Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren (2 page)

Just then, I heard a different voice.

“JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?”

It was my teacher.

Her name is Mrs.

She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.

I smiled kind of nervous.

“I am trying to get a message to Grace,” I said very soft.

Mrs. hurried up to my table.

“Never
ever
stand up in your chair, Junie
B.,” she said. “You could fall off and break something.”

“Yeah!” shouted a meanie boy named Jim. “She could break the
floor
with her hard
head
!”

I made a fist at that kid.

“PLUS ALSO I COULD BREAK YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BEAN BRAIN!” I hollered back.

Mrs. plopped me back in my seat.

“That’s enough,” she grouched. “I mean it, Junie B. Not one more word.”

After that, I stayed in my chair very good. And I did my work.

I did my spelling.

And my arithmetic.

And my printing.

Also, I drew a sausage patty on my arm.

Only that wasn’t even an assignment.

That is called
working on your own
.

Pretty soon, Mrs. clapped her loud hands together.

“Okay, everyone. It’s almost time for recess. Pass in your papers and line up at the door.”

Mrs. looked at me.

“And please…let’s be ladies and gentlemen about it.”

Ladies and gentlemen
means No Trampling Thy Neighbor.

It is a Ten Commandments, I think.

Me and Lucille held hands.

“Now you’re gonna introduce me. Right, Lucille? Now I’m gonna get to meet that handsome boy.”

Just then, that Grace runned up behind us.

I was happy to see her.

“Grace! Grace! Guess what? Lucille is going to introduce us to Handsome Warren! ’Cause you and me are big pigs, that’s why!”

That Grace looked upset at me.

“I am
not
a big pig,” she said.

I quick whispered in her ear. “Yeah, only
we’re not
really
big pigs, Grace. We just have to
say
we’re big pigs. Or else Lucille thinks we will steal her boyfriend. Get it?”

That Grace got it.

“I am a giant stink hog,” she said to Lucille.

And so after that, all of us skipped to the swing set very happy.

We sat down. And waited for Room Eight to come out.

We waited a real long time.

Then all of a sudden, Room Eight opened their door! And Handsome Warren came out of there!

Lucille runned to him and grabbed his hand.

She pulled him to the swings to meet us.

“
That
is Grace. And
that
is Junie B. Jones,” she said to Handsome Warren.

He waved very cute and friendly.

I quick hided behind my hands.

’Cause all of a sudden I felt shy of that guy.

I peeked through my fingers.

“Peekaboo. I see you,” I said.

Then I laughed and laughed. ’Cause I’m a laugh a minute, that’s why.

I kept on laughing at that funny joke.

Only too bad for me.

’Cause after while, I couldn’t even stop.

I was out of control, I think.

I holded my sides and fell on the ground.

Then I rolled and laughed and rolled and laughed. All around in the grass.

Handsome Warren looked nervous of me.

He backed up.

“What a nutball,” he said very soft.

Then he turned around. And walked away.

And Lucille and that Grace walked with him.

Mrs. blew her whistle.

That means
come in from recess
.

Lucille and that Grace ran to get me.

’Cause I was still in the grass, that’s why.

Lucille was happy and sparkly.

“Didn’t you
lov
e him, Junie B.? Wasn’t he so handsome? He was even handsomer up close, don’t you think? He was nice, too. Wasn’t he nice?”

That Grace was happy and sparkly, too.

“He said he liked my high tops,” she told me.

“He said he liked my dress,” said Lucille.

“He said I was a nutball,” I said.

Lucille twirled all around.

“Not me,” she said. “He didn’t say
I
was a nutball. That’s because he loves me!”

That Grace jumped high in the air.

“Me too! He loves me, too!” she said real squealy.

Just then, Lucille stopped twirling.

She crossed her arms.

“No, Grace,” she said. “He does
not
love you, too. He only loves me. ’Cause I saw him first. And you’re not allowed to steal him away, remember?”

That Grace crossed
her
arms, too.

“I’m not
stealing
him away, Lucille. He just automatically loves me on his own. And
there’s nothing I can do about it,” she said.

I tugged on Lucille’s dress.

“How come he said I was a nutball, do you think? Why did he have to say that dumb thing?”

Lucille didn’t pay attention to me. She kept on being mad at that Grace.

“I knew it!” she grouched. “I knew this was going to happen, Grace! You’re trying to steal my boyfriend! Junie B. said you wouldn’t! But you are!”

She looked down at me.

“Tell her, Junie B.! Tell Grace she can’t steal my boyfriend!”

I looked curious at her.

“I am not a nutball. Am I? Am I a nutball?” I said. “I am not a nutball.”

Just then, that Grace leaned close to Lucille’s nose.

“I CAN LOVE ANYBODY I WANT TO, LUCILLE!” she hollered in her face.

“NO, YOU CAN
NOT
, GRACE!”

“YES, I CAN,
TOO
, LUCILLE!”

I tapped on both their ankles.

“How many think I’m a nutball? Raise your hand,” I said.

Just then, Mrs. blew her whistle again.

And so I stood up from the grass. And I walked to Room Nine all by myself.

’Cause I couldn’t stop thinking about being a nutball, that’s why.

I thought about it the whole rest of the day.

I didn’t even talk.

Not at Show-and-Tell.

Not at snacktime.

Not even when I got on the bus to ride home.

That Grace sat down next to me. She was happy and sparkly again.

“I
know
he loves me better than Lucille,” she said. “I’m positive he does. And he
hasn’t even seen how fast I can run yet.”

She poked me with her finger.

“Who do you think he likes better? Me or Lucille? And tell the truth,” she said.

I still didn’t talk.

That Grace jiggled me.

“How come you’re not talking, Junie B.?” she asked. “How come you’re not answering me? Are you sick? Do you have a sore throat?”

Just then, her eyes opened real wide. And her whole mouth came open.

“Ohhhhh…I know why you’re not talking. It’s because you’re upset, right? You’re upset that you’re a nutball.”

I spinned around at her very quick.

“I am
not
a nutball, Grace! I am just a regular normal girl. And I don’t even know why that boy had to call me that!”

“
I
do,” said that Grace. “I know why he called you that. It’s because you couldn’t stop laughing. And you fell in the grass. And you rolled all around down there.”

I stared at her.

“Yeah? So?” I said.

“So that’s how nutballs act,” said that Grace. “And I should know. ’Cause I have a nutball right in my own personal family.”

I raised up my eyebrows.

“You do?” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “My two-year-old brother Jeffie is a nutball. Every time we go to the mall, we have to put him on a leash. Or else he tackles people. And then he hides in the clothes and Security has to come.”

She looked at me very suspicious.

“Did
you
ever do that, Junie B. Jones? Hmmm? Did
you
ever tackle people? And
hide in the clothes and Security had to come?”

I quick looked away from her.

’Cause that is my own personal beeswax.

“Jeffie’s not allowed to eat sugar cereal anymore, either,” said that Grace. “My mother thinks the sugar gets him all jazzied up.”

She raised one eyebrow very curious.

“Do
you
eat sugar cereal for breakfast, Junie B.? Hmmm?
Do
you?” she asked.

I looked away again.

’Cause guess what?

More of my own personal beeswax. That’s what.

It was the next morning.

I gave Tickle my sugar cereal.

I gave him my Sweetie Puffs. And my Crackle Berries. And my Happy Smacky Flakes.

He loved eating that stuff very much.

Then he runned in the living room. And he throwed up on the rug.

Mother screamed real loud.

That’s how come I hided under the sink. But she and Daddy found me there.

They did not handle theirselves that professional.

“WHY, JUNIE B.? WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!” shouted Daddy very loud.

“DO WE HAVE TO WATCH YOU EVERY MINUTE?” shouted Mother very loud.

Just then, my grandma Helen Miller walked in the front door.

“Grandma Miller! Grandma Miller! I love you! I love you!” I shouted.

Then I runned to her speedy fast. And I hided in her coat till Mother and Daddy left for work.

After that, my grandma let me pick a new cereal to eat.

I picked a grown-up kind.

It was the kind with fibers in it.

“This kind is good for me. Right, Grandma? This kind won’t even jazzy me up.”

Then I put that delicious stuff in my mouth.

And I chewed and chewed. Only it didn’t actually grind up that good.

I chewed on it the whole entire morning.

I was still chewing when that Grace got on my school bus.

She ran to me very excited.

“Look, Junie B.! Look what my mother bought me!” she said.

She holded up her foot.

“New running shoes!” she said. “See them? See the lightning stripes on the sides! That means I can run as fast as lightning! And so now Warren will love me the best for sure!”

I pointed at my mouth.