Judith Stacy (17 page)

“Good night, then,” Jana said.

When he left the room, she turned toward the window just as Brandon had done. Darkness had fallen. A few lights were visible in the distance.

So many things were clear in her mind now, where Brandon was concerned. His distance from his family. The peculiar relationship he shared with Leona Albright. His trouble displaying his emotions.

Her abandonment of him had been the worst, she realized. In taking her marriage vows, Jana had made a commitment to him, then ran away into the night without so much as a word. Just as his mother had done. Though a mother’s commitment to her child remained the most important, Jana’s own abandonment of Brandon must have hurt him nearly as much.

As with many men, Brandon derived much of his self-worth from his business success. This was especially true of Brandon’s, where the family had expected little or nothing from him.

And she had just crippled his Jennings project. Yet another bad choice to heap on the mountain of others just like it.

Jana moved away from the window, too restless to sit, too tired to climb the stairs to her bedchamber.

After hearing about what his mother had done to him, how could she leave him?
Again?

She couldn’t. Jana knew in her heart that she couldn’t walk out on Brandon another time. But it wasn’t simply her guilty conscience that kept her here. She’d fallen
in love with her husband all over again. She’d known it for a while now.

Yes, there was still a chance that Brandon would revert to his old ways, to the kind of behavior that had driven her away all those months ago. But after tonight, after his wrenching confession, she couldn’t imagine that he wasn’t sincere in his feelings for her.

She’d tell him everything. The idea sprang into Jana’s head, bringing with it a surge of relief. She would explain about the baby, explain how she’d kept secrets from him, tell him why she’d chosen that course of action.

She’d stand up to his wrath, then ask him if they could stay together.

And if he didn’t forgive her? Well, maybe she didn’t deserve his forgiveness anyway.

A
whole day later and Jana’s decision to confess to Brandon everything she’d done still seemed like a good one.

Now, if she could only
tell
him.

Jana left her dressing room, pulling on her robe atop her pale blue nightgown. Abbie had already turned down the coverlet and vanished, leaving a lamp burning on her writing desk across the room.

All her good intentions had simmered since last night, waiting for the right time to tell Brandon. He’d left early this morning and hadn’t come home yet this evening. He had sent word that he wouldn’t be home until very late.

Jana could only imagine the problems he faced today. The collapse of his Jennings project, angry potential tenants, financial difficulties. While half the city, it seemed, hailed him as the champion for all womankind, the other half was angry with him for the position the
Messenger
had taken.

And as soon as he returned home tonight, Jana wanted to tell him that she’d had his baby and deliberately kept it a secret from him.

“Oh, lovely…”

Jana sat down on her vanity bench and stared at her reflection in the mirror. This evening was hardly the time to tell him. But would there ever be a
good
time for it?

More than anything she wanted to unburden herself of her misdeeds. All of them. Yet heaping them on Brandon after an already difficult day wouldn’t be right.

She’d make an appointment with him. Jana plucked the pins from her hair and let it cascade down her back. Silly as it sounded, she would tell Brandon that she needed to speak with him and ask if he could come home early tomorrow evening. They could sit down together and she would tell him everything, explain herself.

And hope that he would forgive her.

Absently, Jana picked up her brush and ran it through her hair. Late this afternoon she’d run by the women’s refuge and left articles and the Ask Mrs. Avery column in a sealed envelope for Oliver to pick up. With so much time on her hands today, Jana had written several, including “The Value of Good Manners,” “Courtesy on the Street” and “The Etiquette of Stationery,” enough to last for a number of issues of the
Messenger
. Answering the Mrs. Avery letters Oliver had given to her took a bit longer to compose. These were real women with real problems. She thought long and hard before addressing their concerns and giving her advice.

Her advice… Jana gave herself a sour look in the mirror and laid the brush aside. As if she’d done so well with her own life.

Aunt Maureen had been pleased with her decision, though, when Jana had stopped by the hotel and given her the news. Her aunt had always been fond of Brandon and was glad Jana was doing the right thing.

Aunt Maureen predicted Brandon would forgive her. But Jana wasn’t so sure.

A soft knock sounded on the door and Jana waited, expecting Abbie to slip inside. She didn’t, though, and when the knock came again, she answered the door.

Brandon waited outside, leaning against the door casing. Her heart picked up a little at the sight of him looking haggard and worn, but handsome as ever. His necktie was loosened and his collar open.

His gaze dipped, as always, taking her in from head to toe, then settled on her face. He drew in that long, languid breath she’d heard so often, the one that wordlessly spoke of his desire for her.

Suddenly Jana wanted to blurt out everything that was in her heart, everything she’d done and said, every mistake, every bad decision she’d made. More than anything, she wanted to hear Brandon say that he forgave her. That their marriage could be saved and they could be happy together.

But now was not the time. Here she stood wearing nothing but her gown and robe, her hair loose about her shoulders. If she confessed everything now, Brandon
might think she’d dressed this way on purpose to distract him from what she was saying, to use her feminine wiles to gain favor.

No. Now was definitely not the time.

“I just wanted to let you know that I was home,” Brandon said. His voice was low, his tone weary. “I…I didn’t want you to think I’d stayed away because of yesterday.”

“I didn’t think that,” she said. “I figured you had a tough day.”

He nodded but didn’t explain.

“Should I have Mrs. Boone bring you something to eat?” she offered.

Brandon shook his head as if he was too tired to eat. Another moment passed while he just looked at her. Finally, he turned away. “Good night.”

“Brandon?”

He swung back around to face her, a hint of expectation in his gaze.

“I wondered if tomorrow you and I could set aside a time to talk?”

A look of complete despair came over him. “Just tell me now,” he said, his voice flat, lifeless.

Jana gasped. He thought she intended to tell him she was leaving. What else would his reaction mean?

“This is hardly the time,” she said quickly. “You’ve had a miserable day.”

“Jana, please.” He touched his fingers to his forehead. “I can’t have this hanging over my head until tomorrow. Tell me.”

“Well, all right,” she said. “I’ll dress quickly and we can go down to the sitting room—”

“There’s no such thing as you dressing quickly.” Brandon pushed past her into the bedchamber.

“But—”

“Say it, Jana. Whatever it is, just say it.”

His expression told her that he wasn’t sure where this was headed, but he feared the worst. Though these weren’t the circumstances she imagined, Jana went ahead.

She pushed the door closed and faced him. “I’ve done a lot of thinking since I returned, and I’ve come to some decisions.”

Brandon seemed to brace himself, not responding.

“I decided that you’ve worked very hard to change things about yourself,” Jana said. “You’ve tried to understand why I left, and you’ve tried to make me happy here. I decided that your intentions seem genuine.”

His brows drew together in a tight frown. “But…?”

“I decided that I don’t want to wake up another morning and not find you beside me.”

He stilled and tilted his head, as if not sure he trusted himself to believe what she’d said.

“You…you decided—what?”

“After I left you, Brandon, I thought our marriage didn’t matter. If it was over, then perhaps that was for the best,” Jana told him. “I thought I could live with my decision until I returned and saw you that first night. I knew in my heart that I still loved you.”

He didn’t move, made no effort to speak, so Jana continued.

“You’ve shown me that you can be different. I hope you’ve seen that I’ve changed too.” Jana drew in a breath. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Brandon. I’ve made some very bad decisions. I want to tell you all of them, and ask for your forgiveness. And I hope that you’ll still want me to stay with you and be your wife.”

He started, her words finally sinking in, apparently.

“You mean—you’ll stay?”

“Yes,” she told him. “If you’ll have me.”

“And you won’t leave me again?”

“No, Brandon. But you need to hear everything I have to tell you before—”

“We can live as man and wife again?”

“Yes, of course we can. But Brandon, I have other things to tell you. Important things that might influence your decision—”

“When?” He took a step toward her. “Tonight?
Now?
”

“Brandon, please listen to me,” she pleaded. “You don’t know what I’ve done. You might not want to forgive me—”

“I forgive you.” Brandon yanked off his jacket.

“You can’t forgive me,” she insisted. “You don’t even know what I’ve done.”

“Whatever it is, I forgive you.” He threw off his necktie and sent it flying across the room.

“I’ve done something. Something terrible,” she told him.

He stood on one foot, tugged off his shoe and sock, then hopped on the other and did the same.

“Brandon,
please
!”

He strode forward and laid his hands on her shoulders. “If you don’t want to make love tonight, I understand. It’s been a long time and if you’re not ready, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not that—”

“Thank God….” Brandon pulled her against him and buried his nose in her hair.

“Brandon, wait—”

“Ah, Jana, please don’t ask me to wait. Please, I’ve waited so long already….”

She wiggled her arms between them and forced him away.

“I’ve done something terrible, Brandon. Something that you may decide is unforgivable. I want to tell you, explain it, before we—”

“I
know
.” Brandon plucked open the buttons on his shirt and stripped it off. “Outside the hotel today I—never mind the details. I know everything.”

She gasped, touched her fingers to her lips. “You do?”

“Yes.” He dropped his suspenders.

How could he know? How could he possibly know? Unless he’d gone to the hotel today with the intention of seeing Aunt Maureen. She must have told him about the baby. How else could he have known?

“Oh, Brandon,” she whispered.

“I forgive you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hell, yes.”

“But I feel I should explain—”

“I don’t need an explanation,” he told her.

“I want to explain,” she insisted.

He caught her shoulder again, this time looking hard at her face. “What’s done is done, Jana. We can’t go back in time and change it. So let’s
go forward
.”

“Do you really mean that, Brandon?”

He tensed, his eyes widening, his breath puffing hotter and faster. “If you don’t want to make love now, please just say so.”

She smiled, relieved beyond belief that he’d forgiven her. It was a dream come true. They would speak of it later, talk through the details. She’d feel better once she’d told him everything that was in her heart.

But right now, Brandon wanted no part of talking. Raw desire seeped from him. It covered Jana, wound through her, flamed fires left dormant for too long.

“I want us to make love tonight,” she said softly.

He held back. “You’re sure you’re ready?”

“I’m ready,” she told him and gave him a saucy smile. “Are you?”

Brandon eased a little closer. “I’ve been ready every day of the last fourteen months.”

“Then maybe we should get on with it?”

He moaned deep in his throat and pulled her full against him. She shifted her hips over him; he was ready, all right.

Brandon pushed her hair over her shoulder and laid
his mouth against her neck. A shiver passed through her and she leaned her head sideways, allowing him to do as he chose.

Joy rose inside her because this time she didn’t have to hold back or spurn his advances. She was free to enjoy him.

His lips took hers in a deep kiss. Jana moaned as his tongue slid inside, finding familiar places. He opened the buttons of her robe and pushed it off her shoulders. It pooled at her feet. Jana’s arms circled his neck as she returned his exquisite kiss.

His fingers fumbled with the front buttons of her nightgown. She felt the fabric part to just above her waist and his hands move inside to capture both her breasts.

She gasped. Brandon groaned. He worked his most delightful magic on her, kneading, cupping. Then he bent low and kissed a hot trail down so that his mouth took over from his hands.

Jana ran her palms over the fabric of his white cotton undershirt, stretched tight over his hard chest. When his lips claimed her mouth again, she slid her fingers downward and popped open the buttons on his trousers. They fell to the floor and he stepped out of them. She touched him. Her palm burned from the heat he gave off, despite the flannel underdrawers that separated them.

Brandon groaned deep in his throat and swept her into his arms. He placed her on the bed and stretched out beside her.

His kisses deepened, became hotter, more demanding. He eased her nightgown off her shoulders. His hands, his mouth found her breasts over and over. Jana lost herself in his attention. She’d missed him. She’d missed their lovemaking. He knew what she liked, where to touch, how to please.

She knew how to please him as well. The sensitive spots, the private places. Things a husband and wife knew about each other.

Yet she knew those things would come later. Tomorrow morning, or tomorrow afternoon. Tonight, Brandon was in a hurry.

It had been too long for both of them. Jana shifted as he bunched her nightgown around her hips. He fumbled with his drawers and climbed between her thighs. She welcomed the weight of his body atop hers.

Jana looked at him in the dim light. Bulging arm muscles. Wide, straight shoulders. The tenseness in his face that resulted from sheer delight.

He eased forward, touching himself against her. Jana squeezed her knees against his sides, stilling him.

She stroked her fingers through his hair and gazed into his questioning eyes.

“This is what I liked about us,” she whispered. “This moment. Just you and me. No business deals. No appointments. No one else. This is what I liked about us.”

“Ah, Jana…I love you so much.”

“I love you…oh…”

He eased inside her, then stopped. It had been a long
time. He curled his fists into the pillow beneath her head, struggling to hold back. Slowly he moved, finally making a place for himself.

Jana caught his rhythm. It built quickly. Her hips arched, meeting his. Then those waves of pleasure that Brandon provided so effortlessly broke through her again and again. She grabbed his hair and called his name. He wrapped her in both arms, buried his face against her neck, and followed.

Another morning waking with Brandon sharing her bed.

A little smile pulled at Jana’s lips as her eyes fluttered open to the faint light of dawn streaming in through the window. For so long she’d thought she never wanted this moment to happen again. Now it had, and she couldn’t be happier.

Brandon would surely be as happy, as soon as he woke up. He lay beside her, his arm draped across her, one leg atop hers. No doubt about what had gone on in this bed last night. Her nightgown was unfastened to her waist, still gathered up around her hips. Brandon wore his undershirt. His drawers had worked down a little ways.