Just a Kiss: The Bradfords, Book 5 (20 page)

But…

“Sex complicates things. It scrambles your brain,” Kevin said, looking pointedly at Dooley, knowing his friend would agree. He’d been scrambled by Morgan. “I need to make sure that what I’m feeling for Eve is more than leftover lust and the fact that it’s been a really long time.”

“Why else would you have just talked to a naked girl that you’ve been in love with forever?” Dooley asked, leading the way into the break room.

“So you really don’t ever talk to Morgan?” Kevin asked, knowing it wasn’t true.

“Not when she’s naked. Unless it’s dirty.” Dooley opened the fridge and took out two Cokes. “Did you talk dirty?”

Kevin thought about changing the subject. It would be easier. But instead he said, “Yes.”

Mac’s eyes widened and he totally missed the can of Coke Dooley tossed to him. Sam dropped a donut.

“You did not,” Sam said.

“
You
talked dirty?” Mac asked.

“I did.”

“No way.”

“I did,” he insisted.

“Give me an example,” Sam said, hands on his hips, clearly not believing Kevin capable of dirty talk.

“I’m not talking dirty to you, Sam.”

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

Kevin smiled. “Saying these things to a guy would be a first for me.”

“You don’t know dirty words,” Sam decided, picking up his donut.

“You’ve heard me swear,” Kevin pointed out. He’d known these guys a long time.

“Yeah, but a well-placed ‘fuck’ when you’re mad or frustrated is different from a ‘fuck yeah’ or ‘oh fuck’ during sex,” Mac said.

Kevin laughed. “Thanks for explaining that. Okay, I used the word cock. More than once.”

Sam stared at him.

“To Eve?” Mac asked.

“Yes.”

“You said cock to the preacher’s daughter?” Mac asked again.

Kevin grinned. “Yes.”

“What did she think of that?”

“She liked it.” He had to swallow hard remembering how much she’d liked it.

“Then we definitely need to help you remember how to do this,” Sam said. “You’ve gotta keep this one around and happy.”

Kevin sighed. “I don’t need help—”

“We can get you pictures, videos, whatever you need,” Sam interrupted.

Kevin smiled and rolled his eyes. “Gee, really? They make pictures and videos of sex? Who knew? And what will Dani and Sara think of that?”

Sam scoffed and Mac chuckled.

“For you?” Sam asked. “You can get away with anything with our girls.”

They were all finally in their uniforms and had food and drink so they headed for the couches. The ER was quiet at the moment. That could change in a heartbeat, so eating right away was important.

“So what’s the deal with you?” Sam asked as he chewed.

“The deal?” Kevin asked.

“With you and Eve. Your history. Like what happened with you?”

“It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got twelve hours if everyone out there behaves tonight,” Mac said, propping his feet on the coffee table.

This was how and where they spent a lot of their time. Unless, of course, people drove recklessly or decided to shoot each other.

“You really want to hear this?” Kevin asked.

“Of course. It’s about damned time a woman’s crazy about you and you can do something about it,” Sam said.

“A woman who likes the word cock,” Mac had to add.

“Eve’s dad got assigned to the church in Grover and they moved to town our junior year,” Kevin said quickly. He didn’t need them talking about Eve and the dirty talk any more. It was hard enough to keep his mind off of the couch last night. “I didn’t really notice her at first. She wasn’t in any of my classes and we didn’t exactly hang with the same social crowd. I wasn’t about to seek out the minister’s daughter, no matter how cute the guys said she was. Me and my friends skipped a lot of class, drank a lot of beer and kissed a lot of girls.”

“No Bible studies for you?” Mac said with a grin.

“Not exactly,” Kevin agreed. “My life was all about football, baseball and having fun. But then, senior year, I walked into Algebra II and there she was. She was way too good for me but once she smiled at me, I was a goner.”

The guys knew exactly what he was talking about. They’d all gone down hard for their girls.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I started sitting next to her, walking with her after class. She was sweet and a little shy and it was obvious she had no idea what to do with attention from a guy like me.”

“That doesn’t sound like the girl we met in the restaurant who said she couldn’t believe how much she wanted to kiss you,” Sam said.

“Yeah, she…didn’t stay shy,” Kevin said.

That was an understatement. Eve had blossomed with his attention, his flirting, his compliments. It was clear that no one had ever thought she walked on water—probably because her family had been so focused on the guy who’d literally walked on water—and that being adored was exactly what Eve needed.

“You were her first?” Sam asked.

Absolutely. He’d been her first everything. “She wasn’t allowed to date,” he said. “She could only go to church youth group functions and school dances with boys from church. Nothing else. So, I started showing up at church. I figured maybe I could put some time in before Homecoming. But her dad still said no. I showed up at the dance alone and monopolized her time and attention all night, but it wasn’t enough.”

It had seemed that he could never get enough of her. It drove him crazy that her father didn’t see how much he cared, how much he wanted to take care of her.

“So then I started going to youth group meetings, thinking that I could get a date for the Christmas dance. But her dad didn’t like me and still said no.” He’d always suspected it had to do with his parents not going to church too. Eve’s dad had wanted a good boy from a good family, not some kid who showed up and took up space in the pew which, admittedly, was what Kevin had been doing.

He liked to think that some of it had sunk in. He’d heard the sermons. But that wasn’t the same thing as really
getting
it, really feeling it and believing.

That was what her father had wanted and, frankly, Kevin couldn’t blame him.

“Then I started doing charity work looking toward Prom. I helped with food drives, community service, all that stuff. But the cool thing was, all the time in youth group and with the charities, Eve got to know me. She started sneaking out to see me, spending time with me when she was supposed to be doing other things. We were totally in love and when her dad said no to Prom, I proposed. And she said yes. Secretly, of course.”

“Wow. You were, what, eighteen?” Mac asked.

“Yep. And crazy about her. Couldn’t live without her. Willing to do anything to have her with me.” He took a deep breath, staring into his coffee cup. “I was so afraid that she’d wake up one morning and believe her dad instead of me. That she’d realize she was way too good for me.”

“So you eloped?” Sam asked. “That took balls.”

“The night of graduation. The minute we were free.”

Several moments went by and finally Sam asked, “And then what?”

Kevin looked up. “We went back to Grover, planning to tell everyone. But when she was face to face with her dad she chickened out.”

“And you walked away,” Mac said.

He knew it sounded like an over-reaction but he could still feel that knife of betrayal and hurt. And the realization that when it came right down to it…he really wasn’t good enough. Not good enough to fight her father for, anyway.

“I told myself that if she didn’t want me, I didn’t want her.”

“We know the stories about college and those years in the NFL,” Sam said. “You went crazy, I guess.”

“Yep. Football, booze and women took up the next few years.”

“What she’d do?”

“Went to college in Kearney. I didn’t hear her name or see her again for years. But I thought about her all the time.”

“What makes you think those feelings can still be real this long after the fact?” Mac asked.

He’d been thinking of little else so he was ready for this. “Because Eve is one of those people who doesn’t change. She’s more mature and has life experience now, but she’s a steady soul. She knows what she believes and she lives her life accordingly. I can count on that,” Kevin said.

“But you couldn’t count on her right after you married her,” Mac said. “She backed out of the whole thing. Doesn’t that make you a little…cautious now? Like maybe playing house on the first day together is a little fast?”

“Yes,” Kevin admitted. “But…I’m
better now.”

“Better?” Mac said with a frown. “What’s that mean?”

“I’m not messing around anymore,” Kevin said, pushing to his feet and pacing a few strides before turning. “I’m not in church to get her attention, I’m there because I want to be. I save lives for a living. I work at the Youth Center and…everything I do is good and right.”

Sam was scowling. “You don’t have to convince us, Kevin. We know you’re a great guy.”

“It’s that I…” Kevin really wanted to explain this to them. Because then maybe he’d understand it too. “I’m not doing it for her now. I wanted to be the right guy. The perfect guy. I wanted to be the guy who would deserve Eve.”

“But you’re—”

He held up his hand, stopping Dooley. “Now I’m a guy Eve would want to be with, but I didn’t do it
for
her. I did it for the right reasons, not to get a girl. I don’t have to prove myself anymore. And I don’t have to pretend to be better than I really am.”

“What are you talking about?” Now Dooley was frowning as hard as Sam was.

Kevin worked through the words as he paced from one end of the room to the other. These feelings, these realizations had been bubbling below the surface since he’d first faced Eve in the restaurant. He had felt the old urge to stand up straighter and smooth down his cowlick. But he didn’t need to do that anymore.

“I know what it feels like to be important and wanted and admired. I spent all those years as the big star because I could knock other guys down and could hit the ball over the outfield fence. But that was never hard. That was never something I had to work at. And there wasn’t a purpose, really. I wasn’t useful
unless I was in uniform. And then, really only if the bases were loaded or the other team was inside the ten yard line.”

He sighed. It sounded like he was whining when there were hundreds of guys who would have given anything to play ball like he had. His athletic ability had paid for his college degree, it had allowed him to have a healthy chunk of money in the bank and he’d gotten to travel and meet some cool people. And he’d enjoyed it.

Still, the work he’d done with the at-risk teens who may or may not remember his name in ten years, felt like more than anything he’d ever done on the field. For sure helping out and getting to know Dooley’s family meant more. As did the time he spent with Barb, Katherine and Dorothy, the older women he and the guys looked after.

“I married Eve because she was the best person, the best actual person
inside
, that I’d ever met. She was the first girl who had standards and whose father wanted more from me than my football stats. I felt like if I could be important to her, then it would really mean something. And I thought if I could bind her to me forever, really make her
mine
, then the rest of the world would see something in me besides a means to a championship trophy.”

Mac looked concerned as he leaned forward. “And now? Do you still feel like you need Eve to prove that you’re a good guy?”

Kevin let the question sink in. He made himself really think about it. Because this was big. He couldn’t stay married to Eve for any reason other than love and wanting to spend his life with her.

Finally, he shook his head. “No. I made something of myself on my own.”

“You sure as hell did,” Sam agreed.

Kevin settled back in the chair, letting his thoughts quiet and a smile emerge.

Mac sat back, still frowning, but less tense. “So you want to be with her because of real feelings? Not because you’re trying to prove something?”

“Yeah.”

They all seemed to relax and breathe.

“Real feelings are good,” Sam finally said, toasting with his cup. “But don’t underestimate the importance of the fact that she likes dirty talk either.”

Kevin laughed, feeling lighter and…free. Free to explore his feelings for Eve and what was
really
between them.

“Now that that’s settled,” Dooley said. “Let’s get back to the discussion about those instructional videos that Kevin needs to see. I know the perfect website to start with.”

Mac got up to get the laptop and Sam made room on the coffee table.

Chapter Seven

Kevin dropped his bag on the foyer of the house with a loud thump.

The eighty-seven minute drive to Grover after his twelve-hour shift was going to be tough.

He wanted to go to Sherry’s, he wanted to call Eve, he wanted to ask her to come over. But he was exhausted. The shift had been quiet for the first two hours. The following ten, not so much.