Just The Way You Are (21 page)

"Stop trying to shut me out. You need a friend, Tessa, and right now I'm pretty much your best shot at one."

"And that's what you want—to be my friend?" Adrenaline raced through her body as she looked into his somewhat startled green eyes. "I don't think so, Jimmy." She poked him in the chest. "I think you want to be more than a friend. I think your psychoanalysis is all meant to steer me in one direction—to you. Well, I'm here. And so are you. What are you going to do about it?"

She flung the challenge down like the white glove in a duel. And he picked it up just as quickly.

"Kiss you," he muttered as his mouth came down on hers with a hardness, a hunger, a passion that surprised her. Jimmy didn't kiss her with the casualness that was his trademark. No, he kissed her with intensity, like a fire consuming everything within its reach. And it was the sense of overwhelming need that made her pull away.

She looked at him, still reeling, still struggling for breath, for words, for logic, for calm.

He stared back at her, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"Well," she said finally.

"Well, well," he said somewhat mockingly.

Instantly, she could sense the change in his mood, as if he, too, was afraid of the seriousness between them, as if he, too, didn't know what to do with it. "The other girls were right. You're a very good kisser. I guess you've had a lot of practice."

"Fishing, Tessa?"

"Your reputation precedes you."

"You don't want me to judge you—don't judge me."

"I apologize."

And they were back to wary again. Thankfully, their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Sam, Alli, and Megan. Tessa's niece bounced out of the minivan with an exuberance that reminded Tessa of Alli at Megan's age. She shook the thought out of her head as she turned her attention to Sam.

In his trademark jeans and T-shirt, he looked good. He was the same Sam, she told herself, refusing to allow Jimmy's comments about being in a rut get to her. This was the man she'd loved her entire life. She saw him the way he was now. She knew she did. But still her heart questioned as Sam glanced toward Alli, as something in that one simple look seemed different from the day before.

"Hi, Aunt Tessa," Megan said, grabbing her hand. "Can I hike down with you?"

The child's hand felt warm and somewhat sticky in hers. Tessa told herself it was adorable.

"Ready?" Alli asked the group in general. "We should go before we lose the tide." She held a pile of burlap sacks in her hand. "We'll fill these up and hope for the best." Without waiting for a reply, Alli headed down the path that would lead them to the flatlands about a mile down the hill.

"Hey, wait up," Jimmy called.

Alli paused as Jimmy joined her. He said something to her, and she laughed. Tessa felt her body stiffen again. Damn Alli. She always wanted what Tessa had. Not that she wanted Jimmy, Tessa told herself quickly. In fact, this was perfect; she would have Sam and Megan to herself.

"Are you going to help us fly our kite on the Fourth of July?" Megan asked Tessa.

"Oh, I don't think so," Tessa replied, wondering if she'd still be here on the Fourth of July. She supposed she could leave once Grams came home from the hospital, but she didn't know when that would be. And maybe Grams would need help. But how could she stay in Tucker's Landing when her life was far, far away? Yet, how could she leave and let Sam go once again?

"I'm going to Mommy," Megan said suddenly. "You're both walking too slow."

"Should I be insulted?" Tessa asked Sam, feeling the space between them vanish with Megan's abrupt departure.

"Megan moves at the speed of light."

"You like being a dad, don't you?"

"I love it. Megan is the best of me, the best of Alli. But most of all, she's her own person with her own strengths, her own weaknesses. Every time I look at her I'm amazed."

"You had her when you were so young. It can't have been easy suddenly becoming a father at age twenty."

"I doubt it's ever easy, though it's true that sometimes I think Alli and I are growing up right alongside Megan. I just hope she doesn't beat us to adulthood," he said with a grin.

"I don't think there is any danger of that. Alli always liked kids," Tessa said idly. "I have to admit I think Megan is cute as can be, but other people's children just aren't that appealing."

"You have more tolerance for your own child than others."

She drew her sweater more tightly about her as the wind came off the ocean. "It's chilly today, but I'm glad the sun is out," she said, changing the subject.

"Were you all right during the storm?" he asked.

"Yes, fine," she lied.

He nodded. "It never bothered you as much as Alli."

She stared at him in surprise. Had he really not noticed all those years ago how much the storms bothered her?

Before she could ask him, her foot caught on a rock, and she felt herself stumble forward. Sam caught her by the arm and held her until she regained her footing. By the time she straightened, she realized that Alli, Jimmy, and Megan had disappeared beyond the next rise and she and Sam were alone.

"Thanks," she said shakily.

"No problem."

He was too close. She was too close. Somebody was too damn close. She took a deep breath and began to walk again. "Are you and Alli really getting a divorce?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because—because I do."

"What difference could it make to you? As soon as Phoebe is better, you'll go back to the life you've been living."

"Maybe not. Maybe I could live here some of the time." She couldn't believe the words had come out of her mouth. Sam looked as shocked as she was.

"What are you saying, Tessa? What exactly are you saying?"

"You and me, Sam, a second chance. That's what I'm saying."

Chapter 19

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"
T
essa—"

"Daddy, Daddy," Megan interrupted, running back up the path to them, her face flushed with excitement as she held out her hand. "Look, I caught it with my hand."

Sam cleared his throat, turning his attention to Megan. He slowly peeled her fingers apart to reveal a small gold butterfly fluttering against her palm.

"It's beautiful," he said. "You have to let it go now. It needs to fly."

"But I want to take it home and keep it in my room."

"I don't think the butterfly would be very happy in your room."

"I would play with it every day, Daddy."

Tessa smiled as Sam flung her a frustrated look. But she couldn't help him out with this one, for the butterfly trapped in Megan's hand could have been herself.

"It would miss the other butterflies, honey," Sam said gently. He stooped down to look into Megan's eyes. "It would be lonely no matter how much you loved it."

"Okay," Megan said reluctantly, opening her fingers and freeing the butterfly.

Tessa watched it soar into the sky with mixed feelings, because the moment of truth between her and Sam had just flown away with that butterfly. Maybe it was better that way. Was she really ready to commit to staying in Tucker's Landing? What would she do here? A vacation was one thing, but a life? It would be nice to be with Grams. But Alli would be nearby as well. And it was such a long drive just to get to an airport. She had to work. She couldn't just do nothing. And her work took her all over the world.

If she stayed in Tucker's Landing, though, she would have Sam. Or at least she thought she would. He seemed as wary as she was to actually say the words out loud, to admit that the love they shared was still there, still simmering just below the surface. Or did she just want it to be?

Tessa remembered Jimmy's telling her she was in a rut, stuck in the past, unable to get beyond what had happened, comparing each relationship to the one she'd lost. Was that the truth? Or was the relationship she'd had with Sam better than any other?

"Don't you think you would miss the other butterflies?" Sam asked quietly.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Hurry up," Megan said, once again taking Tessa's hand. "Mommy and Jimmy are ready to go into the water."

Sam met her gaze over Megan's small head. "Later," he mouthed.

She nodded. Later was good. It would give her a chance to decide if she really could make a life for herself in Tucker's Landing.

* * *

Alli laughed as Jimmy stuck his booted foot gingerly into about one inch of water, then quickly removed it. "I think I'll be the official photographer," he said.

"Chicken."

"Hey, call me anything you want, just call me dry," he replied. He waved his hand at the view before them. "This is spectacular, I must say, the creeks and streams running into the bay, the ocean in the distance with the haystack rocks rising like monuments, the squawking shorebirds, the elegant pelicans," he mused.

Alli watched with him as a pelican soared down into the distant bay, its long neck dipping into the water in search of food. With another flap of its wings, it sailed off with a grace, a sense of freedom that she could only wish she had. Alli drew in a deep breath of fresh air and felt a rush of pleasure. She loved being at the beach, hearing the waves crashing, watching the water ripple, the birds at play. This was her world, and she didn't think she'd ever get tired of looking at it.

"This is the best place on earth," she said to Jimmy.

He raised an eyebrow. "It's pretty, but if you don't mind my asking, have you been many other places?"

"No," she admitted with a laugh. "But it's still the best place on earth."

"Where did you live before—with your parents?"

"San Francisco. We lived in this small, yellow house in the Sunset district. I remember, because I used to think that we'd painted the sun on our house, since most of the time it was foggy outside."

He sent her an indulgent grin. "What else did you think?"

"That the city was crowded, that we always had to be careful not to talk to strangers, not to run in the street. We didn't know any different then, but once we got to Tucker's Landing, it was like we'd been set free. Only problem was, the freedom came with such a huge price tag."

"It must have been rough losing your parents so young."

"It was awful. I missed them terribly. I wished over and over again that I'd wake up and it would all be a bad dream."

"Do you blame Tessa for the accident?"

She looked at him in surprise. "Why would I?"

"Tessa said your parents went shopping for a special doll she wanted for Christmas. Knowing your high regard for your sister, I figure maybe that's where it all began."

"No. I didn't blame Tessa at all. We were close back then. There weren't a lot of kids in our neighborhood so we played with each other. And Tessa was my big sister. She was the one I cried with, the one who held my hand when we came to Grams's house." Alli paused, not liking the warm memories washing over her. She hadn't thought of that night, those days, in years, and she wished she hadn't started now. It made her remember a time when she'd loved Tessa, and loving Tessa wasn't an emotion she was comfortable with anymore. Looking restlessly up the path, she wondered what was taking them so long. "Where are they?" she asked grumpily.

"They'll be along. But since they're not here yet, maybe you can answer a question for me."

"Like what?"

"Like what do you see in the guy?" Jimmy asked with puzzlement in his light green eyes.

"Who?"

"Sam, the boy next door, the love of apparently everyone's life, that guy. He doesn't seem to be particularly rich. He's good-looking, I suppose. Has a business that I think involves a lot of stinking fish. So what is it about him that makes you and Tessa so nuts?"

Alli grinned. Jimmy was probably better looking than Sam, certainly more sophisticated, well traveled, and he had a bit more charm, but in her estimation he still felt short of Sam. Why?

"No one has ever asked me that before," she said slowly.

"Well, there must be a few things about Sam," he said with a mocking note on Sam's name, "that you really like. What are they?"

"He's—he's gorgeous," she said helplessly. "Strong, rugged, handsome. I love his forearms. I know that sounds stupid, but he's got these great muscular arms, and his hands, they're rough and callused, but they can be incredibly—"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture. He turns you on with his hands. What else? And please, let's skip the other parts of his anatomy. There are some things I'd rather not know."

"Sam has a good heart. He's smart and funny. He tells these awful knock-knock jokes that are so stupid but so endearing. And he's good to people, kind, loyal. He's someone you can count on. He's a friend."

"Now you're making him sound like a Boy Scout."

"No, because he's not perfect, he's very human." She thought for a moment. "He can lose his temper, leave his clothes around the house. He can drive me crazy with his need for solitude and the way he keeps his thoughts private, but I guess what I really like best about him…" She paused, wondering if she could put it into words. "He makes me better. Or at least he makes me want to try to be better. He gives me confidence. He makes me feel safe enough to just be myself."

"So tell me again why you're getting rid of him?" Jimmy said dryly. "Because it sounds like you have a lot of reasons for keeping him around."

"Tessa is why we're not together anymore."

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about her. You know, you'd make me happy if you'd just hang on to Sam."

"So it's that way," she said with a teasing smile. "I sort of figured."

"It's that way for me. Tessa seems hung up on this guy she hasn't seen in almost a decade, who hasn't sent her a Christmas card or a birthday present or listened to her whine about her job or her aching feet. I don't get it."

"It's simple. Sam and Tessa were in love. I got in the way. Megan got in the way. Maybe their love would have lasted if I hadn't been in the picture. Maybe it wouldn't. But they'll never know unless they have a chance to find out."

"It's a big risk," Jimmy warned her, his expression more serious. "I think Tessa could actually talk herself into sticking around here if it meant getting Sam back."

"Really?" she asked, somewhat shocked, although wasn't that what she'd told herself all along might happen?

"But I don't think she can have her career and have Sam. I'm not sure she's figured that out yet."

"She wouldn't give up her career. It's all she ever wanted."

"Tessa has started believing that Sam is all she ever wanted."

Alli stared at him, still not quite sure Tessa would or could give up her career for Sam. "I thought…"

"What did you think?"

"I thought if anything Sam would go with Tessa."

"How could he? His business is here. His family is here. And what the hell would he do with Tessa anyway? Hang up her clothes, comment on her hair, follow her around like a puppy dog? She doesn't need a fisherman."

"That's true. I never thought about that part."

"Take him back, Alli. Save us all from this madness," he said dramatically.

"They have to decide for themselves. I can't fight for Sam anymore. It's his turn to fight for me." She paused, sending him a mischievous look. "But that doesn't mean you can't fight for Tessa. I wouldn't mind if she had another distraction."

"I bet you wouldn't. Unfortunately, it's tough to compete with a memory of some out-of-this-world love affair."

"Tell me about it. I've been trying to do it for the past nine years." Alli stopped as she saw Tessa, Sam, and Megan come into view. They were walking like a family, with Megan skipping between them, her hands in theirs.

The scene tore at Alli's heart. It was one thing to lose her husband, but she couldn't lose Megan as well. And it was that thought that made her throat tighten and her words come out sharper than she intended. "About time," she said. "The tide won't stay out forever."

"I think we'll be all right," Sam replied. "What's the plan?"

"Fill up the bags." Alli tossed him a burlap sack. "Megan, you stay close to me or your daddy. The mud can get so thick it will suck you down like quicksand if you're not careful. And the rocks are slippery, so don't go jumping about," she added.

"But have fun," Jimmy interrupted.

"Yeah,
right," Megan grumbled.

"We will have fun," Alli promised Megan, softening her voice and her expression. "We're going to find a pearl today and you're going to help us do it."

"Okay, Mommy," Megan said with a blooming smile.

"I'm taking pictures," Jimmy declared, dropping his bag to the beach and pulling out his camera. "You all go ahead."

"I thought you didn't want to miss out on this experience," Tessa said to him.

"I won't miss out. I'll be watching you. Tessa, you little beachcomber you."

Tessa made a face at him, and he snapped her picture.

"Stop that."

"Blackmail, baby. Tessa MacGuire with her hair blowing in the wind and nowhere near her usual amount of makeup. I can see the tabloids getting into a bidding war."

Alli grinned. She liked Jimmy Duggan more by the minute. Why couldn't Tessa see that Jimmy fit into her life so much better than Sam did?

Picking up her bag, Alli walked toward the rocks and pools uncovered by the vanishing tide. Megan moved along next to her, with Sam and Tessa veering off to the right. As they climbed around the rocks, they began to see signs of life in the pools, starfish and baby crabs, sea anemones and all sorts of tiny creatures.

A kaleidoscope of colors, a banquet of smells, and the constant hum of the ocean in the distance combined with the clicking of Jimmy's camera provided a rhythm for their oyster hunt. This particular tidal flat was open and wild, barely managed by one of the old oyster companies, who had made it known that the locals were welcome to hunt to their hearts' content.

The oysters just lay there, closed up tight in their shells, waiting for the water to come back to cover them, nourish them for another day. But these oysters were going to be shucked and probed for that one elusive pearl that would finish her grandmother's necklace.

"I think we're going to get lucky today," Megan said as she stuck her small hand into the mud and scooped out an oyster. "Look, I got one."

"You'll
get more than one before long," Alli promised.

"I can't wait to show Grams a pearl," Megan continued. "Maybe she'll let me wear the necklace when we get it all fixed up and she comes home from the hospital."

"I'm sure she'll let you try it on."

"When is Grams coming home?"

"Soon, I hope."

"What are we going to do with all the oysters after we open them up?" Megan asked.

"Good question," Sam said, startling Alli by his nearness. "I'm not sure I can take any more raw oysters on the half shell, or that it would be advisable for any of us to do so."