Just Annoying! (3 page)

‘Max. Pleased to meet ya!'

He hands me a helmet.

‘Here,' he says. ‘Put this on.'

It's just like the one he's wearing.

‘Hold on,' he says.

‘To what?' I yell, but he doesn't hear me above the chugging of his bike.

He gives it full throttle.

My stomach drops as he accelerates up the road.

I grab him around the waist.

Roaring wind. My whole body shaking and vibrating. I'm freezing. I wish I had more clothes on.

I see Mum and Dad's car in the distance.

‘That's them!' I yell into Max's ear.

Max surges forward, the old Harley sucking up the highway like spaghetti.

As we pull closer to the car I signal to Max to blow his horn to let them know I'm here.

He blasts. I wave. But they don't stop. If anything they seem to speed up.

Maybe Dad thinks Max is just trying to hassle him. They probably don't recognise me with a helmet on.

‘Max!' I yell. ‘Go up next to them. I don't think they realise it's me.'

Max pulls up alongside them.

I wave.

Dad just looks straight ahead.

‘Hey,' I yell. ‘Stop!'

No reaction.

I wave both hands.

Dad flicks a nervous glance across at me, but he doesn't show any sign of recognition. Instead he hunches over the wheel and pulls away from us at high speed. Wow! I never knew the car could go so fast. If Dad always drove like that, I wouldn't have so much time to get bored.

Max accepts the challenge. He speeds up, but Dad veers onto the other side of the road to block us. Radical!

But Max knows a few tricks, too.

Max pulls back in and rides up the side of the road that Dad has just vacated.

We're back beside them—on the inside lane this time.

Max turns to me and yells above the roar: ‘They're not going to stop! You're going to have to board 'em.'

He's joking.

He's got to be. Either that or he's completely insane.

‘No way!' I yell. ‘I'm staying with you.'

‘Stand up,' he says. ‘I'll go in as close as I can.'

He's not joking.

He rides right up beside the car and signals for me to stand.

I kneel on the seat. I hold on to Max's shoulders and pull myself up. My legs are shaking.

There's still a huge gap.

‘It's too far!' I yell.

Max edges in as close as he dares.

The roof is only a metre away.

My stomach is churning.

I don't want to do this.

I'm too young to die!

I bend down.

‘I can't do it,' I yell in Max's ear.

‘You have to,' he growls.

‘Why can't I stay with you?' I say. ‘I'll be your apprentice.'

He laughs.

‘Highway's no place for a nice kid like you. Go back. Finish school.'

‘I'm not nice,' I say. ‘I'm really annoying.'

He laughs again, a scary, high-pitched sort of laugh.

‘Jump,' he says.

He has a wild look in his eyes. Maybe staying here is not such a great idea after all.

I stand up again. This is freaky.

I take a deep breath. I close my eyes. Clench my fists. I don't know what good clenching my fists is going to be in this situation—but it feels like the right thing to do.

Goodbye cruel world.

The wind picks me up and sends me hurtling sideways.

Thump!

I land on the car roof. I made it!

Dad starts swerving all over the road. He's trying to shake me off.

I've got to make him realise it's me.

I bang on the roof. Dad swerves harder.

I have an idea.

I edge forward, fingers spread as far apart as they will go.

One mistake and I'm gone.

If I can just let him see it's me he'll slow down.

I push myself down in front of the windscreen.

Mum and Dad freak. Eyes wide. Mouths open.

Suddenly I go flying forward.

Dad has slammed on the brakes.

I flip over onto my back and grab the aerial to stop myself sliding off the bonnet onto the road.

The car stops.

I'm lying on my back staring up at the sky. Panting hard. It's over.

Mum and Dad get out.

I take off my helmet.

‘This is the limit, Andy! The absolute limit!' says Dad. ‘What are you trying to do—get yourself killed?'

More dumb questions.

‘No,' I say. ‘I was trying to get back into the car. You threw me out, remember?'

‘Yes,' says Dad. ‘To teach you a lesson.'

‘What sort of lesson is that?' I say. ‘To abandon me in the middle of nowhere with no food, no drink, no map and no sunscreen.'

‘We were going to come back,' he says, throwing a glance at Mum. Her cheeks go crimson.

‘When?' I say. ‘On your way home?'

He looks sheepish.

‘We were about to come back and get you when the bikie started chasing us. I was trying to lead him as far away from you as possible. Some of these characters can be pretty dangerous, you know.'

I get into the car.

‘I don't want to hear any more excuses, Dad,' I say. ‘You tried to get rid of me. You failed. Let's go.'

‘We were going to come back,' says Dad. ‘Honest.'

He starts the engine. He's feeling bad now. He should be.

We pull out onto the road.

There's an enormous noise outside the car. It's Max. He's riding alongside us. I wind down the window and toss the helmet to him. He catches it with one hand, gives me a big grin and then rockets off into the distance.

I lean back and sigh. Max is cool. Loony, but cool.

I'm winding the window back up when I see the fly.

It's sitting right on top of Dad's head.

‘It's all your fault,' I say quietly. ‘I've been abandoned. Almost missed out on my holiday. Risked my life. It's all your fault—and you're going to pay.'

I sit up close behind Dad. I hold my hands just above his head, ready to smash the fly.

It jumps.

The movement distracts me. I clap Dad over both ears instead.

Oops.

His knuckles whiten.

‘Dad, I'm sorry—it was a mistake. See, I was trying to . . .'

Dad stops me.

‘It's okay, Andy. You don't have to explain.'

‘I don't?'

‘No. We all make mistakes.'

Oh, I get it. Mum and Dad won't try to put me out of the car again. No matter what I do. They've used their biggest threat and it didn't work. It just made them feel bad.

I sit back in my seat and relax. I close my eyes.

I can do anything now. Anything I want. This might not turn out to be such a boring trip after all. I just have one question.

‘Dad?' I say.

‘Yes?'

‘Are we there yet?'

y high heels hurt.
My skirt is too long.
My bra is too big.

But I am beautiful.

And, more importantly, I am annoying the hell out of Jen.

I have been copying Jen for two days and she's about ready to kill me.

I have copied her talking. I have copied her walking.

But tonight is the biggest challenge of all.

The school social.

Tonight I'm not only walking and talking like Jen, but I'm dressed like her as well.

We are walking towards the hall. I am following a few steps behind her. I swing my arm just like she does. I stick my bum out and sway from side to side. I am doing a brilliant job.

At the foot of the steps she swings around to face me.

I swing around too.

‘I don't see you!' she says to my back.

‘I don't see you!' I say to nobody.

‘I don't hear you,' she says.

‘I don't hear you,' I say.

‘If you want to make a complete idiot of yourself then fine, go ahead. But the only person you're embarrassing is you. Got it?'

‘If you want to make a complete idiot of yourself then fine, go ahead,' I mimic. ‘But the only person you're embarrassing is you. Got it?'

She sighs loudly, turns around and stomps up the steps.

I sigh loudly, turn around and stomp up the steps too.

But it's not easy to stomp in high heels. Halfway up I slip and fall back down the stairs. Damn! Jen didn't slip and fall. It's my first mistake of the night.

I'm trying to pick myself up.

‘Are you alright?' says a deep voice. ‘That was a nasty fall.'

Oh no. It's Craig Bennett. Number one school sleaze. The worst thing is that all the girls think he's gorgeous. And doesn't he know it.

He's dressed in a sharp new suit. He reeks of aftershave. He has the top three buttons of his shirt undone. I guess that's so he can show off all three of his chest hairs.

‘Here, let me help you,' he says.

Before I can say no he slips his arm around my waist and lifts me up.

He holds me for a second, looking straight into my eyes, before taking his arm away.

What a smooth operator! He makes me want to puke.

‘My name's Craig,' he says. ‘What's yours?'

‘Andy,' I say automatically. Doh! I'm supposed to be a girl!

‘Andy?' says Craig.

‘I mean Andrea,' I say. ‘My friends call me Andy.'

He smiles.

‘That's cute. It suits you.'

There's no doubt about it. This guy is good.

‘I haven't seen you around before,' he says. ‘Are you new?'

‘Yes,' I say. ‘We've just moved here from Ballarat.'

‘Excellent,' says Craig. ‘May I escort you in?'

All I want to do is to get away from this creep and go and annoy Jen. But then a thought strikes me. Maybe the best way to annoy Jen is not to copy her, but to enter the social on Craig Bennett's arm. She's as crazy as the rest of the girls about him. When she sees me with him she'll go nuts!

‘Yes, that would be . . . elegant,' I say. I think that's what you're supposed to say. I don't know. I've never been in this situation before.

Craig holds out his arm, his elbow bent.

I slip my arm through his and he helps me up the stairs.

Craig opens the door and we walk through.

There's a group of guys hanging around the foyer.

I hear a long low wolf-whistle.

Craig freezes.

He looks in their direction and shakes his head.

‘Kids,' he snorts. ‘They're just kids. Ignore them.'

They snigger as we walk past them into the hall.

I look for Jen.

She's standing over near the drinks table with a group of her girlfriends. They are all staring at us. Jen is gaping like a fish. She didn't count on this.

‘Would you like a drink?' says Craig.

‘Yes thank you,' I say. ‘That would be elegant.'

We move towards the table.

White plastic cups are lined up in rows beside a couple of punch bowls.

‘Orange or lemon?' says Craig.

‘Surprise me,' I say.

Craig picks up two cups and hands one to me. He's about to drink from his cup when I have an idea. I catch hold of his wrist with my free hand and twine my arm around his. We sip our drinks and look deep into each other's eyes. I glance over to make sure Jen is getting all this. She is. She looks furious.

She comes over to us.

‘Hi, Craig,' she says with the sweetest smile. She's almost as good an actor as I am.

 

‘Hi, Jen,' he replies without taking his eyes off mine.

‘Who's your friend?' says Jen.

‘Her name's Andrea,' he says. ‘She's from Ballarat.'

‘You can say that again,' says Jen, shooting me a very dirty look.

‘Huh?' says Craig. ‘Do you two know each other?'

‘You could say that,' says Jen.

I shrug.

‘Let's dance,' I say. I have to get him away before Jen blows it. I don't want to let her off the hook too soon. I spent hours getting ready—plucking my eyebrows, getting the stupid wig to sit straight, not to mention stuffing my bra with those little white balls from the beanbag. I'm going to make her suffer a while longer.