J Roars (8 page)

"You should be right here. Right next to me.
" I reached my hand down to where our bodies were connected and told her what I'd been thinking since I saw her the first time through the window at Eight Oh Eight. "Right here is where I hope you'll give me the honor of being for the next few decades."

I rubbed my finger over her engorged clit and she gave me my answer. "Yes. Fuck, yes, of course.
It's you. There can't be anyone else, it's not possible."

Her words turned the flame inside of me on full blast. I brought her face to mine and
attached my lips to hers, feeling her pussy throb around my cock. I waited for her, despite the fact that all my dick wanted to do was explode inside of her. I didn't have to wait long. She whispered my name right before I felt her body spasm and the haze of an orgasm overtake her. The moment it happened, I followed into the haze, emptying months of love, pain, anguish, and ultimate rapture inside her.

We were in the carwash that didn't seem to end. We were floating outside our bodies, yet still able to feel the sublime pleasure they were affording us. I never wanted to be anywhere but in that moment, inside her, replete with an all consuming connection to the goddess I was submerged deep inside. 

I brought the token to my lips, remembering our day at the arcade like it was yesterday. I realized something in that moment. "First best day of my life," I told her.

We laid there, who knows for how long as I was consumed with the woman beside me, when I heard a knock at the door. Not a tap, not two taps, a knock. Fuck.

“Stay here.” I jumped out of bed and walked silently to the door. I tapped it twice, and when no one responded with two taps, I asked, “Who’s there?”

"Elle?" A voice on the other side of the door asked.

"It's José." Elle was up, naked and walking toward me. To quote Elle, fucking A. Why was this asshole here fucking up my God damned bliss? I felt my body go rigid, and the urge to grab my shoulder overwhelmed me.

"Get dressed," I told her a little too forcefully. There was no way he was getting a glimpse of my girl. He'd have to kill me first. And then who'd be the monster?

She went to the bathroom to put on clothes, a burka I hoped. I opened the door to my fucking nemesis, and couldn’t help but notice the look of shock written across his face. Did this fucker think my girl would be in Mexico and I wouldn't know? Was he that stupid? I asked him, but all he did was stare at me. Did he know she was coming? I asked that and he remained silent.

“Answer me,”
I yelled at him.

“Fuck you,” was
his response.

“You knew and you let her come?”
What the fuck was he thinking bringing her here?

“Fuck. You.”

That was it, I was done talking. I sprung forward, throwing my fist out. I felt it connect to his face. He only hesitated a moment before landing a jab to my eye. Fucker. I was done holding back. I was ready to unleash the monster on him when I felt Elle's presence. She stood between us, unfazed by the violence that had taken place, and the fact that we were about to take it to the next level.

“You two need to fuckin’ get it together cuz it’s answer time. José, sit.” I smiled at her take charge attitude. How many times could a man fall in love with the same woman?

She pulled a chair out of the closet and her eyes softened for me. The hard look she'd given
José was gone, love replacing it. "Please." She might as well of had a whip, because one look in her eyes and I would do anything she asked.

“Now, who wants to start? Cuz I’m done being in the dark. Both of you act like I’m in danger. Well, I’m not a princess in a tower. Tell me what the fuck I’m in danger of.”

José wasn't making any moves to start talking, so I guess it was on me. I laid out the plan, the one I'd alluded to in her presence, but never outlined in detail. I told her about Burns, the Zetas, and our reallocation of the drugs in Missouri to another handler, the Delmarco family.

When I was done, she asked,
“And what does José have to do with this?”

“He’s my connection to the other organization.”

She turned to José. “Your turn.”

“Tell her?”
he asked me.

“Might as well." As far into this as she was, it was better for her to know everything now. She was right, I couldn't keep her in the dark anymore.

“Right fucking here. You talk about me again like I’m not in the room, and you’ll regret that knife you encouraged Fernie to give me.” That's my girl.

José
outlined his connection to Ernesto Delmarco. This I knew. When Elle asked why his last name wasn't Delmarco, it occurred to me for the first time that it didn't make sense. I was so caught up in my own shit that I never put that together. Leave it to Elle, though.

He told us the story of his family originally being from Sinaloa, and suddenly the men that had tailed Dig and I in the bar started to make sense. Jorge had said that the Zetas always had eyes on the Sinaloan cartel, even when nothing was popping off. It was routine. It made sense that they'd be doing
the same with the Zetas, and I assumed a bunch of Americans on motorcycles mustn't have gotten past them. Fuck. This was not good, not good at all.

“Elle—” I spoke up to inform her of my revelation, but she cut me off, pacing back and forth with her fingers tapping closed lips.

“You’ll have to kill more than just Burns to clean up the MC, right?” She asked.

“There are plenty of brothers who have wanted to get rid of Burns. Even ones who were initially on board have turned against him over time. All he wants is money, and he’s willing to give the lives of fellow brothers to get it.”

“Why didn’t they just do it then?” was her next question. One I hated answering.

“They were waiting on me."

“Why you?”

Fuck, how did I answer that? Dig knew I'd become Burns middle man, and if I wasn't on board with his plan, he'd be forced to kill me. Even knowing I hated what I'd become, he couldn't kill me. Sometimes I'd wished he did so I could be put out of my misery. Dig was an honorable man and instead waited on me, somehow convinced I'd change my mind and get on board at some point. He had no idea how right he'd be. My silence told Elle I wasn't sharing any of this in front of fuck face.

“So did the Zetas agree?” She asked. I nodded. “And? What are you doing now?”

Waiting. I was fucking waiting, waiting for shit to pop off in Missouri and the brothers, led b
y Fret, to take out Burns, his brother Nick, and any of the three left over brothers who didn't choose the right side, our side.

“What happens after the Delmarco family takes over?” I thought that question was for José, but Elle was looking at me.

“It won’t be my business at that point. Once Burns is gone and the
MC is clean, what the Delmarcos do is on them. I’ll just be a mechanic and motorcycle aficionado.”

“Is this why you insisted on coming with me, José?”

“He shouldn’t have brought you at all,”
I growled.

“Like I had a choice, she was coming with or without me.”

“You could've stopped her.”

José laughed. “Elle ain’t no bitch. She’s gonna do what she wants, regardless of what anyone tells her. You should know. The best I could do was come with her. She’s here because of you anyway, because of the mess you’ve made of her, because you fucking broke her. If you hadn’t come around, none of this would be happening and she’d be safe. So if you’re gonna point fingers, point them at your damn self.”

That was it. I was tired of this punk ass bitch telling me what was up with me and Elle. He didn't know shit about what we had. He wished he did, wished he had her, but his ass didn't. I did, and would fight for her. I was a madman, jumping out of the rickety folding chair, knocking it to the ground. I was ready to attack when Elle got in front of me. Her presence, her light, held my feet in place, but it didn't keep my mouth closed.

“You think you know so much!”
I yelled at José. “You think I don’t know you want her? That you think she is
your
sun,
your
heaven,
your
sky? She’s mine, and you better realize that shit quick.”

“Whoa. What is he talking about, José?”
Did Elle not realize how he felt? Was it not clear to her he was in love with her?

José stood up and glared at
me, ignoring Elle's question. “Fuck you. My
cielito
wouldn’t be dealing with drugs cartels. She’d be safe. Something you can’t give her. You think this plan is gonna work? It might, but you don’t know shit about Los Zetas or how shit operates on
this
side. There’ll be blowback, one way or another and I just hope I’m not visiting Elle's grave when that happens.”

He stormed out the door, leaving
Elle and I both speechless. What. The. Fuck. I hung my head as Elle moved around the apartment. How did we go from a sex induced bliss to this?

I was pondering this when Elle shoved a shirt filled with ice into my hand.
“Put this on your eye. It’s swelling.”

After reading something in a book, Elle took her clothes off and slipped into bed. I was a stunned by her silence, expecting José's abrupt exit to leave me with an Elle full of questions. Instead, she motioned for me to join her in bed.

Once I had her body wrapped around mine I asked, “Are we starfishing what just happened?”

“No. No more starfishing, but I can’t handle anymore tonight. I haven’t slept right for months, but I think tonight I will. We can talk in the morning. Better yet, you can
plan
on us talking in the morning.” She nestled in closer to me, and I adjusted myself to envelope more of her with my frame.

“I love you.”

“I know,” she murmured, pulling a total Han Solo on me. I didn't care. Despite the shit that had just gone down, I was the one her limbs were intertwined with, and honestly, I didn't give a fuck about José, only the woman next to me. I drifted off to sleep and it was filled with images of a woman who I no longer had to stare at a broken phone to catch a glimpse of. All I'd have to do is open my eyes in the morning. I fell asleep with a smile.

******

I woke up before Elle, and like the creeper we've already established I am, I stared at her sleeping form for longer than would be considered normal. I could give a fuck, though. I'm not normal. I'd be kidding myself if I thought I was. Nothing about the life I lived shared any resemblance with a normal life, whatever that was. My girl had slept peacefully last night. She didn't mumble pleas to the tormentor in her dream. She didn't kick and fight with invisible assailants. She didn't scream or shout, something that would've woke me up, and sent me straight into fight mode, ready to kick the ass of whoever was hurting her.

Despite the many nights we'd spent together, her nightmares still woke me and made me want to hurt someone, to avenge the wrongs done to someone with so much love and light to give the world. Frequently, Elle didn't even remember the dreams. I learned to gently take her into my arms when she woke me up during one of her bad dreams
, wrapping myself around her. Usually that was enough to chase away whatever demons were plaguing her that particular night.

As I lay there, staring at her naked form next to me, I couldn't help wondering if
José was right. Was he a better choice for her? I know I'd die protecting her, but would she even need protecting if it wasn't for me? Did José really keep himself clear of his family like he said? The selfish part of me didn't care who was better for her, I wanted her like I wanted my next breath, but I had moments where I wavered, where I questioned everything I thought I knew. Was she safer without a monster in her life?

I was pondering this when she woke up and caught me staring. Would other girls think I was crazy for watching them sleep? Would they think it was cute or crazy? I didn't care to find out as there was only one girl I ever wanted in my bed again.
Still...

“You know, José’s right. I just bring you trouble. You’ve got yourself together. No more dangerous situations lurking around the corner, and then, BOOM, here I am. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I’ve spent countless hours wondering if... if I’m just no good for you, Elle.” I had to ask. I had to know. I'd made her say the words so many times, yet I still couldn't grasp how she could love me, I mean
really
love me.  She edged up until we were face to face, though it wasn't her face that suddenly was all I could see. It was the scar on her side that was exposed, the sheet falling down, taunting me. The fucking sheet was taunting me, making me look at the damage I brought into Elle's life.

She grabbed my hand and put it over the scar that marred her beautiful
porcelain skin. I didn't want to touch it because it made it all the more real. I shot the woman I loved. What kind of man did that? No man. A monster.

“You didn’t shoot me. The monster did. But you did make the decision to put your life on the line so we could be together. So we could love each other.” Elle told me.

“Yeah,” I whispered.