It Had To Be You (30 page)

Why not, he thought. Why the hell not?

o0o

“
Amy, try to calm down. We need to make
a list.” Beck’s voice was even, reassuring. Lela needed that now as
she sat next to Nick’s wife and held her hand. “Start with the
shelter and work from there. Where might he go?”

“
I…don’t know. He never goes anywhere
except with me. Unless you two brought him out.”

Lela asked, “Where did he go when he first
got home and stayed here for a week? You had to drive him wherever
he went.”

“
He didn’t want to leave the house. He
was embarrassed by his face. His foot.” The woman started to cry
again into the ragged tissue she held to her nose. “I tried to get
him to go out.”

“
Where did you want to go?”

“
To the store. Or to a movie, where it
was dark inside. He eventually did that. But no movie theaters are
open all night here. He wouldn’t be at one now.”

This was no help. And Lela knew every minute
they wasted Nick could…

No, no, not again,
reiterated in her
mind.

Beck continued to talk to Amy, lead her in
various directions that might reveal where Nick could be. Lela left
the room to make coffee. While she was in the kitchen, she looked
around the cute little space. Nick and Amy should have had a
happily-ever-after. But Lela knew all too well those didn’t exist
for some people. For her. And maybe for the DeBlasios.

As she leaned against the counter, listening
to the drip…drip…of the coffee, just its strong scent perked her
up. She caught sight of some frames on the little bar next to the
table. Three photos. She crossed to them.

The first picture showed Nick and Amy on
their wedding day. God, he was handsome, and the realization made
her throat close up, thinking of all the war had taken from him.
The next—a split frame—caught Nick and another guy wearing
graduation garb. Next to it, the two men sported fatigues and
hooked their arms over each other’s shoulders, caps tilted up on
their heads.

Grabbing the frame, she hurried into the
living room. “Amy, who’s this man with Nick?”

“
Billy Greene. We all grew up together;
he and Nick joined the service together.”

Beck grasped Amy’s hand. “He’s from Hidden
Cove?”

“
Yes.”

“
Did Nick stay in contact with him?
Maybe Nick went to see him.”

Amy shook her head. “No, he didn’t. Billy
died in Kandahar six months after he got there.”

o0o

More exhausted than he’d ever been in his
life, Nick fished the water bottle out of his backpack and
unscrewed the top. He stared down at the drink. Morbid calm had
descended on him. This was right. This would end Amy’s pain and
Nick wouldn’t hurt her anymore. Maybe some others would miss
him—Lela, the people at the shelter. Beck.

Thoughts of Beck shamed him. The guy was so
strong, so able to deal with what had happened to him. Nick could
never live up to that standard. Once, maybe he could have. But no
more. Suddenly, he remembered a conversation they’d had when Lela
had called Beck to come over, after they’d both had attacks in the
same week.…

“
I can’t do it.” Nick had meant, go on
like this anymore.

“
Yes you can. You don’t want to be the
statistic that says every eighty hours, a vet commits
suicide.”

Nick had stared down at his hands. “I
understand why.”

“
Are you suicidal, Nick?”

His head had risen and he’d met Beck’s gaze
straight on. “I think about it.”

“
Most vets think about it, especially
initially. Do you have a plan?”

“
No. I just want to die
sometimes…”

What did it matter? Beck was alive, he was
even a hero again, doing good things for the world. Nick only hurt
people. Shit, shit, shit.
Don’t think about Beck
.

Carefully, he shook the pills onto his hand
so they filled his palm. For some reason, he started counting them
out. Lining them up on the small, rectangular plaque in the ground.
One, two, three, four…

o0o

As Beck’s SUV rumbled through the early
morning, Lela sat across from him, stunned, scared and sad. He
reached out and she took his hand. Held tight. “We’ll find him,
Lee.”

“
I know we will. It’s just a question
of getting to him in time.” Right after they’d figured out Nick
could have gone to the cemetery, Amy had bolted up and flown to the
second floor. She came down sobbing.
They’re gone. All the pills
in the medicine cabinet are gone.

Amy had stayed home in case Nick returned,
and Lela and Beck had set out on the macabre journey.

To comfort Lela, to give her some hope, he
said, “Try to think positively.”

They reached the entrance to the cemetery and
drove under the big, white arches. Lela gasped. “This is where we
buried Len.”

“
Hold on, honey. Don’t jump to
conclusions until we know for sure where he is and what he’s
done.”

Beck gripped her hand even while negotiating
the narrow, winding roads. They had no idea where Billy Greene was
buried, but the day had dawned clear and bright, the grounds were
deserted and the place was small. Lela watched out the window as
they drove down the gravel paths. He wondered if his words sunk in,
if she was hopeful they’d find Nick in time. Truthfully, Beck
didn’t believe any of the things he’d said to console her. He
thought probably Nick DeBlasio was dead.

“
There, Beck.” Lela pointed to some
plots off to the left. “He’s there, but he’s lying in the
grass.”

Beck stopped on a dime and they both sprang
out of the car. Rushed across the grass to Nick. “Jesus,” he said
as Lela bent down.

Pills were lined up like little soldiers on
the iron plaque. Nick sprawled out, on his side, head resting on
his backpack, with a bottle of water falling out of his hand. His
eyes were closed and Beck couldn’t see if his chest was rising and
falling.

Then he caught sight of the three empty
prescription bottles, lying like evidence on the grass.

Beck had been right. They were too late.

o0o

Someone was shaking him. He heard muffled
sounds. Talking. “Beck. God, Beck, he’s

still breathing.”

A slap across his face. Another. Then cold
water splashed on him. He coughed.

“
He’s coming around. Dear Lord in
heaven, he’s coming around.”

Nick opened his eyes and the sunlight stung
them. His gaze adjusted; Lela and Beck knelt on either side of him.
Where the hell was he?

“
Help me to get him to sit up,” Lela
said. “Maybe we can make him vomit.”

Beck sat behind Nick and eased him into a
sitting position, supporting his back. “The ambulance should be
here soon.”

“
Whoa,” Nick said, his head clearing.
“Hold on, you guys. I don’t need an ambulance.”

“
He’s coherent.” Lela looked to Beck.
“I don’t understand.”

Nick caught sight of the pills on the ground.
Now he got it. Now he understood.

o0o

Lela had collapsed with relief when they took
seats in the waiting room. Nick had been brought here by ambulance
and taken inside, regardless of his denial about swallowing any
pills. Though he didn’t display any signs of an overdose, either,
the ambulance had brought Nick to the hospital in case he’d lied to
them. He’d also said he’d thought seriously about taking them all
but had gotten so tired he’d lain down and fallen asleep. The
doctors needed to do their own evaluation.

“
This whole thing is amazing,
Beck.”

“
I know. He didn’t take any of the
pills. Not one.” There was disbelief in his tone.

“
Yes, but would he have taken them when
he woke up, if we hadn’t found him?” Lela asked
raggedly.

She felt his lips brush her hair. “I don’t
know, honey. He said he didn’t think so.”

By tacit agreement, they’d put their
differences aside to concentrate on Nick. But once again, being
together during a traumatic time had them behaving like lovers.
Nothing had changed between them, but she didn’t have the energy or
stamina to stay distanced from him.

A nurse Lela worked with came up to them, and
both she and Beck stood.

“
Hey, Lela. I’m on Nick DeBlasio’s
case. Dr. Martin said to come out and tell you what we found. Your
friend did
not
take any pills.”

“
He told us that, Joan.”

“
Martin talked to him. He said the guy
is seriously depressed. But, Lela, you know as well as I do that a
suicide attempt is so much different than thinking about taking
your own life or even preparing for it. If, in the end, the subject
doesn’t swallow the pills or pull the trigger, there’s a lot of
hope for him.”

“
I’m glad. Can we see him?”

“
Not now. Martin’s insisting Psych be
the first to talk to him. Other than his pretty little wife who
won’t leave his side. He wants her to stay. Another good
sign.”

Beck smiled. It was a beautiful smile; he was
a beautiful man. Lela didn’t know what she would have done without
him today. “That’s good to hear.”

“
Are you gonna stick around? It might
not be until later this afternoon that he can have
visitors.”

“
We’ll talk about it. I’ll let you
know.” She reached out and squeezed the woman’s arm. “Thanks, Joan.
For the news and the encouragement.”

When Joan walked away, they sat back down and
Lela sank into Beck’s shoulder. She felt his arm go around her
again and his other hand tuck her head into his chest. “That’s not
the only thing we have to talk about, love.”

Lela was about to respond when she heard, “I
guess that makes two of us.”

Pulling away from Beck, Lela looked up.
“Christian, what are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to work
today.”

His face was lined with fatigue and something
else. Anger maybe? “I was called in about two a.m. on an emergency.
I’m just going off.” He glanced at Beck, his eyes narrowing at
their positions. “What’s going on, Lela?”

o0o

Christian set down two cups of coffee on the
conference-room table in his office at the hospital and stared over
at Lela. She stood near the window. “Come over here. Please.”

She did her best not to squirm as she crossed
the room and took a seat across from him. “So, did you lie outright
to me, or did something just snap inside you?”

“
I didn’t lie outright.” She ran a hand
through her hair. “I thought it was over between me and Beck. It
was
over. Then something happened with Nick
DeBlasio.”

“
The man you work with at the
shelter?”

She explained Nick’s night and their
subsequent morning.

Christian didn’t say anything. “That’s not
all of it, though, is it?” he finally asked.

“
No, it isn’t. Seeing Beck at the
camp…talking to him. I’m sorry, Christian, so sorry. I thought I’d
gone on with my life, without him in it.”

“
And you obviously haven’t. If you
called him and not me.”

She thought about saying Beck was the logical
one to call, that he knew Nick, but that
would
be a lie. The
only person she’d thought of was Beck.

“
I’m sorry, Christian,” she
repeated.

His blue eyes darkened. “From what I saw out
there, it doesn’t seem this was a temporary relapse.”

“
What do you mean?”

He waited several seconds as if he was
weighing his words. “Lela, if you can sit here and tell me you want
to be with me, you could get over this guy you can’t have—and I
don’t even know why—I’d…I’d consider continuing yours and my
relationship.”

In her heart, Lela knew she couldn’t go back
to the way things were with Christian. “That wouldn’t be fair to
you.”

“
I’ve heard those words a lot
lately.”

“
What do you mean?”

Rising,
he
crossed to the window and
looked out. Finally, he turned to her and said, “Melissa called me
just before we went to camp.” Melissa was the wife who’d cheated on
him. Who’d hurt him, Lela knew. “She wants to get back together.
She said she hadn’t been fair to me and had spent the last year
getting her act together.”

“
Why didn’t you tell me about her
call?” Lela asked gently.

His brow furrowed. “I needed time to decide
how I felt about her offer.”

“
Christian, you told me once you would
have stayed if she’d asked you to, despite the infidelity. You
believed you could salvage your marriage and keep your family
together.”

“
I know. But then…you came
along.”

“
Oh.”

“
It’s over between us now, isn’t
it?”

“
I’m sorry. Even if Beck and I can’t be
together, you and I should stop seeing each other.”

He shook his head. “Lela, life is short. I
just lost a patient. Your friend came in after a close call. Think
hard about forgoing what you want in life. I know I’m going
to.”

He was such a good man. So generous and
giving. Standing, she crossed to him. He took her in his arms and
hugged her. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” he whispered
hoarsely.

“
So am I. Really.”

o0o

Her eyes were red-rimmed when she returned to
the ER. Beck had watched the exchange between her and Singer,
watched the woman he loved go off with another man and wondered if
there was any future for her and Beck.