Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren (3 page)

“Yeah, only I can’t actually discuss this right now, Grace. ’Cause I’m chewing fibers here,” I said.

I opened up to show her.

“See them in there? They are stuck in my teeth, I think.”

After that, I poked all around with my fingernail. And I sucked them out.

I smacked my lips together.

“Good news. I think I’m done,” I said.

That Grace tried to show me her shoes again.

“Yeah, only sorry, Grace. But I still can’t talk yet. ’Cause I have to do something very important.”

Then I leaned back in my seat.

And I closed my eyes.

And I didn’t move for lots of seconds.

All of a sudden, I clapped my hands very joyful.

“Did you
see
me, Grace? Did you see how
calm
I was just then? That’s because I
don’t have sugar in me today! And I can sit still very excellent!”

I hugged her real tight.

“It worked, Grace! The fiber cereal worked! Now I’m not a nutball anymore! And so Handsome Warren will love me just like he loves you!”

That Grace did not look happy.

She bended down and dusted her new shoes.

I bended down there with her.

“How come you’re not happy, Grace? How come you’re not happy that he will love me, too?” I asked.

She did a huffy breath.

“You’re breathing on the shoes,” she said. “Don’t breathe on the shoes.”

Just then, the bus stopped at school.

I looked out the window and clapped my hands real thrilled.

“Grace! Grace! I see Handsome Warren! He’s at the water fountain! And Lucille isn’t even there yet!”

All of a sudden that Grace’s face got very perky.

She zoomed off the bus like a speeding bullet. And she ran to Handsome Warren zippity quick.

I could hear her shouting all over the playground.

“LOOK, WARREN! LOOK AT MY NEW SHOES!” she yelled. “THEY HAVE LIGHTNING ON THE SIDES! SEE?”

She was running in circles around that handsome guy.

“Wanna have a race?” she asked him. “Wanna see how fast I am? Bet you can’t
beat me, Warren! Bet you can’t beat me in a race!”

And so just then, Handsome Warren and that Grace raced all over the playground.

And he couldn’t even beat her.

He came back very pooped.

“Wow,” he said. “You’re the fastest runner I ever saw. Maybe someday you’ll be in the Olympics.”

“I will, Warren!” said that Grace. “I will be in the Olympics someday! Wanna race me again? Huh? Do you?”

Just then, Lucille popped in out of nowhere.

She had on the beautifullest dress I ever saw.

She spinned all around.

“Ooooo, Lucille. You look like a royal highness in that thing,” I said.

“I know it,” she said. “This is the kind of dress that
princesses
wear. It is made out of rich red velvet.”

She twirled in front of Handsome Warren.

“This dress costed over one hundred and
fifty dollars…
not
including tax,” she said.

All of a sudden, Handsome Warren’s eyes got big and wide.

“Wow! You must be the richest girl in the whole school!” he said.

Lucille fluffed her hair.

“I am,” she said. “I
am
the richest girl in the whole school, Warren. Guess how much my shoes cost? Just guess, okay?”

Just then I jumped right in front of that guy’s face.

“Hello. How are you today?” I said very pleasant. “I am fine. I am fine and calm.”

He backed up from me.

“Yeah, only you don’t even have to be afraid,” I said. “’Cause I ate fibers for breakfast. And I am so calm I could go to sleep, probably. Want to see me? Huh, Warren? Want to see me go to sleep?”

I plopped down in the grass.

“Look, Warren. See me down here? I am not even laughing and rolling. I am just being calm. And that’s all.”

I put my head on the ground.

“Watch me go to sleep, Warren. Watch me. Watch me.”

I closed my eyes and opened them again.

“Did you see that, Warren? Huh? Did you see me go to sleep? See? I
told
you I was calm. Didn’t I? Huh? Didn’t I tell you?”

Handsome Warren looked and looked at me.

Then he did the cuckoo sign.

And he walked away to the swings.

And Lucille and that Grace walked with him.

That night at dinner, a great idea came in my head.

It came during my macaroni.

“HEY! I JUST THOUGHT OF IT!” I shouted. “I JUST THOUGHT OF HOW TO GET THAT HANDSOME GUY TO LOVE ME!”

I stuffed in more macaroni.

“HURRY, EVERYBODY! EAT! EAT!
WE GOTTA GET TO THE MALL BEFORE IT CLOSES!”

Just then, two macaronis fell out of my mouth. And onto the floor. And my dog named Tickle ate them.

Daddy made a face.

“Hey, hey, hey! Slow down! What’s the hurry?” he said.

“We gotta get to the mall! That’s what’s the hurry! We have to buy me a princess dress! Plus also I need some shoes with lightning!”

Mother and Daddy looked funny at me.

That’s how come I had to explain all about Handsome Warren. And how he loved Lucille’s princess dress. And how he loved Grace’s fast shoes.

“And so now
I
will get a princess dress! Plus also I will get shoes with lightning! And
then Warren will love
me
, too!”

I wiped my mouth with my hand. Then I quick jumped down from my chair.

“’Scuse me, please! ’Scuse me from the table! ’Cause I’m all filled up!”

I runned down the hall. And zoomed into the nursery.

The nursery is where my baby brother named Ollie lives.

“YOU GUYS DO THE DISHES!” I hollered to Mother and Daddy. “I’LL PUT OLLIE’S SWEATER ON HIS HEAD! ’CAUSE THAT WILL SAVE US TIME, I THINK!”

I quick climbed into Ollie’s crib.

Then I tried to pull that baby’s sweater on him. Only his giant head didn’t fit through the hole.

He waked up from his nap.

Then he started to cry very loud.

I heard loud feet running in the hall.

“JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” yelled an angry voice.

It was Mother.

She runned in the room. And picked up baby Ollie.

She patted his giant head.

“That’s quite a melon he has there,” I said very quiet.

Baby Ollie kept on crying.

“Want me to get a leash?” I asked Mother. “Let’s put him on a leash, okay? ’Cause he is all jazzied up, I think. And so how will we even control him at the mall?”

Mother rolled her eyes way back in her head.

“We’re not
going
to the mall, Junie B.,” she said. “We are not going anywhere.”

I stamped my foot.

“Yes!” I said. “We
have
to! We
have
to go to the mall to get my princess dress! And my shoes with lightning. Or else that boy will not love me, I tell you!”

Mother closed her eyes. She did some deep breaths.

Her voice got softer.

“Okay. I want you to listen to me. And I want you to listen carefully,” she said. “You don’t make friends by wearing new dresses
or shoes with lightning. You make new friends by being fun to be with. And by being nice to people. And by caring about their feelings.”

She lifted me out of the crib.

“And
honesty
is important, too, Junie B.,” she said. “You have to be
honest
with people. And that means that you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not.”

She smoothed my hair.

“You’re
not
Lucille, Junie B. And you’re not Grace, either. You’re just
you.
You’re just Junie B. Jones. And believe me, that’s a big enough job for
anyone
.”

I did a sniffle. Also I did a snort and a swallow.

“Yeah, only I
know
I am Junie B. Jones,” I said. “I just want to be Junie B. Jones in a
princess
dress.”

I put my head on her shoulder.

“Didn’t you ever want a princess dress when you were a little girl?” I asked. “Huh, Mother? Didn’t you?”

Mother didn’t answer. She was thinking it over probably.

Just then, I looked over her shoulder.

I saw a new toy on baby Ollie’s shelf.

“Hey! What’s that, Mother? What’s that on that shelf there? Is that a new teddy bear I see?”

I runned and pulled that guy down.

“Look, Mother! Look what this bear is wearing! It is a ribbon made out of rich, red velvet! And that is
’zactly
the kind of cloth I’ve been looking for!”

I took the bow off the teddy. And I held it next to my hair.

“How do I look? Huh, Mother? Do I
look like a beautiful princess? Do I look gorgeous? Huh? Do I?”

Just then, I felt happy and sparkly inside.

I quick kissed Mother and zoomed out of the room.

’Cause maybe there was more princess clothes right in my very own house!

The next day, that Grace saw me on the bus.

Her mouth came all the way open.

I smiled very gorgeous.

“I know why you’re looking at me like that, Grace,” I said. “Mother said when people saw me, they would be speechless.”

I fluffed my hair.

“Speechless is when your mouth can’t speech,” I explained.

That Grace pointed at my neck.

“What is
that
? Is that a
dog
collar you’re wearing?” she said.

I laughed and laughed at her.

“You sillyhead, Grace!” I said. “Don’t you know anything? This is a lovely collar of jewels! It is the kind of jewels that princesses wear! Only I didn’t even know we had this gorgeous thing! I found it where Mother keeps the dog food. Only I don’t actually know why it got put there.”

I holded out my arms.

“And did you notice
these
, Grace? Did you notice my long white princess gloves? They are the kind of gloves that Cinderella wears. And Cinderella is a real, actual princess. Plus also she does floors.”

I pointed at my head.

“And what about this golden crown I am wearing? It is from a real actual Dairy
Queen! Plus, also I have red velvet bows on my sneakers! And Mother even drew lightning on their sides. Just like yours!”