Joy Argento - Carrie and Hope (20 page)

Carrie felt like she was sleepwalking through her day. She paid no attention at the managers meeting before lunch. She made a cursory tour of the warehouse and spoke briefly to Frank, the head of security. The rest of the day she spent in her office.

Carrie tried to get some work done, but just ended up staring at her computer screen until the screen saver kicked in. She made two phone calls to the hospital to check on her grandmother. There was no change. Carrie felt helpless and restless…and alone.

*****

Hope did her best to keep a smile on her face while she made small talk with her co-workers and patients. Her thoughts wandered constantly and she fought to bring them back to the task at hand. She needed to pay attention as she scraped the tartar from an elderly woman’s teeth. She wasn’t sure she would make it through the day.

Hope was convinced that Derrick was making a mistake. She had gotten married far too young and now she felt her son was doing the same thing. And she had yelled at Carrie about it. Carrie didn’t deserve that. She took her anger and fear out on Carrie, the woman she loved. She needed to make that right. She pushed the
though
of Carrie momentarily away and continued to scrape the teeth in front of her.

Her brain wouldn’t stay on the task at hand and within moments her thoughts went back to her son. She had to figure out a way to stop Derrick from getting married. Hope wanted what was best for her son and for Erin for that matter. Getting married would force them into a situation that they didn’t want…into a life that they didn’t want. It would stop them from pursuing the lives they deserved. It would limit their choices.
Just like it had limited hers.
She had spent nineteen years in a life that stifled her, that held her back and that stopped her from being who she was.

Hope stopped scraping at the tartar and stared into space. The patient, mouth opened wide, looked at her. It took another moment for Hope to realize that she had a person sitting in front of her waiting for her teeth to be cleaned. “Sorry,” Hope said and went back to work on the woman’s teeth.

Oh my God
, she thought.
I am projecting all of my own feelings onto Derrick and Erin. They are going to have a baby and they love each other. They are trying to do the right thing. Instead of supporting my son I am pushing him away. I can’t protect him by rejecting him.

“Rinse and spit, Mrs. Peters,” Hope told the patient. “You’re all set with your cleaning. Doctor Jenkins will be here in a few minutes to take a look at your teeth.”

The old woman nodded. Hope left the room and stuck her head into the dentist’s office down the hall.

“Mrs. Peters is ready for her exam in room two,” she told him as he sat at his desk working on his computer. He waved his hand in the air. Hope knew that meant that he would meet her in the exam room in a few minutes.

Hope stepped into the break room. She sat at the table facing the open door so she could see when Doctor Jenkins passed by on his way to the patient. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Carrie’s number.

Carrie answered on the second ring. “Hello.”

“I am such an ass,” Hope said as soon as she heard Carrie’s voice. “I am so sorry.” There was silence for several moments. “Carrie?” Hope said. She heard a sound and knew that Carrie was crying. “Carrie?” she repeated. “Please talk to me.”

“My grandmother has pneumonia,” Carrie told her. “She isn’t doing
good
.”

“Oh honey, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. What can I do?” Hope said, the feeling of guilt washing over her.

“There isn’t anything anyone can do. I was there with her this morning and I’m going to go back after work and meeting my mother there.”

“Do you want me to go to the nursing home with you?”

“They moved her back to the hospital. There really isn’t anything you can do there. But…” Carrie hesitated.

“What? Just tell me. I’ll do anything for you,” Hope said.

“Can you come over to my house tonight? I just want to be with you.”

Hope saw the doctor walk by the room on the way to examine Mrs. Peter’s teeth. “Of course I’ll come over. I’ll be there by the time you get home from visiting your grandmother. I’ll stop and pick up subs.
All right?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.
I need to get back to work, but I’ll see you later. Call and leave a message if you need me. I love you, Carrie.”

“I love you, too. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Bye,” Hope said and hung up. She slipped the phone back into her pocket and headed to room two.
   

*****

Hope let herself into Carrie’s house using the garage door code Carrie had given her the week before. She went into the kitchen and placed the subs on the table. In the living room she sat and waited for Carrie.

While Hope waited she knew there was one more phone call that she needed to make that day. She had purposely waited to call Derrick so she had time compose herself and to be sure of what she wanted to say. She took her cell phone from her purse and held it in her hand for several seconds before punching in his number.

The phone rang several times before going to voice mail. Hope cleared her throat before leaving a message. “Hi, Derrick, it’s Mom. I wanted to say that I’m sorry for reacting so strongly yesterday and I would like to be able to talk to you and Erin about this calmly. Please give me a call back so we can figure out when we can get together to talk.” She paused before adding. “I love you, Derrick.”

Hope put her phone on the coffee table and dug through her purse again. She pulled out a small notebook and opened it to a blank page and began to compose a poem while she waited for Carrie. She found writing to be soothing. She had worked for about thirty minutes when she heard Carrie pull into the driveway.

Hope got up to meet her at the door. She pulled Carrie into a tight hug as she stepped into the house. “I am so sorry,” she whispered into her ear. Hope gave Carrie a kiss on the cheek and helped her off with her coat.

They walked hand in hand to the kitchen as Hope asked. “How is your grandmother? Any change?”

“She isn’t doing well at all.” Carrie looked into Hope’s brown eyes. “This morning I told her she should stop fighting this and go.”
Carrie’s tears streamed down her face.
“I told her it was okay to die.”

Hope swept Carrie into her arms and held her, gently stroking her hair. “It’s all right, baby. It’s all right.” Carrie sobbed into Hope’s shoulder for a few minutes before composing herself.

“Thank you for being here,” Carrie told her. She waved toward the subs that Hope had set on the table earlier. “If you want to put those on plates, I am going to go into the bathroom and clean up a little. I need to wash my face.”

“Of course, honey. Do
what ever
you need to do. I’ll get this ready.” Hope got two plates down from the cupboard and
unwrapped
the subs. She put half a sub onto each plate, and added a handful of potato chips from the bag she found on the counter. Hope wrapped up the second half of each sandwich and put them in the refrigerator. She brought each plate with several napkins into the living room.

She returned to the kitchen just as Carrie returned from the bathroom. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink,” Hope said. “Did you want a glass of wine?”

“No, I am going to skip the alcohol just in case they call from the hospital. I want to be able to drive. Water is fine. I’ll get it.” She proceeded to fill two glasses with filtered water from the fridge and followed Hope into the living room.

Carrie filled Hope in a little more on her grandmother’s condition and Hope told Carrie more about her thoughts on Derrick and his situation.

Two hours later they were still talking and holding each other on the couch. “Are you about ready for bed?” Hope asked.

“Yes, bed sounds like a good idea.” Both women stood up.

“You go ahead and get ready, I’ll clean up here,” Hope said.

“Are you sure?” Carrie asked. “I can help.”

“No, you’ve had a long day. Go ahead. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Carrie did as she was told. Hope picked up both plates, noticing that Carrie had barely touched her food. She wasn’t surprised. Hope took the plates and glasses into the kitchen. She threw out the remainder of the food on Carrie’s plate and loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

Hope locked the front door and shut all the lights before joining Carrie in the bedroom. Carrie was already in bed. Hope removed her clothing, folded them and piled them neatly on a chair in the corner. She slipped beneath the covers and held her arms out to Carrie. Hope wrapped one arm around Carrie as she moved in next to her and reached over to shut off the lamp on the nightstand next to her.

Hope settled down into the bed against Carrie, softly stroking the skin on her back. Carrie kissed Hope gently on the cheek and then moved closer and kissed her softly on the mouth. Carrie’s hands began roaming over Hope’s naked body.

“I thought you would want to sleep,” Hope told her. “You must be very tired.”

“I am very tired, but not too tired to want you.” Carrie’s hands continued exploring.

They made love with an unhurried tenderness.

Chapter 25

Carrie woke as the sun started to peek through the blinds. She looked at the clock, six forty-eight. She gently extracted herself from Hope’s arms and slipped out of bed. She looked back at Hope sleeping soundly before going into the bathroom and taking a quick shower. She towel dried her body and brushed her wet hair. She pulled it into a loose ponytail as she gathered it into a hair
scrunchy
.

Carrie dressed in the bedroom very quietly, so she wouldn’t wake Hope. She set the alarm clock on the nightstand for eight AM.

“Hope,” she said quietly as she sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook her lover’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Hope’s voice was groggy and barely audible.

“I’m going to go visit my grandmother. I set the alarm for you so you can get up to go to work. Okay?”

Hope reached up and pulled Carrie into an embrace. “You should have woken me up. I would have gotten up with you.” She cleared her throat trying to dislodge the sound of sleep.

“You were sleeping so peacefully. I didn’t want to wake you.” Carrie gave her a kiss. “You go back to sleep for a little while. I’ll call you later.”

Sleep was winning out again as Hope’s arms released Carrie. “Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, baby,” Carrie whispered back as she left the room.

*****
    

Carrie called work from her cell phone before she pulled out onto the street. She told them she was taking a personal day and wouldn’t be in. Twenty minutes later Carrie was sitting by her grandmother’s bed. Her mother arrived soon after.

“How is she doing?” her mother asked, as she rubbed Carrie’s shoulder.

“She seems to be getting worse.” Carrie patted her mother’s hand on her shoulder. “I think it’s just a matter of time, Mom.”

Sandra Martin nodded her head silently. She pulled the other chair in the room over so that it was closer to the bed. Carrie saw the tears flow from her mother’s eyes. She handed her the box of Kleenex from the small table by the bed.

“I know it is,” Sandra said to her daughter. “I was really hoping that she would pull out of this and be her old self. Now I’m not so sure.”

“Are Todd and Sammy coming?” Carrie asked about her brothers. She reached over and took a tissue from the box in her mother’s lap and wiped the corners of her own eyes.

“Sammy should be here tonight. He and Terry and the kids are driving here. They are leaving this morning. It’s a long drive for them. Todd said he isn’t going to be able to come. They are in the middle of some maneuvers or something and the flight itself would be almost fifteen hours with layovers.”

“It’s understandable that he’s not going to be able to come then. Gram would understand,” Carrie said. She reached over and stroked her grandmother’s hand.

Carrie and her mother sat without speaking while doctors and nurses made their rounds in and out of the room. There wasn’t much to say.

Three hours later both women were still in the room. Carrie held her grandmother’s hand as she took her last ragged breath and left the confines of her broken body.

*****

“Oh Carrie, I’m so sorry,” Hope said gathering Carrie in her arms. They stood in Hope’s living room. “I know how much you loved her.” She led Carrie to the couch and sat with her.

“How is your mom doing?”

“I think she’s in shock. She was in denial for so long. I know this is hard on her.” Carrie had cried so much at the hospital that she didn’t think she had any tears left. She realized she was wrong as more tears rolled down her cheeks. She brushed them away. “I need to get myself together. I have to meet my mother at the funeral home to make arrangements soon, and my brother Sammy should be here tonight with his family. They are driving in.”

“Does he know yet?” Hope asked her.

“Yeah.
I called him. He seemed to take it okay. He was sorry he didn’t make it here on time, but he knew it was coming.”

Hope rubbed Carrie’s leg. “Do you want me to go to the funeral home with you?”

Hope’s offer brought fresh tears to Carrie’s eyes and Hope gently wiped them away. “I would love you to go with me. But I’m not exactly ready to explain you to my mother yet. Is that all right?” Carrie looked at Hope. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Hope’s feelings.

“Of course it’s all right, honey.” Hope brushed the long blond hair away from Carrie’s face.

“But…” Carrie hesitated. “Would you come to the funeral with me? I think it would help a lot if you were there with me.”

“Absolutely, I’ll go with you. But what are you going to tell your mom?” Hope rubbed Carrie’s back.