It Had To Be You (32 page)

“
What?”

“
Lexie told Rachel. Rach told me, of
course.”

Jesus, Beck hadn’t expected or prepared for
this conversation. “I’m sorry if I hurt her, Gabe. It’s why I
didn’t want to talk to you about our relationship.”

“
Lexie’s fine. I don’t think she let
herself fall for you. She knew all along somebody else
had your
heart,
I think she told her sister.”

Though he hated confiding his inadequacies,
he said to his friend, “I screwed things up.”

“
With Lexie?”

“
And Lela.” He explained about the
PTSD. About Josh.

“
I understand that even more, now that
we have Ali. I guess people would do anything for their kids. I
stayed in my marriage long after I should have for Lilliana and
Joey.”

“
I did the same for Tommy.” He thudded
his own cue on the floor. “I just wish it hadn’t been her that I
fell for. I could have picked somebody with no kids, who had no
experience with that goddamned condition. But no, it had to be her!
And I’m not ever going to get over her.”

Gabe waited a beat before he said, “Maybe
that should tell you something.”

“
What?”

Gabe shook his head. “You’re a smart guy. You
figure it out.” Leaning over the table, Gabe added, “Blue ball in
the right-hand corner.”

o0o

“
Hey, Mom, why’re you wearing that
raincoat? It’s hot out.”

Because I’m an idiot. “
Um, I felt
chilled today.” Lela tugged the khaki coat more tightly around her
as she led her son to the car to take him to his first day of
school.

Once on the way, she longed to turn on the
air-conditioning but knew that would raise even more questions.
“Are you excited about school this year?”

“
Uh-huh. My teacher seems
nice.”

The teacher, Mrs. Bell,
was
nice.
She’d called Lela when she’d found out Josh’s dad had died in July
and offered her sympathy. She also promised she’d keep an eye on
Josh’s moods.

“
And Tommy said he’d eat lunch with me
today.” Josh’s tone was excited.

Lela hoped Tommy, a fifth grader, would keep
his promise. Sitting with a third grader might not go over big with
his buddies. But then, the two boys had formed a bond this summer,
one that hadn’t been broken when she and Beck had split. At least
they’d done that right.

You did things right with Beck in bed.
Remember those two nights in your apartment before the call from
the Allens?

She did remember, when she was awake and when
she was dreaming. Nervous, she fingered the belt of her coat. It
was one of the things that had driven her to today’s decision,
after missing him for weeks.

And she was scared as hell. She could keep
her calm in the face of terrible trauma and even death, but
premeditating this one action that would determine her future had
kept her up all night.

o0o

Beck grabbed on to the railing of his porch
and forced back the growl he wanted to emit. He was a wreck, and it
was clouding what should be a good day. Patty was on her way to
pick him up so he could see Tommy off for the beginning of
school—which he’d never done before. But Beck was finding it hard
to enjoy the precious moment. He’d dreamed of Lela almost every
night since he’d last seen her. When he’d dropped Tommy off for
Josh’s birthday party, he’d had to use every ounce of willpower he
possessed not to walk up to her front door, kiss her senseless and
make her admit they belonged together. He hadn’t believed they
could be together before Len’s death and Nick’s incident, but since
then, he wanted to make a relationship with her work, damn it.

Patty’s van pulled up and he hustled toward
it. He hopped into the front seat. “Hi, son. Ready for the big
day?”

“
Yep. Can I go to Josh’s after
school?”

“
Oh, honey,” Patty put in. “First days
are important to moms and dads, too. We’ll want to hear about what
happened.”

“
Oh.”

Beck said, “Maybe we can work something out
for tomorrow.”

He exchanged glances with Patty. She rolled
her eyes. Once again, he recognized the good in his life. He and
his ex were friends and agreed on important issues concerning their
son.

While Lela had dealt with an alcoholic,
suicidal husband for months. Shit, he should be more patient with
her.

At the school yard, the three of them exited
at the same time. They’d only taken a few steps when a little
whirlwind flew up to them. “Hi, Tommy.”

“
Hey, Josh.”

Josh turned big eyes on him. “Beck, holy cow.
I didn’t know you’d be here.” In a move that Josh was still too
little to know was taboo in front of others, he threw his arms
around Beck’s waist and said, “I missed you so much, Beck.”

Dumbfounded, Beck simply held on to Lela’s
son.

o0o

Oh, no. He was here. Why hadn’t she expected
this?
Because Len had never showed any interests in first days
of anything.
She’d also noticed the makeup of the group every
year. A few fathers came to drop off their kids, but mothers having
the job were in the majority.

And what was he doing with his ex-wife?

Well, she’d just find out.

Gathering the self-confidence she knew she’d
need today, she marched over to them. Beck was squatting down, now,
talking to both boys. When he looked up at her, his eyes revealed
nothing.

“
Hi, Lela.” He stood. “Patty, you know
Josh’s mother.”

“
Of course. Lela, how are you?” The
woman’s gaze darted briefly to her raincoat—Patty wore capris and a
sleeveless top— but neither she nor Beck remarked on her outfit.
Man, maybe this had been a bad idea.

A bell rang. “Okay, guys,” Patty said. “Looks
like it’s time to go in.”

“
I’ll go with you, Josh.” Lela wanted
to escape these two.

“
No, Mom. I’m eight now. I can go in by
myself.”

Oh, dear, her little boy was growing up. She
watched the two of them walk away with tears in her eyes.

“
Beck, are you ready to go? I have to
get to work.” To Lela, Patty said, “I picked him up at his
house.”

Turning, she faced Beck. Patty’s statement
gave her information about the two of them, as she’d probably meant
it to. “I’d be glad to drive Beck home. I want to talk to him about
something, anyway. If that’s okay.”

Patty’s gaze transferred from Lela to Beck,
and he nodded.

“
Sure. Nice to see you, Lela. Beck, you
can come over about three to get him off the bus.”

Beck just grunted and didn’t take his eyes
off Lela. Soon they were alone in front of the school. “So, you
want to talk to me now?”

“
Yes, I’d planned to come over to your
house after I dropped Josh off. Sophia checked for me. You’re not
working this tour.”

Still he watched her. “What’s with this?” He
reached out and ran his finger along the lapel of her coat.

Smiling, like a siren, she hoped, she leaned
over and whispered in his ear.

o0o

Shoes flew off first—her high strappy
sandals, then his Birkenstocks. Beck plastered Lela up against the
door and kissed her deep and hard. He couldn’t wait to have her.
Her taste was sweet, her scent claiming him.

“
Wait, don’t you want to talk?” she
asked, but there was mirth in those beautiful, brown
eyes.

He cupped the silky smooth skin of her face.
“You told me not to all the way home. Now I don’t want to.”

“
Not even to know what I’ve
decided?”

He ripped open the buttons of her coat and
yanked it off her. “I think this says it all. Jesus, you weren’t
kidding.” She’d bought a why-bother, one-piece thing that revealed
more than it covered. Her breasts were nearly falling out of it. He
captured her gaze. “You wore this for me, right?” He touched the
strap that he was already easing off her.

“
Yes.”

“
Then that’s my answer.”

“
But—”

“
Will you just be quiet,
woman?”

She giggled until his mouth closed over
hers.

Too bad the strap broke in his haste to get
to her.

Too bad she scratched the hell out of his
chest in her haste to get to him.

Too bad that the wood would be cold on her
back.

He hoisted her up and took one of her breasts
into his mouth. Suckled. Then repeated the action on the other.

She said raggedly, “Now, Beck. I’m
ready.”

“
No condom.”

“
I don’t care. I can’t
wait.”

“
It won’t matter, anyway,” he murmured
and plunged into her.

Once…

Twice…

Three times….

They came together in a cataclysmic burst of
light and color and sound. She slumped against him when they were
done. Pivoting so
his
back was against the wall, he grabbed
hold of her and slid down to the floor, cuddling her on his lap.
For a few minutes, they just sat there, melding themselves into
each other.

She spoke first. “What did you mean, the
condom wouldn’t matter, anyway?”

He brushed his hand down her hair, savoring
the thick feminine locks. “Did I say that?”

“
Uh-huh.”

Drawing in a breath, he took a big chance and
said, “Because I’m going to marry you, anyway. Another kid would be
okay by me.”

“
Oh, Beck, I--”

“
Look, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out.
Get counseling. Find a way to work with the PTSD.”

“
I know.”

“
It doesn’t matter how long… You
know?”

“
Yes.” Reaching up, she cradled his
face. “We have to be together. We’ll find a way. Josh is already
doing that.”

“
How?”

She told him what he’d said about Tommy.
About Jack Harrison.

“
Harrison’s been a busy guy. I’ve seen
him alone a few times.”

She didn’t pull away when she asked, “Have
you had more attacks?”

“
No, none. But after Len, then Nick, I
decided I had to get a better handle on this, if only for my own
sake.” He grinned. “Now I have you again, to sweeten the pot, so to
speak.”

“
Pretty sure of yourself,
soldier.”

He laughed out loud. “What did you expect
when you wore this…told me about this…in the goddamned school
yard?”

“
I thought I’d learned not to expect
anything. But you proved me wrong, Beck. For some reason, it was
you that I fell in love with, no matter how much I fought
it.”

“
You sorry about that?”

“
No, not if we can be together.”
Reaching down, she palmed his still-hard groin.

He growled, “Speaking of which, I’m not done
here.”

Slowly he eased her to the floor. And slowly
he started kissing his way down her body. Since he planned to be
doing this when they were eighty, he took his time.

-o0o-

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.

As I’m sure you can tell I have a soft spot in my heart for
firefighters and veterans. I worked for years with a big city fire
department in order to write books about them, and I’ve been drawn
to veterans since I wrote COP OF THE YEAR, about a Vietnam vet.
(See poem below.) When I read about all the initiatives the
government was implementing to hire our veterans, a story simply
sprung to mind. Two people on each side of the PTSD condition.
Truthfully, I didn’t have a clue how I would solve this problem.
PTSD is manageable, not cured. So how could a woman who’d been
through the tortures of the malady risk her heart on another
sufferer? The answer came as I wrote the book, and it’s an answer
that I end up with frequently in my work: being apart is just too
painful, and it’s worth any risk to be together.

Did you cry as you read the book? While
proofreading it, I did. When Beck comes to the funeral and sees
Lela with someone else. When Nick, who finally feels like he can
handle his life, is dashed by his failure in bed. And when Lela
realizes it’s truly over for her and Beck.

I loved these people. They don’t have a lot
of flaws, which my characters usually do. They are good people
caught in an unfair an untenable situation. The conflict is
external, again rare for me. But I tried to mix it up, give them
negative character qualities, and I couldn’t.

I’m proud of this book in a way I’m usually
proud of my work—and more. I think I’ve called attention to a
social issue prevalent in society today framed by a poignant love
story. I hope you liked reading it.

Visit or Contact Kathryn
at
www.kathrynshay.com

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