Into the Woods (23 page)

When Phoebe finally returned to school she was treated like some sort of heroine. Expensive cosmetic surgery had corrected almost all of her scars. What few could be seen were treated as if they were badges of honor. She had survived, but the accident and the ordeal that followed didn't change who she was inside. If anything, it reinforced her arrogance and her conceit. Now she was even more of a center of attention.
The one thing that did change was her focus on me. I stayed away from her, and she finally decided to really ignore me. Perhaps I was a constant reminder of Randy and his death, and she wanted to avoid that more than anything. Ironically I thought that was Randy's gift to me. He wanted Phoebe off my back, and he got her off. Only the price was far too high.
I
hated her for that. but
I
didn't dwell on it.
Winston became more of a confidant for me than Mommy was during those weeks. She had reached a place where she did not want to think about, hear about, or discuss anything unpleasant or sad.
"You permit one teardrop to slip under your door, and a flood of sadness comes pouring your way," she told me. "Think of only happy things, fun things, beautiful things.'
She even stopped watching her favorite soap opera because it had too many sad events occurring in it She would rather watch mindless sitcoms if she watched any television at all. Most of the time she was too busy planning her wardrobe or working an her appearance.
She turned her attention to fashion magazines, read the Palm Beach newspaper and magazine religiously to the point where she knew all the social gossip. Winston was at first amused by that and then occasionally looked at me with a troubling eye.
"Oh. Jackie," he said once after she was rattling off what this heiress had done and that trust baby had bought. "you don't want to dote on those people. And you certainly don't want to be anything like they are. Why, when they die, their souls will just go up in a puff of smoke." He and
I
laughed. but Mommy looked upset.
Later she told me. "Winston might make fun of those people with us, but believe me, they are the citizens of his country, and he pays more than just lip service to them."
I wanted to argue about that. but I didn't. Let it go, I thought, all this will soon end, and who knows maybewe'll move. That was something we were accustomed to doing anyway.
I
would certainly not put up any fight if she suggested that. Winter slipped almost unnoticed into spring, and very often in the spring talk of our leaving for another base, another community. began.
However, what was to be now was quite the contrary, even though for a short time it looked as if it was not to be. One night in late May Mommy came home unusually early from a charity ball in Palm Beach. I was studying for my final in social studies. and I was still at my desk reviewing notes when I heard the front door open and then slam shut with such force the condo shook.
"Mommy?" I called from my door.
She went into her room without responding. I couldn't imagine what was happening, but I was so used to the sound of one shoe dropping
I
was trembling in anticipation of the next. I went to her room and peered in. She was throwing her jewelry and her clothes off in a fury.
"What is it? Why are you back so soon?" I asked. I didn't think she would respond, but suddenly she stopped undressing and turned to me.
"I don't mind a man who gets jealous and upset when you spend too much time with another man or other men. That I actually expect and enjoy. But a man who criticizes me far spending too much time with other women and agreeing to go to their lunches at the finer clubs is... is... infuriating!" she cried, and looked as if she would pull out her own hair.
"Maybe he just wants you to stay away from women he knows are not really nice," I offered.
"Why is it that all the men I've met in my life think they know everything, even what's best for me more than I do? Can't
I
tell who is and who isn't nice, who is and who isn't sincere? Do I have to depend on them for that?"
This was the first hint I had ever gotten that there was even an iota of dissatisfaction with Daddy. Unless, of course, she didn't include him.
"Daddy wasn't like that, was he?"
"Wasn't? Your father was a naval officer. Grace. He was in command. That wasn't something easily left outside the door when he came home to me."
She saw the expression on my face and relaxed. "It wasn't unpleasant. We didn't fight over things like most husbands and wives fight, but men in general feel superior. Don't you see that for yourself?"
I wanted to say no. but I was afraid.
"Most of the power in this world is in the hands of men, not women. Grace. They decide the important things, and every time a woman tries to take a piece of that away from them they cry that she's not a woman or she's too ambitious. The truth is, they're afraid of us, afraid we're smarter and we will take over everything," she said. nodding. She flopped onto the chair by the vanity table.
"So you had a bad fight with Winston?"
"No, not a bad fight. I just told him to take me home immediately. That put some hesitation in his steps. I told him if he had anything critical to say to me about me he should do it in total private and he should think ten times before saying it then. He got the point." she said.
She thought a moment. "If the phone rings, answer it and say I'm asleep or I'm in the bathroom if it's Winston."
"Okay," I said. retreating.
She was psychic. The phone rang an hour later, and it was Winston. I told him she was asleep.
"Oh. Well, tell her I'll call her tomorrow. How are you doing. Grace?"
"Studying for finals."'
"That time already, huh? Time just flies. Before you know it, you'll be as old as me," he said with a light laugh. "Enjoy your youth while you have it."
"You're not so old. Winston," I said.
He liked that. "I hope I'll see you soon," he said. I felt sorry for him after we hung up.
Mommy came to her door. "Was that
Winston?"
"Yes. I told him you were asleep."
"What did he say?"
He said to tell you hell call you tomorrow."
"I won't be home," she said. "Not until I feel like it."
She closed her door and then opened it quickly and looked out at me. "You'd better pay attention to this. Grace. Men have to be trained just like... like pets. We're always at a disadvantage, so we have to use everything we have, every emotion, every gesture, every word we say. And especially sex," she added.
"Don't look so shocked. It's just another weapon in the arsenal. Women who don't take advantage of it will be taken advantage of. There are enough examples of that out there. Don't become another." She closed her door again.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was too shocked to do either. And my social studies notes provided no answers and no relief.
Winston might have called while
I
was in school. If he did. Mommy was true to her word and did not answer the phone. When I came home. however.
I
was greeted by the pungent aroma of roses, and when I looked in the kitchen I was nailed to the floor by the sight of what was there: not just two or three dozen roses but at least twenty dozen. The whole kitchen was covered, every available counter space, the table, the chairs, and some of the floor.
"Now this," Mommy said proudly, her hands on her hips as she nodded at the flood of roses. "is what I would call a decent apology."
I was soon to find out that it wasn't just an apology. It was groundwork for a marriage proposal.
.
It came two days later. Mommy had relented and gone out to dinner with Winston the night the roses arrived. She didn't return until very late, well after I had gone to sleep. I vaguely heard her come in. The following morning, she wasn't up to have breakfast with me as usual. I peeked in and saw she was dead asleep. Her dress wasn't even hung up. I did that on tiptoe for her, and then I went to school.
When I returned she was in a wonderful up mood. She was leaving shortly for work, but I had never seen her as happy about it.
"I prepared one of your favorite dinners for you, Grace. shrimp Parmesan. It's all in the dish in the fridge. You just have to heat it up. I'll be home late." she added. "so don't worry."
"Where are you going?"
"Someplace," she sang, laughed, and left.
Once again she didn't come home until long after I had gone to bed, but this time, when I woke in the morning, she was up as well, although still in her bed. She called to me when I went out to the kitchen.
She was sitting up, a smile on her lips, her blue eyes gleaming. "Good morning,"
I
said. "Where were you last night?"
"I was in a chariot." she said. laughing. "Made of gold and sparkling with diamonds. If you had looked out, you would have seen me crossing the night sky."
"What?"
I
held my confused smile,
"I
have a surprise far you." she said, and extended her hand. At first I actually didn't see it. Maybe
I
didn't want to see it. She was obviously waiting for some big reaction on my part, but
I
just stared.
"What?"
I
said.
"Look, silly!" she cried, and held up her hand. Now, in the morning light, the large diamond twinkled so brightly even a blind person would see it I stepped closer.
"What is it?" I asked. full knowing what it was.
"This is an engagement ring," she said. "He had it especially designed for me. It is a six-carat clear marquis. With the work that went into it, the quality, the color." she continued, turning her hand every which way to look at her ring, "it wouldn't surprise me to know this is worth a quarter of a million dollars."
"You're engaged to Winston?"
"Yes. Sit and let me tell you all about it." she said.
I backed away. "I've got to get to school."
"Forget school for a moment."
"I can't do that. I have a math final today."
"Well, you have time. I'll call you a cab and get you there faster," she added with annoyance. "This is important, Grace. C'mon." she urged. "Stop wrinkling your forehead and sit.'
I did as she asked. A laud humming started at the base of my stomach and moved up to my chest. It was so loud I almost didn't hear her begin.
"From the first moment
I
met Winston
I
had the sense that he was sent to us."
"Sent to us? By wham?"
"By our good angel, of course. I could see it in the way he looked at me, spoke to me, smiled at me from across the restaurant. I knew who he was beforehand. Dallas had filled me in. She was doing that from the moment I arrived, 'It's not that I don't think a woman and her teenage daughter can't make it alone in this world.' she said. 'but why try?"'
Mommy laughed. "Dallas was always like that, looking for the easier way out.
I
never blamed her, now especially. Anyway. I didn't really expect anything would come of my conversations with Winston, but he was obviously determined to get to know me. and I let him." she said.
What does that mean? I wondered.
"As we became closer I realized he was a very nice man as well as being very rich. They don't go hand in hand all the time, you know. Not that I ever knew anyone as wealthy as Winston." she footnoted.
She looked at me. and I guess I was smirking, "I'm no gold-digger. Grace. I don't like using people or taking advantage of people, and we're not exactly destitute," she said. "We have what we need to live as we're living."
"So why did you accept the ring?"
I
countered quickly.
"I
said to live as we're living. I have decided we deserve better. As I said. I didn't go after Winston like some gold-digger. You saw how I even told him off one night and made him take me home."
But you said that was to train him."
"Whatever. I was willing to lose him when it came to my self-respect, and gold-diggers have no self-respect. He courted me, lavished gifts upon me and you. and
I
never felt I owed him anything for that, nor did I offer anything, and, to his credit, he never asked for anything. As I have told you many times, he truly enjoys giving to those he cares about."
"Are you in love with him. Mommy?"
"He is a nice man. Grace, a kind man, and he needs me almost as much as we need him."
"You mean his money."
"Let's not look down on it and what it will bring us." She gazed at the ring and then looked away a moment, blinking back a tear. "I'll never find anyone as wonderful as your father was anyway, and I don't like being out there like so much meat on display. The one great thing Winston has given me is taking me off the market. I could see it in the faces and the lusty looks of the young men who came to the Tremont Lim bar. After they learned whom I was seeing, they looked right through me, and that suited me real fine.
It gave me some class," she said, raising her head. "I felt like somebody and not just a Navy widow everyone expects is dying for another man.
"Then, when he began to take us to the charity events and I met these... these rich-beyond-yourimagination people. I thought to myself that they are no better than we are Why did fate give them so much and do so dirty a deed to us? Why should I let it stand?
"When I saw how beautiful you looked in those expensive clothes, how you glowed on the yacht and how you glowed when he took us to Paradise Island for dinner and you danced with him.
I
knew what I had to do for us. and I've done it I'm not ashamed. and
I
feel no guilt."
"But... but you're not in love with him. Mommy. You're going to marry a man you don't love."
"I
like him enough. Grace, and he loves me enough to compensate for what I lack. We'll be fine together, just fine," she insisted,
"He's so much older than you are," I whined. "He could be your father."
"Your father used to say he was my father. too. He used to say he had two little girls, two young women to take care of, and that's fine.
I
like a man to take care of me. I'm not one of these women who is out to prove she is as strong or as capable as any man.
I
don't have to prove it. I know it, but if I have the choice. I choose to be pampered, spoiled, protected, and made a citizen of the privileged class.
"Didn't you enjoy the way the stylist in the beauty parlor leaped to please me and the way the saleswomen in the boutique nearly broke their necks trying to make us happy? I did. and I will from now on.