JR (19 page)

Rebecca’s mind turned toward the flicker of remembrance but, like a reflection or a wisp of smoke, it dissipated when she strove to bring it into focus.

“Try again. Don’t attempt to remember the whole thing at once. Start small. This will be the hardest step.

You’ve trained yourself to hide your desires and suppress your needs for so long it’s become ingrained. It’s okay to remember.”

The verbal equivalent of holding her hand, his words promised to lead her down a path in the pitch dark.

Lost, faltering, all she had to decide was if she trusted him to steer her safely, guaranteeing she didn’t get hurt.

“I’m right here. Let go.”

She believed his whispered promise.

“Do you remember any colors? Scents? Sounds?”

Sounds? In her mind, she heard a husky, guttural moan. Embarrassed, she angled her head away. Kurt pounced on her slight reaction.

“No, Becca. Don’t withhold anything from me. Complete honesty, remember?” He surrounded her hand with his.

“I…I heard a moan.” Far away, her face heated.

“Good girl. What else?” The lightest stroke of his hand on hers mesmerized her. His fingertips painted a hypnotic, swirling path over her skin. The sensation made it easier to open her awareness to the brief impressions circling the edges of her consciousness.

“Warmth. It was hot.” The burst of Kurt’s exhaled breath landed on her cheek.

“Yes. That’s good.”

Something tickled her memory but she didn’t know quite how to voice the emotion.

“Keep going. Don’t think, just let it out.”

“I felt…protected.”

Kurt’s hand squeezed hers, bringing the impression she attempted to describe into better clarity. Gaining momentum, her mind recalled more and more details. A faint picture formed in her mind.

“I was inside, a room, someplace I know.”

She heard his approval in the satisfied sound he made but he didn’t interrupt. On the right track, he left it to her to remember.

“God, you’re so close.” His barely audible whisper made her wonder if he’d meant her to hear it at all. He sat statue still as though afraid to breathe for fear of breaking her concentration.

And then, abruptly, it was there. Similar to detecting the trick in an optical illusion, once she saw it, there was no going back.

She remembered the place, the scent, the colors, the textures and the sensations though they stayed a bit hazy and ethereal like most dreams. She tensed, wondering if the scene playing in her mind now had inspired Kurt to action this morning.

“You remember.”

“Yes.” She choked on the weak, thready sound.

“You have to tell me, Becca. Say the words,” he commanded her, leaving no room to waffle or escape.

Her eyes opened. The truth made it impossible to glance away from his penetrating stare.

“I dreamt you fucked me on your desk.”

With those words, something inside Kurt tore loose. He dropped to his knees and kissed her viciously, need pouring out of him. His hands tangled in her hair. He clasped her to him.

“Yes, you did.” Hands trembling, he separated them just far enough to search her emerald eyes. He had to be sure. “Becca, you know what this means?”

She looked dazed by the intensity of the recalled dream. He knew how powerful it had been. Bold enough, clear enough, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from jerking off while he watched it. Trying to temper his reactions, not to mention his aggressive kiss, he sat on his heels.

She shook her head in confusion. “It means I want you. You have to know that after the way I’ve acted the last few days.”

A pretty blush tinted her cheeks but he chose to be blunt.

“No. It means I need to take you.” He growled against her throat as he licked and bit a trail down the side of her neck. He couldn’t help himself.

“W-what?” Kurt heard the disbelief in her question as her brain tried to process what her body already accepted. She leaned forward, closing the gap he’d tried to create but her voice wavered, unsure of his meaning.

“Stop. I can’t think when you’re doing that.”

She was right. He drew on a hidden reservoir of restraint, battling the instincts encouraging him to steal the pleasures within his grasp. Damn it, she’d started shivering so hard her teeth clicked together. He had to slow down.

“It’s not enough to establish that the Dream Machine records your dreams. For it to be useful, we have to demonstrate how it can aid patients in uncovering their latent desires. I need to test the theory that the subject of your dreams makes you respond more intensely than other stimuli.”

The explanation poured out without thought. He’d considered the feasibility of the process for close to a year before he’d pitched the idea to the review board. Persuading the more conservative members had taken months, and a lot of fast-talking, but he’d finally convinced them to sponsor his research behind the nontraditional invention. In the end, he suspected they’d only agreed because they believed the idea outlandish and impossible.

In fact, once he’d completed the prototype, more than two years from his first conception, he hadn’t bothered pitching a human trial to the board. He and Luke had concurred the machine would never become a reality. They’d never have let him test it. Until the break-in. Until that asshole, James Wexford, revealed what a perfect setup they had. They’d grant Becca what she desired most and the role posed no hardship to him.

Now, Luke gathered support for the initial findings even as they created this shred of evidence.

Along the way, the experiment had become secondary to his personal journey but the academic camber of his speech penetrated her shock and denial.

“Take me?” This time disbelief, not confusion, tinged the words.

“Baby, I need to prove fucking me makes you hotter than things you haven’t dreamed about.” Kurt steeled himself to make her comprehend the ramifications of the situation. If he took this step now, without her complete understanding, she might resent him later. He couldn’t stand the thought.

Becca curled up on the sofa, drawing her knees to her chest. She looked him straight in the eye. He hadn’t realized the level of confidence he had in her answer until she stunned him.

“No.”

Kurt observed her quaking beneath the force of her cravings. Her reluctance baffled him. “Why not?

What’s wrong?”

“I won’t make you fuck me.” She cringed but didn’t blink. Her eyes had to sting from holding back the unshed tears turning them glassy. Her rigid self-control, stubborn pride and independence wouldn’t allow her to cry in front of anyone, never mind taking advantage of any comfort they might offer.

Nothing could have perplexed him more. “
Make
me fuck you?” he asked incredulously.

“I know you don’t want me that way. I’m sorry I keep putting you in this position. I won’t let you do this for the sake of an experiment. I won’t let either of us be cheapened, getting it on just to prove the machine works. There has to be some other way.”

A single tear trickled over the side of her face. It hit him in the gut with the impact of a baseball bat. Her delicate hands attempted to shutter her reaction from him. She couldn’t contain the tears overflowing her fingers, though. To Kurt, she looked lost and broken like patients he’d seen suffering from the most tragic wounds.

Overwhelmed, she sat paralyzed in a ball on his couch in direct contrast to her usual fighting spirit.

Only her pure agony kept him from laughing.

“Becca, I don’t know how you got this crazy idea. Would you look at me?” With one hand, he tugged her damp fingers from her high cheekbone while the other grabbed his crotch. His straining cock mashed against the zipper of his pants. The bulge testified to his lust as though he hadn’t had an amazing blowjob less than an hour ago.

“You’re a healthy man. It’s natural for you to get turned on by discussing sexual fantasies. That doesn’t mean you want
me
. I’ve thrown myself at you several times, including this morning, and you’ve pushed me away on every occasion. You made it clear you aren’t interested. I’m sorry. This has to be uncomfortable for you. I’m sorry I dreamt—”

“Stop it!” Wrapping his fingers around her ankles on the sofa, he shook her. “Stop apologizing. Listen to me. I want nothing more than to act out your dream right now.” Kurt couldn’t reason with the need raging inside him, distracting him.

“I understand. The study is important to you.” Her flat eyes focused on his hands clenched around her fine bones.

He refused to let her use the excuse of responsibility or duty to navigate this monumental juncture. She had to take him without pretense or, as much as it pained him, he couldn’t have her.

“
You
are important to me, Becca.” He snaked his arm around her waist then tugged her closer until they touched. The heat of her abdomen seeped through the seductive silk she’d dreamed of and into his chest as he spread her legs around him.

He thought back to her earlier words, when she’d begun to remember the first dream.
I felt…protected.
She had no idea the gift she’d given him. Better than any lascivious caress, knowing he gave her a sense of security pleased him. It also went a long way toward soothing his conscience for smashing the last of her resistance.

He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. “I want to satisfy you. I
need
to make your dream come true.” He swiped a tear from her cheek with the back of his finger.

Kurt studied the drop of moisture as it dangled from his knuckle before licking it off.

Rebecca sat in mute disbelief following Kurt’s confession. She’d wanted him for a lifetime though she’d tried to deny it. Her overwhelming infatuation made it easy to pretend he meant the sweet words the way they sounded. But he was generous and kind by nature. He’d never reject her after exposing her girlish crush.

Especially since he intended for them to be partners.

Opening her mouth to refuse him again—she couldn’t bear being a pity fuck, not even for the sake of their experiment—he surprised her by guiding her mouth to his for a rich, drugging kiss. Her breath caught in her lungs. The simple glide of his lips against hers seemed more intimate than anything else they had done together.

Profound and personal, he couldn’t fake this kind of emotion.

He convinced her with his touch.

Indignation and pride melted away as her nature took control.

“Mmm.” She purred against his mouth as he alternated a long lick with a gentle bite. The contrast captivated her. No one had ever treated her like this before. Rebecca felt cherished and hunted simultaneously.

Her body cried out, begging her to stop running and submit.

“That’s right, baby. Lean on me.” As though he could sense her resistance fading, his hand curled around the nape of her neck. She whimpered when he ended their first, fantastic kiss.

Kurt nestled her tighter against his chest. Then he whispered in her ear, “What did you tell me? While you tried to remember the dream? You said you felt protected. Follow your instincts. You know I’ll take care of you.

That’s the best gift I’ve been given in a long, long time. Maybe ever. Will you trust me now, Becca? Trust yourself, please.”

Every gut intuition confirmed the truth of his declaration. His concern swaddled her, sheltering her. She relaxed. Calm certainty exposed her objections as an excuse.

This situation had nothing in common with her mother and the producer.

Kurt would never hold this experiment against her when it came to their professional relationship. In fact, he’d used the opportunity to help her. Her mind had convinced her heart that he couldn’t be attracted to her as a means of protection. Now, she couldn’t refuse the barest hint of desperation buried in his plea. It didn’t seem possible a man like him would beg for anything. His intensity crashed through all her resistance.

There was only one possible answer. Only one possible outcome.

“Yes.” The reply sprung from her lips before she could change her mind. But the truth would never change.

“I trust you. I trust us.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. Let me make you feel good,” he whispered against her ear. “I promise you’ll enjoy this.”

She whimpered, unsure of what to do. Her mind urged her to back off, to find her self-control but, too far gone, her body refused to listen. There weren’t enough cold showers in the world to restore her sanity this time.

She couldn’t fight both herself and Kurt.

One nod broadcast her surrender. He seized the moment.

He shot to his feet, then collected her into his arms. He crossed the room to his mammoth desk in three strides. When he deposited her on top of the shiny surface, she squealed at the jarring sensation of her backside and thighs landing on the cool desktop.

“Shh, baby.” He kept one hand on her, stroking her, steadying her, while he reached into his top drawer to grab something light and flexible.

“What are you doing?” Some of her sense returned while he checked the object in his hand. She couldn’t think when he invaded her space, touching her, igniting riots of overwhelming lust.

“It’s a measuring device similar to the probe in the laboratory. Except I designed it for remote use.” A wicked grin illuminated his face as he stepped closer once more.

He placed the tool on her outstretched palm so she could study it. The thin-walled cylinder, made out of the stretchy material he’d invented for the probe covering, seemed too insubstantial to be of much use but held up under her exploratory squeezes and tugs. Clear, it provided visibility to the circuits, receptors and transmitters inside but could have fooled her tactile senses if her eyes had been closed. It felt like warm skin. Each end of the tube had an opening.