Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (16 page)

The tension was thick and I know Grandma sensed it.

She went on, “I’m sure you have lots of studying to do. And the doctor says I can go home tomorrow, so just call and check on me. No point in coming all the way back here.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “It’s not that long a drive.”

“Positive. You focus on school and don’t worry none about me. I’m going to be fine.”

Mom crossed her arms. The longer she stared at me, the more I wanted to book it.

“Okay. I will call you tomorrow.” I hugged Grandma. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I turned to Mom. Her face was twisted in some sort of annoyed expression mixed with something like hurt or confusion. It was hard to read, but Mom always was. Unless she was drunk. Without a filter in place I didn’t need to interpret; she just laid it all out.

“I’ll see you later,” I said.

“Yeah. Sure.” She didn’t offer me another hug.

I slipped out of the room and found Ryder in a chair. He leaned forward, typing on his phone. When he noticed me, he slid it into his pocket.

“Ready to go?” I asked.

He stood. “Yeah. Everything okay?”

I nodded. “As okay as it ever is.”

He looped his fingers through mine and stayed quiet as we walked down the hallway. We stepped onto the elevator and he turned to me. “Did your mom remember you drove her home?”

I shook my head.

“Did you tell her anything?”

“No. Grandma will tell her.”

“But all that other stuff. Everything she said to you. She just gets to say it and never own up to it?”

I sighed. “Pretty much.”

“Why? Why didn’t you say something?”

“Really, Ryder? You know the answer. The same reason you haven’t said anything to your mom.”

He pulled his hand free and stared at me. “No. That’s not at all the same.”

“It’s exactly the same. I’m protecting her.”

He scoffed. “From what?”

“Herself.”

The elevator chimed and settled on the ground floor. The doors slid open and I stepped out. Ryder followed. Neither of us said another word the entire way to the car.

He started the ignition but didn’t put the car into gear. I had nothing more to say though and folded my hands into my lap. Further discussions of Mom wouldn’t end well. Clearly he didn’t like who or what she was, but I’d defend her nonetheless because no matter what, she was my mom.

“Will you spend the night with me?”

“Huh?” That wasn’t what I’d expected.

“I want you stay with me tonight but I understand if you’re mad and don’t want to.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

He tugged his metal hoop between his teeth. “I should’ve stayed out of your family business and I’m sorry I keep saying shit I shouldn’t.” He turned to me. “I don’t like the thought of anyone hurting you and I’m sorry if I was one of those people right now.”

“Ryder, honest, you didn’t. I’m not mad. I’d just rather not talk about my mom.” I grabbed his hand from where it rested against his bouncing knee.

“I understand.” He wove his fingers through mine. “My mom and stepdad won’t be home until tomorrow night. Do you want to go back to their place?”

“Sure.” I smiled. “But I left my new sleep shirt at my dorm.”

“Doubt you’ll need it.” His gaze trailed down my body.

We picked up food and took it back to his parents’ house. Careful again not to draw the attention of his nosy neighbor, we kept the lights off and snuck to his room. Which was fine by me, especially after Ryder mentioned how much of an anal neat-freak his stepdad was. I worried we’d leave something out of place, and he really didn’t seem to want his parents to know we’d stayed there over the weekend.

Ryder finished off my carton of takeout while I snuggled into him and we watched some crappy horror movie that was terribly predictable.

“Seriously?” I grumbled at the TV.

He laughed. “I wish we had something to drink. We could take a shot every time someone loses a limb.”

“Or every time a girl screams instead of running from the murderer.”

“No way, we’d never make it to the end of the movie. We’d be trashed midway through.”

“True.” I laughed.

Ryder tossed the empty take-out box back in the brown bag. “Of course, we could probably find something to substitute for drinking.”

“Oh, yeah?” I grinned as he scooted down next to me, gaze fixed on my lips. “Uh-oh, that guy just lost his hand,” I whispered.

Ryder leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine. He ran his tongue along the seam of my lips.

“Now he lost a leg,” I said. “And the girl just screamed.”

“You know what that means?” He flipped me onto my back and positioned himself over me.

“That this movie really sucks?”

He laughed. “Yeah, that.” With the remote aimed over his shoulder he flipped off the movie. “And you have to take your clothes off.”

“Why’s that?”

“New rules.”

I laughed as he pushed my shirt over my head. He sprinkled kisses over my collarbone then created a trail to my ear. “I love…”

My breath caught. What did he love?

He paused only long enough to brush his lips over my neck, but I’d counted at least five rapid heartbeats in the space between the start of the sentence and the end.

“…your laugh.” His mouth was warm as it pressed into the soft spot under my jaw.

My laugh. Of course. My face warmed, embarrassed my mind had immediately jumped to a very different answer.

I ran my fingers over his biceps and across his chest. He pressed his hand over mine, locking it against his heart, and stared into my eyes. The tattoo there intrigued me. Or more so, his reaction to me touching it did.

He reached behind his head and tugged his shirt up and off. I ran my finger over a tiny blackbird. “Does this tattoo mean anything?”

“Maybe.” He smiled.

“Well, maybe one day you can tell me.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Or else I’m going to get a cryptic tattoo and not tell you what it means.”

“You? With a tattoo?” His adorable grin damn near did me in.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that? I could get one.”

“You
could,
but I don’t think you
would.
”

“Huh. Well, guess we’ll see about that.” I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips.

“You realize you look about as fierce as a kitten right now.” He ran his thumb over my lips then brought his mouth to mine. His hand moved down my side until he found mine. He pulled it up and interlocked our fingers.

I shifted under him and the full weight of his body came down on me. With my leg wrapped around him, I urged him over. He rolled onto his back, and I sat on top of him. “I’m getting a tattoo.”

He bit his lip, probably to hide his laughter, then said, “I look forward to seeing it.” His gaze burned a trail down my body. “Maybe I should go with you when you get it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Are you going to get a kitten tattoo?”

“Yeah, with some hearts and maybe a rainbow. You should get a matching one since, you know, those are all your favorite things.”

In one quick motion, he sat up and looped his arms under mine, sliding his hands along my shoulder blades. “Brinley Dawson, you, by far, are my most favorite thing.”

I crossed my legs at the ankle behind him and leaned my forehead against his. “Well, just imagine when you get me
with
kittens, hearts and rainbows.”

His deep laugh reverberated in my chest and I smiled. With a slow kiss, he ran his tongue over my top lip, then he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth as his arms tightened around me. One hand went to my hair and slid between the strands, fanning them over my shoulder.

“You’re kind of my favorite thing right now too,” I whispered against his lips.

He pulled back and stared into my eyes. His thumb brushed down the side of my cheek as he traced my jaw with his hand and in that moment my heart pretty much burst.

I was falling in love with Ryder Briggs. And that scared me.

I quieted those thoughts, knowing it was too soon, and once I had time to rationalize what was happening, I’d probably figure out it was just some sort of weird emotional reaction to him being my first.

With my hands on his shoulders, I guided him back. His head lay propped on the pillow as I lifted onto my knees and unbuttoned my jeans. He brushed his thumb across my belly button and his eyes glazed over.

I scooted off of him and tugged my jeans down. His gaze never left me as I wriggled out of them. Once I got to my bra and panties, I slid the button of his jeans open. His stomach tightened, adding further definition to his perfect abs as my palm grazed against him. With a finger threaded in a belt loop on each side, I pulled down his pants. He raised himself and helped me ease them off.

With my knee on the mattress, I slid my other leg over to straddle him.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” he asked.

I nodded and leaned forward, pressing our bodies together. He rolled and laid me back. He ran kisses down my chest and over my bra. The heat of his mouth burned through the thin fabric but he made no move to remove it. He kissed lower, running a trail along my abdomen, then slowly made his way back up. This time he tugged my bra down slightly and licked a slow circle around my nipple.

I moaned and he exhaled but moved his mouth up and away from where I really wanted him. He licked my neck and my head swirled. Heat blazed through my body and I wriggled, trying to position him better between my legs. Just as he pressed into me, he shifted and ran kisses over my chest again but this time his hand followed. He cupped one breast and teased at the other. His hand lowered into my panties and he slid his finger between my thighs. His tongue made another slow circle, finally coming to a stop on my nipple. He sucked it into his mouth at the same moment he plunged his finger inside, claiming me in both places.

With a moan, I bucked my hips. The heel of his hand rubbed against me. Something resembling his name slipped out of my mouth, encouraging him. He moved his tongue in little flicks over my nipple, then he planted an open-mouth kiss with gentle pressure. My hand dropped to his boxers and I ran it along his hardness. Groaning, he pushed against my palm.

“Ryder, I need you.” I panted the words. “Now.”

He brought his mouth to mine and asked, “What do you need? Tell me what you want, Brinley.” He curled his finger inside me, finding some hidden spot that left me breathless.

“You. I want you.” My hips rolled with his hand and I gripped his shoulder. “Inside me. Now.”

With that, he tugged my panties off and reached into his nightstand. I yanked his boxers down as he fished out a condom. He tore it open and slipped it on, positioned himself over me and paused.

“Now, Ryder.”

He hesitated for a second, his eyes focused on mine.

I nodded.

He pressed his lips to mine in a gentle kiss and slid into me. A moan tore free from my mouth as he filled me.

Ryder watched my reaction then pulled out and glided back in. He rocked his hips forward as I rolled under him in perfect harmony. Flawlessly synced as one. His kisses were tender and he brushed my hair back.

His eyes were locked on mine, and when I tilted my head and allowed my eyelids to drift shut, he whispered my name.

They fluttered open.

His gaze never left mine as he eased himself in and out. The sensation was intense but the look in his eyes undid me.

“Beautiful,” he said.

My throat tightened and I bit my lip. Last night had been amazing, but this…this was beyond words.

His green eyes flicked over my face, studying my lips, nose, cheeks. Like an artist with a pencil he etched my image into his memory and I did the same with his. Everything about this moment was committed to that tiny part of my mind where I stored things I never wanted to forget. Until this point, I hadn’t had many, but this one alone filled the void. And right then, I said to hell with caution, fear, uncertainty…and let it fill my heart as well.

Early the next morning, Ryder’s bedroom door flung open with a bang.

A man barked, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Ryder and I bolted upright and stared at the tall man in khakis and a polo standing in the doorway.

“Fuck, Jeff, close the goddamn door,” Ryder hollered.

The man glanced at me, his gaze fixed on something.

Oh my God. I was in my bra. And Jeff was very aware of that.

Ryder threw the blanket over me and clenched his jaw. “Get the fuck out.”

“You don’t talk to me like that, son.”

“I’m not your son and I’ll talk however I damn well please. Now close the goddamn door and let us get some clothes on.”

Jeff glanced at the blanket knotted in my fist against my chest.

Ryder jumped up, wearing only his boxers, and positioned himself in front of me, shielding me from view.

Jeff said, “Meet me downstairs in ten minutes. That’s an order.”

Ryder clenched his fist. “I don’t take—”

The man stepped out and slammed the door.

“Fuck,” Ryder yelled.

Mortified, I picked up my shirt and pulled it over my head, then hung my legs over the side of the bed and reached for my jeans.

“I’m sorry.” He grabbed his jeans and stepped into them.

“Is that your stepdad?”

“Yeah.” He sank down next to me on the bed. “He wasn’t supposed to be home until tonight.” He scrubbed his hands over his face then ran them through his hair. “I’m really sorry about that. I feel like such an asshole.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know he’d be home early.”

“Let me talk to him and then I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

I handed him his shirt and he pulled it on.

He left the room and I tugged my jeans on. My heart still pounded from the sudden wake-up call. Well, that combined with the way Jeff had stared at me. It stirred memories better forgotten. At least Ryder had been there to shield me. I hoped Jeff didn’t give him too much hell, or vice versa. I just wanted to leave. Talk about embarrassing.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face then attempted to smooth my hair. Back in Ryder’s room, I sat on his bed and waited. Muffled voices seeped in. They grew louder and I tiptoed to the door. Leaning against it, I listened.

Ryder said something I couldn’t quite make out, then Jeff yelled, “You don’t live here anymore, son. You can’t bring girls here to screw.”

“Oh, right, because that’s your job. In fact, looked like you were enjoying the view quite nicely in there.” Ryder’s tone was strained and filled with contempt.

“Just keep your late-night fucks out of my home.”

There was a loud banging and then Ryder said, “You talk about her like that again and I’ll finish breaking everything I missed the first time.” A pounding echoed down the hall as he raced upstairs.

I stumbled to the bed and plopped down with my hands in my lap. The door flew open.

“C’mon.”

I stood and, with his hand on my back, Ryder guided me downstairs and toward the front door. Jeff stood in the kitchen, adjusting a lopsided picture hanging on the wall. He eyed me up and down and I turned away.

Ryder unlocked his car and I jumped inside. Everything about him in that moment screamed volatile, from his knuckles whitening as he gripped the steering wheel to his eyes, dark with anger. I sat quietly in the car as he backed out of the driveway and pulled onto the road. As soon as we coasted through his neighborhood and onto the highway that led to campus, he reached for my hand, curling his over mine.

I stared at our interlocked fingers and glanced at him. His jaw was set in a hard line as he stared at the road. I flipped his hand in my lap and lightly traced my nails across his wrist, up his forearm then back down. Slowly the tension in his face faded.

“Only you could give me a huge fucking hard-on when I’m this pissed.”

My hand froze.

He chuckled.

I grinned. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, I am.” He glanced at me as he changed lanes. “I’m sure you heard what he said. And I’m sorry. You’re not just some girl. You know that, right?”

“I hoped I wasn’t.”

“You’re not. Don’t ever think that.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“I hate that asshole. Fuck.” He slammed his hand onto his steering wheel. “I hate him.”

“It takes a lot of energy to hate people. Maybe you should just say fuck him.”

“Is that what you do?”

Though he didn’t come right out with it, I felt like the unspoken subject of the question was my mother.

I angled toward him. “You know, it kind of empowers people when you hate them. It’s a very strong emotion, and if you hate someone, you are allowing them to elicit that from you. I think some people don’t deserve my feelings. I’d rather save them for the people who do. And, really, anyone who would warrant my hate isn’t worth my time.”

He exited the highway and turned onto one of the main roads through campus. “You know, you’re pretty fucking amazing, Brinley. And you’re right. There are better emotions than hate.”

Back at my dorm, Ryder walked me upstairs. I leaned against the wall outside my room and he rested his hand above my head. On my tiptoes, I kissed him and he grinned down at me.

“See you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m planning on studying at the library tomorrow after class. But we can meet for lunch before.”

“What, you think I don’t study?” He frowned. “Oh, wait, you assumed I’m also gifted with natural intelligence.”

I kept my expression serious. “You’re not?”

“Well, actually, again, yes, I am. But sometimes I like to read the textbooks—you know, for fun.”

“In that case, if you want to read for fun, you’re welcome to join me.” I opened my room door and slipped inside.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

A flash of light drew my attention away from him.

Fallon sat at her desk with her phone and a grin. “So when’s the honeymoon?”

“Did you just take a picture?” I asked.

“I needed to capture this moment, you know, for the wedding album.”

“You’re hilarious,” I said, my cheeks warming.

“Can I see it?” Ryder asked as he walked over to Fallon. She handed him her phone and he smiled. “Mind sending it to me?”

“No problem. What’s your number?”

He handed the phone back so she could type in his number.

A moment later, his phone chimed and he glanced at the screen. “Nice. Thanks.” He tucked it in his pocket and strolled out of the room. “See you later.”

His crooked smile was ridiculous. No one should be that freaking hot.

When I didn’t respond, he chuckled.

I snapped out of my trance. “Bye,” I muttered, and shut the door behind him.

“Oh my God,” Fallon snorted. “You’ve got it bad.”

I plopped on the bed and sighed. “Do you blame me?”

“Actually, no. He’s delectable. I think someone needs to clone him and turn him into a sex toy. Like a live-action one. My birthday’s in a month, so feel free to snag some of his DNA and see what you can do to make that happen. Put that biology degree to good use.”

I laughed. “Yeah, okay. Ryder sex toy. On it.”

“I knew rooming with you would eventually pay off.” She stuffed her laptop into her messenger bag. “I need to get going. I’m meeting Leena for coffee. Want to come?”

“Thanks, but I’m going to catch up on some work and call it an early night. I’m exhausted.”

“I bet. You little slut. Here I’ve spent the whole weekend prepping for that damn internship interview and you were off being fucked senseless. Ugh, so not fair.”

“That’s right! When’s your interview?”

“Wednesday. But no talking about it. Bad karma.”

“Oh, sorry. I forgot.” I mimed zipping my lips.

“See you later.” She grinned and opened the door.

Mason stood there with his hand up, prepared to knock. “Hey.” Lowering it, he stepped in as she left the room.

“Hey.”

“How’s your grandma?”

“She’s recovering. She should be released today.”

“That’s good.” Mason sat on my bed and stared at my bookshelf. “I came by to check on you last night, but you weren’t here.”

The lavender polish was chipping on my nails. I picked at it, flicking off small pieces. “Um, I didn’t come home last night.”

“So you were with Ryder this weekend?”

I nodded, figuring I might as well get it all out. Mason didn’t seem to have plans to drop the conversation. “We stayed at his parents’ house. It’s closer to the hospital.” That wasn’t a total lie.

“You met his family?”

“His parents were out of town but his stepdad came home early. I met him this morning.” Again, not a total lie.

Mason chewed the inside of his cheek as he processed what I’d said. “So, you two are pretty serious?”

“I told you we were dating.”

“Hmm, yeah.” He tilted his head to the side and popped his neck. He clenched his jaw and tapped his fingers. “Did you sleep with him?”

“Mason, you’re my best friend and I want to be able to talk with you but if you’re going to get weird about things…”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Look, tell me what you want and I promise to be cool. I just hope you don’t feel like you have to keep secrets from me. But I get it, and if it makes you uncomfortable sharing this kind of stuff, you don’t have to.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s hard, you know. Things are already changing. We’re growing apart.”

He didn’t know I’d heard what he’d told Ryder the day before, but it all made even more sense now. This wasn’t just about his distrust of Ryder, it was the fear of where our friendship was headed. And he was right, things had changed lately, but my feelings toward him hadn’t.

I sat next to him on the bed and leaned my head on his shoulder. “You’ll always be my best friend. No one could ever replace you.”

“Obviously.”

I laughed.

“And the feeling is mutual,” he said. “Now, my roommate is being an annoying dick and I need a nap.” He made himself comfortable sprawled across my bed, and patted the spot next to him.

I tucked into him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Okay, so tell me the real story about your grandma. No more ‘she’s fine.’ That may be the quick answer, but it’s not the true answer. How are you handling things? Was your mom there?”

I’d done a good job keeping most of my emotions locked away, but now, with Mason here, I let it all out. And he listened with a level of understanding nobody else could have, confirming my feelings about my best friend. He was irreplaceable.

The next day Ryder walked me back to my room after studying at the library. Though he was a huge distraction, I also discovered he was extremely smart. His being so damn perfect was giving me a complex and only made my crush that much harder.

Fallon sat on her bed, gnawing her fingernail. She slammed her laptop shut when I stepped through the door. She glanced at Ryder, narrowed her eyes, then stared at me. “We need to talk,” she blurted.

“Um, sure.” I faced Ryder. “See you later.”

Fallon made a sound of disgust and we both glanced at her. She shook her head and turned her back to us, while hugging her laptop to her chest.

I shrugged at Ryder and he smiled.

“See you tomorrow.” He waved then disappeared down the hall.

“What’s up?” I plopped onto my bed and kicked off my flip-flops.

“First off, let me just say I’m really sorry. I know you like him a lot. But I think you deserve the truth and, well, I’d rather you hear it from me before it’s blasted all over campus.”

“What in the world are you talking about?” My bed bounced as I reached for my pillow and tucked it into my lap.

“Remember my friend Mel?”

“Yeah, the one I met at the frat party. Her roommate was the dance major. Leena, right?”

“Yeah, that’s them. Well, Mel is a staff writer for
The Sutton Star
and they are covering some big campus scandal. It makes the university look bad since it involves students, so they are, of course, eating it up at the paper.” She sat on her bed, across from me. “It seems a large group of guys are participating in a competition and running a website where they track what they are doing. Someone outed them. Turned over the website login and everything, giving the paper full access to the site.”

“What kind of competition?”

“They are ranking female students and competing with one another over them to earn points.”

“Like that website that ranked people on looks?”

“Sort of, but in this case they get points for getting into girls’ pants.”

My palms dampened and my pulse sped. “Any girl?”

“No, specific girls. They are added and then ranked. Based on their level of attractiveness, they are assigned a point value.”

My stomach churned. “So, like, a guy sleeps with a girl then the other guys decide how many points she’s worth?”

“Um, no. Girls get added then guys compete to see who can sleep with her first. It’s crazy how involved this is, but they have an elaborate point system with bonus points and everything.” She stared at her hands, then at me. “There are points for sex in unusual places, more than once in a twenty-four period, everything. Even virgin bonus points.”

I swallowed. “Places like…your parents’ house?”

She didn’t make eye contact as she said, “Maybe. I don’t remember all the details.”

My entire body felt numb, yet my insides quaked. My stomach rolled with anxiety and my heart sat heavy in my chest. “Is Ryder a part of this group?”

She frowned as she reached for her laptop. “Mel emailed me these. I just wanted you to see them for yourself. When the story goes live, the website will probably disappear but the paper took screen shots. When they run the article, faces will be blurred in these photos but…well, see for yourself.”

She handed me her laptop and I stared at a picture of myself. I had no idea where it came from or when it was even taken. It was a candid shot, maybe when I was in conversation with someone. I was wearing a sweater my grandma had given me for Christmas, so it had to be in January. Next to my photo was my name and stats. It had my age, my classification as freshman, a point value based on “hotness” and then the word “bonus,” followed by the word “virgin.”