”
Yeah, that’s great in theory, but he’s feeling about fifteen different things simultaneously.
Thanks a lot, Chris
.

Ryan is still watching him assessingly. Dan knows he can end it now, grab his keys, wrangle Robyn, and get the hell out of there, but he’s not sure if that’s what he wants. He knows he doesn’t want anything tonight, but someday, maybe… and if he leaves now, without saying anything, is he shutting that door?

Robyn slips into the seat beside him and snuggles in under his arm, and then speaks softly in his ear. “Jeff and Evan are still here. I can get a ride home with them, if….”

“No.” Dan isn’t loud, but he’s emphatic, and he knows Ryan notices. He decides to get it over with and he turns to face Ryan directly. “We’re gonna head out, I guess. But, thanks, seriously, for inviting me. It, uh….” He doesn’t really have any words, so he just smiles at Ryan, hopes he understands. “I’m glad I came.”

Ryan pauses, then nods. “Yeah, I’m glad you came too. And you know pretty much all the places to find me—here, home, or the restaurant—so if you want to do something sometime, let me know.” Dan nods and they both stand up, and Ryan gives him another hug, and then looks at him with warm, sincere eyes. “I hope I’ll hear from you.”

Dan nods. “Yeah, absolutely. My schedule’s still a bit up in the air, but… yeah. I think you will.” He grins a little, and Ryan grins back, and suddenly everything seems just a little bit more clear. Robyn tucks herself back under Dan’s arm and they work their way out of the restaurant. They glance over at Jeff and Evan on the way, and Robyn gives a little wave, which Jeff returns. Dan doesn’t even want to start thinking about them tonight. He just wants to feel good for a while.

They hit the sidewalk and head for the truck, and Robyn keeps looking at Dan. He tries to ignore it, but eventually he cracks. “What?” he growls.

“Nothing.” She makes it three more steps before she says, “I like Ryan.”

 

“Yeah, I like him too.”

She nods, and just before they get to the car, she says, “Seriously, though? Nothing, ever, between you and Jeff?
Or
you and Evan?” Dan sighs and shakes his head. “Huh.” Robyn’s mouth twitches a little, and she says, “I’ve gotta say, the barn gang is going to be a little disappointed to hear that!”

Dan’s head swivels toward her, and she laughs as she says, “What, you thought you were magically immune to being gossiped about? Please! But that’s all right. You should hear all the great stuff I got tonight! I swear, living in a small town is brilliant—everybody knows everybody! By the time I get done passing all this along tomorrow, we might not even have time to get to your sorry lack of a love life.”

Dan stares at her, and he can tell she’s starting to think she went a little too far. Then he shakes his head in exasperation. “Okay, then, tell me what you got.” And the rest of the ride home is filled with happy chatter about people who Dan doesn’t know, and whose problems he doesn’t have to care about. It turns out to be a really, really pleasant drive.

Chapter 23

D
AN
wakes up with the sun the next morning. He’s only been in California for a little over a week, but already his body has adjusted to the time change and re-established its old patterns. He puts the pillow over his head and tries to get back to sleep, but it’s no use, and eventually he gives up and just lies there. He’s been trying to avoid having any downtime. When his mind isn’t occupied, it always seems to go back to Justin, and there’s no point in dwelling on things that he can’t change.

But this morning he lets his mind go there. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life searching for ways to distract himself. He wants to be able to just
be
, at least sometimes. So he lies there in bed, and he lets himself think about Justin. And it isn’t as hard as he’d thought it might be. It still makes him sad, and maybe he’s crying a little bit by the end, but he remembers a lot of good times too. He’s never understood people who like watching sad movies, but he thinks maybe he’s starting to get it. He thinks maybe it’s possible to be sad and happy at the same time.

But he can only handle it for so long, and then he hauls himself out of bed and into the shower. He runs the water cold for a while, hoping it gets rid of any puffiness around his eyes. He’s not vain, but he doesn’t really feel like advertising his emotional frailties.

He gets dressed, finds some breakfast, and then heads down to the barn. He still hasn’t worked out any system of days off for himself, but he doesn’t really think he’s going to take many. He truly does enjoy his job.

Tatiana is already there when he arrives, helping Devin with the chores, but she abandons that as soon as Dan appears. “Morning! Ready for the cross-country course?” she chirps, and Dan groans. He’s glad he’d had to stay sober enough to drive home the night before. Tatiana must be pretty hard to take with a hangover. But he had promised her.

“Yeah, okay. You’re going to take Sunshine?” She nods and goes to get the mare out of her stall. Dan is tempted to take Monty, but this is Tat’s first trip up the hill on horseback, so Dan decides that he’d better make sure he’s not being too distracted by his own horse.

He heads over to Smokey’s stall, and checks out the additions to his name plate. “Smoke and Mirrors,” “Smoke Gets in My Eyes,” “The Big Smoke,” “When Smokey Sings,” “Smokin’ Tails”… the poor horse is going to have an identity crisis. But he seems to be handling the pressure all right, and ambles out of the stall and into the crossties. He nuzzles affectionately at Dan, who’s just about to be flattered when Devin strolls by and gets the exact same treatment. The little horse is just friendly.

Dan and Tat saddle up and head out along the path up the hill. When they get near the house, the pit bull comes out again. She’s made a bit of a habit of joining Dan for his morning rides, and it seems like she was waiting for him.

“Oh, Lou! Hi, sweetie!” Tatiana coos, and Dan is a little disgruntled. He’d known intellectually that the dog must belong to somebody, had thought she was likely Jeff’s, but he’d started to think of her as his own little friend. Tat turned to Dan. “Is it okay if she comes with us?”

“She’s never been a problem before. Just give Sunshine a chance to meet her, make sure she’s okay with it.” Tat loosens her reins and the mare extends her nose down, and then tries to sneak a bite of grass while she’s down there. “Yeah, she’s fine,” Dan snorts.

They head on up the hill and onto the course. Dan finds his stomach knotting up a little. He doesn’t really like the feeling of being responsible for someone else’s safety, especially not for a fifteen-year-old’s. “Okay, so this is your first time around. We’re not going to do the whole course. We’ll just look at each obstacle, you’ll tell me what the challenges are, how you’d handle it. If it sounds good to me, you’ll give it a try.” Tat nods seriously, and Dan continues. “Your focus will be on precision and control. If the horse starts getting worked up, the jumping is over, and we’ll head back down to the barn. If
you
start getting reckless, the jumping is over, and you’ll
walk
back to the barn. All right?”

Tat nods and tries to look serious, but Dan can see her eyes dancing. He remembers the feeling, and doesn’t want to discourage it. He just wants to make sure she’s safe.

“Okay, we’re not gonna do any of the tricky ones today. Let’s start with four—it’s just a brush jump, like you’ve seen in stadium jumping. What’s going to be different when you’re doing it out here?”

They follow Dan’s cautious approach for several jumps, with Dan and Smokey standing at a distance from the jump with Lou, and Tat discussing the jump, trying it, getting feedback, and trying again. Dan’s impressed with her focus and ability to analyze what she’s doing wrong and what she’s doing right. She really does seem to be taking this seriously. Toward the end of the session he has her take a few jumps in sequence, and she’s clearly thrilled. He’s just about to suggest a break when he sees a man’s head rise over the top of the hill. Lou is taking off toward him, barking happily, before Dan’s even sure that it’s her owner.

Jeff greets Lou and walks over to join Dan, and Tat trots Sunshine over happily. “Jeff, this is so incredible! We’re doing really well, and Sunshine is awesome, and I’m not, but I’m learning! You should see us!” She turns to Dan. “I know you said that was our last trip, but can I do just one more? I’m not tired, and Sunshine is fine….”

Dan smiles, and nudges Smokey to move forward to stand next to Sunshine. “You can do one more if you chill out a little. It’s good to be excited, but you’ve got to keep it under control, or your horse will feel it and things will get crazy. Do a couple big circles, get yourself calm, make sure Sunshine’s good, and when you’re ready, do one more run.”

Tatiana beams at him and pulls Sunshine away, heading out to the track of the large circle they’ve been riding. “This job would really suck if she wasn’t a sweetheart,” Dan says mostly to himself, but Jeff’s rumbling laugh isn’t unexpected.

“A lot of things would be a lot more difficult if she wasn’t a sweetheart. She could have made things hell for me and Evan.”

Dan glances over at Jeff. He hadn’t thought about that, but it’s a good point. Tatiana is old enough now to know what people are saying, and to know that her brother and his older male lover aren’t exactly standard issue. Dan thinks of the girls at the restaurant the day before and winces to think of Tat having to deal with that.

Jeff sees Dan’s agreement, and continues. “He’s having a bit of a tough time, lately. I hope he wasn’t a problem last night at the bar?”

“No, not really. Just a little drunk, a little random. No big thing.” Jeff’s looking at him. “Seemed random, did it?”
“What? There was a reason?” Dan is confused, as usual. “You mean,

like, his employees aren’t allowed to hang out in the same bar as him or something?” That doesn’t sound like Evan, but Dan has to remember that he doesn’t know the guy too well.

Jeff laughs a little as he shakes his head. “No, Dan, I don’t think that was the problem.” He looks over at Tatiana, who is lining Sunshine up to start jumping. Both men watch her quietly as she approaches the first obstacle and takes it cleanly. Dan is just thinking that he needs to talk to her about keeping Sunshine straight for a little longer on the landing when Jeff mutters, “Straighten her out a little,” and Dan feels reassured. He’s used to training horses, not riders, so he’s glad Jeff agrees.

Dan bobs his head and practically jumps with Tat as the second and third jumps also go well, but when Dan glances over at Jeff to see if he’s pleased, he finds that the man is looking at him, not at Tatiana. Dan gives him a questioning look, and Jeff smiles a little. “I think… I think Evan and I haven’t been as clear as we should be. You’re a part of Tatiana’s life, now… a good part. Hopefully you’re going to be around for a long time. And what Evan and I are trying right now isn’t really working.” He pauses, and then smiles brightly at Dan. “And you’re really, really terrible at reading people.”

Dan barks out a quick laugh. He hadn’t realized his problem was quite so apparent. “Yeah, I kinda am.” He glances almost shyly at Jeff. “I have no idea what’s going on with you and Evan. But, seriously… I’m not nosy. I don’t need to know everything, if you’d rather not explain yourselves… ’cause you’re right, I’m really not likely to figure it out on my own.”

Jeff smiles at him, and Dan almost feels like they’re back in Kentucky. The heat isn’t there, and, all things considered, Dan is thankful for that, but there is warmth, and the feeling that Jeff actually cares about him. He feels like a cat basking in the sunlight. Jeff shifts, almost reaches out for him, and Dan can practically feel the heavy hand sitting on his knee, but then Jeff pulls back, and says, “I’m gonna talk to Evan, okay?”