Into the Woods (14 page)

I
assumed she wanted her around for that purpose only. and Ashley was so grateful for being permitted to be in the company of the prince and princess of the school, she took the punishment, practically thanking Phoebe for remembering she was there, even if it was only to belittle her.
A number of times I felt the urge to come to her defense but quickly realized that Ashley would appreciate it the least. If there was anything she didn't want it was to ally herself with someone Phoebe didn't favor.
I phoned Mommy right before we left for the restaurant, which was in Boca Raton in Roger's father's mall.
"Are you having fun. honey?" Mommy asked.
It was always hard for me to lie to her. My voice would betray me even if with all my heart I wanted to hide something from her,
"I'm all right," I replied.
"It's always hard making new friends," she said. I could hear the trembling in her voice and knew that despite the happy faces she was putting on she was still crying inside.
I
didn't have to add any of my little problems to her heavy burden,
"I
know.
I
like this bay who is in my class. He's sweet,"
I
told her.
"Oh, great. Have a goad time," she said.
After we had pizza we wandered through the mall. Randy and I broke off from the others and went to the bookstore. He found a book about the U.S. Navy and decided to buy it.
"You'll know more about the Navy than I do," I said. laughing.
"Good," he said.
When we met up with the others Wally made Randy show him what he had bought and teased him about it all the way back to West Palm Beach.
"She'll make a sailor of you yet. Randy," he told him.
I noticed how Phoebe sat quietly, holding a small, icy smile on her lips. As it turned out, she was like a submarine slinking its way silently under the sea until it was in position to launch its deadly attack.
We had pulled into my condo development and up to my new home before she fired at me.
"I'll ca... ca... call you," Randy practically whispered. I nodded with a smile and got out of the car.
"Maybe I'll see you at the restaurant," Phoebe said, sounding very pleasant.
"Okay."
"Until then, good night. Sailor Girl," she said, and followed it with a laugh that Wally and Ashley quickly joined in chorus. Roger smiled and shook his head.
It was truly as if I had been hit by a dart in the chest.
I
turned quickly to Posy, who was smiling but directing her eyes toward the stars. I could feel the tears burning under my eyelids, but I would die before I ever shed one because of something Phoebe did or said. That was a vow I quickly took.
"Gee, Posy," I said, and you didn't even have the lowest card."
There was a moment of deep silence, and then Roger burst into laughter,
"Let's get out of here," Phoebe ordered, He began to accelerate but kept laughing and shaking his head.
I
watched them turn and then drive away. Randy looking back at me as they disappeared around the turn, the music from the car's CD first shattering the night and then drifting off with them.
"Those your new best friends?" I heard, and turned to see Augustus standing in the darkest shadows by our home,
"Hardly," I replied.
He stepped forward into the light spilling down from the front of the condo, his hands in his packets. This time he wore a black T-shirt with a large eye at the center of his chest,
"Don't you ever wear shoes?" I asked him.
He looked down at his feet as if he hadn't realized he was barefoot. "Just forgot." he replied.
"Just forgot?"
"Once I almost went to school without shoes. My grandmother caught me getting into the car and sent me back for them."
I shook my head.
"Where did your not new friends take you?" he asked.
"To the driver's home. His family has a boat. We went water-skiing. Or I tried.
I
should say. Then we went to Boca Raton and had pizza and hung at a mall for a while."
"Sounds like you're gain! to fit right in after all." he said with some disdain.
"I'm not as sure as you are."
He raised his eyebrows with interest. "Disillusionment is the first step toward rebirth." he quoted.
"Right now I just want to get some sleep and leave my rebirth for tomorrow. How is your project coming along?"
"Today I finally figured out how to dissolve myself, metamorphose into pure energy, and disappear. What I haven't figured out is how to reappear.
"Maybe I won't bother," he added, and retreated again to the shadows. He was gone so quickly I wandered if he had just done what he claimed he could.
Mommy was waiting for me. She turned aff the television as soon as I came into the condo.
"Hi," she sang, dressing her voice in bells, "Was it a nice mall? Was the pizza good? What's Phoebe like?" She fired her questions in machine-gun fashion, which was something she and I used to do to each other all the time. It made me laugh.
"She's a spoiled brat."
I
said, sitting across from her.
Mommy nodded. 'Dallas as much as admitted that. Wasn't she nice to you at all?"
"She's too concerned with being the center of attraction. She's older than
I
am. so
I
don't see myself hanging around much with her anyway. Mommy."
"Well. you'll pick and choose your friends carefully. You always do. Daddy was always impressed with that."
I nodded, and we were both silent.
"Oh." Mommy said. "that nice boy back in Norfolk called for you."
"Trent?"
"Yes, He said he didn't find out you had called until today, and he apologized. He left a number. It's by the phone."
"Great."
I
said, jumping up. It was too late to call. but
I
took the slip of paper with his number to my room and kept it beside my bed. One of the first things
I
did the next morning was call.
"Hey," he said when he came to the phone. "How are you?'
"Okay," I said. Anyone could tell my okay was not okay, but he went right into a description of his baseball camp, the coach he had who had been a major league pitcher, and how much he was learning,
"I struck out twelve batters yesterday," he bragged. "And he says I hit better than most pitchers hit.
I
have a natural ability."
"That's wonderful. Trent."
"I wish you were coming back to our school," he finally said. "Me, too."
"I'll try to keep in touch. I'll send you the sports pages from the school paper when the baseball season starts," he promised.
"Okay."
"Gee,
I
gotta go." he said. "Take care of yourself."
I could actually feel his hand slipping out of mine. Time and distance were too much to overcome. We were going in different directions.
"Goodbye," I said.
The click brought down a lead curtain between us.
Maybe Augustus wasn't all that weird after all_. I thought. Maybe we disappear more often than we think.
.
As she had planned, Mommy began working on the weekend. For the first few weeks Dallas and Warren thought it would be best for her to serve alongside a seasoned waitress. Even so, she came home tired. mostly.
I
thought, from the emotional strain of worrying about whether she was doing things right. She would flop in our big easy chair and put her feet up on the hassock. I would take off her shoes and rub her feet for her while she moaned with pleasure.
"I've got to get the right shoes for this. There's so much walking involved. You don't sit from the moment you arrive till the moment you get into your car, but at least it isn't boring. They do have some very interesting customers, many, as Dallas said. from Palm Beach. Sometimes, the place is glittering with enough jewelry to light up a football stadium. They do tip well, though," she said with a smile.
I knew she didn't like leaving me at home alone, but Randy called me on that first weekend to invite me to a movie at the nearby theater. He gave me the bus schedule and the station as well, since neither he nor I was old enough to drive or had a car available anyway. I told Mommy, who thought it was wonderful I had a date already.
I saw Augustus that morning and asked him if he ever went to the movies. He looked at me for a long moment and said, "Even
^,
night. In here." He pointed to his own head. I thought about inviting him along but decided to leave that for another time
Randy was waiting for me at the bus stop near the mall. He was very eager to show off his knowledge of the U.S. Navy and talked about the different ships.
I
knew how much he wanted to impress me. and
I
was flattered, but after the movie, when he returned to talking about the Navy. I reached across the table in the restaurant where we were having some ice cream and put my hand over his to stop him.
"Thanks for learning all that. Randy," I told him. "But every time we talk about the Navy now, I think about my father, and it's painful for me."
I said it as simply and as softly as I could. "Oh," he said, his eyes filling with some panic. "I... I..."
"It's okay. I love that You learned all that, but let's talk about you. too. And tell me all about the school and our teachers," I suggested.
We had a good time then, and he insisted on riding the bus back to my station and walking me to my door.
But then you'll have to wait so long for another bus, and you won't get home until so late,"
I
said.
He had told me he was the youngest of three boys and that his older brothers were now in college, both very athletic and both good students. His father worked in the city water department and had a managerial position. His mother was a grade-school teacher.
It wasn't difficult to see that he had always felt inferior to his brothers and always believed his parents loved him less because of his speech problem.
"That's why
I...
I like to work wi... with corn... corn... Fitters," he said. "No one know... knows how
I
spe... speak."
I told him I had never had one and that my father was going to get one for me when we had settled into our new home in Norfolk.
"I'll hel... help you ge... get one," he offered.
Despite my pleas, he accompanied me home and walked me to the condo. When we got there, we found Augustus lying on our front lawn, looking up at the sky.
"Who... who... who's that?" Randy asked with some concern.
"His name is Augustus Brewster. He lives in one of the units. He's a genius and goes to a special school." I explained quickly. "Don't worry. He does whatever he wants at the spur of the moment. Augustus?" I called, and he sat up.
"Oh. I was looking for you. I wanted to tell you about this movie I saw tonight." he said excitedly. He looked at Randy. "You're the boy in the backseat." he said, pointing his forefinger at him.
"Wha... what?"
This is Randy. Augustus."
"Right. Do you want to hear about this movie or not?"
"Sure," Randy said. "Where... where did you... you see it?"
"Here," Augustus replied.
"Here?" "Augustus. Randy has to catch a bus. It's late, Maybe some other night," I said.
"I
won't remember it some other night," he angrily shot back at me.
"I..,
can... can stay a li... little longer."
"You have a pronounced speech defect. huh?"
"Augustus," I snapped. chastising.
"It's wrong to pretend it doesn't exist. Some people have thought that addressing the problem makes the stutterer or, as the English call it, the stammerer more aware of his problem and more sensitive and withdrawn. That's medieval." Augustus concluded,
Randy continued to look impressed.
"How long has it been since you had any treatment?" Randy just shook his head.
"Your parents never had you in any therapy?"
"No."
"Typical. They bury their heads in the sand expecting him to outgrow it He's too old. It would have happened already."
"He has a school therapy program. He told me so. Right. Randy?"
He looked at Augustus.
"He lied," Augustus said nonchalantly. "Randy?"
"I... gotta.... go."
"Don't worry about it." Augustus said. "We all don't have that much worthwhile to say to each other anyway."
"Stop it. Augustus."
"We'll all be communicating through computers soon. The phone will become an antique," Augustus continued.
"I'm... I'm on a com..."
"Computer? Me. too. I'm sending e-mail to God and getting back 'No longer at that address.' Let me know if you find him," Augustus said, and looked at me. "I forgot the movie." He turned and walked off.
"Don't listen to anything he says. He's brilliant but crazy," I told
Randy.
"No... he... he's not." Randy said. "He's right about my... my par... parents. Good night" He turned to leave, his head lowered.
"Randy!" I called, and he stopped. I walked up to him. "Thanks for a nice evening." I said, and kissed him on the cheek.
He smiled and brought his hand to the spot as if my lips were still there. He walked off, his head high again.
Behind me. Augustus walked toward home. too.
Who was more unhappy. I wondered, Augustus. Randy, or me?
Maybe the secret was simply to keep moving, keep busy, don't think about it It was only when we stopped and realized where we were that we felt any loneliness.

8
Counteroffensive
.
I saw Randy twice more before the summer

ended and school began, once for a picnic at the park and once to go to a movie. I did a great deal of reading. catching up on any and all books Randy told me he had been assigned in his previous classes. As it was with most of the school changes. I had read most of the works my new teachers required or used in class, but there were also many differences.

Mommy began to enjoy the work at the restaurant and, because of her looks and warm personality.
I
think, was soon one of the highesttipped waitresses or waiters there. Ironically Phoebe had made a good prediction. Eventually I did go to work at the restaurant. I assisted Dallas with the hostess responsibilities on weekends. and
I
was impressed with how quickly Mommy picked up on everything. When
I
remarked about it, she revealed far the first time that she had been a waitress often before and that was how she first met my father.

"It was always a good way to improve my income," she told me.
I could see that many of the men who came in flirted with her, even when they were with their wives or girlfriends. One night I overheard Dallas say. "Too bad you have a teenage daughter. You could pass for late twenties. and there are plenty of wealthy young bachelors to hunt in Palm Beach."
I hadn't considered that. Was I now a burden for my mother? Mommy never did anything to make me feel
I
was any sort of burden to her. and
I
couldn't imagine her hunting for a wealthy bachelor anyway. Sometimes I wished I had been in the helicopter with Daddy. I'd rather be wherever he was. At least working at the restaurant kept my mind occupied.
Phoebe, on the other hand, was unwilling to do anything that even appeared to be work at the inn. despite the fact that her father owned it. If anyone had the attitude that everything was coming to her it was Phoebe.
I
saw her occasionally when she stopped by to get her father to give her some money. She got him to buy her a car before the summer ended. too. She was just as happy avoiding me as I was avoiding her, and when Mommy asked about it I reminded her that Phoebe didn't want to spend time with someone younger. It was mostly true anyway.
I was more nervous about the start of this particular school year than any other I could remember. no matter how young I had been or how abruptly we had been withdrawn from one community and deposited in another. This time I was, after all, attending school as what Mommy described as a civilian. I didn't have that cadre of built-in children of military personnel there to make a transition easier.
Maybe it was my imagination. but when I attended schools where other children of military personnel attended
I
could easily see who they were, and we were quickly drawn to each other. I liked to think we were better behaved. We dressed a little more formally and peppered our conversations with "please" and "thank you" and always referred to our teachers with a higher deuce of respect, even if we all agreed that a teacher wasn't very good or nice. It wasn't that none of us ever got into trouble. It was simply not as frequent and usually nowhere nearly as serious as with most of the other students we
There was no other student like me in my Florida school in that respect. and
I
did have this strange sense of loneliness, despite Randy's great effort to help me feel at home. Every time another student or a teacher centered his or her attention on me. I wondered if he or she saw something very different in me as Randy proved to be a great help, however. He came over to visit the day before school began and tried to ease my anxiety by describing everything from the quirks of some of the teachers to the worst table in the school cafeteria, worst because the sun was always beating down on it through the unshaded portion of window. He was that detailed. Mommy was terribly amused by Randy and called him a "little darlin'." She said it only once in his presence. and I saw him wince. He didn't mind being called "darlin'," but the "little" part underscored his slight build. Some of the crueler students teased him and called him Bird Bones.
He was there at the front entrance of the school waiting for me that first day, and he did introduce me to some of his friends who were like him, mild mannered, a little insecure. One of Mommy's favorite expressions, inherited from her own mother, was "Birds of a feather flock together."
I
thought of that often during the day, observing different personalities and the way they were drawn together to form the cliques in the school population. I didn't want to consider myself insecure.
I
really didn't think I was, despite my nervousness. Before the day ended I was talking with other students, more confident and upbeat than most of Randy's friends.
I saw Phoebe often in the hallways and cafeteria, but each time she acted as if she had never seen me before, barely looking at me for more than a second.
I
decided to consider that good luck.
Unfortunately, near the end of the week I discovered Phoebe hadn't been ignoring my existence as much as
I
had hoped she had. She had done a very good job of spreading "Sailor Girl" around the high school. Some of her male friends were saluting me in the halls. My first reaction was anger and indignation, but then I decided to go with the flow. Another one of Mommy's favorite expressions was "A branch that doesn't bend breaks." To fight them, to show them they were getting to me, would be defeating myself. I thought, Instead I started to salute back. At first they thought that was funny, but soon they became bored with it and then became annoyed if I did it to them first,
Roger was the first to break ranks and came to me in the cafeteria the last day of the first week to tell me I was the most frustrating person Phoebe had ever encountered.
"She as much as confessed it to me." he revealed. "You're confusing her. She doesn't know how to spoil things for you."
"Tell her to become my friend. That will ruin my day." I said, and he burst into laughter so loudly he drew the attention of most of the students around us.
"You're terrific," he said with what
I
thought was sincere admiration in his eyes.
Phoebe had just come in and was obviously annoyed that he was speaking to me. and I suddenly realized my own power and opportunity to launch a counteroffensive, as Daddy would put it.
"Thanks,"
I
said. "Can I ask you a favor?"
I
smiled as coyly as I could.
You can ask." he said, flirting back, "but that doesn't mean I'll grant it."
"I've got to get home as quickly as possible today. Could you possibly drive me home?"
He considered my request a moment and then glanced back at Phoebe, who was shooting poison arrows from her eyes in my direction,
"Okay," he said impulsively. "Just meet me in the parking lot. I have my mother's car today, the black Mercedes convertible. It's not hard to find. It's the only Mercedes there," he said.
"Thank you," I said demurely. "I'll be so grateful."
"Right. Okay." He looked nervous. but
I
thought his eyes also betrayed an explosion of excitement.
He returned to Phoebe and ignored me the remainder of the afternoon. How he got away from her after school I didn't know, but he was waiting nervously in his car when I approached.
"Get in." he said urgently as if we were making a getaway.
The moment I did, he backed up and shot out of the parking lot, sharply turning us onto the street. I hadn't even gotten my seat belt fastened.
"Do you always drive this fast?" I asked him.
He looked as if he wasn't going to talk to me at all but just deliver me to my home and take off. Finally, a good mile or so from the school, he relaxed and slowed down.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to inconvenience you in any way," I said.
He looked at me. "I'm not inconvenienced. No. I don't drive that fast all the time. I'd better not. One more speeding ticket, and my father will take away my license and not let me use any of the cars." He smiled. "I'm sort of on probation. I guess where you come from you would call it demoted or something. huh?"
"No. You're on report, but you're still a lieutenant junior grade."
He laughed. "Look." he said. "Let me give you a little advice. Don't go head to head with Phoebe. She has a real mean streak in her when she feels
threatened."
"How could I possibly threaten her?"
"Anyone who continually confronts her is a threat to her. She hasn't forgotten how you beat her at that card game in my house. She has a lot of friends at school, friends a lot like her, if you get my meaning. I've seen them go after someone. It's not pleasant."
"Why do you go with her if you dislike her so much?"
I
asked him.
"I don't dislike her."
"You don't like her," I insisted, "You can't like someone who does things you don't like."
"Where did you get so much wisdom about people?" he asked. smiling.
"I
listen, and
I
don't forget," I said.
"You've traveled about a lot, haven't you?" he asked, looking at me with a new interest,
"Yes. I wasn't happy about it, but we had to move when my father was transferred to a different base."
"I
guess that is hard, making new friends all the time," he concluded. He looked sorry for me.
"I survived," I said, and he laughed,
"You more than survived. Despite all that chaos in your life, you're smart and," he added, glancing at me."pretty as well as pretty sophisticated."
I didn't say anything. Once when Mommy and I were having a serious conversation about boys and romance, she told me the hardest thing to do is distinguish between a sincere compliment and one lavished an you for a selfish purpose. The school I was in at the time had a Great Books program as an extracurricular activity, and
I
had been admitted. One of our books was Chaucer's
Canterbury Tales
, and one of those tales was "
The Nun's Priest's Tale
." which told about the fox that trapped the rooster Chanticleer by flattering him and how Chanticleer turned the tables on the fox by flattering him back. I summarized the story for Mommy, and she nodded.
"My mother used to say. 'Flattery brings up one question only: What do you want?'You have to separate the baloney from the sincere compliment."
"But how can you tell the difference, Mommy? Especially when a man gives it?" I asked her.
She thought for a while and then said something I don't think I'll ever forget. "When it makes them happier than it makes you, it's sincere. Some people might call it pride,
I
guess. They are proud of you, proud you care for them."
Pride was an important word to a Navy man and a Navy wife. It didn't surprise me that Mommy chose it to help her explain what she meant.
I
saw how proudly Daddy stood in his uniform at ceremonies. but
I
also saw how proud he was when we went to social affairs and he had Mommy at his side. I saw it in her eyes as well. Their pride in each other made their love that much stronger and more passionate. Whenever he returned home, even if he had been away for only a short period, he would take her in his arms, and they would kiss as if they hadn't seen each other for years.
"You busy tomorrow night?" Roger asked when we stopped at my condo.
"My mother doesn't like me going out on school nights," I said. "She works every night at the restaurant, doesn't she?"
"Every night but Monday," I said.
"Well, how about I come around tomorrow night? That way you don't go out," he said.
"I
like to get my homework done." "So? I'll help you."
I thought a moment. His request excited a part of me but made another part of me nervous. Phoebe would go ballistic if she found out. Maybe I was playing with fire and I would lose the little control I had.
"Relax," he urged. "You've got to learn to have more fun. We're not going to be teenagers forever, you know. This is supposed to be the best time of our lives."
"All right." I said, and wished I could pull the words back into my mouth the moment I had uttered them, but another saving of Mommy's came roaring back to me: "You can't unring a bell."
"Thanks for the ride."
I
cried, getting out quickly. This was my own fault. Why had
I
asked him to take me home?
I heard him laugh, and he drove off as
I
rushed into the house. Mommy was getting ready to leave far work. Twice this week, because of the time it took me to get home on the bus. I had missed her, and we didn't see each other until the following morning.
"Grace," she called from her bedroom.
"Hi,"
I
said, stepping in. She was at her bathroom mirror, doing her makeup.
"How was school today?"
"Better," I said. "I found out I've already read half the new required assignments in English."
"I bet. Remember how Daddy used to tease you about leaving your nose in a book?"
"Yes."
Time had made it possible for me to smile at most of my good memories and not feel as if
I
was about to cry out my heart.
I watched her a moment, wondering:
^,
if
I
should tell her about Roger.
I
didn't think she would be angry about it, and yet I couldn't help feeling guilty. I decided I wouldn't tell her, because I would find a way to cancel his coming, and why mention it
if
I not was going to have him come over?
Roger caught me completely by surprise the next day, however. He was with Wally and a group of boys when
I
spotted him in the hallway between classes. Phoebe wasn't too far off. with Ashley at her side listening to her hold court with some of her devoted followers.
I
approached Roger. There was only three minutes between classes, and we didn't have more than a minute or so left.
"Hi."
I
said.
He looked at me and then at the other boys as if he was surprised
I
would greet him so openly. They all smiled. Wally had no hesitation whatsoever when it came to recognizing and speaking to me. He gave me a big hello.
"Looking for a card game?" he asked.
"No. I wanted to speak to Roger."
"Me?" He looked to his right to see
if
Phoebe was watching. She was. "What for?"
"I
wanted to tell you tonight was no good."
"For what?" he said, looking confused.
"For what? I mean about your coming over to my house."
"Who said I would do that? What, are you having delusions or something?" He looked at his friends, who looked at me and smiled.
Phoebe was starting toward us. I shook my head in disbelief and walked away quickly. If he wanted to be an idiot and a coward, let him. I thought. He got my message. I would have nothing to do with him.
Later, when
I
sat with Randy in the cafeteria. Phoebe. Ashley, and some of her other friends descended upon us, moving through the cafeteria like a flock of buzzards.
"I heard what you tried to pull," Phoebe accused even before she reached us. Everyone sitting at the tables nearby stopped his or her conversation and turned.
"I didn't try to pull anything," I said.
"What did you think, that by pretending Roger liked you, you would get him to like you? Is this some sort of sneaky technique you used when you lived on Navy bases. Sailor Girl?" she wailed, wagging her head and flitting her gaze from one side to the other to be sure her audience appreciated everything she was doing and saying.