Jade (11 page)

"How were you supposed to know a weirdo was writing you those E-mails?" Star asked quickly. I smiled at how she didn't want me to blame myself, but I knew it was my own doing. I should have been more careful and not thrown myself into a stranger's world.
"I tried another window and it was worse. How did he ever get fresh air? I wondered. This house was like a dungeon in which all the terrible memories were being held prisoner inside that sick man, I thought."
"So what did you do?" Misty asked "How did you finally get out?"
"I didn't want to wander around the house looking for a window that would open. I was sure I would knock something over or do something to call his attention to me, so I took a chance and returned to the front door. He was still asleep in the living room.
"I looked around, saw that the space between the wall and the grandfather clock was wide enough to hide me, and then I pounded on the front door and hurriedly hid behind the grandfather clock. I waited and waited, my heart ticking as loud as that clock once ticked, I imagine. He didn't come. After a good minute, I tiptoed over to the door and looked in on him. He had turned, but hadn't awakened, so I returned to the front door and pounded harder and longer. I hit it so hard, I thought the house shook. Desperation gave me the needed strength. Then I hurried behind the grandfather clock again and this time, I heard him stumble around and come out mumbling.
"'Who's there?' he called. He listened and then he went to the door and listened. 'Little bastards,' he muttered, I guess thinking some neighborhood kids were playing a joke on him Maybe they had done that before. He did what I hoped he would. He took the key from his pocket and unlocked the door. It was my intention to just rush out, knock past him and lunge out of the house, screaming for help, but he paused and turned to look toward the stairway. I could see he was thinking hard. He closed the door and started for the stairs, only he hadn't locked the door again. My plan had worked.
"I waited until he started up and had time to make the first turn before I stepped out, opened the door and flew down that small stairway to the street. When I got there, I ran and ran, not knowing where I was heading, ignoring the sheets of rain that were whipping at me. I just wanted to get as far away as I could. I ran until I was out of breath and a stitch in my side made me stop. I stood against a fence, holding my side and catching my breath. I was literally soaked, my hair drenched, the water running down my face, but I didn't care. I was so happy, I didn't feel anything else.
"Then I walked down to the far corner, crossed the street and walked until I spotted a restaurant. I went inside to the bathroom and dried myself as best I could. Then I called for a taxi to take me back to the airport. When I got there, I had to wait another hour for a flight back to Los Angeles.
"I nearly fell asleep and missed it. I did fall asleep when I got on the plane. I remember thinking, so much for my running away from home to see someone who could sympathize with me.
"There wasn't any place I could run to, I thought. That's all I had learned on this trip."
"That wasn't all," Star said.
"No, I guess not." I looked at Dr. Marlowe. "I guess I learned a lot about trust.
"Anyway, it was quite late in the day by the time I arrived at my house. Of course, my parents were still away and there was no one checking up on me. Occasionally, Mrs. Caron would look in on me or ask how I was when they were both away, but that was the extent of it. I entered the house very quietly. There was no one waiting around to greet me. When I checked my answering machine, I found a message from my girlfriend Sophie. She wanted to know why I hadn't attended the Honor Society induction ceremony and reception. She told me it was the nicest one."
"People always do that, even your supposed best friends. They tell you something was great when you miss it," Star muttered.
I laughed. It was as if she had known Sophie as long as I had.
"There were no other messages. Apparently neither of my parents had called. You can imagine how exhausted I was. I practically passed out before my head hit the pillow. I slept right through breakfast the following day. I vaguely heard Mrs. Caron outside my door asking if I was feeling all right. It took my missing two breakfasts before she would bother inquiring. I couldn't blame her. I was never one to appreciate her concern and she had decided early on that she would do her work and not poke her nose into our lives.
"I shouted that I was fine and thanked her for asking. She went away without asking any other questions.
"About an hour later, I showered, dressed, had a bagel and some coffee and went to school. I was in quite a daze most of the day. All the rest of the day, people asked why I hadn't attended the Honor Society function and I just used a stomachache as an excuse.
"My mother was the first to return home late in the afternoon. She flew by my room, saw I was sprawled on my bed, and came back.
"'Hi,' she said. 'I'm having a maddening time Felix lost the orders for the entire Longs Drugs account. Can you imagine? His computer crashed. You can't imagine what's going on, and all this while I was away.
"'Oh, how was the Honor Society function?' she asked without pausing for a breath.
"I just stared at her. If I hadn't been lucky, I might be dead up in a room in a strange house in San Francisco, I thought, and my mother had no idea, not in her wildest imaginings, what I had been through. Orders for lipstick and makeup products were temporarily missing and her world was in turmoil. For a moment I wished I was a tube of mascara?'
Misty laughed and Star and Cat smiled.
" 'I didn't go,' I told her.
"'Oh. Why not?'
"'I wasn't feeling well,' I said. I wanted to blurt, I ran away from home two days ago, used some of my special funds designed to make me independent and confident, and searched for a soul mate who didn't exist. Instead, Mom, some crazed man tried to keep me prisoner. He even took off my clothes after I passed out. He did a lot of other horrible things to me.
"In my mind I imagined her hearing this and saying, 'Oh. That's too bad. Well, how long do you think it will take for Felix to fix his computer?' "
No one laughed at my attempt at sick humor. I guess it wasn't really funny.
"'Are you all right now?' my mother asked. `Do you need to see a doctor?'
"'No,' I said. I meant I'm not all right, but she took it to mean I didn't have to see a doctor.
"'Well, just take it easy. I know you're probably nervous about your appointment with the judge at the end of the month, but it will be fine. That stupid Felix,' she added. 'He's such a . . . what would you say, dork?'
"She waited to see if I appreciated her attempt to speak the lingo. I just stared and she smiled and shook her head and hurried away.
"My father arrived just before dinner. Mother was in the office barking orders at Felix. My father put down his leather case that contained his drawings and listened to her shouting for a moment.
"'The world of beautiful people appears to be in a crisis,' he declared and laughed.
"There was a time when he would feel sorry for her, sympathize and even offer some suggestions. How far apart they've grown in a few short months, I thought.
"'And how's my favorite scholar? Did you knock them dead at the induction, make a speech or something?' he wondered.
"'I didn't go,' I told him. 'I wasn't feeling well.' "'Oh, too bad. What was wrong?'
"'Stomachache,' I said, and he nodded.
"'Woman stuff?'
"Whenever I had a stomachache or a headache, that was a convenient explanation for him. It was his excuse for not really worrying.
"'Right,' I said, thinking, why bother?
"He refreshed himself quickly and came to dinner just after my mother finished her phone calls and we began the charade of another family dinner with storm clouds looming above:'
"I think I was better off having my father move out," Misty said.
"You're right about that," Star seconded.
"I guess I would agree with both of you now," I said. "Their conversation was clipped, short and shaded with nasty innuendos. Neither really cared to know about the other's day. I suppose neither of them wanted to appear weak by asking a nice question. Before the dinner ended, they managed to get in another argument about me.
"'She didn't go to the Honor Society induction,' my mother declared just before coffee and dessert.
"'I heard,' my father said.
"'I'm sure she was upset about having neither of us attending and that gave her a nervous stomach,' my mother said.
"'Whose fault is that?' my father countered.
"It was as though I wasn't even there while they argued. Can you understand why I felt I was becoming more and more invisible, a shadow of myself?" I asked the girls. They all nodded.
"My mother wiped her mouth with her napkin and reached into her purse which she had brought to the table and placed on the floor beside her chair. When she had done that, I wondered about it, but I didn't ask. All the while she had anticipated this argument and was preparing for it, I discovered, and so did my father.
"She plucked her appointment book out of her purse and flipped through the pages.
"'It's very clear that it was your turn to escort Jade to one of her school functions,' she said. 'If you want to check the calendar, it's right here. I went to the P.T.A. function two weeks ago while you were embroiled in a creative meeting in Pasadena. I have it written down. Care to look?' she said, holding out the book.
"My father glanced at me and then turned back to her, furious.
"'You never mentioned the schedule before the two of us planned our appointments,' he said through his clenched teeth. That's probably where I get doing that. It's one of his precious gifts to me: clenched teeth during anger.
"'I didn't think I would have to remind you of an obligation to your own daughter,' she returned sharply.
"'It seems to me you missed something last month,' he said, but weakly because he wasn't nearly as prepared as she was. My mother has always been a lot better than my father at organizational details. He's more creative, abstract, lost in his images and visions. She's more precise, a manager He was outgunned.
"'You never mentioned it and I don't recall it, but this is clearly an example of your lack of responsibility when it comes to Jade's needs,' she said, flipping her appointment book closed and dropping it like a dagger back into her purse.
"'Are you going to run right to the phone and tell your attorney?' he snapped.
"'It will be properly noted,' she said as Mrs. Caron entered with the coffee and carrot cake.
"'You just let this happen,' my father continued. Usually, they waited for Mrs. Caron to leave before having any words between them, but he was like a balloon about to burst, his face flushed and his eyes wide and angry. 'It's nothing more than entrapment, plain and simple and disgusting.'
"'The bottom line is she didn't go to an important school function,' my mother insisted. Her calmness made him angrier. He flustered about a moment and then turned to me.
"'I'm sorry, Jade, if you didn't go because of me, that is,' he said, hoping I would deny it.
"'Of course she didn't go because of you,' my mother pounded.
"'Let her speak for herself. That's something you never let the child do anymore, have her own mind.' "'That's ridiculous. I never . .
"'STOP!' I screamed, my hands over my ears. 'I didn't go because I ran away. I flew to San Francisco and I was almost kidnapped and raped and killed and neither of you know a damn thing about it.'
"They both sat there, staring, their mouths open.
"'What?' my father said. He looked at my mother and she shook her head, her face bright with shock.
"'I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS!' I shouted, and ran out of the dining room, up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me.
"About ten minutes later, they both came upstairs and stood outside my door together asking me to let them in and explain what I had said. I didn't answer them. My mother went down to question Mrs. Caron, but she knew nothing, of course, except that I had been gone. She couldn't tell how long. I never tell her when I leave, where I'm going or how long I'll be there. How could she be expected to know?
"My father continued to plead with me to tell him what had happened. Finally, they both retreated to their own affairs.
"Later, when I was calm and they asked me again, I told them some of it. Of course, they only blamed each other and threatened to use it against each other in court. My father pushed for more details so he could contact the police, but I didn't want to be part of any of that. Just the thought of seeing Mr. Bennet again sent electric chills through my heart. My parents gave up on it, and around me at least, pretended it had never happened.
"After a while it even diminished in my own mind, probably because as Dr. Marlowe has told me, I am using defense mechanisms to keep from reliving the events. I guess I ruined all that today, huh, Doc?"
"No," she said softly. "Sometimes, the best way to kill your demons is to let them out and expose them to sunlight."
"Like vampires, right, Dr. Marlowe?" Misty said. Dr. Marlowe laughed.
"Yes, Misty, like vampires."
"What about the crazy man?" Star wanted to know. "Did he ever call you or anything afterward?"
I nodded.
"I couldn't help it," I explained "In a bizarre way I was drawn back to my computer and sure enough, there was an E-mail from him waiting in my mailbox. Only it was from Craig, not Mr. Bennet, of course."
"What did he say?" Cat asked.
"He apologized for his father's behavior, claiming his father was under a lot of stress these days because he had lost his job and there were financial problems as well as a mountain of emotional ones. He said his little brother Sonny had gotten worse, too, and now he was becoming so withdrawn, he would barely talk to him.
The school was recommending psychiatric care and he might have to be institutionalized I think that was probably what had really happened to him."
"You didn't write back, did you?" Star asked.
"No. I changed my screen name and lost him forever in cyberspace," I said. "Which," I added, "is where I wish I could lose myself these days:'
Everyone was absorbed in her own thoughts for a long moment. I took a drink of water and gazed at the clock. When I had first come here in the morning, I thought, I never imagined I would have lasted this long, or have had so much to tell.
"I guess I would have to say the events did sink into my parents' hearts after a while. I know the horrible events changed me and made me withdraw from a lot of things."