Just Breathe (38 page)

But whales are getting hurt. Humans, too. Why can’t you do what they want? I have many protectors who can take care of me.
He stretched out a pec flipper as if testing the compressions left in the water from the pumping flukes surrounding them.
Most other calves aren’t so lucky.

You need milk. And you’re injured.

Zoe’s looking for a whale that might help.

I know. But even if she finds a surrogate, and I become Archelemental, you and I won’t be together.

You said we’d only be together for a year anyway. What’s a few months less?

Lily’s great heart tripped with dark blue Water.
Leaving me wouldn’t make you sad?

Maybe for a little while, but I’d be happier knowing you helped many others instead of being so overprotective of a little whale like me.
He opened his mouth and flashed a baleen-laden grin.

I’m your mother. It’s my job to protect you.

Araluen slowed and faced her, his smile gone.
But, because of you, Elementals are after me now. I might be safer with someone else. And the humans depend on you to keep the Fyres away. It’s wrong to refuse so many to stay with me. The other humpbacks will watch over me. Zoe will, too.

Murmurs of agreement slithered through the waves from the eavesdropping pod.

Listen to the boy, Lily. We’ll raise him as we would our own
, a female said.

Not without milk, you won’t.

You have milk.
Zoe’s song interrupted from the surface, echoing down the darkening layers of ocean.
I found you a surrogate. Her name is Kadee.

The day’s last rays of sunlight revealed a humpback swimming alongside the little boat. A jolt of emotion tingled up Lily’s back. She refused to label it hope. She’d seen hope wither into despair far too many times.

Lily buoyed and blew near the Zodiac. Zoe grinned at her, hair a wind-blown mess, bags under her eyes, but victorious in her tall, proud pose. Her shoulders bounced with a laugh as she crouched and waved a hand through the water. Lily nuzzled it, and Araluen popped up beside her.

“I brought medicine for the little one.” Zoe held up a long syringe filled with fluid. “Don’t ask where I got it. I could get in so much trouble for this.”

When it came to whales, Zoe had never bothered to worry about the consequences of her actions. She followed her heart. There was much Water in that Wyldling.

Thank you for looking out for Araluen, Zoe.

The calf swam close to the boat.
Is this going to hurt?

“I’m afraid it will a bit, but you’re the bravest whale I’ve ever met. A little skin prick ought to be a breeze for a tough guy like you. I promise it’ll make you feel better in a day or two.”

Araluen turned to Lily.
You’re right. I can handle it. I don’t even need Mum to comfort me.
He stretched out his back and floated beside the boat.

Lily’s clever boy might be frail, but he was stronger than he let on. How she loved him for his determination and tenacity.

Zoe leaned over the bumper. “I’ll try to be quick. One…two—” She jabbed the needle through skin and blubber and depressed the plunger. “Three.”

Araluen barely flinched.
See, Mum? I didn’t need you at all.

You are quite brave.
Lily turned to the whale Zoe had brought along.
And you are most generous to offer your milk, Kadee, but we cannot accept your gift.

Araluen flicked his ragged flukes, making a great splash.
Mum?

Zoe’s expression fell. “Lily, Kadee is our only hope. Please, listen to her story before you decide.”

The Water rippling off Kadee was so dark and heavy, Lily could taste it. She must have lost her calf.

A big whale by humpback standards, Kadee had more white on her belly and sides than most. She faced Lily, closed her eyes, and lowered her head. Lily sensed grief but also a strong desire to help.

Please, don’t bow to me. I deserve no more reverence than anyone else.
Lily touched the pleats on the underside of Kadee’s mouth and brought their heads level.
Of course, I will hear your story.

Kadee cast her gaze downward.
Fyres attacked my calf and me a week ago near Sydney. We were the victims of the same Elementals who shot the mother of the baby in the harbor there. My wounds were superficial. My calf’s were not.

He was one of many babies I’ve borne, but he was my first son. Very…special to me.
Kadee lifted her head.
I would be honored to help you and Araluen, as well as the humans and the Wæters. Since my calf died, my heart is full of holes. The Water has nowhere to go but out.

I know you understand my loss, Lily. Allow me to shoulder some of your burden. I am strong. I am a good mother who yearns for a son to love and take care of.
Kadee turned to Araluen.

Lily surfaced and exhaled a mighty rush of air. Araluen was her only son, too. Leaving him would crush her.

She dipped back under the depths.
You have my sympathies and deepest appreciation for what you offer. I trust that you are an excellent mother. Your Water tells me so. However, I’m afraid I must refuse for selfish reasons.

Araluen swam between Lily and Kadee and waved his flipper through the currents.
So, you’ll rob the Wæters of their only chance to reset the Balance? All for the sake of one whale?

Yes
. Lily’s voice quivered.
For you.

You
are
selfish, Mum.
Her calf moved away to join the surrounding pod.

“I guess that’s that.” Zoe frowned at Lily and restarted the motor on her boat. She was angry. Rightly so.

Thank you for trying, Zoe,
Lily said.

In the gathering darkness, Zoe pointed the Zodiac toward the harbor and left a thick, blue-black trail of mourning behind her.

I’m sorry,
Lily sang to no one in particular.

Red lightning above cut open the sky like a demonic grin.

So it began.

* * * *

Zoe’s sad whale song drifted on the air currents, each note like a whip scoring Gavin’s bloodied heart with a fresh lash. The Zodiac motored into its slip. The engine shut off. With a heavy exhale, Gavin stepped out of the shadows of Urangan Harbor’s tall sailboats and crouched beside the metal boat cleat bolted to the planks. “Were you planning to return any of the twenty messages I left you?”

Tears on her cheeks and brows tight, Zoe hopped out, and quickly tied up the boat without looking at him. “Not a whole lot I can say.”

“Then maybe I should do the talking.”

She sniffled, tucked her hands in the back pockets of her shorts, and stared up at him. Even in the dark, her eyes shone blue. He wanted to thumb her tears away, to hold her, kiss her pain into submission. He wanted to be the hero who could make everything all right.

But nothing was all right.

Gods, he’d fucked up.

The burnt orange haze overlaying the dark blue in her aura told him what he already knew. She didn’t trust him. He couldn’t blame her. He didn’t trust himself.

“Scarlet approached me when you and I weren’t speaking. She offered me a deal: we’d bind our Fire. When I fucked her, she’d give me the location to the door into the Dreaming and help me get rid of the Fyres. I rejected the idea without a second thought. No way I could do that to you, regardless of where things stood between us. Plus, I hate her with every atom in my body.” He shook his head. “Couldn’t do it. Period.

“But then I hit the Dreaming and realized how bad things had gotten. I had a responsibility to the Wyldlings I swore to protect, and I was failing miserably at my job. People were fucking
dying
. But, not just a death here or there. Everywhere. Little kids, elderly people, teenagers—entire families wiped out by hungry, relentless Fyres.

“When I started thinking about how stacked the odds were against us, it became clear the Sentinels didn’t stand a chance of successfully defending the Dreaming. Even if we doubled or tripled our numbers, there would never be enough of us to stop the Fyres. Much as I wanted to deny it, Scarlet’s ridiculous proposal started looking more and more like a viable solution.

“I weighed my choices. Whetu was the path of least resistance to finding the door. The Dreamweaver—if we could find her—was a good alternative. If neither of those plans worked, going to Scarlet would be my contingency.”

He took Zoe gently by the shoulders. “I didn’t make the decision lightly. I bound my Fire to hers,
hoping
I wouldn’t have to go through with the rest, but prepared to do whatever I had to in order to keep the Wyldlings safe—even if it meant hurting you. After what she did to the research house… I thought I’d run out of options.”

Water flooded her eyes, and another tear escaped down Zoe’s cheek. She trembled in his grip.

“I love you more than anything in the universe. But if I had to do it over again, I would make the same decision. If I have to lose you to save innocent people in this country, I’ll let you go. It’ll haunt me for the rest of my days, but I’ll do it. This is who I am.” He lowered his head.

In the long silence that followed, he had plenty of time to reflect on the detour his life had recently taken. Only a couple months ago, he’d begged Yileen to help him find a way out of the Sentinel gig. He’d turned his back on the Dreaming to pursue a self-indulgent lifestyle filled with alcohol, meaningless sex, and endless parties. He’d lost all faith in humanity and in himself.

And then Zoe fell into the Dreaming and reminded him, by way of example, of the importance of caring.

How things had changed.

A whimper passed through Zoe’s lips and knocked him free of his reverie. She flung her arms around his neck. Shocked, he slowly returned the hug. Her shoulders quaked with sobs. He rubbed circles into her back, inhaled her scent, lapped up her warmth.

He couldn’t tell if she forgave him, pitied him, or was saying goodbye, but as long as she held onto him, he didn’t care. For now, she was all that mattered.

Several minutes passed before she pulled away. When she looked up at him, her face filled with pride. “I love who you are, Mr. Perfect. Don’t ever change. For me or anyone else.”

His heart swelled, his senses soared, and his Water bubbled. He snatched her back into his embrace and kissed her like it was the end of the world. Tears mingled with Water… Rising and falling… Ebbing and flowing…

Dizzying.

Propping his forehead against hers, he lost himself in their beautiful tide. “I’m sorry for lying to you, Zed. If we live past tomorrow, I’ll never do it again, no matter how bad the truth hurts.”

She closed her eyes and nodded.

“And to be clear, I didn’t have sex with Scarlet that night. I left you after the fire and took her to a hotel like she said. I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else I cared about getting hurt. I had to put an end to it once and for all. But when the time came to do the deed, I couldn’t go through with it. I kept seeing your face, feeling your Water drowning out the Fire. You wouldn’t let me give in to her.”

Zoe’s lashes fanned up, and she touched her lips. “That’s why you kissed me so hard when you got home.”

He nodded. “I was so relieved, yet at the same time devastated. I’d sold my soul to Scarlet, and I
still
couldn’t help the Wyldlings. After I left her, she attacked Trevor, and…well, things aren’t looking so good for him.” He turned away.

Zoe stopped him. Her aura ignited with light orange determination, dark green stubbornness, and periwinkle trust. “Then you go to Scarlet and try again. Right now. I won’t endanger any more lives because I’m too selfish to make a small sacrifice. We’re way beyond the petty stage now. She forced your hand. If screwing Scarlet puts the winning tick in our column, then this is a no-brainer.” She urged him toward the exit.

What the fuck? Zoe was willing to let Scarlet have her way with him to save the Wyldlings? His muse must’ve understood his duty better than he did. Maybe because her commitment to her own cause was just as intense. Could he love this woman or her selfless determination any more?

He grasped her arm to stop her dragging him away. “You don’t understand. The Fire linking me to Scarlet may be anxious to pair us up, but the Water linking you and me prevents any possibility of that happening.” He glanced down and laughed bitterly. “I couldn’t get it up for her if she was the last woman on the planet. Water and Fire don’t mix. Never will.”

The tension in Zoe’s features melted into worry. “I appreciate the sentiment—man, do I ever—but what other choice is there? We have to do
something
. It’s just sex. What you and I have goes so much deeper than that. I can…live with it. Maybe you should try again.”

“My dick was
in her mouth
, and I couldn’t get it up.” He didn’t want to be that blunt, but Zoe deserved the whole, brutal truth.

Her lips parted with a little gasp, and she blinked twice. “Oh.”

“There’s only so much pushing a rope can do, and this rope isn’t the least bit interested in cooperating. Scarlet’s no longer an option. I’ll continue my search for the Dreamweaver tonight, but I’m afraid it’s all on Whetu now.”

“If she doesn’t come through, it’s over. For everyone. Lily still refuses to accept the Archelemental position. I’ve done everything I can there, but she won’t listen.” Zoe brought her hands to her face and palmed her eyes. Navy blue sadness assumed command of her aura. “I feel like I’m breaking apart.”

Gavin crushed her to his chest, enfolded her in his lightly glowing arms, and kissed her wrinkled brow. “Then let me hold you together.”

Her muscles unclenched, the tension in her aura slackened, and she melted into him. “You and the whales are all I have left. Promise you won’t let go.”

Gavin dipped into her overflowing blue well for a long draught and squeezed her tightly. “I got you, Zed. No matter what.”