Just a Little Series (Parts 1 - 4) (22 page)

Lonnie needed to know why Luke resented him.
They needed an icebreaker, and I was okay being the buffer. Maybe
now they could talk, and let bygones be bygones.

“Julie.”

Luke’s voice resonated. I hung my head
lower; I couldn’t face him. Not like this. I could only imagine
what he was about to say.

“Julie,” he said again, his voice softer
than before. I finally looked up to meet his gaze. He rested his
forehead against the opposite side of the steel bars. He wore a
grin, and then looked away to suppress a laugh. A moment later, he
turned back and looked down at me. “Whatcha doin’ in there,
kid?”

“Thinking about what I’ve done,” I mocked
Charlie.

When he’d shoved me into the jail
cell—slamming it and locking it behind me—he’d promised that I
wouldn’t be allowed out until I agreed to apologize to Lonnie
Reibeck for publicly humiliating him. Apparently I was supposed to
be learning some kind of lesson as I sat and thought about my
actions.

Luke sidestepped to the door, inserted a
rusted key, and turned the lock. He pushed the door open and
motioned for me to come out.

“I can’t,” I said. “Charlie’ll freak—”

“Okay,” he said, coming inside. He shut the
door behind him— latching it at the same time and joined me on the
bench. “So,” he said with a little rasp in his voice, “whatcha in
for?”

“Disturbance of the peace.”

“You guilty?”

“Of course,” I said. “How’d you know I was
here?”

“Bruno called,” he said. “He couldn’t quit
laughing, actually. Said I had to come down and see it for
myself.”

“Lovely,” I rolled my eyes.

“So,” he said, still trying not to laugh at
my expense, “what exactly did you do?”

“I caused a scene at the diner.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “You want to elaborate on
that?”

I closed my eyes for a minute and then
opened them slowly. I watched Luke, studying the sadness in his
eyes. He was calm now, but it was clear he hadn’t heard what had
happened. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him.

The moment he learned what I’d done, he’d be
angry. He’d leave.

“I don’t wanna tell you.”

I looked away, but Luke leaned forward to
steal my gaze.

“Why not?”

“You’ll leave,” I knew there was more truth
in that than anything. “You’ve mastered the art of running, Luke.
And when I tell you… when you find out what I’ve done….”

“Julie,” he said, taking my hand, “what
happened after I left the diner?”

I lowered my head, refusing to say anything.
When five slow minutes passed and neither of us exchanged another
word, Luke dropped my hand and stood up.

“See?” I said. “I haven’t even told you yet,
and you’re walking away.”

He walked to the door. He reached into his
pocket, pulled the key from inside, and threw it through the bars.
The key slid at least ten feet down the hallway—far from reach.

Now he’d done it. He’d locked himself in the
jail cell with no way out.

He turned back to me and shrugged, “I’m not
going anywhere, Julie. Now tell me what happened.”

I spent the next fifteen minutes reliving
the conversation I’d had with Lonnie in the diner. I told him every
detail that I could remember, except for the moment when Lonnie
grabbed me. I didn’t see any point in adding fuel to the fire. Luke
was already mad. If he found out that Lonnie had touched me… well,
any plan he’d had to make up with his father would cease to
exist.

Luke was still standing. He leaned his back
against the bars and watched me in silence.

“I’m sorry,” I said for the hundredth time.
“I know you didn’t want him to know the truth, and I never meant to
tell him. But I couldn’t stop talking. I was so angry. So... hurt.
I couldn’t let him sit there and act like your life didn’t matter.
He owes you an apology, Luke. He owes you so much—”

“Julie,” he said, holding his hand in the
air to silence me, “it’s okay.”

I blinked repeatedly for a few long seconds,
“It is?”

“Do I wish you’d respected my wish and let
me deal with it on my own terms? Yes.” He pushed his fingers back
through his hair and then stepped away from the bars. He walked
over and squatted in front of me, taking my hands. “But if the
tables had been turned, I probably would’ve done the same thing,
kid.”

“Really?” I asked, relieved that he wasn’t
yelling at me or scolding me for not minding my own business.
Instead, he was holding my hands, caressing my fingers, and looking
at me with nothing but love.

He finally pulled himself up and sat down on
the bench next to me. I leaned over and rested my head in his lap,
staring out at the opposite wall. He combed his fingers through my
hair, and the soft stroke of his hand calmed my nerves. My heart
found a rhythmic balance for the first time since he held me at the
Fall Ball. My breathing finally steadied.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the touch of
his legs beneath my cheek and his fingers in my hair. I don’t know
how long we sat there, neither one of us speaking. It must’ve been
a while because before I knew it, Charlie was nudging me awake.

Sunday, December 16

Luke was gone by the time Charlie retrieved
me from the holding cell. I don’t know how he slipped away without
waking me, or how he’d gotten out without a key, but he was
definitely gone. My guess was that Detective Bruno had helped him
escape, but I couldn’t figure out how I’d missed it. Either way, I
was glad he wasn’t there. There was no telling how Charlie would’ve
reacted to finding me and Luke locked in the same cell
together.

By the following day, I still hadn’t heard
from Luke. It seemed like things were back to normal again.

No calls.

No texts.

No Luke.

Apple cinnamon candles were burning all
around the house; it was my mom’s favorite scent this time of year.
Since the anniversary of my parents’ death was quickly approaching,
I’d been feeling very nostalgic.

“It’s okay, Julie. It takes a few times to
get it right,” Matt placated me. I doubted it ever took him more
than one time to master anything in the kitchen. The first time I
pulled mom’s secret recipe holiday cookies out of the oven, they
were beyond saving. The bottoms were burnt black, but the tops were
doughy and uncooked.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, Mattie,”
I said, dumping the cookies into the garbage. “Mom never ruined a
batch—”

“Let me help you,” he came over to my side
of the counter.

“No,” I said, reaching for the flour and
sugar, “I have to do this.”

I stared at the recipe for another minute.
It amazed me how much I hated baking. Mom had always loved being in
the kitchen; needless to say, she and Matt loved each other’s
company during the holidays. And I knew she wouldn’t want to see me
fretting over something so simple because it just wasn’t in my soul
to be so domestic.

Mom would want someone enjoying her recipes
as much as she had, so I nodded and looked to my cousin.

“You do it.”

I pushed the recipe across the counter until
it stopped in front of Matt.

“I thought you wanted to—”

“This is your area of expertise,” I said,
handing it over once and for all. “I’ll just keep wasting
ingredients until I get it right, and God knows that could be
forever.”

“Really?” he flipped through the handwritten
cookbook.

“It’s all yours,” I knew there was no place
safer for my Mom’s beloved recipes than in the hands of Matthew
Little. “Honestly, I have no use for it.”

Matt’s face lit up. He pressed an obligatory
kiss to my cheek and darted toward the refrigerator for eggs.

I left the kitchen with my head hanging low.
I passed Charlie in the living room and nodded, but didn’t say a
word as I headed for the front door.

“Where are you going?”

I stopped, already holding the door knob in
my hand, and turned back.

“To see Derek,” I said. “He’s been in a bit
of a funk lately. I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

After all, he had every right to be a little
down, didn’t he? It’d been
his
father who’d committed the
terrible crime that robbed me of both of my parents. That night
Derek and I both became victims of one very horrific event. It just
seemed natural to be with someone who truly understood that pain.
He needed me as much as I needed him.

“So, if it’s okay?”

Charlie nodded and looked back at his
paper.

A short walk across the lawn later, I stood
on Derek’s front porch, knocking away. I waited in silence for two
full minutes.

Nothing.

It wasn’t like him to ignore a knock, so I
assumed he was out. His car wasn’t in the driveway, and he almost
never parked in the garage. I rang the doorbell in case my knock
wasn’t loud enough, but still no response. It didn’t dawn on me
until the second ring that Elvis wasn’t barking. The dog always
guarded the door when Derek was out. Wherever Derek was, Elvis
must’ve gone too; there wasn’t a single sound coming from inside
the house.

Shrugging, I stepped down from the porch and
walked to the garage. Looking through the small windows lining the
top of the door, I immediately noticed it was empty. Not only was
Derek’s blue Prius not parked inside, but the boxes that usually
lined the far wall were also missing.

I ran back up to the porch and started
banging on the door.

“Derek!” I yelled. “Derek! It’s Julie! Are
you home?”

I waited for a brief second and then ran to
the window to peek inside. The house was empty. The few furnishings
he’d had were no longer there. I hopped off the porch and dug up a
spot in the flowerbed where I’d once watched him hide a spare
key.

I went back to the door, unlocked the bolt,
and pushed it open.

The reality of the emptiness stopped me dead
in my tracks. My stomach felt as hollow as the room I was looking
at. The house was vacant; there was nothing left.

“Derek?” I asked, tears filling my eyes.
“Hello?”

My voice carried through the empty rooms,
echoing off the naked walls.

I walked slowly through each room.

The living room… the kitchen… the bathroom…
Hannah’s old bedroom—all empty.

I turned the corner and faced the door at
the end of the hall. Derek’s bedroom door was shut, but I didn’t
have to open it to know what I would find. If the rest of the house
was any indication, Derek’s room would be nothing but an empty void
of space.

I took slow steps to the final door, grasped
the knob, and took a long, deep breath. Tears filled my eyes as I
braced myself for the emptiness. But when I opened the door,
something suddenly caught my eye.

There was a box, a small, blue shoebox,
sitting in the middle of the hardwood floor; it was the only thing
Derek had left behind.

I stared at the box for what felt like an
eternity. My heartbeat was gaining momentum by the second. I closed
my eyes and thought back to a day I’d shared with Derek in this
very room just weeks ago.

“
Get rid of the box, Derek,” I’d told
him. “You are
not
defined by the things your family has
done. I know who you are, and this isn’t you talking. That box…
everything in it…
it’s trash
. You need to stop holding on to
it. You need to move on. We
both
do.”

Sitting on top of the box was a white
envelope with my name scrolled neatly across the front. Taking slow
breaths, I suppressed the tears that came to the surface. I walked
to the center of the room and sat down next to the shoebox, picking
up the envelope. I opened it carefully, scared of what the letter
inside might say.

Julie,

I don’t have to tell you what you already
know. If you’re reading this letter, you can already see that I’m
gone.

I wanted to say goodbye, but I couldn’t face
you. I couldn’t come up with a good enough explanation, and I knew
you’d never let me walk away unjustified.

I had to leave Oakland; I couldn’t stay
anymore. The guilt has become too much for me. This house… the
memories… it haunts me every day. I have to find myself again,
Julie. I have no choice. If I want to survive this pain, I have to
move on.

You were right. This box—and everything in
it—is holding me back. I can’t keep living with the ghosts of my
past. I have to put all of that behind me now, and that includes
you.

Please understand that this isn’t
personal. I care about you… so much. But I can’t face another day
with the reminder of who I really am or the places I’ve been. I
can’t look in your eyes one more time and see the hurt and pain
that
my
family has caused.

I need a new start… alone.

Elvis is at the shelter; he’ll find a good
home, I’m sure.

I’m sorry to leave you in the lurch with the
parade, but I have a world of faith in you. You’ll do great.

Maybe someday we’ll meet again. I truly hope
that’s the case. But now isn’t the time. I need to follow my heart.
And so do you.

Thank you for being the friend I always
needed,

Derek

PS I hope you find the happiness you’re
searching for, with or without Luke.

I read the letter a second time and wiped
away my tears. I buried my face in my hands and cried, letting my
tears seep through my fingers and create a puddle on the floor.

It was a pain I had yet to experience, the
kind that I’d accused Lonnie of inflicting on his own son. It was
the pain of being abandoned… by choice.

Derek wasn’t really gone, but he had
left.

I dropped the letter to the floor and looked
at the box.