It's Always Been You (11 page)

Olivia frowned at the summary rejection of Ben’s recommendation. She read the award again and the captain’s remarks on the back. Captain Paul Denis. She frowned. Surely this couldn’t be the same Denis as the executive officer in Ben’s battalion?

That would explain a lot of the interpersonal hostility she sensed whenever Denis and Ben were in the same room.

She knew Ben and Escoberra had served together, but this? This said there was more to this story than she knew. She looked up at Ben, where he stood talking to Sorren and Foster, waiting on the final paperwork.

Would he tell her if she asked? She had her doubts.

She read the comment on the back of the award again. Something about it struck her as cold. Uncaring. Escoberra had received three bullet wounds—luckily none life-threatening—and his commander had, with the stroke of a pen, said his actions weren’t enough to warrant a higher award.

What kind of man thought like that?

Was this what Ben was afraid of becoming?

Suddenly, some of his reluctance to take command made sense. If this was the kind of man Ben had served with, no wonder he was worried about what the power of the job would do to him.

And what had that downgrade done to Escoberra? More, what had it done to Ben?

She looked at the date of the firefight and wondered if she could find out anything else about it. There was something here. Something that nagged at her. A missing piece to the mystery that was Ben Teague.

She didn’t think that Ben would defend Escoberra on a whim—it should be a no-brainer with the man’s being charged with that kind of violence against a child.

But his slap at her the other day when he’d told her she wouldn’t understand what combat did to someone stung, not because he was wrong but because he was right: she didn’t know.

She watched him laugh with Foster.

And reading the award citation, she wanted to know, badly, how that incident had shaped and changed the man now in charge of Bandit Company.

She should just stop being a coward and ask Ben. But despite their awkward truce, she wasn’t sure he would talk to her about it.

Maybe he would.

Whatever had happened during that firefight was personal. One, if not more, of his soldiers had gotten wounded. She remembered the scar she’d seen on his stomach. Had that happened during the same battle? How could it be anything but personal?

She stood and approached the three men. “Captain Teague,” she said. “I was wondering if you’d like to ride back to Fort Hood so we can get caught up on some of the legal packets.” God, but the words sounded awkward and painful to her—she could only imagine how they sounded to him.

Ben glanced over at his first sergeant. “You two promise not to kill each other?” Ben asked.

Sorren flipped Ben off before grabbing Foster by the neck and shoving him playfully out the front door.

“That seems like a healthy relationship,” Olivia said, watching them go.

Ben grinned. “It’s the start of one. Foster’s a pain in the ass but he’s a good soldier.”

She fell into step with him as they headed outside toward her car. “So the first week in command is almost over. How does it feel?” she said when he climbed in beside her.

He didn’t answer for an eternity. “Like I’m the biggest hypocrite on the planet,” he said finally.

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“You see him? Foster? I’ve been in more trouble than that kid can even imagine and yet, I’m getting rewarded. It’s going to take every ounce of persuasion I’ve got to keep the boss from stepping on my neck about him to keep him out of trouble.”

Olivia watched him silently. “Maybe he should just stop getting into trouble,” she said softly. “I mean at some point, doesn’t he have to grow up?”

Ben leaned forward. “Funny thing about growing up,” he said. “It’s never as fun as you think it’s going to be when you’re a kid.”

“You couldn’t wait to grow up?”

His smile was humorless. “I wanted to get away from the ghost of my father and out of my mother’s shadow. Of course, I joined the army so that didn’t help much.”

She wanted to ask about his mother but she kept her question to herself. She figured if he wanted to talk about her, he’d bring it up. “I’m sorry about your dad,” she said quietly.

He looked over at her, the sunlight glinting across his cheek, cutting a hard line across his cheekbone. “Thanks, but it wasn’t a big deal. He died when I was little and my mom decided to become superwoman without any corresponding superemotions.”

Olivia said nothing for a long while, letting Ben’s words sink in. There was more there, more she wanted to know, more she wanted to ask but she couldn’t. Not yet. After a moment, she changed the subject. “You don’t like being in command, do you, Ben?” she whispered. The air was thick between them, heavy with unsaid things.

He shook his head. “It’s too much responsibility for other people’s problems. I’m not qualified to judge someone else’s screw ups,” he said.

He shifted so he could face her, his body angled toward hers. A shadow partially concealed his face, casting it in hard lines and a dozen shades of grey.

“You’re not supposed to be perfect to be a leader,” she whispered. Her voice cracked, hung on the tension in her neck from sitting a little too close.

Silence filled the space between them. Heavy and warm and crackling with latent energy.

He licked his bottom lip, his gaze locked with hers. “I don’t want to be either,” he said. His voice was a husky whisper filled with need.

Her breath caught in her throat. A hesitant movement. A breath closer. This was monumentally stupid. Infinitely so.

And yet she parted her lips, her entire body trembling in anticipation of the faintest touch of his. He was there, just there. A breath separated them. Nothing more.

It was a hesitant kiss. A light, teasing brush of his top lip against hers. Her breath mingled with his, threading between them and urging her closer. She met his eyes, waiting. Wanting. Needing more of this deeply sensual man who made her
feel
so many writhing, hungry things.

It was forever before either of them moved. Her breath was locked in her throat. Then she felt it. His palm slid over her cheek, his fingers rough on her skin. Warmth penetrated her, wound its way over the surface to slide beneath her skin and stroke something long dormant to life.

Need. It was need that made her lean toward him. Need that made her part her lips and trace his mouth with her tongue. Need that made her nip his bottom lip and thread her fingers in the short hair on the back of his neck.

Need that made her gasp in pleasure as his tongue slid against hers, twining in that sensuous dance that brought her blood to life. Heat pounded between her thighs, an aching, pulsing want that scorched her like nothing she’d ever felt.

She gave herself over to the sensation, to the pleasure of his touch. Knowing it was a mistake and far past caring as her breath finally released, mixing with the heated strokes of his tongue.

She eased back after a moment, before she did something monumentally stupid, like crawling into his lap in broad daylight.

“We really should talk about those legal packets,” she said against his mouth.

His smile was unexpected. “Wow, you are hell on a man’s ego,” he said.

The laugh caught her off guard and she rested her forehead against his as she struggled to regain her composure. Something opened against her heart, something unexpected and warm.

Something complicated.

For a brief moment, it was tempting to throw caution to the curb, to nuzzle his mouth with hers, to absorb his taste and warmth.

And then reality kicked in.

“We really should head back. We’ve got that meeting in two hours,” she said.

He smiled. “Always responsible and focused.”

He brushed his thumb over her lip as he said it. This was something nice.

Unexpected.

It was going to be an interesting legal briefing, that was for damn sure.

“Want a cookie?”

“Do I look like someone who enjoys cookies?” Sorren asked.

“What? Cookies make everything better. Not as better as, say, vodka, but hey, it’s a start.”

“You sound like a woman who needs chocolate,” Sorren said.

Ben felt his chest and his groin, making sure all his man parts were still intact. He needed something to take his mind off that mind-blowing kiss with Olivia earlier.

“Nope, still a guy. And that’s a pretty sexist thing to say. Seriously? I offer you cookies and you insult my manhood. Fine. Go to the legal meeting pissed off and cranky.”

“Sir, I’m really not in the mood.”

“You’re never in the mood.”

“You should be a little more somber after getting your soldier out of jail this morning.”

“Just because I’m burying my feelings in cookies doesn’t mean it’s not bothering me.” Ben chewed on that for a moment, along with a chocolate chip cookie that practically melted in his mouth. “Foster’s out of jail, it’s fine.” The cookie dried out in his mouth.

“It’s stupid shit like this that’s going to take away from training our boys for war,” Sorren said quietly.

Ben’s temper snapped, shoving aside the lighter mood he’d been bullshitting anyway. “Foster is a damn good soldier. So what if he’s blowing off steam on the weekends?”

“That kind of thing is contagious—first you have a guy getting arrested for partying, then it gets worse and worse until you’ve got a goddamn gang running your company.”

Ben pointed the sleeve of cookies at him. “Already took care of the gang. They’re already being court-martialed or separated from the military. Next problem?”

“You think this is a joke?”

“It’s not a goddamned joke, Top, but I can’t condemn Foster when I’ve done the same damn thing more than once.”

Neither he nor Sorren moved for a long time. Ben continued to eat his sleeve of cookies.

“I know.” Sorren scrubbed his hands over his face, breaking the silence. “This place is a goddamned disaster.”

Ben chewed on his cookie. “Yeah, well, get ready because we’re about to go into the happy fun times of the legal sync.” Sorren looked mildly horrified and Ben pushed away from the table, dropping the cookies on his desk and picking up his headgear and the rest of his folders.

Ben had made light of it but silently, he was worried. Olivia had said she wasn’t going to dime him out about Zittoro’s packet and he trusted that. Still.

But he’d take the ass-chewing for not having Zittoro’s packet done.

Someone shouted at the back of the orderly room. Ben glanced at Sorren and they both sprinted to the back of the company where the platoon offices were.

LT Gillis and Sergeant First Class Lazarus were squared off toe to toe, screaming at each other.

Ben didn’t know whether to be pissed or impressed. Gillis was a hundred pounds soaking wet and Lazarus was built like a pit bull.

Ben grabbed his lieutenant, yanking him backward before Lazarus could put him in intensive care. Now wouldn’t that be fun to explain to the battalion commander?

“What the hell is going on back here?” Ben demanded. Sorren shoved Lazarus back.

“The goddamned lieutenant doesn’t listen,” Lazarus shouted.

Sorren stuck his finger in Lazarus’ face. “Watch it,” he said quietly.

Lazarus swore. “Top, I told him I’d take care of the range planning. He went and did it himself without me checking it and now we don’t have the right range for next week.”

Ben looked at Gillis. “He’s never at work,” Gillis said, his face flushed. “I can’t get him to answer his damn phone. So yeah, I did the damn paperwork myself.”

“What range do we have next week?” Ben asked.

“Mark nineteen range,” Sorren said.

“Not anymore,” Lazarus said. “Now we’ve got a nine mil range.”

Ben sighed. “Then we go shoot a nine mil range. Get with the company ops and try to find another mark nineteen range to piggyback off.” He patted Gillis’s shoulders. “See? Problem solved. Another happy day in Bandit company.”

Sorren looked at Lazarus. “Answer your damn phone when your lieutenant calls you,” he said. Ben wondered if he ever shouted.

“You two have to stay together for the kids,” Ben said. All three men looked at him like he was crazy. “You’ve never heard of the relationship between a platoon sergeant and platoon leader or commander and first sergeant as an arranged marriage?”

“I’m positive I have never heard of that,” Sorren said as he followed Ben out of the company. “I think you need to get a handle on your LTs quickly. Their old commander probably rubbed off on them and not in a good way, more in a need-a-shower-with-bleach kind of way.”

Ben cleared his throat. “Did you just make a joke?”

Sorren grunted. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”

“But not in a need-a-shower kind of way?”

“Fuck you, sir.”

They walked in silence for a little bit. Ben was a pragmatist but that didn’t mean he wanted to spend the next year chasing down the bad seeds. He agreed with Sorren. They needed to find the bad actors and get them gone.

Meanwhile they had a war to prepare to fight. A fact conveniently forgotten by the staff, who kept having meeting after meeting.

Meetings like the impending legal sync. He wondered if he could get the commander to change this to once a month. It would clear up some time on their Friday afternoons. But that would only give the sergeant major an excuse to hold a longer formation and Ben… Ben hated formations with a loathing that he usually reserved for spiders, snakes, and hamsters.

He shuddered. He had no idea why people liked hamsters. Evil-looking little bastards.

Now that was a holdover from childhood trauma. He’d have to remember to break that one out the next time Sorren got sand in his panties. The big first sergeant didn’t seem like he’d be afraid of anything.

Ben would have to be on the lookout. It was the big guys who were terrified of the strangest things. He’d found out Iaconelli was afraid of geese on their last tour. Geese? Who the hell was afraid of geese?

He scrubbed his hand across his jaw as they walked into the headquarters and down the hall to the conference room.