Irreplaceable (18 page)

“How can you say that? How can you go from having sex
with multiple women to just…me?”

“It’s not even a thought that’s crossed my mind. I told
you—they never meant a thing to me. It’s only you, Cassandra.”

My eyes prickled with unshed tears. “What if I’m not
enough?” I breathed out in a nearly silent whisper. My darkest fear lay out
before us.

“How can you ask that?”

“Logan,” I sighed. “I’ve been with one guy my entire
life—a guy who cheated on me God knows how many times. There’s only one reason
he would have done that: I wasn’t en—”

“Enough!”

Exactly,
I thought, rolling onto my back. Logan
reached an arm under me, pulling me over to his side. My head rested over his
naked chest, where my hand had been minutes earlier.

With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he whispered, “I’ll do
whatever it takes to prove to you how remarkable you are, and that what we have
is more than lust.”

“You don’t know that. What if it isn’t?”

“I’ve experienced lust enough times before to know it’s
never felt like this. If that’s all I wanted, I would have had you in every
position imaginable on this mattress tonight, burying myself in you.”

I closed my eyes, wishing that were a possibility. Maybe
friends with benefits? Logan had brought that up once when we first became
friends, and the thought had appalled me. But now it didn’t sound so bad. Anything
more was too much. He’d slept with those two women hours after saying he wanted
only me. I couldn’t trust him—not with my heart.

“We’ll see,” I said, my eyelids growing heavy.

I could spend every night lying there, my head twisting
up to the nook of his neck when he tugged me closer.

“I can offer friends, Logan. That’s all,” I whispered
into the darkness.

“No. I won’t settle for that.”

“So it’s all or nothing?” I asked, my chin quivering.

Would this be the one and only time he held me in his
arms?

“Yes. I won’t pretend that we’re nothing more than
friendly neighbors. You can’t ask for that—anything but that.”

I sighed, a single tear escaping my closed eyes. He’d see
this was only lust, and maybe then, after these feelings were squashed, we
could find our way back to friends—or, if he wanted then, nothing at all.

“Good night, Logan. Happy birthday,” I murmured into the
darkness.

“Good night, Cassandra.” His voice was barely audible
when he added, “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

My heart clenched, swelling in my chest and bulging
against my ribcage as I lay there the entire night, unable to sleep. Tears
beckoned, but I refused to shed more. I wouldn’t let him see what the thought
of losing him for good would do to me.

He’d made it clear: he didn’t want to be friends, so now
it was time to move on…one way or another.

Chapter Sixteen

Revealing

Hilary and I walked down Main
Street, spending the afternoon shopping. I hadn’t told her what happened only a
few days earlier with the man I refused to think about. I had a feeling the spa
day she insisted dragging me to on her dime was to get me spilling.

“What you thinking about over there?”

I opened my eyes, head down in the face rest of the
massage table. How did she
think
I was feeling? The kneading and
massaging to my back were exactly what the doctor ordered.

“Nothing. Completely relaxed,” I murmured, then closed my
eyes and allowed my conscience to drift into a peaceful tranquility.

“I’m glad.”

That was all? No inquisition on where Logan and I
disappeared to that night, or how Caleb saw me sneaking out at the break of
dawn?

The massage continued without another word spoken from
her table, which was situated next to mine. My mind clicked off, and I drifted
to heaven.

“You awake?”

“Hmmm.”

“Come on, massage is over,” Hilary giggled.

I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to remain glued to that
table for as long as possible.

“Oh, hi Logan!”

What the hell!?

I jumped up, grasping my towel to my body, whipping my
head around the room. I found only one person, and that was Hilary and Hilary
alone. She sucked in her lips, restraining her cheeky grin.

“Sorry, had to get you up before they kicked us out.” She
shrugged a shoulder innocently.

“Low, very low.” I climbed down and followed her back to
the changing room, my head still spinning from the lack of oxygen, my reserves
depleted by her joke.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

When is everyone going to stop asking me that?
My
answer was always the same, no matter how often everyone asked: fine. I was always
fine.

But instead of replaying my usual response, I switched it
up for the concerned guy treating us to yet another meal on the house.

“Peachy.” I smiled widely and brightly.

Caleb chuckled. “Glad to hear it. And what about you,
baby? Are you feeling peachy this afternoon? ‘Cause if not…” He let his words
hang and dipped down, ensnaring Hilary’s lips with his.

My menu went up in my hands, and I looked it over as
though I didn’t already know what I was about to order. The moan Hilary let out
when he pulled away made me smile. The girl was deliriously happy.

“So, we gonna get some waters over here or should I give
up now?” I teased.

“Water? You sure?” Caleb pressed, glancing between Hilary
and me.

“Yep. It’s supposed to cleanse the soul or, at least,
that’s what we’ve spent the day hearing. The more water the better, so keep it
coming. I’ve got serious demons that need to be flushed out.”

He eyed me a moment longer, then nodded with a thin,
knowing smile.

Yeah, I had a demon, all right. One in particular latched
on tight.

Immediately, Caleb sent the waiter over with two tall
glasses of water, with lemons attached to the rims.

“A demon, huh? Does he have a name?” Hilary asked, an
entertained smile playing on her lips as she squeezed a lemon into her water.

I took a breath and readied myself for what I was about
to say. It had been over a month since the accident, and it was time to talk it
out with my best friend to help sort out my feelings.

“I was going to sleep with him,” I confessed, looking up hesitantly.

Her posture relaxed, and she dropped her straw in the
cup. “New Year’s?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but then Natasha showed up, and…” I
shook my head and stared down into my glass, twirling my straw. “…he changed.
Something happened to him. He was cold, and…harsh.”

She waited patiently for me to find the right words.

“We were in the alley here, and I thought if I could just
get him back home, I could talk to him. Get him to open up and let me in.” I
closed my eyes tightly as I continued, attempting to block the images of that
night. “We were kissing, really going at it, and I stopped him.”

“Oh my God! Did he—”

“No!” I cut off her thought. The look of horror on her
face pushed me to spit out the rest.

“He didn’t do anything. I told him he needed to go home
and get some sleep, and he snapped. Said all he wanted was…” I lowered my voice
in shame and embarrassment. “…to fuck me.”

The sigh she released crashed over me, weighing me down.
I tried to brush it off and continued.

“Anyway, long story short, I left a crying mess, which is
why I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt or why, when that car blew through the red
light, I didn’t even see it coming.”

Hilary was quiet for a long while, waiting, it seemed, in
case I had more to say, but I was done.

“What he said to you was cruel, and you can be damn sure
I’m going to knock him in the nuts the next time I see the bastard.”

At the awkward clearing of a throat, we both looked up to
see the paled waiter standing at our table, and from the look on his face and
squirm in his hips, he’d definitely caught her statement. I flushed with
embarrassment as Hilary dug into her meal happily, oblivious.

There was no reason to reply to that statement after the
waiter left. Hilary could be my guest. I took a sip of the cool water and relaxed
into the booth.

“So now you know why I wasn’t thrilled about his constant
visiting, or the fact that he offered to pay my hospital bills.”

Her gaze shifted side to side—her usual nervous tick.

“What?” I prompted.

“Nothing.” Head down, she focused on digging her fork
around the salad in front of her, searching for another black olive.

“Tell me!”

“He didn’t
offer
to pay your hospital bills—he did
pay them. Handed over his credit card and demanded every bill be charged to
him.”

I rolled my eyes. I’d assumed him paying was to come out
of the check I tore up. Of course I was wrong. That explained why I had yet to
receive any bills.

Fine, I’d do things my way.

“I’ll speak to the hospital first thing in the morning.
Find out how much it was and pay him back.”

She gave me a skeptical stare. “With what? You sent your
mom on that cruise with the rest of your inheritance.”

“I’m refinancing the house. Don’t worry about it. And if
you speak a word of this to my mother, I’ll tell Caleb all about your little
Winnie the Pooh phobia!”

“Pipe down, girl! Shit, I wasn’t going to tell her, but
you better keep your mouth shut. You swore on it! Last thing I need is Caleb
waking me up with that creepy bear!” Her entire body shuddered.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” I laughed, then took a
bite of my sandwich.

We ate quietly for a while, watching the people around us
shuffle in over their lunch breaks, until she looked over at me, her expression
clouded with hesitation.

“What happened the other night? We saw you and Logan kissing,
and then those girls. What did they say?”

“They were looking to go another round with him.”

“Ugh, I thought that might have been the case from the
way you stormed out. I tried to go after you, but Logan was already out the
door by the time I got up.”

I nodded, taking another bite.

“Caleb said he thought he saw you the next morning,” she
said, pretending to be less investigative then she really was.

Might was well get it all out and hope she can help me
sort through the mud in my brain.

“We slept together.” I worded it that way just so I could
see her reaction.

Her hand flew to her mouth, covering her burst of
laughter. Through it, she managed a bubbling, “Oh my God! Really!? I mean…I
would say it’s about damn time, but after learning about New Year’s…how are you
feeling about it?”

I laughed and took a sip of water. “It wasn’t like that.
I mean… sort of, but…I’m not sure what it was. He took me upstairs and then
asked me to stay the night in his arms. Said it was his birthday wish.” I
raised my brows, watching the grin she tried in vain to control. “Cheesy,
right?”

It was cheesy, but it sure hadn’t felt that way in the
moment. Not even close.

“I don’t know. It’s kind of sweet…romantic. The guy
really is crazy about you, even if he acted like an ass. Plus, he looks like
the type who can pull off a corny line and wet your panties while doing so.”
She smirked, arching brow.

I tried to bite back my laughter. “It doesn’t matter.
Nothing else is going to happen with Logan—not in the way he wants, at least.
My only goal is to get him out of my head and out of my dreams; hell, he’s a
constant there that I can’t bare much longer. Irrational or not, after
everything he’s done for me, I’m not interested in a relationship with Logan.”

I planted my elbows on the table, cradling my chin.

“You’re both so damn headstrong I’m not sure what to say.
I mean, Caleb says Logan’s a good guy and that he’s never seen him act like
this over another girl before. That has to count for something.”

I sighed, head down, staring at my half-eaten sandwich
with an appetite that suddenly abandoned me.

“It does, which is why I wish we could get over this
attraction and try to go back to being friends. If only he could just see that
it’s better that way.”

“All right, we’ll figure this out, and help you come to a
place where he no longer affects you. But first, clarify…did he round any
bases?”

I made a face. “Oh, he rounded a few. I’ve never felt
anything like it before—I mean, Mark was always in such a rush to jump to the
main event. He never…” I looked around, reminding myself I was in a room full
of diners. “He never did that. Logan wanted to give me pleasure, while Mark was
all about taking it for himself.”

“So it was good?” She lifted her fork and stabbed a piece
of lettuce, grinning cheekily.

“More like phenomenal—better than any fantasy I could
ever imagine. That is, until he refused to go further and then told me we
couldn’t be friends.”

Hilary nearly choked on her mouthful of salad. “Why
friends? I mean, you just said…”

“It’s what I want, all right? And if we can get over this
attraction, I think we could have that again. Last night when we were talking,
just talking…I missed that.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I need to have sex with him,” I stated with resolve.

“Um…why, exactly?” Her words came out as confused as the
look on her face.

“It’s not as crazy as you make it sound! I think one
night of sex would answer all my questions, once and for all. And then
afterward, one of two things will happen: he’ll either leave satisfied, feeling
like he conquered me the same as he has others and leave me alone for good, or
he’ll see the only thing between us was lust—that I have hardly any experience
in the bedroom to hold his attention, and that we’re better off as friends. As
long as I keep my heart out of it, then it will be nothing more than a good
time. One we both want.”

“And if he enjoys you in the bedroom and never wants to
let you go?”

“This is Logan West we’re talking about. I know you don’t
know him that well, but ask your boyfriend. Turns out he and Caleb have a
history. He’ll tell you Logan is not one to settle down.”

“I know, he already has, constantly. Caleb was not
thrilled about Logan pursuing you in the beginning; they actually had a few
blowups over it. But since the hospital, Caleb’s convinced that Logan’s really
in it for the right reasons. He cares about you. Listen, you’re my best friend,
so just tell me what I can do to help.”

I shrugged, watching her pop the fork into her mouth. “I
have a few ideas. I just have to play it right—make him think he’s winning,
that he’s the one calling the shots. And then when I have him alone again, I’ll
seduce him to the point that he can’t refuse.”

“Good luck,” she said, unconvinced. “Caleb says he’s a
control freak.”

“That’s an understatement. Last night, he made it clear
he thought he was in charge.”

“And obviously it wasn’t all bad.” Her face brightened
and brows wiggled, her closed mouth turning up into a suggestive grin as she
chewed.

“He has some talents to be applauded, but then again he
has
spent plenty of time learning. A man with that much experience should never
disappoint.”

“Did you guys sleep naked? I mean, honestly, that seems
impossible with the sexual tension you have going on.”

“He wore boxer briefs.”

“Very nice,” she said with a hint of laughter.

After finishing our food, I pushed my plate forward and
pulled some money out of my wallet to tip the waiter. “All right, we ready
now?”

“Can I be honest without you hating me?” she asked,
stirring her empty glass of ice with her straw, peering up at me under her
lashes.

I nodded hesitantly.

“I don’t think you should run out and forgive Logan right
away, but I was with you that night. I saw how excited you were to meet him
there. I know you were in love with him then.”