Irreplaceable (12 page)

His thumb ran over my chin, eyes flickering to my lips
that longed to connect with his once more. Yet I knew I wasn’t ready, and
didn’t believe I ever would be. For forgiveness, perhaps, but I’d never be able
to forget all the red flags that had been in my face, now scolding me for
thinking he’d change—for me.

“I can’t walk away. Not from you. It nearly killed me
waiting for any information from the doctors in the hospital. I wouldn’t have
survived had I lost you, and now you’re here, in my arms, and I’ll never let
you go again.”

“Logan, I—”

“It’s okay to be frightened; hell, I’ve never been more
terrified in my life. I know how I made you feel, and you have every right to
hate me right now.”

“I don’t hate you. I hate myself for still wanting you.”

His voice deepened, taking on a firm authority. “I’ll
prove to you that I can be everything you need—everything you always wanted. My
heart and soul belong to you, and I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

His hands released my face and ran teasingly down my
arms, then clasped my own hands. He lifted them to his lips, placed a soft
lingering kiss on my knuckles, then looked up at me.

“I’ll wait till my dying breath to hold you again—to see
you look at me and want me the way you did that night. Till then, I’ll be here.
Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you.”

With my broken heart bulging in my chest, I reached out
to wipe away the tear that fell from his watery blue eyes.

His lips pulled into the faintest smile before he stood
from the bed, looking down at me. I wanted to jump into his arms while begging
the universe to take away our pain; it drove me near insanity. Yet I continued
to sit there, tears stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. With all the
willpower I had, they never slid free.

I finally managed to find a sliver of my normal voice. “You
should go.”

He nodded again, leaning down to place the tiniest kiss
on my cheek. I closed my eyes, never wanting the moment to end, knowing that my
guard would go back up once he walked out the door. My resolve to remain still
nearly faltered in that instant, but his sweet, sensual touch was quick; before
I knew it, he was walking to the bedroom door.

He grabbed his coat from the chair and put it on, shoved
his hands deep into his loose pajama-pant pockets, and looked back.

“If you need anything—anything at all—call me. I’m always
here. Don’t ever be stubborn with me, Cassandra.” His voice was stern with an
underlying tenderness, warming me from the inside out.

“Thank you,” I replied softly.

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

I watched as he turned and left me alone in the house to
deal with the aftermath of the emotions roiling inside me.

Chapter Eleven

Neighbors

With one knock, the door opened
to a beaming Oliver. I was early, but he didn’t seem to notice. That was the
beauty with kids.

Oliver had called earlier that week to invite me over for
lunch, and I couldn’t refuse him. Whatever was or wasn’t happening between
Logan and me, it changed nothing about my friendship with Oliver. He always
made me smile, and lately I needed that more than anything.

“Cassie!” His grin faltered a beat as he appraised me
with a nervous eye, but upon realizing I was nearly good as new, his expression
perked back up.

“How you been, buddy?” I asked, hating that he looked sad
for even the briefest moment.

I was knocked back slightly when he threw himself
forward, wrapping his arms around my waist, hugging me. A bark sounded from
behind him, and he pulled away to lift Scout in his arms.

“See, I told you she was okay,” Oliver whispered to the
pup.

I smiled. How could I not? I was okay, and things were
finally getting back to normal—or as normal as they could.

Oliver held the door for me and scolded Scout for
standing in my way as I entered. I followed him to the living room and relaxed
down into the sleek brown leather armchair. The memories of my last time here,
at Christmas, fell over me.

The house was no longer decorated with wreaths and
garland. The Christmas tree was gone—nothing but a faded memory that, after
everything, I still cherished. My hand flew to my wrist that no longer bore the
charm bracelet Logan had given me. It was gone—thrown on the pavement in that
alley, hurled viciously to the ground with the condom he’d chucked at me
moments before.

 I blanched at the painful memory.
Here in this room,
we were once happy…and even felt almost like a famil—
.

No. I shook the thought from my head. My issues with
Logan didn’t matter today. I was here to see Oliver.

“Are you listening to yourself? You know she’ll only hurt
him!”

My head twisted back toward the entryway of the room as
Julia’s voice filtered in. She sounded furious, and the stomping heading in my
direction confirmed it.

“It’s my decision to make, Julia, not yours.”

My posture stiffened.
Logan.

Focusing on Oliver, who was on the floor in front of me
playing with Scout, I frowned. His head dropped low, and it was painfully
obvious his little ears were perked.

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” I tried to reassure him
with a soft smile. “Grown-ups sometimes forget it’s not nice to yell.”

He shrugged. “Aunt Julia’s mad at Daddy. They yell a lot
now.”

My heart broke for him. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Julia
loves your daddy very much.”

He looked up at me, then glanced warily to the doorway,
listening. The air around us quieted as the muffled voices moved deeper into
the house.

Thank God.
Oliver didn’t need to hear them
fighting, especially if my instincts were spot on and it was about Natasha.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Oliver asked quietly, looking
back at me with bright eyes.

“Of course.”

He jumped to his feet, and in a flash was sitting on the
arm of the chair beside me. He leaned his tiny frame in, cupping my ear, and
whispered, “Mommy came back for me.”

He knew. I wanted to be happy for him. Perhaps Natasha
was ready to be a mother; she was so young when she had him. I didn’t know the
woman, so maybe I was wrong, but my stomach still clenched—not at the thought
of Oliver having his mother back in his life, but at the concern that Natasha
wouldn’t be the mother he was hoping for.

I hoped I was wrong.

“Have you seen her?” I asked, concern heavy in my voice.
I tried to hide it beneath my smile. Just the thought of Natasha prancing back
into their lives to fill the role of mother…of more…left me weary. But maybe it
would be good for Logan and Oliver, and maybe it would help me move on. I only
wanted to see them both happy.

“No, but they talk about her all the time now. I hear
them.” He frowned. “They want her to go away.  She won’t, right?”

What could I say? How could I ease his worry? I rubbed my
hand down his arm and squeezed his hand. “I don’t know, but no matter what,
your daddy’s here.”

I couldn’t lie to him. I knew what it felt like to be
young and out of the loop from when my father left. It was sometimes worse than
the truth.

His head shook and pulled his hand away before running
across the room to catch Scout. When he finally caught the pup, I heard him
tell him in a hushed confidence, “She won’t leave. I know it.”

Before I could offer him some words of comfort, our
attention was pulled to the heavy sigh heaved in our direction. I glanced up to
see Julia standing in the entryway.

“Hey, we didn’t hear you come in, sorry.” She walked into
the room and slouched down on the couch across from me.

“It’s all right, Oliver let me in. I told Logan noon,
and—”

“Ugh! I hope you can talk some sense into him!”

I looked down at Oliver, who was lying on his stomach a
few feet away, his tiny bare feet kicking the air as he played tug of war using
a toy Scout held in his mouth.

Julia noticed and ran her hands down her face, then
rested them under her chin. “You need to try and talk some sense into Logan,
please. He has to understand why it’s a bad idea to let you-know-who back in.”

Julia must not have known that Oliver was well aware of
whom she was speaking about. I wanted to grab his hand and take him outside,
away from it all, but I couldn’t. He’d have to face it someday.

“I’m sure Logan will make the right decision,” I replied
in a hushed voice.

She scoffed. “In case you haven’t noticed yet, Logan
rarely makes the right decision.”

“I thought you were leaving.” Logan entered the room, and
I couldn’t find the strength to look up at him. His rough voice vibrated
through my chest, sending chills up my spine.

“I am!” Julia pushed off from her spot on the couch and
strolled over to Oliver, then bent down to whisper something in his ear. He
nodded, smiling.

“I love you, little guy.” Julia placed a kiss on top of
his wavy hair. She stood, scowling at Logan, and then turned to me. “Talk to
him.”

What was I supposed to say to Logan? Oliver was his son.

With that, she walked away, and I was left with a
perplexed Logan searching my expression. His hair was disheveled, and I
wondered how many times he’d run his hands through it that morning.

The loose, light-wash jeans he’d matched with a thin
black T-shirt were casual and easy. They’d been thrown on with no thought; his
sex appeal didn’t take work. The muscles in his chest tightened when he reached
down and ran his hand over Oliver’s head, sharing a loving smile with his son.

“Sorry, I came early. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Never apologize, Cassandra.” He sat in the same spot
Julia had occupied, his attention trained on his son, laughing as Scout yapped
when Oliver overpowered him and held up the toy. “We’re just honored you came
over, right Oliver?”

“We missed you,” Oliver answered, not looking at either
of us.

“I missed you too, so thank you for having me over.” I
smiled. “Now, you haven’t told me: how’s school going? Must be nice to be back
after Christmas break.”

I wished I was able to go back myself, but I was out
until March. I hated it, but had agreed it was for the best. Attempting to keep
up with a group of five-year-olds wouldn’t help me heal any faster.

“Fine.” His tone dropped. That didn’t sound good. Last I
remembered, he couldn’t stop talking about school.

“Did something happen?”

Oliver sat petting Scout, a contemplative stare in his
eyes, before opening up. “Brody said he was Leo’s friend, but Leo don’t like
me. He never talks to me.”

“Ahh, I see.” I smiled over at Logan, who was relaxing
back in the sofa, listening. “You know, some kids are shy and don’t talk a lot.
Maybe you can try talking to him and then you can be his friend too.”

Oliver looked up, thinking it over. “He does have a really
cool dinosaur T-shirt.” His face brightened. “I like dinosaurs too.”

Logan and I both laughed.

“See, so it sounds like you just need to try and talk to
him.”

“Okay.”

I laughed again at his easy agreement. Ah, to be a kid
again.

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up for lunch, Oliver?”
Logan spoke up after a few comfortable minutes of silence.

Oliver smiled at me. “I’ll be right back. Daddy made mac
and cheese, ‘cause you love it just like me!” He grabbed Scout and ran out of
the room.

Logan sat up on the sofa, his hands kneading the back of
his neck. He sighed, then looked over at me with a thin smile. “Thanks for
coming. He’s been so worried, and I’ve been—”

“It’s no problem,” I cut in, and we shared an awkward
chuckle. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. Go on.”

He shook his head, smiling softly. “I was just going to
say that I’ve tried convincing him you were fine, but seeing you himself
helps.”

I nodded in agreement, with no other words to say. A long
pause stood between us.

“So, she’s really here to stay, then?” I asked, purposely
not speaking Natasha’s name. I shouldn’t have even asked, but curiosity got the
best of me.

“It appears so.” He looked down at the arm of the couch.

“What does that mean for Oliver? Aren’t you worried she
may leave him again?”

The nerves in my system were gone when he looked up at me
with wary eyes, and I could see he was torn over her return. I leaned forward
as best I could. “She’s his mother, but you’re his daddy,” I whispered. “I know
you’ll make the right call for him.”

“She says she misses him, and I know he wants to see her.
I just don’t know if…if I can trust her. I can’t let him get hurt.”

“Yeah, I noticed your trust issue with the whole James
Bond setup.”

His brows rose, lips curling up. “James Bond? Is this
some fantasy of yours I should know about?”

My head fell, cheeks flushed. We needed to get back on
topic—quickly.

I looked back up, serious. “All you can do is be there
for Oliver if he wants to see her. If you try and keep her away, he’ll blame
you. He knows she’s here.”

Logan sighed, his hand running through his hair.

“Of course he does. How could he not, with the way Julia
and Jax carry on about it? Obviously, they are not happy with things. They’re
not exactly fans of Natasha. My mother seems to be the only person who believes
I’d be doing the right thing if I let her see him.”

It was absurd, but for some reason, that hurt. Logan’s
mother liked Natasha.

“You can only do what
you
think is right.”

The conversation seemed to exhaust him, but he didn’t
change the subject. Instead, he spoke softly, for my ears only. “Natasha
threatened to tell him I kept them apart if I didn’t let her see him. I can’t
have my son hating me—not now, not later. He needs to see her. I just hope
she’s grown up.”

Oh, she
looked
pretty grown up, all right.
A flash of her double Ds spilling out of that emerald dress left my stomach in
knots. I may not have officially met her, but I already wasn’t a fan.

“Didn’t she want you, as well, on New Year’s?”

Why did I ask that?
I blamed the striking image of
her in my head, ogling him that night. It still wasn’t right to ask. I wasn’t
thinking. We weren’t friends. I was out of line, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Sorry, don’t answer that. It’s not my business,” I added
quickly, rubbing my suddenly clammy hands together.

His eyes locked with mine, his stare heavy and thick with
that familiar tension I only ever experienced from him.

“I don’t want Natasha. There is only woman I will ever
want. I’ve told you this.”

My breathing grew more labored the longer he searched my
eyes, seeking entrance to my soul. I blinked, shutting him out.

“And the woman here the other morning?” Why was I still
talking?

He looked confused, and it only further added to the fury
I felt at the mental image of her wrapping him in her arms and kissing his
cheek. It was so intimate, and less like the other women I was used to seeing
leave his house.

I needed to get up and go find Oliver, but instead I was
sucked in by the side of me that still held onto a tiny shred of hope for us.
The senseless side.

“You saw me with Katherine?” His brows rose, surprised.

“Yeah, Katherine, you know—gorgeous brunette wearing
mile-high pumps with a tweed blazer and skintight jeans. I’m sure you remember
her.” I guess I’d gotten a good-enough view of the woman. I hated to admit how
much that image of her with him had haunted me.

To my disbelief, his eyes lit up and lips pulled into a
broad grin, and suddenly he was laughing. I had half the nerve to get up and
stomp straight out.

“Oh, it’s funny? You know what?” I shook my head,
infuriated. “Screw you, Logan! I couldn’t care less how many sluts you go
through.” I stood up, wanting to enjoy lunch with Oliver then hightail it out
of there.

He grabbed my wrist and stood beside me, still grinning
like a schoolboy. He had to have seen my anger brewing, because his lips pulled
in as he shook his head once, attempting to stifle his chuckle and control his
amusement at my expense.

How dare he laugh at me—and only a couple days after
spewing all that nonsense about waiting for me.

“Katherine’s never really been my type.”

At least, not his type once he was through with her.
“Right, I’m sure.” Sarcasm was heavy in my tone. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.
Honestly, I was just surprised to see you gave her the courtesy of walking her
to her car.”

Something in him switched, and the light in his eyes
dimmed considerably. Was he angry? Did I insult him? A part of me hoped so,
since he’d had the audacity to laugh at me.