Into the Woods (18 page)

"Don't worry." she added after a long silence. "We're going to do well. People like that principal of yours won't be so smug."
"I'm sorry. Mommy," I said. It was clear that was indeed part of the reason for her unhappiness and strange new mood,
"Don't you say that. Grace. Don't you ever apologize because of people like that. Damn." she said, pounding the steering wheel with the base of her palm. It made me flinch. "Your father would have chewed her up and spit her out.'
I looked out the window.
We would never stop missing him, never stop needing him, never stop loving him.
When we entered the condo I went right to my room and started to prepare for bed. I heard Mommy moving about in her room: drawers opened and closed, water running. She was taking a shower, which in and of itself wasn't unusual, but she didn't sound as if she was winding down far the night. She had her portable CD player going, and she did that only when she was preparing for an evening out. Surely it was too late for that, I thought, especially after she had been on her feet all night.
After
I
put on my nightgown
I
went to her door and knocked. "Mommy?"
"Just a minute," she said. When she opened the door I stepped back in surprise. She was wearing one of her most expensive dresses and had redone her makeup. The dress was an off-the-shoulder black chiffon with a sweetheart neckline. She hadn't looked this pretty and sexy since my daddy's death. She fiddled with her earrings a moment. "What. Grace?" she asked.
"Where are you going?"
I
replied. "It's after midnight."
"Things often don't start in Palm Beach until now,"
"Palm Beach?"
"I'm going out with Winston. I'm tired of working and slaving and not doing anything that's in the slightest way fun. Don't look so upset."
"I'm not," I lied. "I'm just surprised. You never said anything."
"I
don't have to say anything. Grace. I'm the adult here," she snapped back at me.
I bit my lower lip and felt my eyelids blinking quickly to keep the tears from fanning.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that. I'm just... frustrated," she said. "I shouldn't take it out on you. It's certainly not your fault. Just go to sleep, and don't worry about anything. Grace. You're too intense. That's partly my fault. But we're going to start changing our lives for the better. We've got to lift ourselves out of the doldrums, or cruel fate will have its way with us."
She smiled, "Okay. honey?"
I nodded.
We both heard the sound of a car pulling up outside.
"I've got to go," she said, rushing to stand before the mirror once more. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful,"
I
said. She did. "Thank you."
She scooped up her purse and hurried to the front door. I followed slowly.
''Don't look so worried." she said. smiling. She opened the door. and
I
looked out. too.
There at the front of our unit was the longest, sleekest white stretch limousine I had ever seen. Mommy paused and sucked in her breath as if she was about to dive into an Olympic swimming pool to race. Then she stepped out and closed the door behind her.
I went to the front window quickly and watched as the chauffeur hurried around to open the limousine door. She stepped into the luxurious vehicle, and I just caught sight of Winston Montgomery's long leas and his hand reaching to help her. The chauffeur closed the door and slowly drove the limousine out of our complex.
Letting go of the curtain. I stepped back in confusion and awe. How could she go out with a man that much older than she was? A man who couldn't compare to my handsome, strong daddy, whom she had loved so much that the sun rose and set with his every smile, his every kiss?
What was happening to her? And to me?
I strolled slowly back to my room and paused in the doorway, looking at the teddy bear from London that I had placed against my pillow. It seemed to have a smile of confusion on its face as well. Hugging it to me.
I
crawled under my blanket and stared up at the dark ceiling.
People really do die more than once
,
I
thought. The second funeral takes place in your memory You bury them under new events, new faces, ne
^-
w relationships, and
when you do
_;
you bury a little of yourself as well.
What was it Augustus had told me? All life was suffering. Everything that lives, lives on something that dies? He was warning me, letting me know what to expect. As short as our friendship was, that was a significant gift.
"I don't care. Daddy,"
I
whispered to the night. "I won't let go of you. Even if it means I'll never be happy again."
I fell asleep with that promise on my lips.

10
A Bridge to Cross
.
I never heard Mommy came home and

attributed that to my having fallen into a very deep sleep. An earthquake probably wouldn't have stirred my eyelids. I was that exhausted. mostly from emotional strain. But after I rose and went out to the kitchen to start making coffee for us.
I
realized Mommy's door was wide open. She usually closed it before going to sleep. Curious.
I
went to her room and peered in. Her bed was unslept in. untouched. The realization that she had not come home yet hit me as sharply as a slap across the face.
I
actually heard myself say. "What?' as if
I
had to state the obvious to believe it. She wasn't home.

I stepped back. trembling. This could very well mean something terrible had happened to her. All sorts of wild ideas began to stampede across my imagination. Maybe this Winston Montgomery was some sort of wealthy serial killer, Maybe Mommy had decided to leave him and set out on her own and something happened to her. Or maybe they were in a bad accident and no one knew who she was yet.
I
started to get frantic. I debated calling Dallas but thought I might just get her upset and later Mommy might be very angry at me.

To keep my mind occupied I returned to the kitchen and started again to make some coffee. Just as I turned on the coffee maker. the front door opened and Mommy entered. She didn't look tired at all even though she had obviously been out all night. In fact, as she entered she was smiling, smiling until she saw me standing there.

"Oh. Grace.
I
was hoping to get home before you got up." she said.
"Where were you? It's morning. How could you stay out so late?" I asked, each question in a louder voice. "How could you do this without calling me?"
She looked as guilty as a teenager caught coming home after her curfew. All these events had ironically reversed our roles and responsibilities to each other.
"You're right. I'm sorry. Grace. It was just that
I
was having such a good time I didn't pay attention to the time. You know how that can be. I'm sure."
"No, Mommy. I don't,"
I
shot back at her. "I've never done anything like this to you. How could you not realize it was becoming morning? How?" I cried, my arms up.
She nodded. "I know it seems fantastic. but..."
"Seems fantastic? It is fantastic! I thought something terrible must have happened to you."
"I'm sorry. Grace, but no matter how many times I say that, it won't change
it,"
she said, losing her patience. "so let's drop it. It won't happen again." She marched down the short hallway to her bedroom.
I stood there in disbelief. Drop it? What would she have said if the roles were reversed and it was I who had stayed out all night without calling? I followed and watched her get undressed.
"How could you not realize the time. Mommy?"
She paused. "We were having a good time listening to music at the club and meeting people. I haven't been out socially in so long
I
almost forgot what it was like. You should have seen the people there, the clothes, the jewelry. Do you know who just happened to be there? Philippe D'Anotelli, You know who he is, the famous Italian designer. All the movie stars wear his clothes. He stopped to say hello to Winston, and we were introduced."
"But you didn't stay there all night?"
"No, we went to Winston's home. Home." she said with a laugh. 'Little castle would be more like it. It's walled in like most of the estates in Palm Beach. It's another world there. Grace. Dallas was right. When you cross over the Flagler Bridge and enter Palm Beach you think you've entered another count populated only by the rich and famous, with beautiful streets and shops and restaurants, everything looking new and fresh. People are so insulated there. Grace, so well protected. It's as if sickness and death can't come over the bridge. They don't even have a hospital or a cemetery!
"Anyway," she continued as if her excitement wouldn't permit her to pause, "the gates of Winston's home opened like the gates of heaven might, and we started up this beautiful mauve driveway which looked brand new.
I
think someone comes out and vacuums it every day."
"Vacuums a driveway?"
"I'm just kidding, but it looked like that. The driveway continued forever toward the
D.1editerranean-stvle pearl white mansion. With the elaborate lighting over the grounds
I
could see oleander bushes close to twenty feet high with salmon-pink, red, and white blossoms. There were fountains and small ponds and these great royal coconut palm trees lining the circular entry drive. Before we drove up
I
could see the ocean behind the house and another building down on the left toward the beach.
"Even at that time of the night we were greeted by a butler in a tuxedo jacket and a bowtie. I thought I had entered a museum. The artwork, the statues, and the rugs... he has a fortune in decoration and furniture. The moment we went to what he called the sitting room, but someone else might call a small ballroom, a maid appeared and asked him if he wanted anything. Can you imagine having so many servants who are always attentive, always available?"
"No, Mommy." I said, actually becoming a bit frightened by her exuberance. Why wasn't she absolutely exhausted? Could fun and excitement really give someone this much energy?
I
think
I
was a little jealous. Maybe I was very jealous.
"Well, we didn't order anything even though Winston made it sound as though I could order anything from apple pie to veal Marsala. We just had an after-dinner drink. He likes black sambuca. I had never had it before. but I must say I enjoyed it.
"We just sat and talked and talked. He told me all about his marriage, how his wife had died, why they never had children, and mostly what it was like for him to be alone after being married far nearly forty years. We had
a
lot in common, actually, even though your father and
I
were married barely half that long. He was a lot more sensitive man than I expected."
"Daddy?"
"No, Winston. silly."
"Then what did you do?"
"We both looked up when the sun was rising, both of us just as surprised. We laughed at how we had ignored and forgotten about time itself. Naturally he kept apologizing to me, and he quickly called for the limousine. He only travels by limousine. He said he hasn't driven a car for twenty years! Can you imagine that?"
"No," I said "I don't think I'd want someone to be driving me about all the time."
"Of course you would. silly. You don't have any stress, and you can do other things. He was always a busy businessman, so he got a lot of work done while traveling. And he's been everywhere. Grace. Wait until you hear about the places he's been, the things he's seen."
"He couldn't have traveled more than Daddy," I said, now with an angry, sharp tone in my voice that made her wince,
"No, but it was a different sort of traveling from the traveling your father did. Grace. Your daddy was confined to his base or his ship, and he didn't visit grand hotels and wonderful restaurants and
beachfronts. He didn't go into the mountains of Europe and places like Eze in southern France. Monte Carlo. the Cote d'Azur, playgrounds for the rich and famous. It wasn't the same thing."
"I'd rather have done what Daddy did." I insisted,
She smiled at me as if I was still a child. "Of course," she said.
"I would. I don't need chauffeurs and
limousines and big houses!"
"Don't get yourself upset. Grace." "I'm glad you had such a wonderful time," I practically spat and marched away to my own room. After I closed the door
I
realized I had the coffee machine on What was there to do in my room now anyway except fume at the walls?
I went back to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I considered having some breakfast, but my stomach was churning so much I thought I would just heave it all the moment I swallowed it. I looked up when Mommy appeared in her nightgown and robe.
"The coffee's made," I said.
"I
think I'll just take a nap. Grace.'"
"A nap?"
"Well, it's starting to catch up to me," she said.
"How are you going to work tonight after staying out all night?" I said.
"I
might take the night off. I'll call Dallas later and discuss it. Don't worry. I'll be fine if
I
just rest. Call me if you need me," she said, and went into her room, closing the door. I sat at the table, sipping my coffee and thinking about all she had told me. Maybe
I
was unfair. Maybe she deserved to enjoy herself a little. Maybe I was just a jealous child after all.
Just before noon there was someone at our door. Mommy was still fast asleep. so
I
hurried to it and faced a flower delivery man who had a box of long-stem roses.
"Jackie Lee Houston?" he asked me.
"No, that's my mother."
"Oh, well, this is for her," he said, and handed me the box.
I thanked him and took it and brought it to the table. There were three dozen mixed roses, white, red, and pink, and they looked as if they had just been cut. The stems and petals were still wet. I saw the card with it. Since the envelope wasn't sealed. I opened it and pulled out the card: "My apologies for forgetting time itself. Something not hard to do with you.-- Winston."
I shoved it back into the envelope and dropped it onto the box as if it had turned to fire. Then I went out for a walk around the complex, I settled at the pond and threw some bread crumbs to Quackie and Qucenie. After they gobbled them they remained there staring at me.
"You miss Augustus. I bet." I told them.
It
looked as if they were both nodding, and that made me smile. "Me. too. At least he was interesting. Without being rich!"
I saw a moving van pull up in front of Augustus's condo. and I wandered over to watch the two men taking some of the furniture out and loading it.
"Where are you taking all this?" I asked one, hoping to get an address.
"It's going into storage at one of our
warehouses," he replied, barely pausing to look at ine.
While carrying out one of the desks, the movers didn't notice a piece of paper that floated to the lawn. I picked it up after they returned to the condo and saw it was a sheet of Augustus's rambling mathematical verses, numbers, fractions, formulas that made no sense to me, of course, but nevertheless tied me to him. I decided to keep it. They would only throw it away anyway,
I
thought.
I
folded it and brought it back to our house. where I put it at the bottom of
a
jewelry box Daddy had brought me from India.
The house was still dead quiet, the roses undisturbed. I imagined that whenever Mommy did awake she would be hungry, so I went about preparing one of her favorite pasta meals, linguini in clam sauce. She liked it a little spicy. I was hoping the aroma of the sauce would snake its way through the condo and under her bedroom door. Eventually
it
did.
I turned when she stepped out, her hair disheveled, her eyes a little bloodshot. She scrubbed her face with her palms and smiled at me.
"What is that I smell?"
"I thought you might be hungry."
"Oh, that's so nice of you, Grace. Thank you, honey. I'll just take a shower and..."
"You had a delivery,"
I
said sharply, and turned back to the pasta.
"Delivery?" She came into the kitchen and saw the flowers,
"Oh, how sweet," she said without even looking to see who had sent them.
I watched her face when she read the card. Her tired eyes regained their lively, happy glint instantly, and her cheeks flushed with glee.
"Hook and sinker," she muttered.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing, honey. Isn't this nice? They're from Winston. I've got to put them in water quickly. How beautiful they are, and just enough to make a statement without being too ostentatious," she remarked as if she was an expert on social etiquette. "They know how to do everything properly,"
"Who?"
"Palm Beach multimillionaires," she replied with a short laugh. "All of a sudden
I
am ravishingly hungry. I'll hurry." She rushed off to shower and fix her hair.
At the table while we ate our late lunch. Mommy continued her exuberant description of her late evening with Winston Montgomery, gushing over every detail as if she had to be sure I didn't miss a moment or a thing she had seen in that majestic house.
"There are at least ten bedrooms. I think, and there is a separate building for the help, a beach house. Can you imagine being a servant and living on the beach? Well, the reason for that is Joya del Mar has its own beach-front."
"Joya del Mar?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you the name of the estate?"
"The estate has a name?"
"Sure it does. silly. All those famous big homes have names. Joya del Mar, the jewel of the sea. Wait until you see it." she said.
"I don't want to see it," I replied petulantly.
"Why nat?"
"It doesn't sound like that much fun for me."
"Oh, sure it is. The pool is enormous, with a Jacuzzi of course. He has a clay tennis court, a twohole putting green, a small sailboat and a yacht and..."
The ringing of the phone brought her nauseating gushing to a halt. I expected it to be Randy. He hadn't called me for a while. I answered quickly, eager now to talk to anyone my age,
"Hello."
I
heard. "This is Winston
Montgomery. Would your mother be available?"
"Just a minute," I said, my throat closing. I held out the receiver and looked away as if I was holding out a bloody knife or something equally horrid. "It's for you."
"Me? Thank you. Grace." she said. The moment she took the receiver in her hand, her tone of voice changed, and her pronunciation became so correct I didn't recognize it.
"This is Jackie Lee," she announced. She listened a moment and then said. "They are so beautiful. Winston. Thank you so much for that kind gesture and those sweet words. I would have to admit it was as true for me. I lost track as well." She listened, "No. I'm fine. I had a good rest, thank you Thank you for asking."
Oh brother,
I
thought, When did she ever talk to anyone like that?
"Of course." she continued. "When? Why.
I
don't see why not. I'm sure she would. too, Yes. That's very considerate of you.
I
look forward to it. Thank you." She listened and laughed. "Goodbye, and thank you again for the beautiful roses."
She cradled the receiver softly and stood there staring at it for a moment, a small smile on her lips. She turned to me as I was clearing the table.
"Well," she said. "Isn't that nice?"
I said nothing. I put the dishes into the sink and turned back to her.
"Winston has invited us to an afternoon on his yacht tomorrow. He'll send the limousine around about ten in the morning. Won't that be fun?"
"Not for me, for you." I said.
"Oh, no. Grace, you'll see. It's a yacht. We'll have lunch on it and..."
"He doesn't really want me along, Mommy," I insisted. "Yes, he does. He made a big point of it. 'Be sure Grace comes,' he said. He was very taken with you last night."
"Why? All I did was show him to his table."
"He watched you. He's very observant, and he prides himself on his judgment of character. You'll like him. honey. He's really very down-to-earth for so wealthy a man."
"I'd better catch up on the schoolwork I've. missed," I said, and finished clearing off the table. "Besides,"
I
added in as phony and affected a voice as
I
could muster, "I don't have the proper attire for a day on a yacht."
"Oh. I know," Mommy said, taking that as a moment of weakness, my resistance dwindling, "That's one of the things we'll
do
with the rest of this afternoon: We'll go shopping for some adequate clothing and some new shoes. too."
"Isn't that a foolish expense?" I countered. "just for a day on a yacht?"
"No, honey," she said, her face changing again, this time from adolescent excitement to cold calculation, "No, it's