Just One Reason (17 page)

A single tear dripped down her cheek.  “Okay,” she said simply.  I sensed that she was just as eager to air out the past and move forward from here.  At least I hoped to hell that’s what she was feeling.  I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, then to her forehead.

“I love you, Lindsay,” I murmured, my lips
still pressed to her forehead.

She
sighed her reply, “I love you, too.”

I left her with one last kiss and let
Taryn and Wyatt know I would be over later after Lindsay was home.  Never before in my life had I worked so quickly.  Of course, never before did I have something so special waiting for me at the end of the day.

Lindsay

When Grady left I quickly wiped my eyes before
Taryn came back in the room.  There would be plenty of crying later when I told her everything I had told Grady last night.  I had been so worried about him finding out, but now that he knew everything it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.  He had stayed with me all night and we had said we loved each other.  Other than that I didn’t know where we stood or where we go from here.  I guess we would be talking about that tonight.

Taryn
came back in alone just as I was attempting to scoot to the edge of the bed to get up.

“Whoa!  Where do you think you’re going?”  She asked, like I was about to escape or
something.  I rolled my eyes.

“I have to pee,
Taryn.  So get over here and help me up, unless you want to help me with a bedpan.”  She wrinkled her nose like she does when something grosses her out.

“
Eww, no way,” she said, taking my arm to help pull me up to standing.  The nurse had given me a Percocet when she was in here last, and it did seem to help with the pain.  I was able to shuffle to the bathroom and back without too much trouble.

Wyatt and Dominic came in with coffee and doughnuts.  The nurse nixed the coffee for me, but approved of the doughnuts.  They were much better than the nasty tray of hospital food that was delivered for me.  Apparently Dominic didn’t think it was too bad, because he
scarfed down his fair share of doughnuts as well as my hospital breakfast.  Taryn helped herself to my coffee after she finished her cup.

It was really great to see all of them again.  After moving in with
Taryn at the end of June, I had spent several weeks with these guys.  I didn’t realize how much I had missed them until we were all back together again.

When all the food was gone I noticed
Taryn give Wyatt a look.  Uh oh.  Wyatt got up and told Dominic to get out too.  Before Taryn could pounce with the multitude of questions I could see swirling around in her head, the doctor came in.

“Good morning, I’m Dr. Watkins.  How
are you feeling this morning?”

“A little sore, but ready to get out of here.”  She smiled and raised my hospital gown
to inspect my small incision.

“Looks good.
  I will submit the discharge paperwork and the nurse will be in with your pain medication and home care instructions.”

Taryn
helped me dress in the clothes I had worn to the hospital yesterday, and she listened to the instructions the nurse had for me once I got home.  My head was a little foggy now from the Percocet, so I relied on Taryn to remember my restrictions during recovery.

When I was finally released close to lunchtime we
drove back to Lana’s in my car.  Grady must have swapped cars with Wyatt so I could have my car.  Not that I was allowed to drive while high on Percocet.  Dominic gladly took the keys and drove us home.  I think he missed my car more than he missed me.

We hadn’t talked about how long they were staying, but judging from the amount of luggage (mostly
Taryn’s) the guys dragged upstairs it would be several days at least.

“How long are you staying?”  I asked
Taryn as she held onto my arm going up the stairs.

“We’re here through the end of the week.  Lana comes back on Sunday, right?”

“Yeah, she’s back on Sunday.  But you don’t have to stay that long,” I said, even though I really did want her to stay.

Taryn
rolled her eyes at me.  “Whatever, Linz.  Besides there’s lots of fun touristy stuff to do around here.  Wyatt and I can go have some fun while you and Grady are ‘talking’.”  She made little air quotes.  I laughed.  If our “talking” two nights ago was any indication, I wanted to talk to Grady every chance I got.  But maybe not until I could roll over and sit up without searing pain in my stomach.

Once I took a much needed shower and put on a long sleeve t-shirt and drawstring pajama pants that would hang below my incision
, I climbed into bed.  Taryn had made me a bowl of soup while I was in the shower, and it tasted good.  I wasn’t super hungry so I only sipped a bit of it and drank some water before I was ready to snuggle back down under the covers.

Taryn
lay down next to me and asked if I was ready to talk or if I wanted to sleep.  I blew out a breath that ruffled my hair.  Taryn knew that I didn’t have two appendixes, so the surgery I had back in high school was obviously for something else.  And I knew she would want the details on Grady and me since the last time we talked I had been complaining about what an ass he had become.  But she had no idea how deep this story went.

“We can talk, but you’re going to need to get the box of tissues out of the bathroom for this one,” I warned her.  She looked confused but went to get the tissues, setting them on the bed between us.

A few minutes passed in silence while Taryn waited for me to start.  The bedroom door was closed, and even though I knew the guys were here Taryn must have asked them to leave us alone for a while.  Where to start?  At the beginning, I guess.

“So, we’ve kind of talked about how I knew Grady from the summer I spent here five years ago.  We fell in love. 
Real forever kind of love.  The kind of love you have with Wyatt,” I explained, needing her to understand just how deeply I cared about Grady and he about me.

She nodded.
“I can see it between you two.”

“When I left at the end of the summer we had plans for our future together.  Obviously we were young, but we knew what we wanted.  I didn’t tell anyone back home about us.  My parents for obvious reasons - they would have totally freaked.  For one, Grady was three years older than me, and he wasn’t rich or on track to be a lawyer or doctor or any of that other shit my mom cares about.”  I paused because
Taryn was biting her lip, clearly wanting to ask me something.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Linz?  I
would have understood,” she said.

“Would you have?”  I asked her.  “I mean, of course, you would have supported me like always.  But would you have really understood what it was like?  Before you met Wyatt did you understand what a love like that feels
like?”

She frowned and thought for a minute before replying, “No, you’re right.  At that time I wouldn’t have grasped the seriousness of it.”

I reached for the first of many tissues and dabbed at my eyes.  “Looking back I wish I had told you and maybe even your mom.  Especially after what happened later…”  This would be the really hard part to talk about.

“What happened later?” 
Taryn prompted.

“About a month and a half after I was back home, I got sick.  It was a Tuesday night and I started having stomach pains, and they started to get really bad.  So bad I could hardly walk.  My dad was at work, of course, so my mom took me to the Emergency Room.”  I had to stop to grab another tissue and
Taryn reached over to hold my hand.

“I was pregnant,
Taryn.  The baby was growing in my fallopian tube, and it was getting to big.  It ruptured and that’s what caused the pain.  As soon as the ER doctor figured it out they rushed me into surgery.  That part is kind of a blur.”  Now Taryn was pulling three tissues out of the box.

“Oh my God, Lindsay!”
  She blubbered.

“When I woke up in the hospital
after surgery my mom was furious.  What I remember the most is wondering how she could be mad at me when I had almost died.  She had called Lana and found out about Grady.  She said I had to break it off with him right away or she would have him arrested for statutory rape.  And then she told me how everyone thought I had my appendix out and nobody else, even my dad, needed to know about this.”

Now
Taryn was sobbing for real.  Might as well get the rest out, like ripping off a band-aid.

“Then to top it all off she casually mentions that the doctor said there was a lot of damage and it would be highly unlikely that I would ever be able to get pregnant again.”  My voice trailed off as my tears started falling.  By this time, five years later, this was the part that caused me the most pain. 
Now that I was older and had friends who were starting families, it was heartbreaking to know I would never carry a child of my own.

After several minutes,
Taryn finally spoke, “I can’t believe your mom did that.  She’s always been kind of a bitch, but that’s just…beyond horrible.”

A giggle escaped my mouth despite the serious subject matter.  “Did you just call my mom a bitch?”  That made
Taryn giggle too, and soon we were crying and laughing at the same time.

I clutched my arm around my stomach.  “
Oooh, stop making me laugh.  It hurts,” I whined.

We finally calmed down and
Taryn asked, “So, does Grady know all this?”

I nodded, “Yeah, he was there
yesterday when the nurse asked me about previous surgeries.  It just all came out after that.”  I couldn’t believe that was just last night.  It seemed like days ago.

“He seem
s totally in love with you, Linz.  Not at all like you had been describing him to me the last few weeks,” Taryn said.

“Yeah, the night Leah had her baby we got into a
huge argument at the pub.  I finally figured out why he has been such an ass towards me, besides the fact that I broke his heart…when you brought me here last month, you talked to Grady.”

Taryn’s
eyes widened. “Oh, right.  Outside.”

“Well, he knew that I had never told you, my cousin and best friend,
about him.  He took that as me not caring about him,” I explained.

“
Ohhh, no.  So, all this time he loved you while thinking that you never actually cared for him and callously broke his heart.  Then you show back up five years later.”

Looking at it like that
, his jerky behavior, the snide comments, the skanky girls - it all made sense.  I covered my eyes with my hand and groaned.  “God, we have so much to talk about.  Do you think he will forgive me, Taryn?  Do you think we can get back what we had?”

Taryn
rolled onto her stomach and wrapped her arms around the pillow under her head.  “From how I found you two when I got to the hospital early this morning, I’d say he still loves you very much, Linz.  He has to understand why you left him now.  You guys do have a lot to talk about, but I think you’ll make it through.”

I really hoped she was right.
“Wait.  How did you find us?”

Taryn
smiled. “We got into town around 1:30 this morning and stopped here first to drop off our bags.  When we got to the hospital I had to throw my dad’s name around a little to get into your room after visiting hours.  Grady was in bed with you, and you were all snuggled up to him.  When he saw us come in, he tried to get up but you just snuggled closer.  It was really cute.”

I knew he had stayed with me in my room, but I didn’t remember him holding me.  That had to mean something, right?

“Have you talked to your parents since you’ve been here?  This explains a lot about your strained relationship with them, especially your mom.”

“
I talked to my dad once.  I called him on his birthday.  It was okay, but he wanted to know when I was coming home to finish school.  That was pretty much the end of that conversation.  I haven’t talked to my mom at all.  And honestly I haven’t missed her once.”

“Do you want to keep talking or do you want to watch TV?  Days of Our Lives is on,”
Taryn said when I yawned.

I grinned at her, “I’ve had enough talking for now.  I have a feeling I’ll be doing a whole lot more talking when Grady gets here later.  Let’s catch up on Days.”  We had started watching Days of Our Lives when we were just in middle school.  No matter how long we went without watching, it was easy
to catch up on what we missed.

Taryn
went downstairs to get me a fresh glass of water for my next pain pill and flipped on the TV when she returned.  I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and combined with the Percocet I was out before the end of the show.

Grady

It was almost
4:00 by the time I got out of the shop.  So much for getting done early.  I had called Taryn a couple of hours ago to check on Lindsay, and Wyatt had answered her phone.  He said the girls were holed up in Lindsay’s room talking.  I’m sure there was a lot they needed to catch up on.  Especially since I knew for a fact that Taryn didn’t know anything about Lindsay’s pregnancy before.  I was glad she had such a good friend to lean on now.  I just wish she had someone back then when she really needed it.  Fuck, I wish it had been me.  For as long as I live I will never get past the thought of a sixteen year old Lindsay suffering through losing our baby alone.

After a quick stop at home to shower and change, I swung by the grocery store to pick up Lindsay’s favorite ice cream and some flowers. 
If she was hungry for something in particular, I could always run back out to pick it up or call for delivery.  I parked my dad’s truck in his driveway.  It was better for transporting ice cream and flowers than my bike.

I almost went right in, but then I decided knocking would be a better idea.  There were two highly trained
ex-military bodyguards inside who were probably packing.  No need to surprise them.  Wyatt opened the door and stepped back so I could come in.

“Hey, Grady,” he said.

“Hey, man.  How’s she doing?”  I wasted no time on small talk.  Wyatt seemed like a guy who could appreciate my need to be with my girl.  He smirked and motioned for me to follow him upstairs.

We stopped outside the open doorway to Lindsay’s room and looked in at Lindsay and
Taryn asleep.  Taryn was laying on top of the covers on her stomach with her arms curled around the pillow under her head.  Lindsay was on her back with the covers up to her chest.  Her hair was splayed out across the pillow and her arms were up over her head.  She looked adorable, just like she always did when she slept, and I wanted to crawl up next to her.  But that would put me practically on top of Taryn, and that wouldn’t go over well with Wyatt.

As if he could read my mind, which he probably could, Wyatt walked in to sit on the edge next to
Taryn.  He leaned down to brush the hair off her face and whisper something in her ear.  She stirred and sat up, rubbing her eyes.  The smile she gave to Wyatt was one I hoped to get from Lindsay often.

Taryn
got up and walked over to me.  “Wyatt and I are going to drive around the lake and find somewhere to stop for dinner.  Are you going to be here with Lindsay for a while?”  She asked me.

I nodded, “Yup, I’ll be he
re as long as she’ll have me.”

Taryn
pursed her lips for a moment and then threw her arms around my shoulders and hugged me.  My arms hung at my side and I looked to Wyatt for an explanation.  He just smiled and shook his head.

I hugged her back for a second before she pulled away and said,
“I’m glad she has you, Grady.”

Wyatt clapped me on the back as he walked past.
“Welcome to the family, man.”

I guess that means I have
Taryn’s approval.  Whatever they talked about all day must not have had anything to do with what an asshole I’ve been to Lindsay since she arrived back in town.

Lindsay was still sleeping, so I took off my boots and crawled onto the bed next to her.  I really wanted to slip under the covers with her, but I didn’t want to assume too much.  And she
just had major surgery.  Being that close to her would get my mind on things we shouldn’t be doing until her doctor cleared her for extracurricular activities.

Instead I lay on top of the covers and watched her sleep. 
The way her chest rose and fell with each breath.  The way her hair flowed in blonde waves over the pillow.  The way her fingers twitched, like she was reaching for something in her dreams.  Her full lips were parted ever so slightly, and I couldn’t help myself from leaning over and softly pressing my lips to hers.  Even in her sleep she reacted to me, whimpering when I pulled away.  Her eyelids fluttered open to reveal those big blue eyes that stopped my heart that first day.  They still had that affect on me.

Lindsay smiled sleepily and reached over to brush her fingertips along my jaw, which was rough with a few days of stubble.  “When
did you get here?”  She asked.

“Just a
few minutes ago.  I relieved Taryn of Lindsay-sitting duty.  She and Wyatt went out for dinner,” I explained, catching her hand and bringing it to my lips.  “How are you feeling? Are you hungry?”

She stretched tentatively and carefully pushed herself up to sit propped up against the headboard.  “I’
m not too bad, but I’m not really very hungry.  Did you eat dinner?”  She asked looking at the time on the clock on her nightstand.

I shrugged
. “Not yet.  I can go pick something up if you want.  Or we could order pizza…I brought you some cookies-n-cream ice cream, if that sounds good instead.”

Her eyes brightened.  “You remembered my favorite ice cream?”

I trailed my fingertips down her arm and laced our fingers together.  “I remember everything about you, Lindsay.”  She sucked in a breath and her eyes glazed over.  Shit, two things I shouldn’t do tonight - make her cry or turn her on.

“Order a pizza for yourself and bring me the ice cream and a spoon,” she said, smiling.  Her smile was definitely something I had missed.  Who was I kidding?  I had missed every single thing about her every single day.

Half an hour later we were settled in with pizza and beer for me, ice cream and water for her, and the flowers I brought on her nightstand.  Neither of us had brought up the elephant in the room yet, both of us wanting to prolong the easy light conversation we were having now.  But it had to be done.  I wasn’t going to sleep one more night without knowing Lindsay was mine again.

When we were finished
I took the plate, bowl and empty beer bottle downstairs and refreshed Lindsay’s ice water.  Dominic was sprawled on the couch watching football.  On any other night I would grab another beer and watch the game too, but not tonight.

Lindsay was in the bathroom when I
returned, so I settled back on the bed to wait for her.  When she walked very slowly out of the bathroom, her face told me she was still in pain.

“Did you take your pain meds?”  I asked, getti
ng up to help her back to bed.

“I took some
Ibuprofen tonight instead of Percocet.  I want to have a clear head when we talk,” she said looking up at me as she eased herself back into bed.  I pulled the covers up over her and walked around to climb on the other side.

“Umm, you can get under the covers with me,” she said quietly.  “That is if you’re planning on staying for a while.  You don’t have to though if you have other plan
s…” she trailed off nervously.

The last thing I wanted was for her to have any more doubts about my feelings for her.  So, I shucked off my jeans and socks and crawled under the covers in just my t-shirt and boxer briefs.  I scooted over so I co
uld pull her against my chest.

“I told you last night that I wasn’t going anywhere, and I meant it.  I’m here as long as you’ll have me.”

I could feel her relax into my embrace and she started to trace patterns across my chest with her fingertip.

“Do you have any questions for me…about…what happened?”  She asked me.

I exhaled, “Yeah, I have a million questions.  But what I really want is for you to tell me what you went through.  I want to know what that time was like for you.  Don’t hold anything back.  Please…I need to know.”  She was quiet for so long that I thought she might have fallen asleep or just wasn’t going to tell me anything.

But t
hen she started talking.  I didn’t think it could get any worse than last night in the hospital when I had learned Lindsay had been pregnant with our child.  I was wrong.  It took everything I had to stay still and hold her while she talked.  My body was itching to move, pace the room, hit something, anything to ease the pain in my chest.  But that wouldn’t help Lindsay right now.  My body stayed calm on the outside while a torrent of emotions churned inside.

While Lindsay spoke of the physical pain that sen
t her to the hospital, I ran my fingers through her long hair.  While she described the disbelief that quickly turned to grief when she woke up after surgery to learn she had been pregnant but had lost the baby, I kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer.  And when she broke down sobbing in my arms while she talked about the ultimatum her mother gave her that forced her to end our relationship, I wrapped my arms tightly around her and cried with her.  For what we had both lost so many years ago and what we missed out on in the years since.

Our tears eventually ran dry and Lindsay pulled back just enough so she could look up at me
, resting her chin on my chest.

“I’m so
sorry, Grady,” she whispered.

I shut my eyes and shook my head.  “No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.  You were young.  We were young
.  I don’t ever want to hear you apologize for that again.  Understand?”  I stroked my fingers down her cheek making her look at me.

She nodded her head
. “Okay.”

I laced our fingers together and placed o
ur joined hands over my heart.

“So what happens now?  Where do we go from here?”  Lindsay asked me quietly.  I could hear the uncertainty still in her voice.  Whatever I had fucked up in the past, I was not going to let her get away again.  And I would need to be very clear about my intentions. 
Crystal clear.

I ran my other hand through her hair, tugging lightly so she would look back up at me.  “Lindsay, I loved you five years ago.  I loved you every day we were apart, and I love you today more than I ever have.  I know I have been a shitty bastard this last
month, and I will never forgive myself for treating you like that.”  Lindsay opened her mouth to say something, but I put my finger to her lips.  “Ssshh, let me finish.  If you can forgive me for that, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and making sure you are happy.  Lindsay…I want to be with you.”

She grinned at me and teased, “Are you asking me
to be your girlfriend, Grady?”

“I’m asking for a whole hell of a lot more than that.  But we can start there.  We’ve been apart for five years.  I think we need to spend some time getting to know each other again,” I said, earni
ng me another beautiful smile.

I couldn’t hold back any longer and I carefully scooted down so we were face to face and kissed her.  Lindsay’s full lips parted beneath mine and the touch of her tongue to mine sent shock waves straight to my groin.  We had kissed more than once since she’d been back and been naked together just two nights ago, but knowing we were together again made it that much
better.  Lindsay pressed herself closer against me and abruptly froze.  The grimace on her face told me she was in pain.  I checked the time and saw that it had been a few hours since she took the Ibuprofen.  It was late and Lindsay was still recovering from surgery.

“Enough talking for tonight.
  I’m going to get your pain meds and then we’re going to sleep,” I said.  Rummaging around in her bathroom I found her prescription bottle and called out, “Mind if I use your toothbrush, Linz?”

“Go for it,” she replied.

I helped Lindsay get to the bathroom and back into bed before joining her.  She immediately snuggled up to me and slipped her hand underneath my shirt.

“This needs to go,” she said pushing it farther up my chest.  I chuckled and lean
ed up to pull it over my head.

“Better?”  I asked.

“Mmmm, much better,” she purred, running her hand over my abs and chest.  I caught her hand in mine before it could stray any farther south.

“It’s time to sleep, Linz.  None of tha
t until your doctor okays it.”

She grumbled a little and then asked, “Why aren’t you
calling me Bambi anymore?”

“I’ve been using that nickname lately as a way to hurt you.  I don’t want to hurt you again.  I think our fresh start should include new nicknames,” I explained.

Lindsay contemplated that for a moment.  “Okay.  This time I’m going to have a nickname for you too.  How about Pookie Pie?”  She giggled.

“No fucking way.  If you call me something other than my name it has to be masculine and tough.”

We debated nicknames for a little while longer until Lindsay’s eyes started to close, and her hand stilled on my chest.  I normally wasn’t a back sleeper, but with Lindsay curled over me I would sleep any damn way she wanted to.

***

By the end of the week Lindsay was feeling much better and we took Taryn, Wyatt and Dominic to the pub for dinner.  They would be leaving the next morning to go back to the city, and Lana and my dad would be returning from their cruise tomorrow afternoon.  I knew Lindsay wasn’t looking forward to telling her story, our story, again, but she wanted Lana to know everything.  If she wanted me to be there with her I would be.