Journal of a Lifetime (Journals of Love) (19 page)

He thought Don valued their relationship because Don didn’t have a supportive family, or a girlfriend. Their career plans were all Don talked about. Not that it was true, but since Don hadn’t gone to college, Don mentioned many times he felt he had to ride on Steve’s intelligence and success in order to have any future of his own.

Lindsey wasn’t the first woman Don had scared away. This was just the most vicious attack. He usually succeeded by continually interfering and not allowing a woman time alone with Steve. Women could only take so much before they left. Don’s own track record with women left a lot to be desired. He bounced from one relationship to the next and treated women as playthings, not people.

Steve tried to be a role model to Don and always treated women with respect, but Don’s family examples had done a lot of damage to his views of women. Plus, Don wasn’t a Christian anymore. Steve prayed for his friend often, that he would come to know the Lord, again and be rescued from his life of folly and lack of purpose.

Steve held onto his faith during their teenage years, when Don strayed. Don lost more of his faith when his father passed. Steve knew Don was angry with God and blamed Him for everything bad in his life. All Steve could do was be an example and continue to pray for his best friend, yet Don somehow resented anything good that came to Steve. Steve didn’t think Lindsey had been a big threat since she didn’t even live here. If anything, he just expected Don to let their relationship run its course and to be there in the aftermath. He wondered if Don had seen in Lindsey what he did, and realized this wasn’t just a vacation fling.

Steve’s anger returned at the thought, and with each passing hour that Lindsey didn’t call, everything Don had told him appeared to be true. He had been wrong about her, been such a fool. Steve knew the right thing to do was to forgive Don. He prayed for the strength to do just that, but he also knew this betrayal would take time to get over.

His grandfather’s words gave him comfort, but unfortunately, Steve senior didn’t have the ability to see the future.

Three days passed with no call from Lindsey. Steve picked up the phone a few times to call her, but then he changed his mind.

He didn’t want to make a fool of himself . . . again.

Lindsey spent Saturday alone in her attic, returning to the searching and cleaning she had started weeks ago. Her sense of loss was even greater this time around as she knew all that Nana had sacrificed for her family.

She searched with a renewed sense of wonder though, as she began to look for any clue of Steve senior.

She was in luck when after a few quiet hours she discovered a shoe box of letters tucked in between the two by fours in the attic. As soon as she opened the box, she noticed the return address from Steve senior. She hugged the box to her chest and found herself dancing around the attic.

Her dancing was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. “Hi Mom,” Lindsey answered. She was happy for the break. The morning began cool, but at almost noon, the attic was humid and stale.

“Did you get home okay yesterday?” her mother asked. Lindsey hadn’t told her she arrived home a day early. “I wanted to call, but your father told me to mind my own business.”

“Yes, Mom, I’m home.”

“Well, how was everything? Did you find what you were looking for?” Ann was surprisingly calm considering Lindsey hadn’t talked with her in a few days.

“I did, and more. The countryside was just breathtaking. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She allowed herself a moment to reminisce. “The people were very kind too. I’d like to go back again one day.”

“That’s what Mother always said too. I could never understand her fascination with Calgary, but she always talked about going back there one day.”

That was a surprise to Lindsey. “Did she ever go?” She wondered if Steve senior had lied to her.

“Unfortunately, no. She took many other trips, but I don’t think she found the time. It was odd though, because when she was sick and I asked if she regretted anything, she said the only thing she did was not returning to Calgary.” Her mother paused. “I thought that was unusual, but I figured she was just replaying the good parts of her life in her mind.”

Lindsey sighed, saddened. It was much more than that. Nana had wanted to be with the one she loved and in those final days she was hit with the reality that it was never going to happen. Lindsey knew love holds out hope until the very end that it will return to its lover. When that hope left, that meant the end wasn’t too far away.

“I never knew that,” Lindsey said.

“I didn’t think it was important at the time. Anyway, are you happy to be home?”

“I’m settling in again. It’s going to take a while to read-just and I start back to work on Monday.” She couldn’t fathom that she had to return to the life she had before meeting Steve.

“Can I help you with anything today? I could come over if you’d like and bring dinner?” Lindsey sighed again, annoyed this time. Her mother was up to her usual ploys to see her and then badger her for not calling sooner.

“I have a lot to do to get ready for Monday, so can I just see you at church in the morning?” she asked hopefully.

Her mother didn’t respond for a minute. When she heard her father’s voice, she was surprised. “Your mother had to step away from the phone for a minute,” he told her. “She has taken up sculpting and one of her vases is due to come out of the oven.”

“Sculpting?” Had the whole town turned around since she left?

“She has been interested in it for years and your little escapade left her alone. You weren’t here to focus on, so she went out and bought all this equipment and made me clean out the garage for her. I never know what’s coming next with her,” he laughed. “But, that’s how I like it.”

Lindsey laughed too, suddenly admiring her parents. They had found true love and compatibility with each other. “Hang in there, Dad. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

She took a quick break and when she went into the dining room to fix herself lunch, she realized she hadn’t filled the bird feeders since she’d returned, so she grabbed the bag of seed and went out the back door. It only took her a minute to fill the feeders, but the fresh air made her pause.

She was thankful to be out of the attic and into the world of the living. She sat on the hammock and let her mind wander, just enjoying the sunshine. The gentle breeze and the sound of the birds chirping lulled her to a gentle sleep.

She dreamt of Nana. Adele was sitting on the edge of the hammock by her side, and Lindsey felt her heart warm along with the smile that spread on her face. “Finally,” she said. “I’ve missed you so much.” The words weren’t coming out of her mouth. She tried again. “I miss you, Nana.”

Nana smiled and placed her hand on Lindsey’s leg. Nana looked healthy and young. But, the words still weren’t coming. “I love you, Nana!” she shouted, and woke herself up. She almost fell out of the hammock from the exertion, but righted herself in time.

Nana wasn’t there and Lindsey was left feeling alone once again. She wanted to see Nana one more time, if only to know that Nana hadn’t forgotten her. She had so many questions to ask about death and the after-life. About love and living.

She knew Nana was at peace, but was still bothered by not knowing what that actually looked like. It almost made her head spin if she thought too much about it.

She hoped that as she got older and closer to her time of returning home, that she would be able to accept it easier and trust that God had a wonderful place for her.

Determined to finish what she had started, Lindsey left the comfort of the hammock and returned to the attic. So far, she hadn’t found anything as interesting as the letters, but had discovered a few pieces of jewelry that would make wonderful additions to her work attire.

It was getting late, so she closed up the attic and decided to take a walk again this evening, too. Seeing life in progress helped her to finish the day with peace on her mind, reminding her that life goes on and that people can be truly happy.

When she walked past homes with families in the yard, she took comfort from their happiness. Sometimes she’d see lights on inside a home, and wonder what was going on behind those walls, hoping that the families were spending time together. That they were talking about hopes and dreams and taking the time while they still could.

T
HE THIRD DAY
after Lindsey left, Steve spent his time at church. His various committees and Men’s clubs meetings lasted all day. He was surprised that he was able to concentrate and give the other members his full attention. They were in the planning stages of vacation bible school, and he usually took a lead role during that week.

The children enjoyed his role playing and his sense of humor as he led them through games and teachings about Christ. Most of the time, the children were having such fun they didn’t realize they were learning.

“Are you up for playing host again this year, Steve?” one of the members named Bob asked him.

Steve cleared his throat, and said, “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Will Don be joining you on the last day for your skit?”

Shoot
, Steve thought. He had forgotten about that. He hoped that the tension between the two wouldn’t spoil the week, so he agreed that Don would be there.

His next meeting was over the classic car ‘drive-in’ to church day that was planned for the following weekend. They had almost everything organized with only a few minor details to cover.

Steve checked his calendar and realized that almost every weekend for the next month would be booked. He wanted to get in more training time for the Calgary Stampede, but would apparently have to make do with the time he had.

When his meetings ended, Steve had a few hours for training, so he stopped at home to change his clothes. He looked at himself in the mirror and wondered what Lindsey would think of his black felt cowboy hat and the black chaps over his jeans. She had left so quickly that he hadn’t had the opportunity to share this part of his life with her. He sighed, and said to the Lord for strength to keep his chin up until he saw a sign.

He slipped on his black cowboy boots and headed out to the ranch.

Don was there, and once again they successfully avoided each other by remaining on opposite sides of the stables. Steve really wanted to practice his bull riding, though, so he knew he had to set aside his pride and talk with Don.

“Will you help me with Buc?” He asked it without looking his friend in the eye.

“Sure. When?”

“Now?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Let’s go.”

The others at the stables peered at the two. Steve and Don weren’t known for short conversations. They were always joking, teasing, or acting their characters. It was obvious to everyone who worked at the ranch something had happened between them.

Steve situated himself on the bull and Don gathered a few other men for the bull’s distraction. Steve squeezed his hand into the leather and held on tighter than he had in months.
Maybe anger is good for me
, he thought.
At least for this
.

He was able to hang on for six and a half seconds, a personal record for him. Don caged the bull and after a mere thumb’s up to Steve, the two went their separate ways.

Don knew enough to give Steve his space. Steve would calm down and forgive him eventually. Don’s stomach wasn’t as quick to forgive though, and he felt as if he had the beginnings of an ulcer. He knew he shouldn’t have lied to Steve and Lindsey, yet he didn’t know what else to do.

If Steve got distracted with a family life, or worse, left Canada for good, his own future was ruined. What was more, their friendship would be too.

When Don thought of the damage Adele had done to their grandfathers’ friendship, he was even more determined to keep Lindsey away. He knew he was just trying to rationalize his behavior, but he couldn’t bring himself to the truth yet. He had no way of repairing the damage anyway at this point and hoped to just ride it out.

Steve was sitting at the dining room table when Don returned home to their apartment in town.