Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (18 page)

“What?” I blurted.

She buried her head in her hands. “Shit. You know him, don’t you? I have to stop talking. I’ve drunk too much. Um, I need to go find Leena. Please don’t repeat anything I’ve just said.”

Fallon and I watched her walk away then looked at each other.

“What the hell’s going on?” she finally asked.

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out.” I shook my head and glanced at the table where Ryder had been. He was gone, and a part of me was disappointed; another part, relieved.

“Do you think Noah hired a lawyer and helped you out of this?”

“But if he’s the one who outed the site, why would he then get a lawyer to stop it? Makes no sense.”

“Remorse? Guilty conscience?”

“But, really, a lawyer? Could he really even afford that?”

“Maybe he has a relative who’s a lawyer.”

I gasped. “Ryder.”

“Huh?”

“His stepdad’s a lawyer. But he hates him.”

“This is getting weird. I think you should talk to Ryder and find out for yourself what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

“What did he say when you ran into him?”

“He apologized and asked for a chance to explain things. I told him I didn’t want to hear anything. Then he said he loved me.”

“He said what?” Her eyes widened and she leaned forward.

“I think he was drunk. He left early, so he was probably trashed.”

“No he didn’t. He’s right there.”

I spun around, and sure enough, Ryder was back in his chair. His forehead rested in his hand and he slouched forward.

“He looks kind of pathetic,” Fallon said.

But he looked more than pathetic. I’d never seen Ryder look anything less than irresistible, so this was beyond out of character. It tugged at me and a tiny part of me wanted to make sure he was okay, but then I remembered he’d fucked me to earn points and my sympathy vanished.

Some guy walked by and slapped him on the back. With a big smile, he leaned down and said something to Ryder.

Ryder bolted upright, knocking his chair down in the process. He grabbed the guy by his collar and slammed him against the wall. The guy’s hands flew up and he shook his head. Two of Ryder’s friends grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back. But he ignored his friends, refusing to let go. A bartender signaled the bouncer.

The guy he’d pinned to the wall said, “I didn’t know, man. I thought you’d be happy about it.”

He slammed him against the wall again. “You don’t know shit about me.”

The security guard neared them. I tried to find satisfaction in him being thrown out on his ass, but it was hard. I’d never been good at turning off my emotions. Look how many times I’d picked Mom up, regardless of how she’d hurt me.

But this was different. I wouldn’t go to him.

“Ryder,” his friend shouted. “Back off, man. He didn’t mean anything.”

Security weaved closer.

Ryder finally released the guy with a shove and threw his hands up. “I’m going,” he muttered to the bouncer.

His friend added, “He won’t cause any more trouble.”

Security eyed Ryder then said, “He’s not allowed back in tonight.”

“I understand,” the friend said, as Ryder stepped through the back exit.

His friend turned to another guy and pointed in the direction Ryder had gone. They seemed to be arguing about who should follow him, yet in the end neither did.

I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t follow. But I was already on my feet. I glanced at Fallon.

She rolled her eyes. “Just go.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Sure you will.” She sipped her drink.

“I—”

She waved her hands. “Go before he wanders into traffic.”

His friends still stood blocking the hall. I overheard one say he wasn’t ready to leave, while the other whined about some girl he’d met and was hoping to take home. Great friends.

“Um, excuse me.”

They turned.

“I need to get through.” I pointed toward the hall they blocked.

The guy who had spoken with the bouncer stared at me then his expression shifted. “You’re the girl.”

My face warmed and I considered shoving past them just to get away.

“I mean, the one he’s all depressed over. You’re the reason he was about to kill that guy.”

“Oh, shit, she is,” the other guy said. “Are you sure you want to go out there?” he asked me.

“Well, it doesn’t look like either one of you are planning to do it.” I crossed my arms.

The first guy smiled. “Yep, she should go. She won’t take his shit tonight. We try that and he’ll rearrange our faces.”

The other guy laughed, stepped aside and gestured down the hall. “In that case, be my guest.”

Hopefully, I wasn’t getting myself in too deep. I brushed past them, and one called out, “Good luck.”

I stepped into an alleyway. A creepy, dirty alleyway that reeked of trash and puke.

Ryder sat on the curb, his forehead resting against his forearm draped over his knee.

“Hey,” I said.

His head popped up. “What are you doing out here?”

What
was
I doing? “This alley is disgusting. We need to get out of here.” I glanced around, looking for the nearest main street.

Ryder didn’t move. He stared at me as if trying to decide if I was really there.

“C’mon.” I motioned for him to follow.

He staggered upright, took a few steps, then paused.

I looped my fingers through his and tugged. “Don’t pass out on me, now. I will leave your ass here if you do.”

“Why are you doing this?” he asked.

“Because I don’t want you sleeping in an alley, or trying to start any more fights.” I glanced at him. “Looks like you’re still recovering from your last one.”

He brushed his finger over the almost healed cut on his cheek.

“Interestingly, Noah has a black eye.” We stepped onto the main road and I relaxed a bit. “Know anything about that?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Okay, so what do you want to talk about?” I stuck my hand out to hail a cab. Several passed but none stopped. “You sure seemed to want to talk earlier, but now you’re quiet?”

He crammed his hands in his pockets. “Too much Jack and Coke, on both accounts.”

“Oh. So you don’t want to talk?”

“You know I do. But, fuck, I can barely stand. I don’t trust myself to say the right things.”

“Oh? You’re worried you’ll tell the truth for once?”

A cab finally stopped for us.

“I’ve never lied to you, Brinley.”

“I’m confused by what your interpretation of the truth is.” I opened the door.

“I know you’re pissed, but this isn’t fair. I can’t say shit to you because you will turn it on me.”

I sighed. “Get in. We can talk when we get back to campus.”

I slid in after him and gave the address of Ryder’s dorm. I texted Fallon and told her I was taking him home and not to worry. She’d have to deal with Mason, and I was glad I wouldn’t be there for that.

Ryder leaned against the window but didn’t say anything. Hopefully he wouldn’t pass out, because there was no way I could haul his ass to his room.

The taxi pulled in front of his dorm and Ryder looked at me. “You’re planning on going to your place now, aren’t you? You were never going to stay and talk.”

That had been my plan. It was late and I didn’t want to stay at his dorm, nor did I want to walk back to mine alone in the middle of the night. But now, confronted by him, and the wounded look on his face, I caved.

I pulled a twenty out for the driver.

“I’ve got it.” Ryder shoved some money at the guy and stepped out.

I followed. “Want to talk here?”

“Can we talk inside? Noah isn’t home.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I stared at the ground, trying to figure out how one week ago I’d been willing to give my virginity to this guy and now I wouldn’t even talk privately with him. My heart hurt and I hated the way things had turned out.

“Please.”

I glanced up and he reached to tuck my hair behind my ear but froze. His hand dropped quickly. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“Let’s go inside.”

Once in his suite, he sank onto the couch. I sat in a chair across from him.

“So what do you want to tell me?” I asked.

“I knew you were on the website but I didn’t put you there.”

I inhaled a shaky breath. “So—so that makes this all okay? You used me, Ryder.”

“No, I didn’t. Nothing I did with you was for the stupid competition. But I knew. I knew if people saw me with you they’d assume it was. Why do you think I kept telling you not to get involved with me? I told you I hurt people. Fuck.” He leaned his head back and covered his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you. I tried not to.”

“Who put me on the site, then?”

“Noah.”

“Un-fucking-beli
evable.” I shook my head. “So was this a little competition between you two?”

“In his mind? Yes. In mine, absolutely not. You’re not a game to me. You have to believe that. He and I fought about it all the time. You saw it for yourself. The day I brought you here, that’s what it was about. The restaurant. Shit, even the night I found you outside together. Why do you think I always kept you away from him? I was protecting you from him…and from me. I tried. I really did.”

“What was going on in the restaurant that day when Paige was with you?”

“The waiter had access to the website and recognized you. Until that day, I hadn’t realized Noah put you on the site. When he saw that I liked you, he did it to piss me off. I tried to stay away from you after that. I figured if he thought I wasn’t interested, he’d lose interest too, except I was weak. I couldn’t stay away from you.

“But I hated the way guys leered at you. Seeing you as some sort of conquest. At the club that night, around campus. I finally decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted you and was tired of pretending I didn’t.”

“So what, you got me and decided to make it public by humiliating me on that website?”

“I didn’t put that information on there. I would never do that.”

I crossed my arms. “So how did it get there, then, huh? How did the picture, the very one you asked Fallon to send you, end up on that website? You sure were eager to get a copy.”

“Of course I wanted our picture,” he said, a wounded expression on his face. “But I’d never do that. Noah did.”

“It’s pretty convenient that he’s not here to defend himself while you point the finger at him.”

“I have no reason to lie about any of this.”

“You have every reason to lie.”

With a humorless smile, he shook his head. “You weren’t exaggerating when you said you hated me, were you?” He stood and walked to his room. “Come here.”

“I’m not going to your room with you.”

“I just want to show you something before I pass out. And trust me, I’m going to pass out soon. So don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything.”

I huffed, “Fine.”

He sank onto his bed and reached into his nightstand. He dug around then handed me a picture. I held it as he fell back onto the bed and rested his head on his pillow.

I looked at the picture of Ryder, Noah, Paige, a woman who looked like an older version of Paige, and Jeff. The family was standing in an orchard of some sort. “Why—why have you never said anything?”

“I didn’t want you to know. I was scared if you knew he was my stepbrother you’d never give me a chance. I was scared you’d decide not to get involved with me out of some sort of moral or ethical bullshit.” He tucked his arm behind his head. “Oh, and because I can’t stand him. You know, he doesn’t even need glasses? He wears them to look smart. He thinks it helps him pick up girls.” He rolled his eyes. “They have no idea what he’s really like.”

I plopped onto his bed and stared at the smiling family in the photo. “But if you hate him, why are you roommates?”

“I told you, Jeff pays my tuition, which includes this place. Mom never could have afforded private dorms, especially not a suite. And, really, who wouldn’t choose a private room if it was an option?” He shrugged. “Though Noah can be an annoying prick, we got along well enough…up until a few weeks ago.”

“Until me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not a bad thing. Noah’s a spoiled rich kid. He’s used to getting his way and is as ruthless as his dad. It didn’t affect me, so I didn’t care. But when he involved you, that changed. You didn’t come between us. I just got sick of his shit, and no way would I stand around while he dicked you over.”

While setting the photo on the nightstand, I made the mistake of looking at Ryder. The way he watched me caused pressure to build in my chest. It hurt, but only because I still cared. And hearing the things he’d said tonight aggravated the ache he’d created.

He reached over and grasped my arm, gently urging me down next to him. “You can’t walk home alone. Stay with me.”

I pulled upright. “I can call Fallon or Mason.”

He sighed. “You can still hate me in the morning, but please, just stay with me tonight. I never got my last night with you. I always thought I’d have another day. Just one more night. Please.” He pulled me down again.

“Ryder—”

“It’s just sleep. Honest. I’ve never lied to you and don’t plan to start now.”