Just the Way You Are (12 page)

I watched him for a minute more before resuming my search for the perfect costume. I grabbed a 1920s flapper dress and fascinator set and took it into the changing room with me. After sliding it on, I took a look at myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought, not bad at all. The softly flared A-line dress flattered my figure and the charcoal colour complemented my skin tone. It stopped just above my knees and I could imagine wearing it with some pearls and a pair of heels.

Yes, this was the one.

I neatly positioned the fascinator on my head and pulled back the curtain to let them see me in all my glory.

‘Wow.’ Max’s eyes almost popped out of his head and his lips parted slightly.

‘You look amazing!’ said Gwen. ‘If you don’t get that, I’m buying it myself!’

‘Is it OK?’ I asked, adjusting the dress a little round my hips. ‘My hair isn’t right and I need a new pair of shoes…’

‘It’s perfect,’ Max cut in. ‘You… You look great.’

‘Exactly!’ Gwen chimed. ‘If Mr Writer’s at this wedding by any chance, you’ll knock him dead!’

‘Thanks,’ I said, feeling my cheeks and neck pink up with pleasure. ‘Looks like this is the one then!’

I bought the costume and the three of us went out into the wintry night.

‘How about we head to The Dog and Duck and I treat you two to a couple of drinks?’ I suggested. ‘I think we need it after being holed up in there for an hour and a half!’

‘I’m not really in the mood, to be honest,’ said Gwen. ‘A tub of ice cream and a DVD back at the flat are calling me! Man, it sucks being single!’

‘I’m up for it if you are,’ Max replied, his breath a white plume of smoke in the icy air.

‘OK, let’s do it!’

I said bye to Gwen, whose tiny little figure shrunk into the distance as she went for a taxi, then turned towards Max.

‘You ready?’ he asked.

He offered his arm for me to take and I looped mine through it. We began walking along the street; The Dog and Duck wasn’t too far away. He slipped his arm out and put it round my shoulders. I felt the warmth of his body and the smell of coconut shower gel wafted around me.

‘So, now I’ve got you alone; what was up with you in the fancy dress shop? You obviously saw something on your phone you didn’t like. What’s happened; is Amira begging you to get back with her after being a total cow?’ I smiled up at him to make sure he knew my tongue was firmly wedged in my cheek.

‘Actually, yeah she is,’ he replied. ‘She’s been texting me most of the day asking if we can give things another go.’

Ouch that hurt.
I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the stomach; all the wind had been knocked out of me.

‘Oh well… that’s great news obviously.’
Liar.
‘What are you going to do?’

Max heaved a sigh and shrugged. ‘I dunno Munchkin. On the one hand, we were good together and I really, really liked her. I probably would’ve fallen in love with her soon enough. On the other hand, she clearly doesn’t think I’m good enough for her, judging by what she said before. Do I really wanna be with someone who thinks like that?’

‘Of course you don’t.’ My mouth opened and words came out before I could stop them. ‘You want someone who thinks the world of you, who thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them and lets you know that every day. Why go for someone who thinks they can do better than you?’

‘Because that way, if it screws up then I know why. It’s down to me, there’s no wondering if there was anyone else or what happened to make it go pear-shaped. It’ll come down to one reason: I wasn’t good enough. If I went for someone who really could be right for me and things went badly, I’d be heartbroken.’

I turned and took his hands in mine. ‘If you live in fear of things ending all the time Max, you’ll never enjoy anything. You’ll be too busy looking over your shoulder, wondering where the next threat’s coming from. That’s no way to live your life, is it?’

‘I’ve fucked up so many times in the past Munchkin. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve thrown away amazing opportunities and I can’t see the impact of what I’ve done until it’s too late to make things right. It’s like I don’t trust myself, you know?’

I looped my arm through his and brought him close to me. ‘What’s brought all this on? It sounds like there’s more to this than Amira dumping you.’

He shook his head dismissively. ‘Don’t worry about it Munchkin.’

I knew him better than that. There was a pain behind Max’s kind eyes and easy smile that I was determined to get to the bottom of.

We decided to give The Dog and Duck a swerve that night: too many loudmouth business types for our liking, plus our favourite booth near the huge open fire had been taken. Instead, we walked around the city centre, drinking in Manchester’s beautiful architecture and immersing ourselves in its seductive atmosphere. We saw the coloured lights of the high street and the Arndale Centre shone like a beacon to tempt in late-night shoppers. The Manchester Wheel was a carnival of colour and music as it spun elegantly, making the tourists and children riding it whoop in wonder. I held Max close to me as we watched it. I could just about hear his heartbeat through his thick winter jacket; it was such a comforting sound. There was also something wonderful about being close to him. Something had changed between us since I’d started my search for Mr Writer. Our friendship had deepened in a way I hadn’t expected.

After walking around a while longer, we ended up outside my front door.

‘Here we are,’ I said, trying to ignore how awkward I felt. A fizzy feeling had started in my tummy and wouldn’t go away.

‘I can’t thank you enough for tonight Ava; you’ve cured me of my Grumpy Bastard Syndrome for tonight at least.’

‘Wow, I’ve worked miracles!’ I shot back with a grin.

‘You really have. Come here, you.’

Max stepped closer to me and put his arms around my waist. I let myself sink onto his chest and he held me close. He stroked my hair and rested his chin on the top of my head. I felt safe and at peace.

He pulled back, making me do the same. He stared down into my eyes with an intensity I’d never seen before and pushed a stray lock of hair away from my face. He caressed my cheek gently then rested his hand on the base of my neck. My knees began to feel weak; I was glad his arms were around me to stop me from falling. It seemed inevitable what was going to happen next. Until…

Rrrrrrring!

‘Fuck,’ Max said softly, pulling the noisy phone out of his pocket and holding it to his ear. ‘Hello? Amira, I’ve told you I need time to think…’

Suddenly I felt like the third wheel. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. I mouthed goodnight to Max and went inside.

Chapter 12

Mr Writer’s third letter arrived on the day of the Halloween wedding.

Dear Ava,

Christmas isn’t far away and around this time of year, I think about when I was supposed to meet you all those years ago. Not turning up will always be one of my biggest regrets; I was a coward who was scared I wouldn’t be good enough for you. I was unhappy at uni and had no idea what to do with my life. Things are very different now; I have a career I absolutely love and all that’s missing is you. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather share my life with more than you Ava.

The festive season is all about spending time with people you love and is usually the time of year I think about you the most. I imagine us snuggled up together in front of a huge roaring fire or putting up a Christmas tree or wrapping presents. One day, those dreams could be a reality but for now, communicating through letters will have to do. I know you’re probably wondering how long I’m going to hide behind who I am on paper and the answer is not too much longer. I’m planning how I’m going to tell you who I am and once everything’s in place, I’ll let you know. Keep smiling, beautiful.

Love always

?

I passed it to Gwen, whose smile grew broader and broader as she read it.

‘You’ve got a good one there, Ava,’ she said. I noticed a tiny hint of resentment in her voice but ignored it. The whole thing with Tom had knocked her for six so reading love letters from her best friend’s admirer probably wasn’t top of her list of favourite things.

‘Thanks, just a matter of time before he does the Big Reveal hopefully.’ I took a final mouthful of cereal then took my bowl over to the sink. ‘I don’t know why he started writing to me again but I’m bloody glad he did. I was starting to think nice, decent guys were an urban myth; you know, like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot.’

‘Don’t hold your breath, you haven’t met Mr Writer yet!’ said Gwen. She joined me over at the sink and dumped her bowl in the hot soapy water. ‘Most guys are liars, cheats, psychos or all of the above. Look at Tom: he was a liar and a cheat. That James Kelly you went to meet was a cheat and a bit of a psycho; Mr Writer might be all three.’

I heaved out a weary sigh. It was odd to hear her being so cynical. Of the two of us, Gwen was usually the happy-go-lucky optimist while I was the pessimist pretending to be a realist.

‘Well I’d like to think he’s reasonably sane,’ I replied. ‘Not every guy’s got a hidden agenda or a wife and two kids.’

Gwen pushed herself off the worktop and headed towards her bedroom.

‘That’s good coming from the one who didn’t believe in love until those crazy love letters started again.’ There was an edge to her tone that I didn’t like. Usually, she was light and happy and carefree. Now she seemed to have taken on the bitterness that came when you were hurt by someone you loved.

‘I
did
believe in it, I just hadn’t found it till Mr Writer came back on the scene. You know what happened when Dave left for that job…’

‘Don’t we all?’ Gwen walked into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

***

The Halloween-themed wedding took place in a Gothic church on the outskirts of the city. Miranda had assigned Nate to do the photography so he drove me to the wedding in his sleek Audi A4. We took our seats and waited for the ceremony to begin.

‘Dean, you’re the Jack to my Sally, the Freddy to my Krueger and the Jason to my Voorhees. I want to be your number one pumpkin forever and create Paranormal Activity with you from now until eternity.’

The tiniest ripple of laughter came from the gathered guests as the bride Lisa, dressed as the Bride of Chucky, stared lovingly at her werewolf husband-to-be. They’d really gone to town on their Halloween theme, even though it was early November. Tiny carved pumpkins with tea lights in them lit the way up the aisle and every effort had been made to make the hall look as spooky as possible.

The groom, a strapping six-foot-three man who currently looked a bit like Chewbacca, looked as though he was about to cry. He sniffed loudly before pulling a piece of crumbled paper from the breast pocket of his black suit jacket.

‘Lisa… You’re the Wendy to my Casper and the Norma to my Norman Bates. I promise to always be your wolf man as we start our very own Blair Witch Project together.’

I hit Nate on the arm as he sniggered while they exchanged rings and I applauded as they walked down the aisle to the theme music from The Omen. As weddings went, I knew I wasn’t likely to go to one stranger than this!

Once the ceremony was over, we made our way to the reception, which was taking place at what was apparently Manchester’s most haunted pub. Although I wasn’t a fan of Halloween, I had to admit it looked cool. The haunted house theme had been milked to its full potential; there were sweeping cobwebs on the ceiling, chair covers that looked like gravestones and lights that made it look as though bats were flying around the room.

‘Look at this!’ Nate said. His voice sounded a bit funny because of his vampire fangs. ‘Talk about naff eh?!’

I hit him again. ‘Shh! You can’t say that, it’s their big day! They’re obviously into all this stuff and I think it’s kind of cool in a way. Anyway, let’s go and find the newlyweds.’

Nate stepped in front of me and loosely slung his arms round my waist.

‘Not so fast,’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘First I want to know when I’m finally going to get to take you on a date.’

‘Um… I-I thought we said another time?’ I reminded him. The scent of his aftershave circled my nostrils and he was giving off an allure I didn’t think I was powerful enough to fight.

He pulled me closer and lowered his head so his lips were inches away from mine.

‘I like you a lot Ava, but I feel like your head’s somewhere else. If you give me a chance, you might find I’m actually a nice guy. Unless you’ve got someone better lined up?’

I bit my lip as Mr Writer worked his way to the forefront of my mind. He wasn’t just better; he was the person I’d been dreaming about since I was twenty years old. I’d built him up in my mind so much that I wasn’t sure anyone else could measure up to him. Maybe I had him too high up on a pedestal, maybe I was setting myself up for a disappointment when he finally revealed who he was. Maybe I wouldn’t like him in human form complete with flaws, strengths and weaknesses. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let someone real into my heart.
Too many bloody maybes,
I thought.

‘My head’s here!’ I lied with a far-too-bright smile. ‘We’ll definitely go out for dinner sometime soon! How does that sound?’

‘Sweet,’ said Nate. ‘Fancy a dance?’

The corners of his mouth curved into a smile but he didn’t look particularly happy. I felt bad; I hadn’t really given him a proper chance because of Mr Writer and that wasn’t fair.

‘Sure!’ I started walking towards the dance floor.

‘On second thoughts…’ Nate caught my wrist and pulled me back into him. ‘I’d quite like you to myself for a while.’

‘Nate, we’re working!’ I gently pushed him off and scanned the room for Lisa and Dean.

‘Who says you can’t mix business with pleasure?’ He grinned wolfishly and pulled me back to him but I managed to extract myself.

‘I do, now come on! You’ve got photos to take and I’ve got an interview to do. I’ll meet you back here in about half an hour.’

Lisa and Dean were about as bonkers as their wedding theme suggested. Both graphic designers, they’d fallen in love after meeting at a horror film marathon at their local cinema.