Judgement 8 (Subject Alpha #1) (21 page)

She nodded. “Yes. Logan was the one who helped me escape.”

“I gathered that. Although I thought he left when you died, broken-hearted and unable to be in the place that housed your ghost. Jesus Christ. How could I have been so stupid?”

“Reid.” Her hand dropped to my thigh, her voice full of anguish but I moved away, shooting off the bed, unable to be near her.

“Where’s Elina?”

“She’s okay, she’s . . . sorting through a few things.”

I squeezed my eyes closed, hating myself for hurting her. My stomach clenched with the memory of my fist connecting with her face, my hand wrapped tightly around her throat. It was as though someone had flicked a switch and I hated her, hated everything she was. Her face had become something I’d wanted to destroy. Her heart something I had wanted to pulverise. I knew there was no going back. She wouldn’t understand even if I told her I’d had no influence over what I was doing and what I had said. Her face haunted my memory of when I said those awful things.

Sensing my turmoil, Petra came to stand beside me. “She knows it wasn’t you, Reid. You’ve both been reprogrammed to take each other out.”

“What?” I spun to face her, her declaration stunning me.

For the next hour, Petra explained what Judgement and Janice had done to both Elina and I, their greed for power destroying any love Elina had for me.

It was all too much to grasp and I shook my head, the questions racing around and making me dizzy.

“So . . .” I stared at her, shivering at her pretty face when it brought back the hurt and pain. “So Logan and Ruben got you out of there and brought you here?”

She nodded. “Ruben was supposed to watch over you and Lettie, but you . . . you lost control when they told you I had died.”

“You AND Lettie had died, Petra. They told me you had
both
died.”

She nodded, pain dulling the sparkle in her eye. “Yes. But I swear I didn’t know. Ruben didn’t know they’d told you we’d both died. If I’m honest, I hated you for so long when he told me you had caused the fire and escaped. I couldn’t grasp how you could leave her.”

My mouth hung open. “Wow, Petra. Pot and kettle springs to mind!”

“Yes, well, we’ve both been duped. Ruben took as much care of Lettie as he could but when Blaine took a fancy to Elina and dragged Lettie in, there wasn’t much Ruben could do without giving away what he was.”

“I understand that. But why the fuck didn’t he get Lettie out of there before?”

She flinched and closed her eyes. The hairs on the back of my neck stood rigid as her face paled. “Petra?”

When she took my hand in hers I allowed it. She was crumbling before my eyes. Eventually she lifted her gaze to me and I blinked as tears flooded her face. “I needed Judgement to test on her.”

“What?” Her hand fell from mine when I shot up. I couldn’t work out if I was furious or saddened by her disclosure.

“I . . .” She swallowed, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment. “I hoped they . . . they would find a cure for her. Suddenly blast something into her that would save her. I don’t know, something that would help her body regenerate.”

I shook my head at her. “What the hell are you on about?”

She stood up, stepping close to me and I stiffened when she cupped my face. If she thought I still held feelings for her then she was in for a shock.

“Lettie is dying, Reid.”

She didn’t catch me. She couldn’t. She tried but she wasn’t strong enough or fast enough.

The lights in the house blinked as a scream tore up my throat and surged around the house. Another scream took out all the electricity.

“Reid, please,” Petra begged. “You’re losing control again. Take hold of it. You can’t destroy my home.”

Stupid. I felt stupid as my sobs dripped down my face, the fall flowing off my chin and drenching my shirt.

“Reid . . .”

My head tipped back as windows around the house popped one by one. The atmosphere seemed to glow as my rage called on the static around us, the oxygen in the air sparking furiously.

“Reid,”
her voice whispered as warmth flooded my mind and she coated me in the heaven that she was.
“Baby, calm down. I’m here. I’m here. Shush, it’s okay.”

Her soft voice soothed me, the fire in the air cooling instantly and I choked on another sob.
“Elina. I can’t breathe . . .”

“It’s okay. I’m coming. I’m coming. Wait for me.”

I was on my knees, my weeping consuming me. My baby was dying. No. No. NO. She didn’t deserve to. She deserved all the good things in life. She deserved to play on the beach in the sun, and to build snowmen in the winter. She would never hold her own baby. She would never feel the beat in her heart when she fell in love. She would never dance under the stars with another.

The pain was unbearable and just as another cry burst from me, the door flew open and Elina wrapped me up in her arms, pulling my face to her chest as she held onto me and wept with me, her own heart fracturing with mine. I welcomed her in and allowed her to soothe me, her soft humming in my mind slowly lulling me into a numbing slumber.

THE SKY WAS CLEAR, the stars above sharp and blinking brightly in the stretch of black. The expanse of ocean before me reflected the moonlight, the huge spread of light rippling as the water swirled and moved. The waves crashed onto the rocks below the balcony I stood on, its turmoil matching the rage in my heart. I managed to control it though, another first.

Reid was asleep in the large bed Petra had directed me towards as Logan had carried him into, at my annoyance, our shared bedroom. I sighed, wondering what Reid would make of his brother and his wife’s relationship.

Although I was still angry at how Reid had used me, that didn’t mean I didn’t hurt for him. He was losing his baby. No man, no matter how much of a bastard they were, deserved that.

I’d gone over every possible scenario in my head regarding Lettie’s illness. Surely there was something, anything? Judgement had managed to turn humans into powerful, supernatural forces, so I was sure they could come up with something to save a dying heart; both hers and mine.

A breeze ripped around me causing my hair to flutter around my face and stick to my damp cheeks. I gripped the railing that surrounded the overhanging veranda. I couldn’t allow myself to lose control. I needed to discipline myself. Watching Reid lose it again had made me realise I was as destructive as he was. And now it was time to start using the disease I had hated for so long. It was time to bring out the weapon that had been created to kill the executioner.

I jolted and stiffened when thick, strong arms slid around my waist, his scent assaulting my senses and twisting the feelings I had about him. I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow him to manipulate me again.

His nose sunk into my hair and he inhaled, nuzzling deeply and generating a deep sigh to echo from him. “Elina.” His voice was so full of emotion, choked and small, his heartache reflected in his tone.

“Let me go, Reid.”

He tensed, my ears picking up the stutter in his chest. “Elina?”

“I asked you to let me go. Don’t make me lose my shit. Neither of us can handle that right now.”

He growled when he released me and moved backwards. “Petra said you understood what happened.”

I turned around, clenching my fists as I struggled to hold onto my temper. “Yes, and I do, about you hurting me and . . . saying those things.”

He flinched, remorse and guilt making his jaw clench. “I don’t know what happened. I just had this overwhelming need to hurt you. I didn’t mean any of it. I’ve never even thought those things.” His hand lifted to me but I ignored it. He frowned and lowered it back down.

“I know, I felt it too. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you using me, and if I’m honest, it’s worse than the things Judgement did.”

He blinked, looking thoroughly confused but he stood his ground. “I have no idea . . .”

“You took me in knowing exactly who and what I was, Reid. You knew the moment you saw me that I was the assassin you needed to take out Judgement.”

His confusion disappeared, replaced by shock, guilt and horror. That expression told me all I needed to know. I hated the tears that formed and forbiddingly escaped. He took a step towards me but I held up my hands. “Don’t.”

“It’s not like that. You don’t understand.”

“Did you plan to use me as the bomb in your war?” I asked him slowly, needing him to feel the pain I spat each word with. He lowered his eyes, his chest heaving. “Just tell me the truth, Reid, please. I’m sick and tired of lies. They hurt more than the fucking truth. You’ve hurt me more than anyone else ever could. My soul hurts, damn you!” I wasn’t sure when I had moved into him but he stood rigid as I pounded his chest with my fists, my cries loud as I poured my hatred into him.

Suddenly his arms wrapped around my trembling body and he pulled me against him, supporting me and using me to soothe the ache that raced through him. I understood him, that was what hurt. I understood why he had used me, and if the shoe had been on the other foot I knew I would have done the same. This was what Judgement had turned us into. Cannibals that fed off each other’s need for peace.

“I thought at first you planned to use me to barter for Lettie. And now I know why you never made the trade. You needed me on your side.”

“No,” he whispered. “Yes.”

He scooped me up, lifting me against him as he carried me over to the bed and laid us down, turning us until I was on my side, facing him.

His eyes read every line on my face, his soft scrutiny sad and full of grief. “I knew when you came to the club who you were. I told you that. But . . .” He gulped then took a deep breath. “But what I didn’t tell you was that you were suddenly everything that answered my prayers.” He smiled, more to himself than me. “You were like this whirlwind of hope. I know that doesn’t make sense but imagine if you had all this . . . this ammunition to fight a war with but no damn weapon to use it. Despair, hopelessness, even surrendering were the only things left. We were losing the war with each damn battle. And then there you were, this blast of promise and faith to carry on.”

I nodded, gulping down the agony. “I understand, I do. But to . . . to play with me, toy with my emotions, Reid. That makes you no better than them.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t play with you, Elina. Yes, I lied to you but then . . . I dunno, you came to life in front of me, you showed me your soul and took mine. Now, you not only have the ability to take out Judgement, but me too.”

I squinted at him, shaking my head, sure he was still a little spaced out from earlier.

“Well.” I sighed and gave him a soft smile. “I’ll do what is needed.”

“What?”

Sliding from the bed, I turned my back on him, curling my toes into the soft carpet. It hurt to look at him. I had nothing. Therefore my death would be a blessing. With Lettie dying, Reid nothing but an ally in the upcoming war, and my mother finally showing me what I was, there was nothing keeping me.

“It’s okay, Reid,” I whispered. “Finally I understand. For once I’m needed. I’m not scared. Hell, if I’m honest, I’m grateful for it.”

He spun me around, blinking at me in confusion. “What the hell are you on about?”

“I’m ready.” I smiled at him, nodding to let him see I was okay with it. “I’m ready to go in there and fry the fuckers into hell.”

Still he stared at me, his brow furrowed. Then his eyes widened as he finally grasped me. “What?” His fingers dug into my arms as fury ghosted his features. “You think I’m using you as a suicide bomber? What the hell goes on in that head of yours?”

I shrugged, hurt by his mockery. “Not a lot. It’s full of naked pictures of you.”

“Baby.” He pulled me towards him until I was an inch from his face. “You aren’t a bomb, for Christ’s sake. You’re a virus, Elina.”

Oh well, thank you very much.

This time when he witnessed my umbrage he chuckled. “Not like that. You’re the Trojan horse, the virus that can infiltrate Judgement’s servers and send all their shit into another universe.”

“So.” I licked my dry lips as my heart raced, its thunderous roar of happiness banging hard on my breastbone. “I don’t actually have to blow myself up to take them out?”