Jenna's Consent (5 page)

A collective sigh filtered throughout each member of the
group.

“Exactly. It’s the same thing when I’m in rope. But so much
better. Everything’s just
more
when I’m in rope.” She rubbed her fingers
together, knowing exactly how the processed jute would feel if she had a hank
of it in her hands. “There are hundreds of little thoughts rolling in my head
all the time. But when I’m in rope the entire world just goes away.”

Cyn spoke as she moved her thumb in slow circles on her
shin. “It almost sounds like a religion.”

“For some people I bet it is. For me it’s humbling. The
feeling I get when I’m suspended somewhere between heaven and Earth—it’s divine
in many ways.”

“I know what you mean.” Haleigh looked at Jenna and her
mocha-brown eyes sparkled in the lights around the room. “When you tied that
rope corset on me for my first night in the club it was amazing.”

“She tied you?” Skye’s voice got louder on every word. They
all shushed her and she leaned forward. “How the fuck did I miss that?”

Jenna bit her bottom lip, knowing she’d slipped up with Skye
there and she tried to distract her. “It was during your hiatus trying to be
vanilla.”

Skye waved her hands in the air, wafting that thought away
like a fart in the wind. “You tied her? Really?”

Now or never. “Yes, I did.”

“Why is that a big deal?” Haleigh wanted to know.

“Woo hoo!” Skye exclaimed, adding several fist pumps, as if
her bouncing on the bed didn’t give away her excitement. “Wait, does that mean
you’re self-suspen—”

Jenna clapped a hand over her mouth, motioning with her head
toward the camera in the corner of the room. Some secrets were only safe with
your girlfriends.

Skye dragged her hand off her mouth, “Sorry. Are you, you
know, again?”

“I never really quit. Only stopped for a few months after
he
left. It’s a part of me. It is me. I wouldn’t let him take that away from me.
He took enough. He couldn’t have that too.”

“Fucker,” Skye mumbled under her breath. Her smug smile made
Jenna glad she’d finally admitted to tying again. Then Skye’s face fell. “Does
that mean the dreams are back? That’s why you’re so damn tired lately. And
emotional. I’m a dumbass.”

“Hi, we’re sitting right here.” Cyn gestured toward Haleigh
and herself. “Don’t have a clue what you guys are talking about. Can you back
up and give us the CliffNotes version since it’s getting late?”

Jenna opened her mouth but Skye spoke before she could
begin.

“Jenna loved this asshole named Ian. He was everything to
her. Hung the moon and all that shit. They were together for three years, met
when she had just turned twenty and he was a dashing twenty-five. They studied
under the same Japanese rope master, even though Jenna had been tying longer
than he had. But then one night he just walked. She never heard from him
again.”

Jenna nodded and gestured for her to continue. Somehow it
made it easier hearing it from a third party. She kept her grief locked up
tight and tried to pretend as if Skye spoke about someone else. Hearing it
still made her feel weak but talking about it was even worse.

“For the years since, when she doesn’t take care of
herself—meaning get fucked often and hardcore—the dreams start. It’s always
Ian, showing up, taking her, controlling her.”

“They’re so real. It’s absolutely like he’s there with me,
taking me back.” She closed her eyes, picturing him in front of her with rope
in his hands. Shivers rocked her body. “But then I wake up and he’s gone
again.”

“Oh, Jenna.” The empathy in Cyn’s voice made her open her
eyes again. “I wish you would have told us about this before. We could have
helped you through it. Pimped you out or something.”

Everyone giggled.

“What are friends for?” Cyn asked as she brushed a piece of
hair off Jenna’s cheek, tucking it behind her ear.

Jenna licked her lips, not truly certain how to explain the
next part. “How he left…it was awful. It was but even when we were together
there was more to his story. I was sure of it.”

“How so?” Haleigh asked.

“Something happened when he was a kid. Something to do with
his family. I’m not sure what it was but it changed him. Made him hard. Almost
like his attitude was armor. He pushed people away. You know. Leave them first
before they can leave you kind of thing. I asked him about it several times but
he’d always clam up immediately. His eyes. God.” She closed hers for a moment.
Remembering.

Cyn spoke up but it was nothing more than a whisper. “What
about his eyes?”

Jenna locked onto her. Of any of the girls Cyn would
understand. Especially with Chris’ past. “They were devastated. Dead sometimes,
but then other days it was like you could see the demons that plagued him.
Every time I thought we were getting close to him opening up he’d throw up
another wall. Another road block to keep himself separate from me. Except for
the sex. The fantasies. Perfection.” Jenna shivered. “Just like the dreams. But
better and worse.”

“Are the dreams nice at least?”

“They’re so wonderful they’re awful. He almost always breaks
into my house and forces me to submit to him. In every dream he uses rope. It’s
unbelievably sexy.”

“Damn.”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds or it’s worse, I don’t know.
I’ve had rape and kidnapping fantasies before and he fulfilled one of them for
me. He’s the only person I’ve ever trusted enough to ask for that.”

Cyn stiffened, some of the color draining from her cheeks.
Realization crashed down on Jenna and she cupped Cyn’s jaw while mentally
kicking her own ass.

“Dammit. I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” She pulled Cyn to her,
met her in the middle, and kissed her mouth. She nibbled at her lips until she
felt some of Cyn’s tension bleed into the room. Cyn had almost been raped by
someone twice, the second time actually happening in one of the dungeon rooms at
The Library not too many months back.

That was one of the reasons Chris and Jared decided to beef
up security and a heck of a lot of other things around the dungeons to protect
the members.

She sighed. “It’s okay. I know a lot of people have that
fantasy. YKINOK and all that. It just catches me off guard sometimes. If you
want to kiss me again, maybe that would make me feel better?”

“Who am I to say no to a request like that?” Cyn’s ponytail
had taunted her all night long and she didn’t waste a minute more of thinking
about it. Jenna grabbed it, hauling Cyn’s mouth to her again and licked inside.
Cyn’s tongue slid along hers and they both moaned. Jenna tasted her lip gloss,
angling her head, taking her mouth until Cyn’s fingernails pressed into her
thighs.

Cyn’s breath pumped in and out, whispering across her cheek,
making her wet and needy. Her want shot off the charts as Cyn moaned into her
mouth.

Jenna licked her bottom lip, nibbling on it. Kissing her one
more time because she couldn’t keep from it. “I’m so glad the twins let me play
with you.”

“Me, too. You are definitely tasty. Never knew what I was
missing until I met my Fairy Godslut. My door definitely swings both ways with
you.”

“Damn straight.”

“What about me?” Haleigh pouted. “I didn’t get a kiss.” She
wrinkled her nose and waited, fighting a smile the whole time. It was bratty
behavior but somehow coming from Haleigh it was nothing but cute.

“Aww, sorry, hun. Didn’t mean to leave you out.” Jenna
palmed her cheek, pulling her forward until her lips touched Haleigh’s.

Haleigh sighed, scooting closer and moving one of her legs
over Jenna’s thigh. Jenna kissed her, seduced her into opening her mouth and
then Haleigh’s tongue touched her lip. Jenna smiled as she adjusted herself on
the bed so she was in a better position. Jenna loved how serious she took it
and was blown away when Haleigh let herself go.

Cyn tucked a piece of hair behind Jenna’s ear and from the
corner of her eye, she saw her do the same to Haleigh. “Better view?” she
asked.

“Mmhmm.”

She kissed Haleigh and Haleigh kissed her back. The kiss
wasn’t meant to inflame. It wasn’t horrendously dirty but her tender submission
during it stirred something inside Jenna that she desperately needed while she
felt so vulnerable about Ian.

Haleigh cupped her cheek, tucking her fingers into her hair
and tugging just enough so Jenna definitely remembered who was kissing her.
“Hair pulling? You dirty girl.”

“I like being dirty.” Haleigh lay down in bed, placing her
head in Jenna’s lap.

Jenna shook her head at her and then started playing with
her hair. She looked over at Skye expectantly.

She smiled. “You know I don’t do girls. Wish I did, ’cause
that was hell for sexy. I like watching but the actual act of it? Yeah.
Nothing.”

Jenna kissed her on the cheek anyway. “Maybe that’s why
we’ve been friends for so long.”

Skye barked out a laugh. “Why? Because I never let you in my
panties?”

“Yep.”

“Hey. I let you in my panties,” Cyn exclaimed.

“Me too,” Haleigh agreed. “Does that mean you’re going to
stop being friends with us?”

“No, you didn’t let me in your pussies. Not either of you.
Your men tell me exactly what I can do to each of you. So technically, it
doesn’t count.”

“Technically. I like that.”

“It’s all about perspective.”

“It’s funny you should mention that.” Skye drew her
attention and her brow made a V so Jenna prepared herself to lose her buzz.
“The dreams are back. So you’re not getting off enough? You haven’t submitted
to anyone and everything’s building up in your system? I know you. You’re like
a bomb ready to go off at any time.”

Jenna chuckled but cringed inside with how accurate she was.
“Something like that.”

“So why don’t you get it on with Cyn or Haleigh? Not just
kissing, I mean, really get it on?”

“Are you trying to be my pimp, Skye?”

She actually thought about it before answering and Jenna
chuckled under her breath. “Not exactly. Ahh, hell. Don’t laugh, bitch. I’m
just trying to figure out a way to get you what you need.”

“The only thing that’s ever set me straight again is
submitting to a guy and someone pretty sadistic tends to level me back out
faster.”

“Who’ve you submitted to in the past? It’s been what, four
years, since Ian left?”

She winced. She tried not to but each time she heard it, it
was as if someone belted her across the face.

“Umm. There was this guy named uhh… and then there was this
other dude. I met him when I was in Chicago once…”

“That right there is what I’m worried about. You don’t
remember them because they meant nothing to you.”

“Well, not nothing.”

“You were attracted to them, you cunt, but they couldn’t
touch your heart. Right?”

“Hell no. Nobody’s touching that.”

“And you slept with them, what? Once? Maybe twice?”

Jenna wanted to refute what Skye hinted at but she couldn’t.
She simply nodded, not wanting to live with the consequences of what she knew
Skye had figured out.

She whispered so low, Jenna barely heard her. “Nick does.
And if he doesn’t yet, he sure as hell will by the end of his month. So do you
think it’s smart to pick him to take care of you? And don’t get all defensive,
Ms. I Just Narrowed My Eyes At You. I’m not saying this to be a bitch. I’m
saying this because I love you and I don’t want you to be hurt again.”

Jenna didn’t even realize she’d gotten a pinched look on her
face but she was absolutely about to start defending Nick. And she knew Skye
just wanted what was best for her. She wrapped her fingers and thumb around her
forehead to massage her own temples. “He’s the only one I want. He’s the only
one that calls to me.”

Haleigh rolled over a bit, staring up at her. Jenna lowered
her hand, running Haleigh’s hair through her fingers to have something to do
with her hands and something to focus on. “He’s in the dreams too. Not so much
in them-in them, but in my head in the dreams, while Ian’s fucking me. It’s
totally messed up. But I really do believe it’s Nick or nothing. And
nothing
right now is going to kill me if I can’t get some good sleep in the next few
nights. I’m running on fumes as it is.”

Cyn took her hand and squeezed it. “Then you do what you
need to and we’ll be here when you need to fall apart if you don’t want to do
it in front of Nick. We’ll be your rocks, just like you were for each of us.
Got it?”

Tears filled her eyes but she closed them before they
tumbled over.

She was so lucky to have them in her life. Women that
understood her and her needs. Didn’t ridicule or look down their nose at her
for her desires. There weren’t a lot of people in the world that could say that
and truly mean it, and she felt blessed.

Her mind was so scattered by everything but one thing kept
popping up in her mind with giant question marks plastered over it. She blurted
it out before she could stop herself. “Will it ever stop?”

“What? The dreams?” Cyn asked.

“No. The hurt. It’s been four years. And two months and
twenty-three days. Will it ever go away?”

Sympathy crossed Cyn’s face but Haleigh’s the one who spoke
up. “It’s probably like losing someone but you didn’t get to say goodbye. I
think it’s harder that way. Keeps the pain fresh because you have no end to the
pain. No way to forgive yourself or stop playing the ‘what if’ game.”

For all of Haleigh’s innocence, when she made comments like
that she reminded all of them she’d lived with a lot. Battled in the fight of
her life and won but at a heavy price.

Jenna made a mental note to hug Kyle and Scott again, just
for simply loving such a sweet and wonderful soul as Haleigh’s. All three of
them were special to her.

Cyn pulled her out of her own inner to-do list. “What did
you mean by self-suspend? Or something like that. Skye started to say it
earlier but you cut her off.”