Joshua's Folly (20 page)

Josh hurried away from the party, and headed for the Folly before he exploded. His emotions were suddenly on overdrive, thoughts spinning through his mind with ferocity. Although guests meandered through the maze of sidewalks, he knew he’d be able to find a spot to be alone for a bit. Alone time was what he needed desperately.

Time to process. Time to assimilate.

Unnoticed, he slipped into a grove of trees off the beaten path. He didn’t sit. He paced like an angry man.

Josh knew Marisa was unaware that he’d been listening to her entire conversation with old Mr. Marshall. His mind wouldn’t slow down or take in what he’d just heard Marisa say and what it meant to him. He’d never heard her express her dreams and what she wanted to do in life. She’d said it with such surety, such excitement, as if she couldn’t wait to get back to college and get started. He felt as if he’d been hit with a sledge hammer.

He was completely in love with Marisa, he had no doubts. He loved her vitality and the life she brought to his home, not only to him, but to Bethany also. Suddenly, in one blinding moment he’d been brought down to earth.

He thought about the ring he’d purchased, still hidden away in one of his desk drawers. He’d bought it awhile ago, at the very beginning of their relationship, sure even then that she was the one. He’d planned to propose to her very soon.

His father used to have a saying. “Josh,” he’d say, “never jump into a lake filled with murky water till you know what’s below the surface.” Then he’d relate this saying to life. “Everyone has murky waters. Everyone. I guarantee it.” He never explained what that meant. Josh could only assume the murky waters inside of people meant their quirks, skeletons, idiosyncrasies, issues—the things that had happened to them in life that had shaped them, and made them what they are today, whether good or bad.

“Do you know ‘bout her murky waters?” his father had asked when he brought Elizabeth home to the ranch.

Josh had evaded the question.

He should have listened to his father. Elizabeth had been one huge swamp

As it turned out, Marisa’s murky waters happened to be a sure plan for her life—and a desire to travel and see the world.

And not be stuck on a ranch in the middle of nowhere.

Not exactly murky.

But a problem all the same. An unforeseen problem. It was a good thing he’d decided to wait before popping the question.

What was he thinking? He couldn’t ask Marisa to set aside her dreams, to change her plans. She wanted to travel the world. He didn’t know that about her. After all the time they’d spent together, how could he not know this? How could he ask her to stay here with him? It would be entirely selfish on his part.

He must’ve completely misread her. When she’d spoken about leaving the school she currently taught at, maybe she was trying to tell him about her future plans, not leave him hints about leaving the school for him. He’d just assumed.

I’m such a fool.

Maybe he’d assumed a lot. He thought about his life, about how many women had left the ranch. Women didn’t like it at the ranch. It was an isolated existence. How could he have let himself forget that little bit of critical information? Marisa would be the same. At first she would love it, as she did now, but that would change. As time went on and the day-to-day drudgery of ranch life sank in, she would hate it and she would leave him. He sat down and held his head in his hands as his heart tried to convince his mind that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Marisa was so very young. He couldn’t ask her to give up her life for him. In the end, it would destroy them.

How could he have forgotten his past? He let himself believe it would never happen again, that Marisa was different. She would never leave him. She loved him. They’d never said it, but he knew.

“
My plans might be changing though
.” Those words said to him so innocently, so sweetly, cut him to the very bone. She was willing to give up everything for him. He loved her for it. But he couldn’t let her do it. He had to let her go to follow her dreams. She was young, she’d get over him easily. Maybe he would’ve shocked her when he proposed. For all he knew this was just a summer fling.

But as he let that wander around his mind, he knew it wasn’t so. Marisa had made it clear that she wanted a future with him. Hadn’t she? Or had he misunderstood her intentions?

Obviously he had.

Regardless, he would not trap her here at the ranch. It was a surefire path to disappointment and heartbreak.

Josh made his way back to the party, intent on his life changing decision, even though it wasn’t what he wanted. He visited with several of his guests for the next hour, not intending to avoid Marisa, but not purposefully seeking her out either. He laughed and joked, making the rounds between different social circles—suddenly the life of the party. No one knew he was desperately trying to forget his woes and tell himself he could move on with life without Marisa. No one knew he was dying inside.

A slow and painful death.

A few of the younger ladies asked him to dance, and he politely obliged. It felt foreign to hold other women in his arms. It didn’t feel right because they weren’t Marisa. They didn’t fit perfectly in the crook of his arm or melt into him the way she did. How was he going to let her go? She was the only one he wanted.

It was at that moment when he noticed Marisa standing at the periphery of the dance floor, her eyes glued to him. The emotion in her eyes hit him with so much force, he nearly took a step backward. She seemed almost frozen in place and he could see pain in her expression from where he stood. He wondered just how long she’d been observing him. The entire time? For a few minutes? She looked very upset, understandably so, and he suddenly felt like a world class heel. The pure anguish on her face broke his heart and brought him to his senses. Their eyes met for only a second, but she must’ve seen the indecision in his countenance because she quickly turned and walked away.

Through the crowd, he saw that she walked through the gate and into the Folly just as he had earlier
. Great minds think alike.
He suddenly felt very foolish. Her pain was his pain. The last thing he’d wanted to do was hurt her, but he was afraid his actions had done just that. He excused himself and went after her, chastising himself for his behavior. She didn’t know what was going through his mind. All she knew was he’d suddenly abandoned her—and she was perceptive enough to know it was deliberate.

Marisa ran into the trees away from the party, away from the crowds, away from sympathetic eyes—away from Joshua.

Something was wrong.

She wasn’t positive, but she would swear that Josh was suddenly avoiding her. It was so strange. She knew by the way he had looked at her, as if he was looking right through her, as if she had become invisible to him. He’d walked past her, only about a foot away from where she stood, and didn’t even acknowledge her. Then he took a few ladies out onto the dance floor, holding them close as they swayed to the music, smiling into their eyes as they spoke. An older lady approached and whispered in her ear, “Better hold on to him—if you can. He’s the most eligible bachelor around these parts. The cutest too,” she’d added with a wink and a friendly elbow poke in the ribs.

Ouch.

Gripped by confusion, Marisa collapsed under a tree, hugging her knees to her chest. Hidden by darkness, she started to cry—and then sob. Josh had abandoned her. She felt discarded and unwanted. After a nearly perfect evening together, she felt completely confounded.

Fast footsteps reached her ears, causing her to stiffen in place. Her hand covered her mouth and she didn’t even let herself breathe for fear of discovery.

“Marisa? Marisa?”

It was Josh, the worry in his voice quite obvious.

Not wanting him to see her crying, Marisa sat very still and didn’t make a peep. His deep voice wafted through the Folly as he sought her out. He was so close it was eerie. How did he know where she was? Could he
feel
her presence? Could he
feel
her anguish?

“Josh-u-a,” a sing-song voice rang out, sending a chill up her spine. The vultures were descending on the ‘most eligible bachelor around these parts.’ Marisa hadn’t realized she had so much competition.

Josh swore under his breath, “damn,” and joined his feminine guest.

Marisa sulked under the tree for a long while, deep in thought, and then decided it was time to go and claim her man. What was she thinking, sitting here crying like a dope? This was ridiculous. Of course he had to visit with his guests. She was acting like a petulant child just because all of his attention wasn’t on her. Good thing he hadn’t caught her crying. Surely he would’ve labeled her as high maintenance. Rightly so.
Quit acting like a child, Marisa. Josh wants you and you know it.

When she found Josh in the crowd, he was sitting at a table with a young woman who was basically talking non-stop, apparently quite thrilled to have Joshua’s ear for the moment. Josh occasionally nodded his head, looking completely bored, his eyes constantly darting, and that encouraged her to approach him.

I’m fixin’ to steal back my man. Look out ladies. The most eligible bachelor around these parts is no longer eligible.

It was getting late and she wondered when this party was going to die down. The night suddenly seemed never ending. She swallowed, tried to summon a little courage, and sat down beside Josh, sitting very close, linking her arm through his just like she always did.

He responded, but not in his usual manner. When he looked down upon her, he didn’t smile or say a word. Instead he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He turned to the young woman, who was glaring at Marisa, and said, “Excuse me, please.”

Josh took her to the dance floor and without a word, took her into his arms and held her as close as two bodies can be, uncaring of their audience. His hands ran down her back, his touch hard and desperate, and then up again to run his fingers through her hair. She buried her lips in his neck and kissed him softly, to which he immediately responded. He ran his lips down her cheek until she met him in a searing kiss. The kiss deepened and Marisa knew people must be staring, but Josh seemed oblivious. They were caught up in a world of their own, a torment of their own. They stayed there on the dance floor, holding each other, kissing and touching as if they were alone. The music changed, the tempo upbeat. The mood turned raucous as guests laughed and danced around them. They remained in their stronghold, no longer under the pretense that they were dancing. They held each other in a tight embrace, the intensity of Josh’s touch not lost on anyone, to include Marisa. Josh acted as though he was unaware of the stir they were creating and Marisa sensed that he didn’t care.

Finally, the party began to die down and people began to say their goodbyes. Josh and Marisa parted without saying a word. Josh went off to dutifully bid his guests farewell and Marisa trudged towards the house to put Bethany to bed. The poor girl could barely keep her eyes open. She tucked Bethany in and she fell asleep as her head hit the pillow.

Marisa immediately went to go find Josh. They needed to talk. She wasn’t absolutely positive, but it seemed as if something was bothering him. Or maybe she was just being selfish about his time. It wasn’t entirely apparent in her befuddled mind and she needed to clear the air. She burst into his office and found him in his desk chair, sitting very still. The room was dark except for the small desk lamp and it took her eyes a moment to adjust. Josh sat with his hands clasped, resting against his chin. He looked deep in thought, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Marisa’s anxiety rose a notch. Perhaps she had not misread the situation after all. She stood before him for a moment and swallowed her uncertainty

Gulp.

“Don’t you knock?” he asked, feigning irritation.

“Do you want me to knock?”

“Yes.”

“I like being the one person in your life who doesn’t have to knock,” she said bluntly as she sat herself down on his lap and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and holding him close.

Marisa had no idea what else to do.