Journal of a Lifetime (Journals of Love) (8 page)

However, Don’s eyes were still full of warning as he stared at her in the rearview mirror. She would tread cautiously and be mindful of his warnings, but she knew she would never intentionally harm anyone.

T
HE BUS PULLED
up to the resort. Lindsey was the first one off, but waited for Steve before she began walking towards the resort. He fell into step next to her.

“Did you enjoy yourself tonight?” he asked.

“I did. It was so beautiful and peaceful up there.” She didn’t add that being on the mountain had renewed her courage.

They entered the lobby. It was dark now that the sun had gone down, but the light from the fireplace gave the room a romantic feel. “Would you like to sit with me for a minute?” Lindsey asked.

Steve couldn’t contain the surprise on his face. He also couldn’t form a word, so he placed his hand on her elbow again and gently led her toward a cozy area by the fireplace.

Lindsey avoided his eyes as she sat down on the light green loveseat, and her hand automatically went to the gold cross on her neck.

Steve had noticed this habit of Lindsey’s appeared whenever she seemed nervous. “Is that special to you?” he asked, pointing at the cross.

She held it up a little higher and he could see the engraved lines on the face of it. They looked like waves. “It was my grandmother’s,” she said. “It was given to her by a very special man and when she passed away, she wanted me to wear it.”
Thinking that it might help me to find love, no doubt
, she thought.

Steve heard the sorrow in her voice. “When did she pass?”

“Just a few months ago. She had cancer.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, so he thought of a way to change the topic. “Was she a Christian?”

“Yes, so I know I don’t have to worry about where she is, but she’s still not with me.” Lindsey hesitated, and then asked the questions she’d wanted to ask for three months. She turned to look directly at him. “What does it look like in Heaven? What is she doing? Has she forgotten about me?” She couldn’t hold back the tears that had formed in her eyes.

Steve didn’t know the answers to those questions, but he saw her desperation and wanted to help. He collected his thoughts before responding. “I know she hasn’t forgotten about you. Remember it says in 1 Corinthians that what remains is love. It is the greatest gift God has given us, and He allows it to continue on when we go to be with Him. I’m sure of that.”

Even though Lindsey knew this to be true, she still struggled with her unanswered questions. “But, I still picture her sitting in her chair working her crossword puzzles, or going to church, or out to dinner. What is she doing now?”

Steve took another moment before he answered. “I used to struggle with the after-life too, but as with the rest of my faith, I have to trust that God provides the best for us. We will be with Him, worshipping Him, and I’m sure we’ll be with our loved ones. I believe that we’ll be together and hopefully will be able to look down on all of our family left on earth.” He paused, and then whispered, “I secretly desire that I’ll be able to travel to all of the places I’m unable to make it to while I’m alive.” He smiled.

“I know what you mean. Maybe I’ll be able to sing in front of others instead of by myself in my car.” She decided to play along.

He saw the light return to her eyes. “Maybe I’ll be able to climb Mount Everest without the oxygen depletion.”

“And, maybe I’ll be surrounded by tons of little babies to snuggle and love.” She clamped her lips tight. That might not have been the right thing to say.

He took it well though, because he had always wanted a large family of his own. He saw her hesitation, and instead of trying to make her feel better, he attempted to change the conversation again. “Tomorrow we’ll go to Lake Minny for the boat tour. It’s supposed to be warm weather, and the breeze on the lake will be cool, so you might want to bring a jacket.”

He knew he sounded like a tour guide, but was suddenly uncomfortable sitting so close to her. He felt as if he had known her before and didn’t want to let her go.

This feeling was new to him. He had dated a few women from his church, but what developed had been a brotherly type of love and nothing more. The beginnings of the interest that he felt for Lindsey didn’t compare to the initial interest he had in the others. Lindsey he found emotionally, physically, and spiritually beautiful.

Lindsey was thankful that he had distracted her. She took that opportunity to stand up and smooth out her skirt. “Thank you for everything tonight,” she said.

He stood and took her hands into his. “It was my pleasure, madam.” He returned to his character and bowed in front of her. “I bid you adieu until morning, then?”

Lindsey’s laughter was heard echoing through the lobby once again. She waved to him and began her ascent on the stairs.

Neither one saw Don peeking around the corner at them.

Lindsey felt as if she were floating back to her room. The peace from the mountains had continued with Steve near her, and she wasn’t worried where this would go. She heard her Nana’s voice in her head telling her to do what she needed to do, and to do what made her soul happy.

“I feel happy, Nana,” she said to her empty room. And it was true. She hadn’t felt anything in months. She was relieved to know that she could feel
something.

She climbed into bed with her and Nana’s journals and left the comforter on, just to spite her mother. She opened both journals to compare the day’s events and added some words to her own.

What surprised her were the brief spots in Nana’s journal, as if she left a lot unsaid.

Lindsey knew the effect the day had on her and couldn’t believe that her Nana hadn’t felt the same. She didn’t spend much time analyzing it, as she knew the faster she went to sleep, the sooner she’d be with Steve again.

She turned out the lights, said her prayers, and slept soundly until her wakeup call at six o’clock in the morning.

L
INDSEY ORDERED BREAKFAST
from room service and then stepped into the shower. She looked at the Jacuzzi tub, but knew she didn’t have time this morning for a bath. She was awake, mostly with anticipation, but needed the hot shower to catch up her body with her mind.

After her shower, she enjoyed blueberry pancakes and orange juice in the quiet of her room. This quiet of the morning was the time for her thoughts to be fully present and she was reminded that she was in the right place and doing the right thing. She looked out at the mountains while she ate and was once again humbled in their presence.

She finished eating, and knowing that she wanted to be one of the first on the bus again, she grabbed her bag with the journals, camera, water, sweater, and snacks and headed downstairs.

Don was seated in the driver’s seat and opened the door for her when he saw her cross the parking lot.

“Good morning, Lindsey,” he said as she stepped onto the bus. “This is for you.” He handed her a brown paper bag with a blueberry muffin and orange juice.

She looked in the bag as she sat down into the seat behind him. “Yum. Thank you. Do you have these for everyone? I didn’t think breakfast was included?”

“It’s not. This treat is just for you,” he smiled.

“
Oh . . .
well . . . thank you, again.” She thought he looked like a cherry and orange Starburst candy this morning with his red shirt and orange pants. The way he was staring at her through his John Lennon glasses made her sit up a little straighter, and she brought her hand to her chest to make sure that her red v-neck shirt hadn’t slid too far down. He was making her very uncomfortable, but she knew that other women would enjoy his stares.

“Are you
enjoying
the ride so far?” he asked, with apparently no intention of covering the innuendo.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Lindsey stood up and looking out the front window. “Where’s Steve this morning?” She could feel Don’s stare on the back of her jeans, so she quickly turned to look at him.

“I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.” He paused. “We were up a little late last night at a party for a friend, so he may be sleeping something off.”

That didn’t sound right to Lindsey. It did make her realize that she didn’t really know Steve yet.

“Too bad you weren’t there.” Don lowered his glasses and winked at her.

This wasn’t the same guy from yesterday, was it? Lindsey tried to ignore Don’s comments, and returned to her seat to get out her journal. She began to write the date on the top of the page and added “Lake Minnewanka” underneath. She felt Don’s eyes staring at her, so she looked up to see him peering over the back of his seat.

“Today should be fun,” he said to her. “The lake is beautiful, so you’ll fit right in.”

He really was trying too hard this morning. Lindsey decided it was too early for her to deal with this, so she began to put her things away to get off the bus and wait in the lobby. But as she stood up, Martha climbed on. “Thank you,” Lindsey whispered toward the heavens.

“Good morning, honey!” Martha sat down in the seat behind her.

With one more glance in her direction, Don stood up and left the bus to greet the others.

“Hey Martha,” Lindsey said. “Are you excited about today?”

“Oh yes. The lake is serene and energizing at the same time. You’ll love it,” she assured.

“Where’s Joyce?”

“She’s still in the room. Her husband wants her to check in at the beginning and ending of every day. My silly brother can’t go a day without her.”

“That’s sweet,” Lindsey said. “I want my husband to feel the same way about me.”

“You’re married?” Martha asked with surprised.

“No, no. I just meant that my husband of one day . . . I hope he’s out there and will feel that way about me.”

“Speaking of potential husbands, honey, here’s Steve. He’s not looking very happy this morning though, is he?”

Martha was right, Lindsey thought. Steve looked angry, and apparently, his anger was directed at his partner. Steve walked right up to Don and stood toe to toe with him, and Lindsey could tell the conversation was heated. Don’s body language suggested he was pretending innocence, and after a few minutes, Steve turned away and entered the bus.

“Good morning, ladies,” he said with the same sweet smile he always had.

Lindsey noticed that he had exchanged his previous day’s red pants for bright orange ones. He looked like a carrot in orange pants and the orange shirt. She wondered who chose those ridiculous outfits.

He sat down next to Lindsey. “How are you this early morning?” he asked.

“Maybe I should ask you the same thing. You look a little rough.”

“Oh. I’m fine. Don never reset the alarm for me, so I overslept a little, but I made it in time.”

“You two are roommates too?”

“Oh yeah. Our lives are so intertwined, it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between us,” he laughed. “Of course, I am the more handsome one!”

Lindsey rolled her eyes and laughed at his pretend arrogance. At least she hoped it was pretend.

The rest of the group climbed in the bus, and they were on their way to Lake Minnewanka.

“Once again, we have your tickets, so please see me before you leave the parking lot,” Steve announced over the microphone. “The boat tour is one and a half hours. After that, we will meet back here, and then on to the Hoo Doo’s for a picnic lunch, which we will provide.”

Lindsey waited for the other travelers to get off the bus and then she and Steve walked out together. He playfully put his arm around her shoulders. He was so happy to be here with her that he couldn’t resist touching her somehow. He felt Lindsey stiffen slightly, but she didn’t pull away. Steve was about to remove his arm from her shoulders when Don walked up behind them and put his arm around her from the other side. “We’re off to see the Wizard!” he belted out, teasingly. The three of them laughed as they walked toward the boat, but Lindsey couldn’t shake the uncomfortable and intruding feeling that crept up whenever Don was around.