Just Stay (14 page)

Silence follows, only broken by the sound of theatrical punches and '90s rock on the TV. Finally, Seb can't take the tension anymore.

"Meeting the parents, then," he says, but no one replies. Jake just has that sad, concerned look on his face, and Evan is gritting his teeth. Sophie watches them both with apprehension, like an outsider, like Seb, except with a look that says she knows very well why they're reacting this way.

Seb hesitates for a moment, caught in the tension.

"Wow," he says. "Don't get too excited."

He wishes he hadn't said anything the moment he does. But his sarcasm is his defense, his shield, and he uses it when he's uncomfortable. Thankfully, though, everyone here knows that, so no one takes his comment as rude or insensitive.

"It's nothing personal, Seb," Jake explains sadly, glancing at Evan. "It's just... Maybe not such a good idea."

Sophie looks at Jake with sadness written all over her face, as though she knows what he's talking about, and she most likely does. Jake, on the other hand, looks at Evan, who still hasn't said anything. His eyes are directed straight ahead, and Seb looks up at him. It hurts him to see Evan like this, like he's biting down on something hard to keep himself from expressing anything. It hurts him, because he knows it means Evan is in pain.

Seb squeezes his hand gently, and Evan seems to snap out of it. He turns to Seb, who looks at him with a kind of concern and anxiousness that he knows he hides so well, that only Evan can see it, and only because he has learned to. And Evan smiles tiredly, but sincerely.

"We'll talk about it later, okay?" he says quietly, and Seb gives him a small nod.

And with that, they don't mention it again. Instead, they return to watching
The Crow
, while Jake and Sophie keep discussing what and what not to bring along for the move. It's amazing how much stuff can be crammed into such a small room, really.

When the movie is over, Evan and Seb say goodbye and retreat to Seb's room, which is only a few doors down the hall, and Evan unceremoniously sits down on Seb's bed. Seb goes over to his laptop to put on some music, as Evan exhales heavily.

"That was weird," Evan says after a few moments, and Seb frowns, turning around to face him.

"Why?" he says, and Evan looks up at him, before glancing away again, a small, almost embarrassed smile on his face.

"Never hung out with my brother and Sophie like that before," he says, and Seb looks at him, confused.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and Evan looks a bit uncomfortable.

"I've never hung out with them," he tries, "
with
someone else."

It takes a few moments for his awkward explanation to sink in, and Seb raises his eyebrows.

"What," he says. "You never brought a girlfriend home?"

Evan shakes his head.

"Not really," he says, and Seb gets the weirdest, happy feeling in his stomach. "This is a first."

He looks up at Seb, a bit alarmed, as though catching himself.

"I mean," he fumbles, "you're not a girlfriend. Obviously. But... you know."

"I'm not?" Seb says dramatically, hand to his chest. "I'm so confused."

"Shut up," Evan mutters, but with a smile on his face, which Seb returns. "You know what I mean."

"I do," Seb confirms, making his way over to sit beside his boyfriend. "And I guess it's a nice ego boost, in a weird way."

Evan glances at him suspiciously, as he sits down.

"What about you?" he asks, and Seb makes a face.

"Girlfriend," he explains. "High school. Didn't last long, though. But my parents liked her."

Evan nods, and Seb finds himself wishing that he hadn't brought a girlfriend home, ever. He wishes that Evan could have been his first relationship like that, the first one to show off as his own to the people closest to him. Somehow, he envies Evan for having that.

"So," he says, nudging Evan gently. "Does that make me special?"

Evan glances at him again. It's unbelievable how
shy
he manages look sometimes.

"I guess," he says gruffly. "Maybe."

Seb smiles.

"Good to know," he says, and Evan smiles crookedly at him. "Next step, family dinners."

He meant it as a joke, but the way Evan's expression changes suddenly reminds him of what they talked about at Jake's place earlier. And suddenly, he feels so stupid.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I know you don't wanna talk about it."

"No, it's fine," Evan says, sounding oddly tired. "It's just as well."

Seb looks at him, waiting, trying to read his expression. It's rather blank, but with something underneath that he can't quite identify.

"Remember what I told you," Evan starts, "about my dad? That he's angry?"

Seb nods; Evan told him that the same night he kissed him for the first time, and Seb remembers everything about that night.

"Yeah, well," Evan says. "
Angry
might be an understatement."

He sighs.

"When me and Jake were kids," he says, "dad used to drink a lot. Especially after mom died. He would get angry, and sometimes violent. Not too bad, though."

He hurries to add that last part when he sees Seb's tense expression.

"It's not like he beat us, or anything." Evan looks lost in thought for a moment, staring into space. "But he wasn't really a dad. Not a good one, at least. He didn't really look after us, so I had to look after Jake. And when dad
did
get angry and violent... I had to make sure he didn't take it out on him."

Seb waits, listens. He's not sure which is affecting him more; what Evan is telling him, or the protective look Evan gets when he talks about his little brother.

"Anyway," Evan continues. "I've never really gotten along with my dad. Neither has Jake. But I think Jake tries to give him second chances, you know? He doesn't really remember it like I do, I guess. He was too young, and I kind of always put myself between them, so he wouldn't have to deal with it. But lately, ever since we left for college, dad's been trying to turn his life around. I think it finally hit him that he might lose us for good, and he's trying to make up for all the bullshit he's done."

Evan looks at Seb.

"I'm just not sure it's that easy," he says. "I just don't think I can unlearn a lifetime of his bullshit, just like that. Even if he
does
want to help his son move in with his girlfriend."

He adds that last part with some sarcasm, and Seb gives him a small smile of approval, one which Evan returns.

"And," he says with a tired sigh, "I know for a fact that he has a hard time dealing with this kind of thing."

He gestures vaguely between the two of them, and Seb nods slowly.

"So," he says carefully. "I'm guessing he wouldn't approve?"

Evan smiles bitterly.

"Not even a little bit," he says. "He's not exactly what you would call open-minded, and especially not about stuff like that."

He looks up at Seb.

"What about your parents?" he asks, changing the subject. Seb lets him, and thinks about the question.

"Honestly," he says, "I don't think they'd care that much. I mean, at worst, they would probably just think it's a thing that'll pass."

He glances down and smiles humorlessly.

"Although," he says, "maybe not taking it seriously would be worse than disapproving."

Evan frowns.

"How so?" he says, and Seb looks up at him.

"Because how I feel isn't just some passing thing," he says, with such determination that he surprises himself. "I know it isn't. I'd rather have them hate me than think that I don't really lo―"

He stops, snapping his mouth shut, and Evan just looks at him.

"Don't really what?" he says, and Seb suddenly feels his heart pounding.

Don't ask me that, Evan
, he thinks frantically.
Please. I'm not ready for that.

"Care about you," Seb finally says, the words sounding oddly stiff, as though he meant to say something else. He looks down as he says it, suddenly feeling very exposed. "I wouldn't want them to think that I don't. Because I do."

He looks up again, wondering if he looks as shy as he suddenly feels.

"I really care about you," he says weakly, as though the words might get less scary to say if he says them quietly. And Evan just looks at him for a few moments. He looks somehow surprised, but at the same time... shy. Again. He looks almost the same as Seb feels.

"I really care about you, too," he finally says, the same hesitation in his voice that Seb just had. They just look at each other for a while, and then, Evan chuckles.

"What?" Seb says, smiling slightly, because he can tell that Evan's laugh is a genuinely happy one.

"You're a bad influence on me, man," Evan says, and Seb raises his eyebrows at him, as Evan moves to lie down on the bed.

"What?" Seb says. "How?"

"You're making me sappy," Evan replies, looking at the ceiling and shaking his head, as he lies down comfortably on his back. "Shit. Never thought I'd be like that."

Seb scoffs.

"You kidding?" he says. "Past me never would have hung with present me. My sarcasm levels have become dangerously low, I hope you realize."

"Really?" Evan says, looking at him and quirking an eyebrow. "I hadn't noticed."

"Oh, yes," Seb says seriously. "You were probably just too busy brooding."

Evan narrows his eyes at him then, a small smile on his face.

"Your sarcasm levels seem just fine to me," he says, and Seb cocks his head.

"Not entirely sure that counts as sarcasm," he points out, and Evan rolls his eyes, still smiling.

"You're such an ass," he says, affection in every layer of his voice, and Seb smiles as he moves closer, leans down, and plants a kiss on his cheek.

"And yet, you still keep me around," he says, and Evan turns to him. He smiles softly and puts his hand by Seb's face, so he can pull him close enough to kiss him. It's a soft kiss, one full of adoration and tenderness, and when they pull apart, Seb lies down and lowers his head to Evan's chest. He places his ear right over Evan's heart, and closes his eyes as Evan automatically starts stroking his dark hair, twirling it between his fingers absent-mindedly. His heartbeat is steady and strong and comforting, stealing Seb's focus away from the music in the background.

"I love this song," Evan says, and Seb smiles.

"I know you do," he murmurs, and he can practically sense Evan smiling, too. It's the main reason he added the song to his playlist, after all.

It's silent between them for a few moments, Seb completely focused on Evan's heartbeat, and the way his chest vibrates as he hums along with the bridge of the song.

"You're missing the good part," Evan says, nudging Seb slightly, and Seb smiles, eyes still closed. Evan's voice rumbles through his chest as he speaks, and Seb moves his hand to place it over Evan's stomach, slipping it in underneath his t-shirt to touch his skin. Evan sighs contentedly as he does, and kisses the top of his head. And Seb curls up a bit closer, hearing the song in the background but not opening his eyes, and not really listening to it. His voice is soft and completely content, when he speaks.

"No, I'm not."

Chapter 11

Blue

It's the sound of the phone ringing that wakes Seb up.

For a moment, he just blinks sleepily, looking around, before automatically fumbling over his bed, groping the sheets. He has become so used to Evan's presence beside him by now, that the absence of it makes him open his eyes properly and actually sit up in his bed. Evan isn't there, and Seb looks around his room. It's empty, apart from him.

His phone is still ringing though, oddly piercing, considering that the song he uses as his ringtone is a rather soft one, and Seb groans. He picks up the phone from his bedside table and flops back down on the bed, checking the screen. The contact picture is one he hasn't seen in a while, and he finds himself frowning, as he answers.

"Hello," he says, putting the phone to his ear. His voice sounds gravelly and sleep-drunk.

"Sebastian?" a familiar voice says on the other end, and Seb closes his eyes.

"Yeah, mom," he says, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "It's me."

"You sound awful," his mother says, with the kind of reprimand in her voice that only a mother could pull off. Seb sighs.

"Yeah," he says. "You woke me up."

"Well, it's about time," his mom says. "It's ten a.m."

Seb cracks open one blue eye and glances at the clock on his wall; she's right.

"Yeah, whatever," he mutters, closing his eyes again. "What's up?"

His mother, Eleanor, is a kind woman. She isn't a pushover, but she isn't too stern, either, and Seb has always found that he can talk to her pretty easily about anything. But she's still his mother, and she can still get annoyed about him not calling.

"I haven't heard from you in weeks," she says, slight accusation in her voice, and Seb makes a sound of disbelief.

"What?" he says. "I texted you the other day."

"That was over a week ago, Sebastian," she says. "And anyway, a text isn't the same. You need to call your mother, once in a while."

Seb opens his eyes, a bit surprised. Over a week ago? He hadn't realized.

"Fine, I'm sorry," he says. "I've just been... preoccupied."

Eleanor sighs.

"You work too hard, you know," she says. "Especially considering the career path you've chosen."

Seb frowns into the phone.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," his mother says diplomatically. "The writer-thing."

Seb makes a bitchface that could have rivaled Jake's.

"
The writer-thing
?" he asks. "You're saying a writer doesn't need to work hard?"

"You know what I mean," Eleanor says, sounding as though they've had this discussion before. Which they have. Many times. "I'm just saying. You should relax a bit."

Seb sighs.

"Don't worry," he hears himself mutter. "I have."

He kind of wishes he hadn't said anything; he mostly just said his thoughts out loud, in his sleepy state. But his mother, of course, catches it.