Judgement 8 (Subject Alpha #1) (24 page)

I quirked an eyebrow at him and pulled my arm away, scurrying back towards the huge iron gates at the end of the mile hike. “I just said. I’m going home.”

His feet skidded slightly on the gravel. “What?” He shook his head, his eyes widening as he grabbed hold of me once again. “By home I really hope you don’t mean Judgement.”

I sighed, shrugging sadly. It took so much effort to hold back the emotion that wanted to erupt, so I swallowed heavily and carried on once more.

“Why?”

“Why?” I snapped, staring at him as if he was stupid. “Look at it, Jonah!” I swung my arm to the house, gesturing at its size and beauty. “Look at
her.
” We both winced at the mention of Petra. “I can’t compete with that. And I certainly don’t belong here.”

“Why don’t you?” He was quiet now, his eyes full of sadness but I also saw the understanding hidden deep.

“Oh, come on. I’ve never seen anything so grand. It’s a family home, Jonah. And I’m not part of that family.”

“Sugar . . .”

I shook my head, hating that the tears once again humiliated me. “No. It’s time to go back to mine. It’s okay,” I urged when his face tightened and he stared at me. “Honestly. Lettie needs her mum and dad, and I get that. I do. And they have the support of Logan and their father now.”

“I’m sure . . .”

“I don’t belong here, Jonah! Don’t you get that?” He winced as my temper frayed and I shouted at him. “And to be honest, I don’t want to be here, not while . . .”

He nodded, grabbing my hand. “I do understand, more than you think, but at least let Reid explain.”

“But that’s just it; he doesn’t need to because I really do get it. If my daughter was dying, I would fuck the devil if that’s what it took to make her happy. So really, I’m okay. And I won’t ever stop Lettie’s chance of happiness before . . . she leaves. I won’t do that. And if that means me going back, then that’s what I’ll do.”

“Elina, please.”

Reaching up, I held Jonah’s face with my hand and kissed his other cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “At least let me take you.”

“No, I need the walk.” More like enjoy my last moment in the sun.

His eyes were full of pain and I smiled softly. “Will you tell Reid I’ll do what is needed?” He nodded. “And,” I closed my eyes, hating the sudden surge of emotion. I was stronger than this. I’d lived in Judgement for so long that it was stupid to dread going back. I knew what to expect, and it was now time to do what was right. “Please tell Lettie I love her. Tell her I’m sorry but I need to finish this now. It’s time. She’ll understand.”

“Sugar, please.” The worry marring his handsome face made my throat hurt. It was nice to have someone care for me but when he went to wipe the stray tear from my cheek I grabbed his hand and kissed the back of his knuckles.

“Thank you, Jonah, for looking after me.”

He sighed. “Reid is not going to be happy with you, or me for that matter.”

“Why you?”

“Well, I’m going to have to be the one to unlock the gate for you.”

I spun my head to look at the gate, blowing out an irritated breath when I saw it required a code to open it. The last thing I wanted was to get Jonah into trouble.

I shook my head and winked. “Walk away, Jonah. You refused to open the gate. Walk away and let them see you in the surveillance footage.”

“But . . .”

“Don’t worry.”

He stared at me for a long moment, his throat bobbing and his face screwing up. Suddenly he pulled me into another bear hug, his strong arms enveloping me as he stuck his nose in my hair. “Please be careful.”

I nodded. “It’s time to set them all free, Jonah. Set my guilt free. Thank you for this.”

He gripped my head in both hands, squashing my ears to my head, and planted a kiss to my forehead then turned and walked away, leaving me watching the expanse of his back filling out a black t-shirt. The tension in his shoulders made my heart ache. He’d become a good friend, and although my adventure was over, it had made me realise I deserved more than what my life was. I deserved friends. I deserved to go to parties, to sunbathe on the beach, even to shop and drink coffee with friends. I deserved a life. And it was time I got one.

I smiled, proud of myself when the gate keypad smoked and the huge iron railings swung open. It was such a good feeling to be able to control my energy. I’d never managed it before and stupidly, making me laugh out loud, I realised it was all to do with emotion. Emotions ruled me, and they controlled my ability. It had only taken me twenty-three years to figure it out. Oh well, better late than never.

I walked down the street with a heavy heart but wearing a smile. I had a purpose. I had a mission, and damn if that didn’t take away some of the pain that silently crippled me.

Knowing Reid would more than likely follow me when he realised I’d gone, I noticed a large field down a long alleyway and took that. It led me into a small wood, sunlight streaking through the trees giving the area a storybook feel.

It was still morning and as the birds serenaded me on my way through the cleared pathway I was astounded by how peaceful I felt. The breeze rustled the crisp leaves up on the nearly bare tree branches, the sound broadcasting a unique natural melody to complement the birdsong. Other birds jumped from branch to branch, puffing out their chests and proclaiming their beauty to me. Squirrels scurried in front of my path and raced up tree trunks, sending the birds into the skies.

I smiled to myself when I noticed some graffiti etched into a tree trunk I strolled past, Mason declaring his love for Ava inside a wonky love heart. I wondered who they were. Were they still together? Had they married and had children? Were they still in love?

I’d lost Reid. He and Lettie were the only people I cared about. Lettie was dying, and Reid was back with his wife, as he should be, for Lettie’s sake. And both of those losses bizarrely gave me a sense of determination to carry this out until the end.

It didn’t matter if I lived or died now. There was nothing to tether me to the world. Although my heart belonged to Reid, no one wanted it, so I was free to choose if it remained beating or not.

I had nothing to lose. It was time to go home and make things right.

I REGARDED HIM WITH narrow eyes, not quite believing it would be so simple. “Is it really that easy?”

He shrugged, pursing his lips. “I hope so, but there’s no way of knowing until she’s in.”

Leaning forward, I clasped my fingers together and nodded faintly. I couldn’t help it, I was worried, and sensing it, my father tipped his head, measuring me up. “She means a lot to you.”

I nodded. “She’s like this little tornado; a whirlwind of fun, beauty and passion, and that makes her enchanting and attractive. She’s aggressive and a little crazy but she’s also the owner of the biggest heart, and she has the most compassionate soul. She’s gutsy but passionate, humorous yet stubborn. But she’s also fearless and headstrong, and if I’m honest, that scares the shit out of me.”

He nodded, smiling. “Sounds like your mother.” I smiled with him, agreeing. “She’s also as beautiful as your mother. How does she feel about you and Petra?”

I blew out a long breath. “What do you think?”

“Can’t say I blame her, Reid. It’s not pleasant for her having to witness you and Petra together, even if it is a show just for Lettie. How would you feel if she cozied up to Rowan?”

My head snapped up and I stared at him. “How do you know about Rowan?”

“I’ve made it my job to know about her, Reid. For one, she owns my son’s heart and for two, I need to know what the girl is made of if she’s to do this. I can’t risk sending in a weak person who can’t handle it. Her mind needs to be one hundred percent with it because one slight break in there and it’s all over.”

“Yes, I agree, but why the need to know about Rowan?”

“There wasn’t a need. He came up when I ran a check on her.”

I nodded slowly, my heart galloping and my mind raging with questions. Sensing my inner turmoil he sat back down in his chair. “I take it you know nothing about him?” When I shook my head, he sighed. “It’s not my place to say, Reid. It’s Elina’s story and I think she should be the one to tell you.”

“I know.”

“Have you thought of asking her?” When I nodded but said nothing he scowled at me. “Son, she is in love with you. If you ask, she’ll share. If you don’t ask, she won’t be very forthcoming with such a delicate subject.”

“Delicate?” The way he spoke made my heart thud both in anger and anguish. A flurry of questions flicked one after the other in my head about how deep their relationship went. “Do you think she still feels something for the guy, whoever he is?”

“Who knows, but whatever conclusion you come to, you need to remember you were once married, and you’re getting married again, and even if it is just for conventional purposes that must still hurt the girl.”

“Yeah, and unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to tell her myself before Lettie burst it free.”

He winced, drawing his teeth back to hiss. “Ouch.”

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I ran my fingers through my hair. It was thick and in need of a cut but that was the last thing to worry about. “That’s why Jayson and I were fighting. He wouldn’t let me see her.”

My father smirked. “Jayson is quite a character. If he’s taken a liking to Elina she’ll be fine.”

“Oh, he’s definitely taken a liking to her.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Jayson is a natural flirt. You needn’t worry.”

“Well, it’s about time she listened to me without giving me her usual attitude,” I said, rising from my chair. Although I loved Elina’s tenacity and spirit, she really was quite impulsive. My little girl was a tough cookie but she also needed to learn who was boss and who she belonged to. I told her when she fucked me there was no going back, especially when she had fucked me so damn well. A handprint on her backside might enlighten her. I clenched my teeth, visualising the heat over her pale skin, my fingers tingling as the sharp sound of the sting made my mouth water with need. In my father’s office with him was an inappropriate place to get a raging hard on and I shifted uncomfortably.

“So, you want me to start preparing the program?” he asked with a questioning look.

“I need to talk to Elina first but I know she won’t decline. That’s the type of woman she is.”

He nodded and just as I opened the door he called me back. “It’s really good to have you back, son.”

Sighing, I looked at him for a moment. “Yeah, if this shit has told me anything it’s that life’s too short. I understand now why you had to leave me behind, but next time, however right you think it is, my brother screwing my wife isn’t acceptable and shouldn’t get your support.”

He dropped his eyes. “I know, but you need to understand how difficult it was for me too. Logan is also my son, and now you’re more accepting of the situation, I can tell you their love was . . .
is
quite something. I saw that, Reid. Logan would come home after his shift at Judgement animated and so full of it. I know you and Petra only married because she was pregnant. And I’ll be honest with you, you made me so proud, son, even if it was in that swamp of sin you had to do it. Just because I couldn’t get you out of there doesn’t mean I didn’t ache with the need to. When Logan came home that night with Petra, it gave me hope to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really thought she was the one, you know, thought she was the key to unlock the system. It was too hard to get you out too, but I thought that if through Petra we could bring down Judgement, then I’d get you out anyway. When you escaped the next night, we looked for you everywhere but you were impossible to find.”

“Well, I don’t think I would have been so accommodating if I’d found Logan and Petra together here, especially thinking both her and Lettie were dead. I loved her, as unconventional as our marriage was, and even though she was fucking Logan behind my back, it hurt to think she had died so horrifically. I was in a bad place, so maybe it was a good thing.”

He gave me a pained look and nodded. “Before you go.” He screwed up his face and I braced myself for his next words. “I need to know how much Elina knows about our involvement with Judgement.” He noticed my shoulders tense and clicked his tongue. “I take it nothing, then.”