Just a Little Faith (12 page)

 

L
ook
ing
out the
airplane
window
at the view of the Rockies below,
Seb felt
comfor
t
in
having
Pax seated next to him.
The steady and calm way she
handled logistics
the night his girls died gave him great comfort
.
He knew he'd put her in a strange place having her come to California with him.
I
f Sebastian believed and prayed to God, he would
've
thanked Him for having Paxson in his life.

He turned to watch her sleep
.
H
er quiet even breaths
caressed
his neck as she unconsciously curled into his side. He envied her peace.
As much as he was thankful to her God for Pax, Seb
grew
ang
ry
.
If this
God who cared about him
existed
, then he wouldn't have taken his girls. No good and loving God would cause him such grief. Pax could believe in God if she wanted to, but right now
, not
him.
S
orrow and anger lingered through the long plane ride across country
, and
not even the breathtaking views below him could ease his mind.

Upon touchdown in
California
,
Seb kept a firm grip on Pax's hand
while they
rode in the hired car
from the airport
.
S
o much
planning should be do
ne
,
but his thoughts were scrambled
.
Flashes of memories
, almost like brief snapshots in time
,
kept appearing in his head.
Images of his daughters smiling and laughing haunted him.
Holding onto Pax served as a lifeline of sorts.

“I've been keeping track of who's be
en
doing what
.
I hope that's okay. I know you will want to thank
everyone
when
you have the opportunity. I'm trying to remember all my
m
other did when her parents…
” Pax's words trailed off. “
Hopefully, I won't miss something.”

Squeezing her hand in response, he summoned what he hoped was a smile.
“I know you won't. It's one of the reasons I'm glad you're here.
”

He turned to look out the window at the passing landscape. “I guess it's okay we're going to Rick's. I didn't think to go anywhere else.”

“I'm sure it's fine. Will your parents meet us there?”

“Yes.
I'm glad
their home isn't too far away.” Lowering his head he stifled a sob. “I don't know what to say to them. I don't know what to say to anyone.”

Pax grip
ped
his hand tightly while rubbing his back and murmuring
,
“We'll figure it out. I promise
,
” in his ear.

****

Rick's home made her apartment look like a shack
.
A grand foyer
with a massive chandelier
gave way to an expansive den filled with people pay
ing
their respects. Fighting the urge to shrink back
into the shadows,
Pax knew
Seb's
tight
grip
on her hand
meant he
needed her now more than ever
. Steeling herself for the onset of questions to come, her silent prayer of fortitude lifted to the heavens.

Pax felt Seb bristle
beside her
. S
tanding before them appeared a tall well-built man. Pax
guessed
him
to be
in his mid-thirties,
although
prematurely gray hair gave him an air of
being more distinguished
.
She
knew from the quality of material, his suit would cost her a year's salary alone. He extended a hand of greeting toward Sebastian.

“Seb.”

Seb's jaw's tightened and the grip on her hand strengthened. “Rick.”

“I'm so sorry
,
Seb.
”

“I guess there isn't anything else to say is there
?”

Rick dropped
his unshaken hand.

She nodded in
Rick's direction
attempt
ing
to break the ten
s
ion.
“I am very sorry for your loss.”

Seb
's
arm
encircle
d
her waist
when Rick smiled at her.

“Your parents arrived a few minutes ago
, Seb
. I thought it best they be seated away from the crowds. You can find them in
the
breakfast room
,
if you like.”

“Thanks
,
Rick. I appreciate your kindness toward them.”

“Of course Seb, they were the girls' grandparents
. They
loved them very much.”

Seb's jaw tightened again. “I appreciate it
,
nonetheless.”

Pax silently thanked God when they made their escape to the back of the house
,
away from the tension-filled foyer
.

“Sebastian! Oh sweetheart!”

Rising
from the breakfast room table, a
silver haired
woman,
eyes
red with emotion
,
reached
her arms out to Seb. Enveloping him in her embrace, Seb's body visibly relaxed in her arms.

“
Mama..
.”

“I know
,
son. I know.” Continuing her ministrations, her eyes lit up when she saw Pax.

Over Seb's shoulder
,
she whispered
,
“Hi Paxson. I'm so glad you could be here for him.”

Nodding in response, Pax
l
ook
ed
a
round the kitchen
.
S
he spied an older gentleman
to her right
in deep conversation with a young woman,
both
oblivious to
their entrance
. Pax knew right off
he
had to be
Seb's father.
A
n
older
replica of his son
, w
hen he turned in her direction, she saw Seb's blue eyes staring back.

“You must be Paxson. Sebastian has mentioned
you frequently
in the past few days.” His warm hands encompassed hers.

“It's good to meet you
,
M
r. Quinn, although I wish it
under different circumstances.”

“Now, now. You call me
Alex. Sebastian has never really
dealt
with loss like this in his life. You bein
g here will give him strength
.”

“Thank you
,
Alex. I hope so.”

His
eyes diverted to Sebastian who appeared at Pax's side, his mother in hand. “Dad.”

“Hello
,
son
.” Their embrace lasted for several minutes.
Alex murmured words of comfort into Seb's ear.

Pulling away from his father, Seb placed his arm around Pax. “Let me formally introduce my parents. Mom, Dad, this is Paxson Taylor. She's
my anchor
.”

Blushin
g at Seb's description,
surprise
shook her
when his mother pulled her into her arms. “I feel like we already know you, sweetheart. Seb speaks so kindly of you.”

“Thank you Mrs. Quinn. He's a good man to have around.”

Greetings aside,
they joined his parents at the breakfast room table. The
bright
sunlight pouring in through the window masked the sadness
enveloping
the room.

“Has Rick given you any details
of the arrangements
,
Seb?”

Rolling the edge of one of the decorative placemats between his fingers
, he
sighed. “
Unbelievably enough, Rick said i
t's up to me
.
H
e
'
d prefer a joint service for all three of them
,
but said he would defer to my wishes
. I guess that's as good an idea as any.”

His mother patted his hand. “I think he's right
, son
. They need to be together.
And it will be easier on you if you can say goodbye all at once.
”

“I know. I guess, I just… I don't know. I'll tell him to go ahead and plan it
.
It doesn't matter now. Nothing does.”

 

By
the day of the funeral
, Sebastian felt like he was
only
going through the motions.
How did a parent do this?
He didn't know how
to
endure the next few hours. Shoot, the next few days, weeks and years. He wanted to
collaps
e
in grief
,
not go out and be surrounded by
hundreds of
people who didn't know him, who couldn't understand what he was going through.

Accompanied by his parents, Seb and Pax
rode to the funeral home in silence
. Upon their arrival,
Seb exited the vehicle, waited on Pax
to get out
,
and slammed the door behind her. Seeing the funeral home, he froze. Pax's hand
gently
pull
ed
him
to
the front doors
.

Rick and his parents, along with more
family
members
lined the
lobby. Unable to bear the thought of sharing his last moments with
his girls with
strangers, Seb took Rick aside.

“Rick, I need to see them alone
,
if just for a minute
,
before everything starts.”

Looking at his watch, Rick grimaced. “Well, o
kay
,
Seb.
You have a few minutes before the family visitation period starts.
I don't think it will be a problem.”

Steaming
,
he
clenched
his fists
,
bitter
thoughts r
unning
through his head.
A problem? These are
my
kids. Not yours. I'll give you a problem.
He
cleared his throat and exhaled
.
Just get through this
,
Seb
,
and you never have to see him again.

While
Pax
remained
in the company of
Seb's
parents, t
he
funeral
director led
him
down the hall
to the parlor where the bodies
lay
in repose.
Thanking him for some privacy, he started to enter the room when t
he
thought of seeing his girls in their caskets
inundated him
. He
returned to the lobby, finding
Pax
in the corner of the room
talking to his mother
away from the crowd
.
Taking her by the hand, Seb clung to Pax until she nodded her understanding of his silent pleas
. Together
,
they walked toward the parlor
.