Just Between Us (18 page)

             
He held his hands up. “This is all new to me.”

             
“Have you never had a girlfriend long enough to see her pamper routine?” I teased.

             
“I usually see them already pampered.” He laughed. “But I’m glad to finally get some inside info on the process.” I watched him walk away and felt warm inside that I was the girl who was allowed into Kyle’s life, even if it would always be platonic, now.

             
“Thanks for the wine, you better get in the shower,” I said.

             
“Ah it only takes me half an hour.” He grinned.

             
I raised my eyebrows. “Well I can’t rush perfection.” His eyes roamed my attire, and I watched him holding back a smile.

             
“You look pretty perfect like that.”

             
“You are such a perv.” I laughed, shaking the polish. “How long until dinner? Have I got time for the first coat?”

             
“Wow. It takes more than one coat, like the painting of the Forth Bridge?”

             
“What’s that?”

             
“A bridge in Scotland, it’s so big that once they finish painting it they’ve got to start all over again.”

             
“Full of useless facts.” I nodded.

             
“Interesting information … I think you’ll find.” He teased, “Ten minutes until dinner, is that long enough for the first coat?”

             
“Sure is.”

             
After dinner I applied the second coat and went to blow dry my hair then curl it into soft curls with my curling tongues. I sat in Kyle’s spare room that had become my own private sanctuary, with a glass of wine on the dressing table, curling my hair in the mirror and thought about how far I had come. I played music through my iPhone that made me feel happy, and I realised that I was. I was happy. Almost three weeks ago I was lying in my childhood bed, moping over Simon who was totally not worth all those tears. Simon came along when I was ready to settle down, and he fit the bill, but he never blew me away even though I loved him. I loved him because he gave me what I wanted, a boyfriend, stability, a future, but he never gave me an inkling of the excitement that Kyle did. I had spent so long trying to find someone that I didn’t remember how it felt to find someone amazing. Kyle was reminding me of that.

             
Simon and I had a great life, great friends, and a lovely home, but if we had been stranded on a desert island together I probably would have died of boredom, whereas every moment with Kyle felt like only the two of us were there. He made me laugh, loved the things I did and the things we disagreed on didn’t seem to matter. He was the epitome of what I thought every woman wanted, and so I always assumed that he was too good for me, or that someone better would come along for him.

             
However, after today, I wondered if Kyle was only this person for me. I pushed the thoughts away as we had one large obstacle that started the year our parents got married and could never be vanquished. I could never be in a relationship with Kyle, especially now everyone from school knew everyone else’s business because of Facebook. Our town was small enough without the added intrusion of social media. We could never be together because it would be too weird, especially after all this time. People would think we were desperate. Also we had both grown up, both met new people, and started new lives, the passion could never be there like two hormonal teenagers who could be caught at any time.

             
True, he still took my breath away, but we had crossed the line to friends and so that ship must have sailed surely.

             
I finished my hair and then started on my make up. I was running out of time as we had to be ready for seven-thirty. We were meeting some of Kyle’s friends for cocktails before the opening, which started at nine, and so, according to Kyle, that meant ten. I finished my make up, applying some dazzle to my eyes and some individual false lashes to thicken them. I found a matching underwear set that was pale enough for my dress, with a strapless bra and applied some shimmer moisturiser to my whole body. I checked myself in the mirror and was impressed, even if I did say so myself. The breakup had helped me drop a few pounds, and although my bra wasn’t as filled out as it used to be, my waist looked better, and I felt confident wearing this dress, even after eating dinner.

             
I shimmied into it and then my new shoes, grabbing my bag and putting my bank card, some cash, and lipstick into it. The final thing was a spray of perfume and a dusting of hair spray to keep my curls in place. It was like the icing on the cake, and I smiled at my reflection, I couldn’t believe that three weeks ago I struggled to get dressed, and now I was excited to be going out and relishing in getting ready. Coming here was the best decision I had ever made, I would deal with the consequences later, but for now all I wanted was to have an amazing night on Kyle’s arm, and I hoped to take his breath away when I walked out of this door tonight.

             
I stepped outside, taking my wine glass with me, and Kyle sat on the sofa watching the television, nursing a beer. “Hi,” I said, making my way to him.

             
He jumped up, “We’re going to be …” He looked me up and down and grinned. “Wow,” he said, “Just … wow.” He stepped towards me.

             
I smiled awkwardly, despite getting the reaction I was hoping for. “It’s Okay?”

             
“Oh yes.” He stood in front me, “I’ll be spending all night keeping every man in the room away from you, and my friends won’t believe their eyes tonight.”

             
“I’m sure they’ve seen you with much prettier girls than me.” I finished my wine.

             
“No.” He shook his head. “No they haven’t,” he said simply. “Now come on, we better get going. I’ll call a cab.”

             
We made our way downstairs and stood for a few minutes, before the taxi made its way around the corner. “You look great, too,” I said. Kyle wore a dark suit with fitted trousers and a jacket, over a matching waistcoat and a charcoal shirt. He looked to die for, and I was very impressed. He took my hand and kissed it, then gave it a squeeze.

             
“You’re mine tonight, Soph, just for tonight, all mine.”

             
I nodded, “Who else’s would I be?”

             
He smiled to me; it wasn’t one of his famous grins as his eyes were still sad. He knew who else’s I could be and whose I had been, but looking into his eyes tonight that seemed like light-years ago, and I wondered why on earth this could never work? It was hard to see the obstacles when everything seemed so simple. Why would it matter what got in our way when it was so easy to be like this? I had spent the last ten years searching for happiness, and it seemed that I had it in my sights all along. The problem was that he would always be my step-brother, and despite that not being an issue here, away from everyone, it would always be there, and our parents would never understand. Ten years ago maybe, we could have tried, but we had left it too long. To explain everything now would just be torturous.

             
We arrived at the bar where Kyle’s friends were, there were four couples, all the wives were dressed in designer dresses and dripping in jewellery. The men seemed a little arrogant and the women seemed false, but these were my first impressions. I thought I had better make an effort. After I was seated, Kyle motioned to the bar, “Glass of champers?” he asked.

             
I nodded. “Great, thanks.”

             
“Hi,” the woman next to me began. She was platinum blonde, very tanned, and wore a tight silver bandage dress, showing off her perfect gym toned figure. “I’m Tanya.” I took her outstretched hand. “This is Marla, Jane, Jennie, and Fran.” She motioned to the women around the table who nodded or waved politely. “I was so excited to meet one of Kyle’s lady friends.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “We so rarely get to meet anyone that he’s seeing.”

             
“Oh really?” I asked, looking to the bar to see how long Kyle would be.

             
“He’s not very open you see.”

             
“Tanya,” a man behind her said. He placed a hand around Tanya for me to shake. “Mike,” he said, “I’m sorry … my wife lives for gossip, and I’m afraid Kyle doesn’t give her much.”

             
“Oh quiet, Mike.” She laughed lightly.

             
“So have you two been seeing each other long?”

             
“Um,” I shook my head, “we’ve known each other for years, we went to school together and …”

             
“How sweet …” she interrupted, “and after all these years you finally found each other?”

             
“Um …” I began.

             
“Something like that,” Kyle said, reappearing with the drinks and placing mine in front of me. “I’ve been trying to convince her to take a chance on me for years.” His serious eyes met mine as he took a sip of his bottled beer.

             
“Oh that’s lovely,” Tanya looked between us, “you two look amazing together, all smiles and sexy eye contact, like love’s young dream.”

             
I didn’t correct her and neither did Kyle, he just held my stare and took the seat next to me. I turned to my drink and picked it up for a hit of alcohol. “You take my breath away,” he whispered in my ear, “that has never changed.”

             
I turned to him and felt tears well in my eyes. “You too,” I said quietly. He might not have heard over the noise, but he saw what I said and gave me a regretful smile. He leaned in and kissed the top of my head.

Fifteen
– Just forgive

Old Times

After our initial cinema trip things did change at home. Kyle and I became friends. My mum definitely noticed
, but she didn’t mention it, perhaps in order not to deter us. She must have assumed that Kyle was taking pity on me due to my broken arm, and so she didn’t bat an eyelid when we went places together and spoke to each other at dinner. Kyle had rarely eaten with us all before, unless summoned by Mick, but he seemed to be home a lot more. I was five weeks into my summer holidays and two weeks into having my cast on, and things were good.

             
Even though the attraction to Kyle was still there, I could fight it, and enjoyed just spending time with him. We seemed to have found a middle ground, and I assumed that he had buried everything else deep down, exactly where I had decided to put it. I saw Ashley and Kathryn most weekends, but during the week Kyle and I watched films, went for drives, went out for lunch, and sunbathed. He took me to the beach one day where we lay on the sand and walked out to the sea. I didn’t realise that a boy and girl could have so much in common, but we liked most of the same films and enjoyed the same sense of humour. I liked Kyle, I really liked him, and he seemed so different to the idiot that I had seen at school.

             
One Friday night Ashley had persuaded me to go out, she wanted to go for some drinks in town, and despite my cast I agreed. I had spent the day holed up in the party room with Kyle having a
Star Wars
marathon as it had rained most of the day.

             
“Come on, Soph,” she whined over the phone. “I haven’t seen you in forever, and I need a drink after working with my crazy mother all week.”

             
“Ah Ash, what if people bump my arm?”

             
“Don’t be stupid Soph, no one will, you’re just embarrassed.”

             
“And rightly so.” I sighed into my phone. “Fine.”

             
“Fine? Yesss,” she hissed. “I’ll be round in half an hour with wine and a few outfit choices.”

             
“Great,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

             
I hung up and then looked up to see Kyle peeping around my door.

             
“Hi,” he said stepping around the door.

             
“Hi.” I smiled.

             
“You fancy a Maccy’s milkshake?” We often took an after dinner drive to McDonalds to get a milkshake. It was something to do and a little treat if we were bored.

             
“Ah I can’t, Ash is coming round and we’re going out. Sorry.” I gave him a regretful smile. “I better get in the shower.”

             
“You going to town?” he asked.

             
“Yeah.” I nodded.

             
“I could come,” he said breezily.

             
“What … with me and Ash?” I scoffed and then instantly felt terrible as his face fell.

             
“Well not on my own, I could ask Vinnie.”

             
“Vinnie?” I laughed, “Ash would be all over that but then …” I stopped myself.

             
“Then what?”

             
“Then those two would be all over each other and that would just leave us.”

             
“So.” He shrugged.

             
“Erm,” I thought for a second and wondered what the hell this meant. “Fine.” I nodded. I didn’t think about it for too long.

             
“Okay, I’ll call Vin.”

             
“He’ll probably be busy. It’s very last minute.”

             
“He’ll come.” He nodded defiantly and then left the room. I got myself ready for my shower, bagging my cast and undressing as quickly as I could with one arm. I wondered what the hell Kyle was playing at. He obviously wanted people to know we were now friends, which meant that he was ruling out what we used to share. That was fine, and it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I didn’t want to have this twisted relationship with him, but I also didn’t want to be his best friend, when all I wanted deep down was for him to kiss me. I was my own worst enemy, and I hated myself.

             
Ashley arrived on cue just as Kyle knocked on my door.

             
“Hi Ashley.” He nodded to her as she sat on my bed sipping wine in her sweat pants and t shirt.

             
“Hi”, she said in a surprised voice, as I hadn’t actually told her that Kyle and I were friends.

             
“Erm … Vinnie is on for tonight,” he said to me.

             
“Vinnie?” Ashley squeaked.

             
“Yeah.” Kyle looked at me questioningly.

             
“Oh Kyle and Vinnie are going to come, sorry I didn’t get chance to say,” I stuttered. Kyle left the room and Ashley glared at me.

             
“Um, what just happened here?” she said, eyes and mouth wide.

             
“Well Kyle and I have sort of been here alone a lot recently, and I’ve hurt my arm and we are … friends, I suppose.”

             
She shook her head. “What?”

             
“He asked me what I was doing tonight, I said out with you so he asked to come and …”

             
“You said yes?” she shrieked, “on a girls night? When I had finally decided that Vinnie wasn’t worth any more of my time?” She groaned into one of my pillows. “This is a disaster.”

             
“It is?” I looked to her concerned, “Oh shit, shall I cancel?”

             
“No, it’s a disaster as none of the outfits I have bought are anywhere near slutty enough for this.” I laughed, and she gulped her wine. I was lucky that Ashley was focusing on the Vinnie situation rather than why Kyle and I were suddenly friends and why he wanted to come out with us. We had our own social circle, and they had theirs. He would never usually go out partying with girls, but luckily Ashley was focusing on herself.

             
Vinnie arrived a little while later. “Soph, we’re going upstairs to drink. Come up when you’re ready and we’ll order a taxi,” Kyle shouted through my door. Ashley sipped her wine whilst curling her hair in the mirror and gave me a questioning look.

             
“Since when did he call you Soph? And why is he being so …”

             
“Nice?” I added.

             
“Weird,” she said. I looked away from her and concentrated on getting my little black dress on. “Maybe his dad is paying him to be nice to you,” she reasoned and glared at me.

             
I shrugged. “Maybe.”

             
After we were sufficiently dressed, we made our way up to the third floor, and the boys were entertaining themselves with the Xbox.

             
“Looking good Ash.” Vinnie grinned as we entered. She smiled sheepishly.

             
“Nice to see you too, Vin.”

             
Kyle’s eyes roamed over me, but he just smiled tightly and clapped his hands. “Right, let’s go.” Vinnie downed his beer, and we made our way downstairs.

             
We got a taxi and spent the first few hours bar-hopping around Blackpool. Everywhere we went Vinnie found a way to touch Ashley, and all her attention seemed to be focused on him. We didn’t have the girly night that she was anticipating, but she didn’t seem to mind much at all.

             
“This is fucking mental, eh?” Vinnie said as we stood by the bar. “Kyle and Sophie … friends.” He laughed to himself and patted Kyle’s shoulder. He grimaced.

             
“Why?” Kyle barked.

             
“Well,” Vinnie stuttered, “you just never … were.”

             
Ashley looked between both men and laughed breezily, “It’s great, now come on, more shots.”

             
We ordered another drink and made our way up to the second floor where we could look down onto the dance floor. “Look at that prick,” Kyle whispered into my ear, pointing out some guy who was rocking some particularly terrible moves. “He looks like Mr Bean.” I turned to him and laughed.

             
His voice in my ear had every one of my nerves standing on edge. I looked into his eyes, and he smiled back; it made me ache for him. I could control myself when I wasn’t influenced by alcohol, but this was killing me. He was acting completely cool, and I was ruining things. He had obviously got over his attraction and mine seemed to be accentuated the longer I couldn’t touch him.

             
Later in the night we moved on to a club where Vinnie and Ashley began to drape themselves around each other. We all stood at the bar and a Beyoncé song started playing, so Ashley pulled me onto the dance floor. I shook my head as Ashley was determined to look irresistible to Vinnie and danced sexily as if her life depended on it. I couldn’t help but join in as the song took hold, and we threw our heads back in laughter.

             
We danced for a few songs and then went to find Kyle and Vinnie. They weren’t far from the bar.

             
“Shit Ash,” Vinnie said pulling her towards him. “You almost gave me a heart attack dancing like that.” He wrapped his arms around her and went in for a kiss. I turned to Kyle and rolled my eyes. He didn’t smile, instead he held my glare with a serious face.

             
“What?” I mouthed to him over the noise, my eyebrows furrowed.

             
He passed me my drink and shook his head. I squeezed into the space next to him and said, “Thanks.” He placed his arm around me lightly, no one would see from where we stood, but I could feel it there blazing through my clothes. It was all I could do to not to groan, just having him near.

             
“Do you want to dance with me?” he asked.

             
“Really?” I looked at him with question. “Here?”

             
“Why not?”

             
“I … um … Okay.” I had never seen Kyle dance other than in Mexico, and I assumed it was against his moral code once back on British soil. I thought he cared too much about what people thought.

             
“Come on.” He took my hand and led me out to the crowded dance floor. It felt so good to have his hand in mine again, and I could feel the anticipation of having his attention here on the dance floor where we could be any other young couple having a good time, not two people who could never even think about being together.

             
He placed his hand on my hip, and we swayed together. “Every bloke here wants a piece of you, Soph!” he shouted in my ear over the music.

             
I shook my head. “You’re crazy.” I laughed and tapped my head to indicate his madness.

             
He pulled me closer. “No, dancing like that before, I saw every bloke’s eyes on you.” I didn’t respond. “I can’t bear that.”

             
“Kyle …” I began, but I had no words. What could I say? That it had nothing to do with him? Or he had no right to say that? When all I wanted was for him to kiss me right here, right now, despite what I knew was right and sensible, I loved that he was jealous.

             
“I can’t stand seeing everyone else making a play for you.”

             
“No one is.” I sighed.

             
“Only because they think you’re with me, if they didn’t, every guy in here would be giving it a go.”

             
“Rubbish.” I shook my head and pushed him away. I wanted him but suddenly I was dubious of his intentions again. “Is this why you’re here? Doing this? Hijacking our night out? Because you don’t want anyone else to have me?” I raged.

             
“No.” He pulled me to him again. “It’s because I fucking want you, Sophie!” he shouted back.

             
I looked up at him dumbfounded, and all I could see were his lips. He saw me stare at them, and he moved in closer. “I want you, Soph.”

             
“I’m so confused, Kyle,” I squeaked, “are we even friends? Is all this really you? I can’t tell if it’s all just so we can sleep together again.”

             
“Jesus, Soph, I can’t win. I want you, and I’m trying my damndest to make that happen, and you just question every bloody move I make.”

             
“I just don’t want to be a fool Kyle, or worse, broken-hearted.”