Just a Taste (32 page)

She didn't watch him get in his car. She closed the door and let the tears drip from her eyes. Telling him to go was one of the hardest things she'd had to do. She wanted to cling to him and ask him to stay, but that wouldn't change her life. She'd continue to be guilty of exactly what he'd said.

The self-doubt gnawed at her. If this was the best thing to do, why did it hurt?

For the next two days, Carmen lay in her hotel room in Puebla, where her dad was from, crying her eyes out. She'd boarded her plane and flown across the country and into another before the pain truly hit. She had left everything behind. Part of her felt like she was running away, but she didn't know why. It had simply felt like something she had to do. Now she was back to questioning her sanity.

With puffy eyes, she strained to see the time on the clock. By now, Liam and Rosa would be on the road, maybe even at their first stop. She thought of Liam with his sleeves rolled to his elbows even though it would be freezing outside. She climbed out of bed and pulled aside the drapes covering the windows.

Bright sun glared and stung her eyes. She blinked a few times. It was a gorgeous day. The whole point of her leaving Chicago was to figure out her life and what she wanted, but she was supposed to start with a vacation. Hiding in a hotel room crying about her boyfriend was not a vacation.

She'd never needed a guy in her life to be happy before. She didn't need one now. After taking a shower, she decided to hit the streets. There was no way for her to know what she wanted or needed unless she looked for it. Instead of going to the hotel restaurant for lunch, which would've been an adventure in itself after two days of minimal room service, Carmen got directions to a local family-run place.

Puebla was a big city, but she knew the food would be fabulous. This was where her father had gotten his start, where he'd developed his recipes.

Before leaving the hotel, she committed to not worrying about how much or what she ate. If Liam had taught her nothing else in their time together, it was that she could enjoy food without becoming obese. Her new sandals bit into the side of her foot as she stepped onto the street, but she smiled because Liam had taught her so much more than food appreciation. Thinking of those other things warmed her blood and sent naughty tingles through her body.

Her dress swished around her calves and sun warmed her bare shoulders. For the first time in her life, she felt like a woman. Not an overweight, unwanted girl, not a daughter devoted to taking care of her ailing parents, but a free woman ready to experience life.

Someone whistled and she spun toward the sound. A young cabbie leaned against his vehicle and smiled at her.
At her.
Although she knew she should've been offended, a big part of her blushed and enjoyed the leering as a compliment. She didn't encourage him with a smile or a wink, but tucked the feeling away.

When she got to the small taqueria, her stomach grumbled so loudly that she placed a hand over it as if the movement would ease her hunger. She hadn't realized how hungry she was. She sat at a small table for two and picked up a menu. Spicy smells filled the air, making her mouth water. Behind the counter, workers spoke the rapid language of her youth.

She remembered the one time her parents had brought her to Mexico as a kid. They spent two weeks of her summer visiting relatives that she'd never see again. Her dad had wanted her to know where he'd come from. Of course as a kid, all she knew was that she'd missed out on time with her friends back home.

But even back then, the language enthralled her. Her parents had taught her Spanish, but they'd always insisted that she speak English first. In the restaurant, it was acceptable to speak Spanish and it had been the waitstaff, dishwashers, and busboys who had taught her the most colorful language.

Being surrounded by it now brought back memories of that long-ago summer. Back then, she wasn't as fluent in Spanish and kids had made fun of her because she kept telling them to slow down. Now her ears picked up bits of conversation between the cooks, and she laughed at their jokes.

A waitress came to the table and Carmen ordered a Coke. It was a splurge but she remembered it was different here, like everything else. While she waited for the drink, she looked at the menu and decided on a combination platter. She wanted to taste a variety of foods from the region.

Then an idea struck her so fast that she felt dizzy. What if she did a tour of places, sampling foods to bring them back to Chicago? She had no desire to be a chef like Liam, but over the last couple of months, she found she did enjoy running the truck and cooking food that invoked memories of her childhood.

When the waitress brought her plate, she stared at the pile of food: an enchilada, a tamale, a taco, and a pork
cemita,
which was a sandwich she'd heard her dad talk about, but had never eaten herself. It smelled divine and she didn't know where to start. Her mouth watered and she itched to pick up the phone and call someone to talk about it. Who was she kidding? She didn't want to talk to
someone
, she wanted to call Liam. Instead, she snapped a photo of the plate and picked up her fork.

Today would be the first day in her adventures with food. As she savored the first bite, she began to think about the other places she would visit. She smiled as she realized she didn't need to confine herself to Mexico and its food. She could go anywhere, at least until she ran out of money.

Two days.

Carmen left two days ago and she hadn't called or emailed or anything. Liam wasn't just worried, he was annoyed and terrified. He had no words. When she'd asked him to leave, there was no anger. It was almost like she was pleading and he couldn't understand. He wouldn't have tried to talk her out of going on vacation.

He thought about what Rosa had said. If Carmen planned to go and not come back, yeah, he would've tried to convince her otherwise. How could he not?

When he told her to get the life she wanted, he'd assumed he'd be a part of it. Never had it crossed his mind that she didn't want him.

The more he thought about everything Carmen had said, the more concerned he became. Everything he'd done was because he cared about her and wanted her to be happy.

He remembered working on the truck with her, imagined her smiling face, heard her laughing at him, and realized that maybe working on the truck had made her happy. He hadn't been trying to take that away from her. But what if she saw it that way?

As he and Rosa carried the remaining food into the kitchen for the night, he asked, “Have you spoken to Carmen?”

She shrugged. “She left a message telling me she was good, but she didn't answer when I called her back.”

“So her phone works in Mexico?”

Rosa smiled. “Knowing Carmen, yeah. She'd make sure she had the right kind of plan or phone or whatever.”

Liam wiped his hand on his pants. “Can you finish up here? I have some stuff I need to do.”

Rosa's eyebrows scrunched together. “Sure. It must be
muy importante
for you to trust me.”

“It's cleanup. Tough to screw that up.”

She threw a towel at him, and he ducked before heading out the back door. He knew if Carmen wasn't taking Rosa's calls, she wouldn't take his either, but he could still send her messages. When he got home, he created a list of everything he knew about her. She'd accused him of not knowing her, but she was wrong.

He might not know what she wanted in life, but he knew her. He closed his eyes and thought about everything he knew to be true. By the time he finished a couple of hours later, he had pages of ideas. He would send them to her every day until he ran out or until she came home.

He sent his first text, not from the list, but from his heart:
I miss you.

Carmen stared at the text from Liam. She wanted to tell him she missed him too, but she knew that he would take that and try to convince her to come home. Liam liked to be in charge. It was one of the things she admired about him. He always seemed to know what he wanted and where he was going.

She wanted to be more like that. She needed to be more like that in order for their relationship to work. So she didn't respond to his message. But when she crawled into bed that night, she held her phone close and read it again.

Over the course of the next few days, Liam became harder to ignore. She never knew when to expect it, but he would shoot her a text. The first couple struck her as odd statements, but then she realized he was telling her everything he knew about her:

 

Multiple times a day, her phone bleeped with a text and her heart would race, hoping it was from Liam. It was silly because they were always from him. She couldn't anticipate what kind of text it would be: sweet, sexy, funny. But she enjoyed them all.

Every night, he sent her the same one:

 

 

She shouldn't have accused him of not knowing her. They knew each other well enough to know the really important stuff, and they had plenty of time to learn the small things.

She spent a week traveling to different cities and towns in Mexico, absorbing the culture and tasting the food. For all her bravado when she arrived, thinking she'd travel the world, at this point, she was just tired.

More than that, she missed Liam. She wanted to go home, curl up in her own bed, and wake next to him. Even as she smiled and laughed each day, her heart ached for him.

She had a notebook full of ideas. She still wasn't totally sure what she wanted to do with her entire life, but she had a beginning. Business would always be her focus, but like her father, she enjoyed food. She liked knowing people came to them for meals. She wanted to stay in the restaurant business.

At least she was pretty sure.

Liam's texts were coming further apart, and she worried that he was giving up on her. And he had every right to. She'd pushed him away.