Intoxicated (16 page)

The car braked abruptly, shattering my
reverie. Beside me, Eric mumbled an expletive or two under his
breath. I shook my head, trying to rid my brain of any notion of
giving in. I was going to stand my ground on this one. He didn’t
realize what he was asking of me. I, in turn, would have to
re-evaluate what I was expecting from him.

We were only twenty-six. Was marriage really
that important at this point in our lives? Eric didn’t seem to
think so. Maybe I was just being the typical girl who began
planning their wedding as a child, certain that since I had found
the one that I needed to act on it immediately, if not sooner. If
we could have it all, plus each other, did I really need a ring on
my finger? As long as we could have weekends like this one, it
would be enough to keep our relationship alive, right?

“What are you thinking about?” Eric
asked.

The sudden conversation made me jump slightly
in my seat. Embarrassed, I giggled nervously. “Steak.”

He full out laughed. My obsession with steak
was well documented. Thus, the reservations tonight. The odd
comment made perfect sense to him, and I had successfully skirted
around the true issue.

“What are you thinking about?” I shot
back.

“That dress in the trunk. Both on and off of
your body,” he smirked.

I playfully swatted him on the shoulder. In
reality, it was quite flattering for him to be so attracted to me.
As I expected, the second we got back to his place and closed the
door behind us, he was all over me. My shopping bags dropped to the
floor right inside the condo and we ran to the bedroom like two
crazed teenagers.

He had certainly gone all out to make up for
his previous wrongs. From the breakfast, to the shopping, to the
intimacy this had been the perfect day. Even as we piled into the
BMW to go to dinner I was still flushed from the attention. Things
had gone better than I ever could have expected. I knew this was my
time to bring up Thanksgiving. He would likely be rather agreeable
to my invitation. If not, he would remain calm in order to not make
a scene.

We were seated at a table in the far corner
of the restaurant, tucked away by the roaring fireplace. I imagined
that Eric had put in a special request or slipped the lady that
seated us a nice bribe in order to get such a secluded spot.
Sitting across from each other it was as if we were the only two
here.

Our waiter came and took our order. I let
Eric order for me; he knew exactly what I wanted anyway. For
whatever reason, it made him feel like a real man, a true
caretaker, if he looked like he took control of every situation. I
was so used to it that I chose to embrace it rather than fight it.
Let him order my steak if it meant that much to him.

He gazed at me, his eyes sparkling in the
candlelight. “I love that dress on you.”

“And I love you.”

He smiled, but didn’t return the sentiment.
Just once I wished he would say it. I tried to weasel it out of
him, but he was always one step ahead of me, beating around the
bush. They were only words. Why were they so difficult for him to
say?

I took a deep breath and reviewed my plan of
attack. It was now or never.

“So,” I began, running my finger along the
rim of my water glass, “Thanksgiving is coming up in a little
bit.”

“Very true.”

“I was thinking of having everyone come to
Fort Wayne to see my new city. I talked with my dad about it to see
if he would be interested in coming, but we haven’t made any
definite plans.”

“And you’re asking me for my opinion?”

“Well, not exactly. I’m asking if you would
come. I was thinking of seeing if Gracie could come too.”

“Lauren,” he said, not effectively masking
his grimace at my last statement, “logistically it’s not the most
convenient plan. Three of us would have to drive up from Indy to
see one of you.”

“It wouldn’t be just to see me. Blake and
Matthew would be there, too. Their family situation is a little bit
strained, so they really don’t have anywhere to go. And you could
see where I live. Possibly. I mean, we have talked about having it
at Matthew’s house, but I’m not sure.”

“Still, the three of you could all come down
together. Or is the ex-con on probation or something and not
allowed to leave the county?”

“Eric,” I scolded.

Just then, the waiter returned with our
meals, setting them between us silently while we shot daggers
across the table at one another. He retreated without a word. Smart
man. I unfolded my cloth napkin and spread it across my lap.
Grabbing the steak knife in my hand, I contemplated threatening
Eric with it. We sat mutely for a couple of minutes, grateful for
the distraction of our main course. I focused my attention on
neatly cutting my steak, letting the repetitive motion calm me
down.

“I’m just saying,” he said firmly, “I’ve
never really associated with someone who has been on the wrong side
of the law before. I don’t know how these things work. But since
you’re the new resident expert, please advise.”

“First of all, it was a DUI.”

“Two,” he interjected.

“Fine. Two. It’s not like he held up a bank
or anything. Don’t get me wrong, he made some really stupid
decisions. But he didn’t do anything that you haven’t done
before.”

“Lauren.”

“No, don’t pretend. You act like you’re
Mister Responsible when you are around me, but I’m sure that you’ve
driven home a little tipsy before when I’m not here.”

He stared down at his plate. It was as good
as admitting his guilt.

“I never hurt anyone.”

“He didn’t either. He just got caught. It was
years ago. He has done his time and he feels awful about it. He
doesn’t understand why I don’t hate him.”

“Neither do I.”

I sighed. I could feel control of the
conversation slipping away from me. Eric was determined to hate
Matthew, and he hadn’t even met him.

“Look,” I said softly, “like I told him, I’m
not about to blame him for what happened to my mother. He had no
part of that. It's a huge coincidence, but maybe we were meant to
meet each other. He has been abandoned by his family because of
this. So has Blake. Maybe he just needs to hear from me that he’s
not a total failure. Maybe he needs me to symbolically forgive him.
Whatever the case, he is my friend, and I’m going to be there for
him.”

“Are you sure that’s all you are?
Friends?”

My heart froze in my chest. Eric’s accusing
eyes burned into mine. I tried as best as I could to regain my
composure. Had he noticed my nervous breakdown this morning? Had I
said something in my sleep that clued him in to what the subject of
my dream had been? Had he put two and two together and assumed the
worst?

“I cannot believe that you would accuse me of
cheating on you.” The voice that I spoke in was unfamiliar to me,
icy and bordering on hysteric. My lower lip trembled, but I wasn’t
about to cry. Adrenaline pumped through my body as I considered my
next move. I had half a mind to toss my glass of water in his
direction and walk out on him. I had my purse; I could call a cab
back to the condo, hop in my Honda and be back on the road in
forty-five minutes.

“Honey,” he said, reaching across the table
and taking my hand, “I didn’t mean it that way. Calm down.”

I yanked my fingers out of his grasp and
clutched my water glass. I raised it to my lips, never once
breaking eye contact. The ice cold liquid felt like fire as I
swallowed it down. I focused on it traveling down my throat,
silently wondering how Eric would crawl out of the hole he just
dug.

“I’m a guy, Lauren,” he began.

My eyebrow raised.

“I know how guys think. You are attractive
and nice to him, and eventually he is going to want more. Guys just
can’t be friends with women. There’s always some ulterior motive.
Do you see me making nice with other women?”

“I barely see you at all,” I reminded
him.

He winced. “Well I don’t. I wouldn’t say I’m
rude. I’m just not friends with them. I wouldn’t want them to get
the wrong idea. I am committed to you.”

I coughed involuntarily. The look in his eyes
was full of sincerity. He really believed this.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” I
allowed once I caught my breath.

“I know that I haven’t been the best
boyfriend lately. I know that I have put work first a couple of
times. But really, it’s no different than what you have done. We
are both driven people. I don’t expect you to back down, either.
We’ve both put ourselves first instead of focusing on our
relationship. And when that happens, feelings are going to get
hurt.”

I really doubted that he had broken down in
tears when I decided to move. Somehow the thought of him curled up
into a ball on his couch didn’t come to mind as his first response
to the news. Drinking, yes. Throwing something, maybe. The way I
remembered it, it was as if he had been indifferent. Indifferent
followed by pissed off.

“My promotion wasn’t a surprise. I had been
groomed for this position practically since I started there. For
you to act like it came out of nowhere is just ignorant. Did you
really think that I would work that hard to get something and then
just turn it down? I hardly put that in the same category as you
conveniently forgetting about some business trip until an hour
before you’re supposed to pick me up and calling me from the
airport.”

“I’ve apologized for that.”

“By buying me things. Not by saying the
words. Not by telling me what a big mistake you made. Not by any
means that mattered.”

I glared at him from across the table. Guilt
was written all over his expression. He looked as though I had
punched him in the stomach. I wasn’t sure if the reaction was from
true remorse or because I was taking a stand and calling him out. I
crossed my arms over my chest, pushing myself away from the table
slightly. As far as I was concerned, this dinner was over.

The waiter appeared out of nowhere to drop
off the check. The irony was not lost on me. If it was up to me, I
would have given him a huge tip. Eric snatched it up, sliding his
credit card into the folder and putting it back on the table
without even giving the total a glance. I wondered if this dinner
was courtesy of his expense account or if he was actually footing
the bill.

“I’m going to the restroom,” I decided. “I’ll
meet you at the car.”

Before he could respond, I pushed my chair
back and rose from the table. The walk across the entire dining
area to the ladies room felt like the walk of shame. As I teetered
on my new, uncomfortable heels, I imagined the other diners staring
at me sympathetically. Given the volume of our conversation, I was
pretty sure that no one had been able to eavesdrop, save for
possibly our waiter. Realistically, I was just any other patron
needing to freshen up. No one would pay me any mind. Still, I
breathed a sigh of relief as the door swung shut behind me,
thankful for the refuge.

I set my purse on the granite countertop and
pulled out my cell phone. No missed calls, no voice mails, no
texts. Not even an email advertisement announcing an online sale. I
was alone here, cut off from the outside world. I had secretly
hoped to stumble across a message from either Blake or Gracie,
asking for details of my weekend so far. Of course, since I had
recently gushed to both of them about how Eric and I were finally
going to be together, they were giving me space. I contemplated
sending a quick text to see if they were available, but my pride
caused me to shove the phone back in my bag. I wasn’t ready to
admit defeat.

I had to go out there and stand my ground.
Eric owed me this. I was the one who had been understanding so many
times before; it was his turn now. I needed to pull up my big girl
pants and face this head on.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Eric
had given me a back-handed compliment by telling me I was so
attractive that I couldn’t be friends with a guy. I didn’t think I
needed to put a bag over my head, but I just didn’t see it. Looks
didn’t mean everything, right? I had spent lots of time during our
relationship by myself, miles away from Eric. Men hadn’t exactly
fallen at my feet then. Why did he think it would be any different
now? Because this one in particular had a name? A reason to be at
my place? A criminal record?

After an appropriate amount of time had
passed, I exited the restaurant and headed to the parking lot. I
was certain that Eric would have settled the bill by now and
retreated to his car. Even though I had a key for the condo, he had
never entrusted me with the key to his BMW. I wasn’t going to wait
out in the cold for him to unlock it; that wouldn’t prove anything
other than my stupidity. I wanted to make him wait a little bit,
make him squirm. I knew he would sit there, waiting. He wouldn’t
leave me.

True to my prediction, I saw him sitting in
the driver’s seat as I approached. The car wasn’t running yet. As
he saw me coming, he started the engine. I slid in to the passenger
seat without a word and fastened my seatbelt.

The drive back to his place was made in
silence. He drove neither fast nor slow, but exactly the speed
limit when possible in the weekend traffic. I stared out the
window, watching the streetlights and sights of my hometown from a
different perspective. For once, I was ready to go home. Home being
Fort Wayne. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. In such a
short time, I had been able to disassociate myself from the place
where I had grown up, where I had always lived.

He pulled the BMW into its assigned spot and
shut off the engine. He made no move to exit so I sat there, too. I
stared sideways at him, looking past him to my own car. After a
moment of uncomfortable quiet, I cleared my throat. This seemed to
bring him out of his trance.