Just Say Yes (25 page)

Josh held out a can. “Drink?”

“Thanks.”

He sat down on the towel next to Lucy just as the sea breeze gusted, setting goose bumps running down her arms and stiffening her nipples. She really thought she might die of embarrassment. The wind blew a little harder, and white-tipped breakers began to pound up the sand.

“Do you fancy a walk around the headland while the tide’s out?” he asked.

Walking couldn’t be worse than lying here like a wax model from Madame Tussauds. “Sure, why not?” She smiled.

When Josh held out a hand to help her to her feet, she felt like a gauche teenager being asked to the dance by the hunky boy in the year above. Grabbing her top, she hurriedly shrugged it on as Josh waited.

They walked level with the waves where Byrne was showing Cally some pretty unconventional lifesaving techniques. The wind was whipping Lucy’s hair into her eyes, making them water. With each step, her feet sank a little into the damp sand. They walked toward the headland, past rock pools smelling of seaweed and hard-packed ripples of wave-washed sand. Her small footprints almost perfectly matched his large ones. When he turned to her and smiled, and her stomach twisted with a sharp pang of desire, she knew she was in real trouble.

“You like it here, don’t you, Lucy?” he asked.

“Of course. What’s not to love? Wall to wall meat pies and cream teas, not to mention the lifeguards. Not, clearly, that you’ve had many of them. I mean the meat pies and the cream teas.”

Josh eyed her curiously. “I don’t know, I’ve had my share of local delicacies,” he said, picking up a stone and throwing it high over the sea. “What I meant was, I’ve seen you change down here, Lucy. It suits you. I hope it’s helped you get over him.”

“
Him?
”

“The guy you came here to forget.”

A pang of guilt stabbed at her heart. Even now, when they were so far away from the past and London, there was no escape from the fact she was living a lie. She’d run away from her life and now she was deceiving Josh.

“Josh.”

He stopped. “Yes?”

“Remember at the boat-club party when I told you I’d run away from someone?”

His eyes were encouraging and Lucy was melting from the core outwards. “Are you ready to tell me who?”

“I want to tell you, yes.”

“Then say it. Tell me.”

Her heart was in her mouth. Could she explain what had happened, all the lies she had told? She could be excused the initial deception, surely. After all, she’d been desperate not to be recognized. But to carry on and on lying to him, when she’d had so many opportunities to tell him the truth—how would he react now if she came clean? He’d been so kind to her, so welcoming, and she’d never forgotten what he’d said outside the farm that day, months before: “All I ask is that someone’s straight with me.”

She gave him a smile, though inside her stomach was turning over. “It was my dad. I pushed him away, locked him out of my life.”

It was true. She hadn’t lied, just given Josh another version of the truth. “And you regret it now?”

“I don’t know. That’s the funny part. I always thought that if there was one thing in life I was sure of, it was that I never wanted to see him again. He didn’t treat us very well, you see.”

“He didn’t hit you, did he? Je-sus…” His voice was rough and Lucy was afraid he might rush off in search of her dad there and then.

“No. Not hit. The opposite, in fact. He was always buying us things, treating us to vacations, presents and dinners out for my mum, a trip to Disneyland for me, but it was all guilt. He had other women, you see. A whole harem, as it happens. Every time Mum threw him out, he swore he wouldn’t let us down again but he always did. Mum kept giving him one last chance until she snapped. She left him when I was fifteen and we haven’t seen him since.”

“Has he tried to contact you since then?”

“Yes, but Mum was having none of it.”

“What about you?”

She looked incredulous. “I haven’t seen him either.”

“Why not?”

“Out of loyalty to Mum, of course. He did try and come round to the house a couple of times. Sent cards, a few gifts, but after that, he gave up.”

“Why have you never forgiven him?”

“You said yourself you don’t give people second chances, Josh. You must understand. I value loyalty and honesty in my relationships too.” Then she realized how hypocritical that statement was. “And you’ve given up trying to find Luke,” she said.

“Yeah, I have, but not because of what he’s done to me or Marnie. Because, after all this effort, I reckon that if he wanted to speak to me he would. He doesn’t want to be found. Either that or he’s dead.”

“Oh, Josh, I hope not.”

“After all this time, I’ll have to face that fact, Lucy. Now please, come with me…” He held out his hand and she took it and they rounded the rocky outcrop to where the sand changed to shingle and then, in the distance, to boulders and rocks as big as cars. On the main beach, it had been windy but the sun had been gentle and warming. Here, the wind cannoned in off the sea, snatching her breath away and making her shiver. The giant shadow of the rock also dropped the temperature by several degrees.

Josh led her to a small cleft in the rock. “There’s some shelter here. Let me go inside; the rock’s a bit rough.”

He slipped inside the cleft, pushing his bare back against the rock.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” she asked.

“I’m fine.”

The gap that was left was Lucy-shaped and so she filled it. Josh’s body was warm, and her breasts were crushed against his chest. His skin was smooth and radiating heat.

“I don’t think this was such a good idea,” she said, looking up into his eyes.

“Probably not, but there’s no going back now,” he said.

Lucy wasn’t sure who made the decision but as Josh lowered his mouth, she stretched up to meet it. As he kissed her, she almost tore into his mouth and he responded with his tongue, tasting her. The waves thundered and the wind keened above their heads. The roar was so loud that neither of them could hear. His hands shifted lower onto her bottom and she longed for him to push them inside her bikini bottoms and see how wet she was. Her own hands ranged over the muscles of his back, as hard packed and honed as the sand ripples.

Then it was over. He took his hands from her waist, and started to pull away and gently push her back out of the rock. As she stepped out onto the shore, the warmth of his body melted instantly and it was then she felt the full force of the cold wind buffeting her. Clambering out, he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest, as if he was trying to protect himself. “Tide’s coming in. We have to get back to the beach.”

He set off, faster now, and from behind she could see where his back was grazed from the rock face. “You’ve cut your back,” she said, wanting to cry for him and herself.

“It’s nothing,” he said roughly. “And what happened back there shouldn’t have. I’m a bloody fool.”

Lucy felt tears of misery and of anger stinging her eyes. “I never asked for anything to happen, Josh, remember that? We just took a walk and got carried away. That’s all it was, a bit of fun after a hard day’s work.”

She smiled to make light of their kiss. If she didn’t, she’d be thinking that it meant a whole lot more and that would hurt so much, she couldn’t bear it.

“A bit of fun?”

“Yes. It was inevitable, really. We’re both half naked, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“You don’t say?” he said, looking her up and down in a way that made her feel like her face had caught fire.

“There you are, then. It’s hardly surprising we were carried away,” she said lightly. “Now that’s over with we can forget it.”

“Forget it. Yes. That’s what we’ll do. Just pretend we didn’t nearly screw each other senseless on the beach. Lucy, I’m with someone. I’m…” He hesitated for a moment. “I’m committed to Sara.”

The way he said committed sounded like a jail sentence to Lucy, but she was too angry that he’d implied she’d led the way to feel sorry for him.

“Then we should never have walked off on our own. I should never have agreed to come down to the beach with you.”

“And I shouldn’t have asked. You’re right, and it won’t happen again, I promise.”

Too right it wouldn’t happen again, thought Lucy, sitting in the dark in the sitting room of Creekside Cottage. She could barely see the words on the page of Fiona’s seventh book,
Cut
like
a
Knife
, she’d been staring at that page so long. If she moved to turn the light on she thought she might cry. Then she reached up to touch her damp cheek and found, to her shame, that she already had been. It was ridiculous shedding tears over Josh, over what had been a stupid error of judgment on both their parts.

The phone rang and though she didn’t feel like answering it, she went through the motions. It was Nathan and he wondered if she’d like to come and watch him gig rowing. He was a sweet guy, good looking, floppy haired, and she ought to have said yes. He obviously hadn’t been put off by seeing her go off for a walk with Josh. In fact, when they’d returned from their walk, even a particularly dim seagull could have guessed that they’d had a row and that Sara had nothing to worry about.

So she told Nathan she’d think about it.

***

The following weekend, she was standing outside the Crab & Lobster in Porthstow, a half pint of cider in one hand, the other cupping her mouth as she cheered herself hoarse for Nathan’s gig-rowing team. Porthstow had managed to pull almost level with the leading crew, a boat from St. Martin’s and their deadliest rivals.

“Stuff ’em, Nate!” shrieked Cally, as her brother and his crew edged their boat ahead.

“Sink ’em!” shouted Lucy, as if her life depended on the boat winning.

“Ye-esss!” screamed Cally, almost perforating Lucy’s eardrum. “What a bunch of girls!”

“Maybe we should be more discreet,” hissed Lucy as a man shaped like a bulldog ran his finger over his throat in a cutting motion. “That’s the St. Martin’s team mascot.”

“Oh, bollocks to that! We did him a prescription for you-know-what last week. Hello, Septimus, how’s your…” Cally pointed at his groin and Septimus beat a hasty retreat toward the slipway.

After the races, the guys returned, sweaty, salty, and soaked, gasping for cider before they joined in the traditional quayside songs. Lucy thought back to her nights in the West End with Fiona, her trips to see “classic” musicals with Charlie, and she wasn’t sure where she really belonged. She slipped round the side of the pub garden to use the loo, and on the way back, came face to chest with Josh, who was carrying a glass of wine and a Coke.

“Hi there,” he said, blocking the way out of the garden.

“Hello. Can you let me past, please? I’ll miss the singing.”

“I need to tell you something first.”

“We’ve nothing to say, Josh. And you’d better get those back to Sara,” she said, nodding at the drinks.

“They aren’t for Sara.”

“Fine. Take them to whomever’s waiting for them now. Can you let me past, please?”

Setting the glasses down on the wall, he pulled her aside. “I think I should tell you that Sara and me—well, we’re not seeing each other anymore.”

Lucy felt like a giant hand had seized her chest. She couldn’t speak for a moment.

“When did that happen?” she said at last.

“After she got back from Poole last Sunday night.”

“Josh, I’m genuinely sorry. Please tell me this had nothing to do with me.”

He shook his head. “No. Things haven’t been right for some time, but what happened between us did make me realize I had to sort things out with her.”

“How does she feel about that?” said Lucy, wondering how Josh had escaped in one piece. She couldn’t stand Sara, there was no use denying it, but she felt she’d arrived in their idyll and overturned their lives. Being dumped by a guy like Josh was enough to make anyone feel sick and Sara was certainly not the accepting type. Lucy hoped he didn’t have any white fluffy bunnies.

He glanced away over the sea, maybe because he was feeling guilty for having led her on.

“Better than I’d thought,” he said, wondering how he’d got off so lightly. He’d sat her down in the sitting room and said it wasn’t working out, he needed a break, and he wasn’t ready for moving in together. He’d expected tears, tantrums, protests, but there had been none. She’d taken it well, coolly even.

“She acted as if she was expecting it,” he said, voicing his thoughts out loud.

“Maybe she was,” said Lucy.

“Maybe. Lucy, I’m sorry about what happened at the beach. It was a crap thing to do. I know you’ll be gone at the end of the summer and, let’s be honest, with my track record, I’m not a long-term prospect. There’ll only be pain in it for both of us if we start a relationship.”

Lucy wasn’t sure what she felt; right now, anger and hurt were fighting it out in her mind and heart. Josh’s guilty face only made her feel worse and perhaps made her crueler than she ought to have been.