It's Only Temporary (22 page)

Chapter 20.

The next thing I knew Stacy was shaking me awake, as I gained consciousness I could see she was offering me a drink of tea, in a real cup my mind was able to register. I gratefully took a few sips but noticed Stacy watching me intently.

‘What’s the matter, why are you staring? Is it my eyes?’

‘What? Oh no, it’s just that I didn’t have any Earl Grey, or Lemon for that matter.’

I looked down at me cup and realised I was drinking builders tea; despite this I was actually grateful for the drink.

‘Is it nice?’

‘I wouldn’t go that as far as to say
nice,
but it is enjoyable shall we say.’

She smiled at this, ’I’ll turn you into a normal person yet I swear! Resistance is Futile as they say.’

‘Who say?’

‘The Borg.’

‘As in the tennis player?’

‘Noo! As in Star Trek, y’know? The Borg?’

‘No.’

‘I give up! Drink your tea and shut up.’

I did as I was told.

Once I had checked my reflection in the mirror I was gratified to see that the redness had all but gone, I looked distinctly un-panda like I decided.

‘You look gorgeous,’ Stacy said sarcastically. ‘You ready for our big night?’

‘Hmmm, maybe if you tell me what we are doing?’

‘Socialising.’

‘Not another night club?’

‘Nope.’

‘What then?’

‘Wait and see.’

A few hours later we parked Dolly and made our way towards a local sports centre, ‘I am a little over dressed for sports,’ I said.

‘Ah, I told you it would be more cerebral.’

‘And less sweaty,’ I reminded her.

‘That too.’

Feeling slightly puzzled I tried to scan the events
board as we walked past but there was too much information to process in such a short period of time. We entered a small gym that had row after row of single desks laid out as if there was going to be an examination.

‘Are we sitting a test?’

‘Nope.’

Totally bewildered I searched for some indication of what event was taking place, there was nothing. Noticing that each desk had two chairs facing each other I tried, ‘Chess?’

She smiled and shook her head. Gradually other people started to file into the room and eventually a lady who was obviously the organiser attempted to get everyone’s attention. She introduced herself as Rebecca and indicated a man who was with her as being John.

‘John will no
w ensure we aren’t disturbed,’ she said with great solemnity as he made a big show of placing a do not disturb sign over the door. ‘Your privacy will be respected and your discretion expected,’ she announced in what seemed like a well-worn catch phrase.

I was completely lost as to what was happening, looking at Stacy but she just smiled and winked at me.

‘Ok,’ Rebecca called. Gentlemen if you could find a seat and remain in it, ladies you will move numerically from desk to desk. Four minutes at a time.’

What an earth was going on?

‘Ok,’ Rebecca continued. ‘Let’s speed date!’

Oh my god!

Chapter 21.

I glared at Stacy who just shrugged in response, I then whispered in her ear, ‘Speed dating! Are you mad?’

‘I didn’t want to come on my own, Mel dropped out at the last minute so I checked with the organisers and they were happy to have you. Men are scarce it seems.’

‘For good reason!’ I hissed back.

With no other option open to me I sat down at a table selecting the one at the end of the first row closest to the door. To my left was a man about my age who looked like he had walked straight out of a male model fashion shoot. He became aware that I was watching him and extended his hand, ‘Frankie, first time?’

Initially I thought he was referring to the fact that he had a bizarre surname then I realised it was a question. ‘Yeah. Marcus. First and last,’ I said as we shook. He just smiled at that.

This morning in a cell, this evening in hell, I thought to myself.

Rebecca announced that the ladies should “go first” for two minutes followed by the gentlemen, after this there is one minute of “open chat”,’ whatever that was. Then she informed us that the
‘First round’ should begin, I half expected to hear a bell ring but instead a lady sat down in front of me.

She was slightly younger than I was and sharp featured which had the effect of making her quite pretty in a harsh sort of a way.

‘Hello, I am Donna,’ she said.

Unsure of whether I was allowed to speak during her two minutes I risked a ‘Marcus,’ and a smile.

She seemed a little nervous ‘Ok, well…..I am twenty seven and single of course.’ I just smiled again making a mental note of what she said during her two minutes, not because I was interested but I needed something to say during mine.

I looked at the clock, thirty seconds had gone, don’t interrupt for a minute and a half then just repeat what she had said.

‘I like horse riding, motor bikes and I am a police officer,’ she continued.

‘I was pepper sprayed this morning,’ I blurted out breaking the no interrupting rule after a mere one minute. Well it felt very uncomfortable if not unnatural for two strangers to have timed conversation windows, surely it was better to let things flow naturally? At least we had something to talk about that was of mutual interest as horses and motorbikes did not feature highly in the list topics that I could discuss from an informed standpoint.

‘By the police?’ she said very deliberately.

‘Yes.’

‘You were arrested?’

‘This morning.’ I nodded.

‘What for?’

‘Going equipped for a burglary.’

She got up and left the table.

I sat on my own for the remaining three minutes and noticed that Frankie was engaged deep in conversation at the end of which he made some notes on a pad. I realised I had a similar pad with six boxes printed on it, Frankie saw me looking quizzically at it. ‘It’s for the chicks you want to see again,’ he told me. ‘You can only pick six though so it’s best to make a note then fill it in at the end. They do the same.’

‘Who?’

‘Them,’ he said pointing at a large table where the female participants had seemingly congregated to make their own notes. ‘You will get a list of the ones who want to see you, so you can choose to contact them through the organisers if you’re interested. They get a list of the blokes who want to see them, same deal.’

‘You’ve done this before?’

‘Oh yeah! Great
way to meet desperate women.’

Desperate women? Was Stacy desperate? Was I? My thought process was broken by the arrival of the next competitor, an Indian lady who was half my age at least.

‘Hi,’ she said. The lack of enthusiasm in her greeting indicated to me that she was potentially concerned about the age difference between us as well. She sighed deeply but to her credit politely attempted to begin.

‘I’m Pushpa.’

‘Hi, I’m Marcus.’

‘Well, I live a few miles away, go to college locally and before you ask, like the first prat I met. No I don’t live in a takeaway.’

Despite our age gap it seemed she was as disaffected by the whole speed dating process as I was. Mutual regret at our participation was something I could use to survive the next four minutes.

I elected to try and put her at her ease, ‘Actually y’know what? I can’t abide Indians.’

She stared at me with a shocked expression on her face, ‘You racist idiot!’

Racist?

‘No, I meant…’ she was already gone. ‘Curries, they’re too hot…..’ I quietly finished to myself.

I put my head on the desk; I still had another eight of these encounters to go. Once Pushpa had got up she had simply continued walking and left the room, knocking over the do not disturb sign as she went. I momentarily considered following her escape route but then I saw John remonstrating vigorously with Rebecca about the fact that his sign was now in need of replacing and I reluctantly decide to stay. It couldn’t get any worse could it?

‘You aren’t very good at this are you?’ Frankie asked.

‘Not very.’

‘Listen.’ I waited for him to continue but he didn’t. He saw my confused expression, ‘No, just
listen
. To them. Nod, smile but don’t speak. Then when it’s your turn ask them more about themselves. It works, trust me.’

I was joined by a very attractive smartly dressed lady who had long black hair and thankfully was of a similar age to me.

‘I’m Annie.’

‘Marcus,’ I replied. Then taking Frankie’s advice I said nothing, simply nodding and smiling as she told me her life history. She was obviously engrossed in her subject matter and it seemed rude to interrupt her when it was my turn to speak
so I let her carry on. Neither did I stop her when we reached the open chat final minute, however her monologue ended with the culmination of the five minutes.

‘It’s been lovely to meet you errr.’ I had not spoken other than to say my name and she had already forgotten that, to cover her embarrassment she extended her hand and we shook. I noticed Frankie lean forward and kiss his counterpart on the cheek.

The next lady was called Sue and worked as a secretary, mercifully Frankie’s advice worked and we had a fairly engaging chat. As the session ended I was mentally caught between trying a handshake or a kiss but decided to play it safe and offered her my hand. However it seemed I had taken too long to decide as she had already moved on leaving me sitting there with my hand extended into empty space.

‘Claire,’ the ne
xt lady barked at me, ‘Project Manager.’

‘Err, Marcus. Egyptologist.’

The saying nothing and nodding plan collapsed in the first few seconds, ‘Egyptologist? Right, what do actually do then?’

‘Well I study Ancient Egypt.’

‘Where?’

This was rapidly starting to feel like an interrogation, she could have taught pepper spray and thing or two about eliciting information from people.

‘Well, Egypt each summer and until recently at a University here in London.’

‘Until recently?’

Was it really only forty five seconds into the session? It felt more like a life time.

‘I err, my department closed,’ I was beginning to feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights and fearing her response added, ‘But I have a new position.’

‘Where?’

‘
Texas.’ I said proudly.

‘
America?’

Is there another
Texas? ‘That’s the one?’

‘Hmm, so why are you here then?’ This sounded more like an accusation than a question.

‘Pardon?’

‘Well you are wasting my time if you are going to
America.’ She wrote something on her pad and as I craned my neck I could see she had written “Get 10% discount – time waster”.

‘
I’m Bella,’ the friendly faced lady with lots of blonde hair who was next introduced herself.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Frankie mouth the word “Listen” so elected to go back to the nodding and smiling plan. Bella was very nice to talk to and she enjoyed listening to some of the same music I did, she also drank Earl Grey. If I had not been going abroad I might well have attempted to meet her again I thought. That was until the final few seconds as we parted.

Automatically I extended my hand but I was feeling buoyed by the first positive “date” and on impulse decided to change tack and kiss her cheek.  Frankie was also once again doing this to his partner so it seemed appropriate. Bella however did not realise my intentions had changed and was reaching for my hand as I leant forward. The combined movement of our heads coupled with the differing angles of approach resulted in my head butting her just above her left eye.

She reeled back collapsing on the floor, I was rooted to the spot with shock as Frankie leapt to her aid. The perfect gentleman
, he reassured her that she was safe and that the large egg shaped swelling would soon go down. Rebecca intervened and managed to give me a withering look before escorting Bella away for first aid.