Jaxson (14 page)

“I thought that my life was in New York, but I was wrong. My life has always been where you were. I just didn’t realize it until coming back here. I was running away because you hurt me.” When I look back at her, I see her looking away and out the window. Her hand is still in mine, as I look back at the road.
 

“I’m sorry.” My voice is hoarse and full of emotion. “I never meant to hurt you. I had to stay behind. I had no choice.” When I look at her again, I could see her nodding her head. “He needed me more than you did at that moment. If I would have known you were pregnant, I would have gone with you. I wouldn’t have let you walk away.”
 

“I should have told you.” She takes her seatbelt off and pushes the center console up so she can scoot over to sit right next to me. I wrap my arm around her and pull her even closer to me.
 

“You had your reasons. Although I am pissed that I missed her whole life, I don’t blame you. We will be parents.” When I look at her, I can see the tears shining in her eyes. She puts her head on my shoulder and I continue to drive to our destination.
 

When I finally come to a stop, I see her head pop up and look around. Slowly her head turns to face me. “You remembered.” Her eyes brighten, then she throws her arms around my neck, pulling me to her. Her mouth comes down onto mine quickly and her tongue slips into my mouth.
 

This place isn’t much, but when she was having a shitty day we would come out here and spend the whole afternoon here. “I can’t believe you remembered.” she says a little breathlessly. Of course I remembered.

“I remember everything about my time with you. I know how much this place means to you.” She grins widely before she opens the truck door and all but pushes me out. Grabbing a blanket out of the backseat and the water bottles, I take her hand and I lead her out towards the water. This is the closest thing we have to a beach and one of the places that holds the most memories for us.
 

When she goes to her favorite spot, she takes the blanket from me and lays it out on the ground. She takes a seat and pulls on my hand to get me to sit with her. Plopping my ass on the ground behind her, I pull her back to my front and we sit, looking out onto the water. “Do you remember the last time we were out here?” she asks. I press a kiss to the top of her head and smile.
 

“Yeah. I do.”
 

I kiss to side of her cheek and she buries her body back into mine. “I think it’s when I got pregnant.” her head turns to me and I just watch her. It’s almost like she doesn’t know what else to say. She goes to say something else, but the words never come out. I wipe the tear that is about to fall from her eye and I hug her tighter to my body.
 

“This place has bad memories for you now.” I state. Another tear falls down her cheek and I brush it away with my finger.
 

“No. It just reminds me about how precious life is. I don’t want to take it for granted again. I miss her.” She turns in front of me and wraps her arms around me, knocking us both to the ground. Her body is on top of mine and the only thing I can think of is how beautiful she is, even when she has tears pooling in her beautiful eyes.

There is so much that I wish I could take back, but being with her will never be one of those things. I wish I would have fought harder to get her to stay, instead of letting her walk away. I’ve needed her just as much as she’s needed me over the years. We let time and space pass us by and there is no way that I’ll let that happen again. She can fight like hell, but I’m not letting go even if I have to follow wherever she goes.
 

“I know you do baby. So do I.” Although I’ve never met our daughter like she did, a part of me feels like there is part of my heart that’s missing. Gracilyn was a part of both of us and made from the love we shared. The love that is still between us even after all that time. It’s never diminished; it’s only gotten stronger over time.
 

“She will be here with us soon.” She presses her face into the crook of my neck, I can feel her breathe as it fans over my skin. Her legs are straddling me, but I don’t take it further. She’s needs the comfort. She needs to know that I don’t blame her for our daughter’s death, and I don’t. What happened was beyond anyone’s control, even if I was in New York with her, we would have had the same outcome.
 

“You are amazing.” She whispers before her lips press against mine. Closing my eyes, I kiss her back. I don’t think about the words she says because part of me feels like it’s my fault that we crashed and burned like we did before. Although I don’t regret not going to New York, I regret missing out on her pregnancy and being there to hold her hand when she went into labor.
 

I don’t think I’m amazing; hell I could barely keep it together after she left. She’s dealt with a whole lot more than I have in the last ten years. If anything, she’s the amazing one.
 

“You’re the amazing one.” I whisper. My hand goes to the back of her neck, I keep her mouth on mine. If anything I need to just feel her body against mine for as long as I get to keep her. I’m hoping for forever, but I know that life is always a ride that we have no control of. I’ve seen it firsthand. I’ve watched my momma struggle to move past my pops death. She is the strongest woman I know and I’m lucky to have her.

Her hand slowly moves from my neck, down my chest. It stops for a second on my stomach before it goes to the top of my jeans. She pops open the button on my jeans, shoving her hand inside. When she grips my dick, I can’t help but groan out. We’ve had sex out in public more times than inside and I still get the familiar rush I got as a horny ass teenager. What the hell am I saying; I get that rush no matter where we have sex. Her body calls to mine, every time feels like it’s the first.
 

We lost our virginities together. She was my first in every way and I want her to be my last. She is the first girl I had sex with, the first and only woman I’ll ever marry, and the first only woman I’ll ever have children with. She is undoubtedly the only woman I want for the rest of my life, even if it’s a struggle every day. I love her too much to let her leave again.

She lifts up my shirt and kisses her way down my chest before trying to slide my jeans down enough to get my dick out. I help her out by lifting my hips up and she gets them down right below my ass. Her mouth leaves my skin, I grunt out in displeasure until I watch her stand up and shimmy her jean shorts off.
 

She drops herself back down on me wearing a pair of Barely There panties that leave little to the imagination. I see the way they hug her hips and show off her amazing ass. My hands travel up her thighs and passed her ass to her lower back. She rubs her covered pussy against my erection and I have to suck in a breath. Fuck she feels amazing.
 

Her hands slide under my shirt and she pulls me up into a sitting position before she pulls my shirt up and over my head. My hands move to her bra and I unfasten it before I pull her tee shirt and bra off of her in one smooth motion. She tries to cover herself when my eyes scan over her perfect skin, but I don't let her. She has nothing to be embarrassed about. I love her body more now than I did before. I can see the silverish stretch marks that prove she carried our child. I love the way her hips flare enough for me be able to hold onto her. Grabbing her hands, I place them behind her back and continue to scan over her body.
 

“Don’t ever cover yourself. You are fucking breathtakingly beautiful. I could stare at you all day and never get tired of it.” I dip my head and take one of her nipples into my mouth. Her back arches and she pushes her tit further into my face. I lap at her nipple before I turn to the other one and give it the same attention. Her moans fill the quiet countryside, she starts to rock against me. Releasing her arms, I slide my hands up her back.
 

I grab a handful of her hair and pull her head back so I can run my mouth along her neck. My dick is hard and every time she moves against me I get harder. Fuck, she feels so fucking good. “Please.” she whimpers. Releasing her hair, I run my fingers down her spine and to her panties. Running my fingers over her pussy, I can feel how wet she already is. I slide her panties to the side and lift her hips up. She’s biting her bottom lip and fuck it’s a sexy sight. Lowering her back down, I slowly slide her down onto my hard dick.
 

Her whimpers fill my ears and her fingers dig into my shoulders. Once she’s taken me all the way, she slowly starts to move. Each movement is deliberate and fuck if it doesn’t turn me on more. Each roll of her hips brings us both closer to the edge. “Oh God Jax.” she groans out. I thrust my hips up and into her as she’s grinding down on me. Shit, I’m going to come soon. Her eyes close and her head falls back as she screams out my name. “Jax.” I pump my hips into her faster as she starts to ride out her orgasm.
 

Slamming her down on me a few more times causes me to come. I rock her against my dick as I ride out my orgasm. “Fuck Lynnie.” I whisper against her temple. Her forehead presses against mine, I can see the happiness written all over her face. Fuck, I don’t know what I would have done if she never came home.
 

I needed her more than I ever knew. She’s what keeps me sane. Without her, I’d still be as lost as I was when my pops died.

Today Lynnie’s friend Amie is supposed to arrive. Lynnie had a shift this morning at the diner, I spent most of the morning working on the ranch so that I could break away to take her to the airport. Once I get half of my chores done for today, I make my way back to the house. When I pull up, I see Lyndley and Max playing fetch. Walking towards them, Max comes running to me and drops the ball at my feet. Picking up the ball, I toss it and watch him run towards it before walking over to her, giving her a soft kiss.
 

“Mmm… Hey, baby.” She grins at me.
 

“Hi, darlin’. You ready to go pick up your friend?” I wrap her up in my arms and start walking us backwards towards the house.
 

Wrapping her arms around my neck, she gives me a “Yes.”

“Damn. How do I get you this happy to see me?” I ask jokingly. She does the same thing every time I show up to the house after working all day.
 

She kisses me once more and whispers, “I’m always happy to see you.” I get dirty thoughts of all the things I would rather be doing to her right now, but I don’t let my dick do the talking or we will never get to the airport on time.
 

“Will you show me later?” I watch her eyes meet mine and she gets a shy smile on her face.
 

“Definitely.”

A few days ago Lyndley asked if her friend could stay at the house and since I have the room and it would mean a lot to Lynnie, I told her that it would be fine. She still doesn’t get that I would do anything for her. Plus, the one hotel we have in this town isn’t really all that nice. Prom night, a bunch of us rented rooms and let’s say that we never went back after that.

After getting Lynnie into the truck, I start it and we make the drive to the airport. “So how long have you and Amie been friends?” I finally ask to break the silence. She’s been looking out the window the whole time, I can’t put my finger on what’s running through her head.
 

“Three years. We worked together. She is probably the only person who knows the most about me, even if she doesn’t know a lot about my past.” When I look over at her again, I see the sadness and uncertainty. Why wouldn’t she tell her best friend about what happened? I thought that all women gossiped to their girlfriends about stuff like this.

“So she doesn’t know we used to be high school sweethearts, or that you had a baby?” I feel my teeth grit and I try to keep my cool. I don’t know why it pisses me off that she never mentioned me. Maybe I’m over reacting, but I would never forgo that kind of information with a best friend. Tate knows everything about mine and Lyndley’s relationship. Even all the bad shit.
 

She shakes her head in answer and stays quiet for a few seconds. When she finally says something, I have to bite my cheek not to say anything else. “Jax, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want anyone to judge me. I wanted to make a fresh start.” My hands tighten on the steering wheel and I keep my mouth closed. I can't trust myself to not say anything dick like to her in anger.

We make the rest of the drive in silence and I’m having a hard time with it all. I would never be embarrassed about what happened between us, I sure as hell wouldn’t keep it a secret from any of my friends. Shit, everyone I know seems to know what happened between Lyndley and me. It was all anyone could talk about for months after she left. Now the only thing anyone wants to talk about is the child that I never knew about.