Into the Free (29 page)

CHAPTER 40

As we follow the caravan out of Monroe, I think about the man in the truck who stopped to see if I was okay. I think about Sloth. I sense he’s watching over me. Maybe, if I can believe that Sloth has been watching over me since his death, that he saved me from my fall. Maybe if I can believe, as Mabel once told me, that there is no such thing as coincidence. Maybe if I can feel the presence of God, in a worn Delta cabin. Maybe if I can hear God speak to me after a horrific event in the steeple of His church. Maybe if I can drive all alone out of Mississippi and find my true self on the back of a horse. Then maybe there really is something larger at work in my life.

Maybe God isn’t a madman, as Jack claimed at my brother’s funeral. Maybe everything isn’t in God’s hands, as my grandfather insists. Maybe God doesn’t care if we get all dressed up and sit in the pew every Sunday, as Diana believes.

Instead, maybe God comes to us through men like Sloth, watching over us as we make our own decisions. Maybe God has always been with me. Opening doors, leading me to opportunities, letting me choose my own path, and loving me even when I chose the wrong one. Never giving up on me. Knowing all along that I am on a journey. That I must find my own way to Him. Maybe River was right. Maybe God does still believe in me.

In the end, sitting at Bump’s side, I no longer feel afraid. Instead, I feel whole and loved and complete, in a way no one like me should ever be able to feel. Not after all I have seen in the world. After all the hurt and hate, fear and fury. I pull off the highway. I get out of the truck and walk around to the passenger side. I give the keys to Bump and say, “Your turn.”

Bump climbs behind the wheel and waits for me to look him eye to eye. “I love you, Millie. Through and through.”

I close my eyes and spread my arms and say, “Okay, Mr. Kenneth Anderson. I trust you.”

He honks the horn and together we drive off. Into the free.

… a little more …

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Turn the page for ...

• A Note Regarding the Word
Gypsy

• Reader’s Guide and Additional Discussion Questions

• Author Interview

• Just for Book Clubs

• Acknowledgments

A NOTE REGARDING THE WORD
GYPSY

The word
gypsy
is considered a derogatory term by many travelers. While most Americans think of this word as a beautiful term to describe a fascinating culture, it is often used as a hateful description of minority ethnic groups across the world.

When writing this book, I struggled with the use of this term. Because the book is set in Mississippi in the 1920s–40s, I opted to use the term
gypsy
when townspeople refer to the group. I believe this to be an authentic use of the word for the time period. However, in order to encourage modern readers to be more considerate, members of the caravan refer to themselves as
travelers
or
Romany.

The last thing I want to do is offend the Romany people, whom I admire so greatly. I based my scenes on factual research found in books, newspapers, and interviews, but the work is completely fictional. I hope I have managed to portray this culture in a positive light.

I welcome your comments and hope this opens a constructive dialog to promote peace among all people. Read what one Romany traveler has to say about the word
gypsy
and much more about his modern-day life in the States. Visit
www.juliecantrell.com
.

READER’S GUIDE

Spoilers ahead!

1. How do the Reverend Paul Applewhite (Millie’s grandfather) and Jack Reynolds (Millie’s father) compare? Are they more alike or different from one another? What characteristics of these two men attract so many admirers (church members and rodeo fans)? Are you more drawn to those who live on the edge of madness, the more eccentric, creative, or wild personalities? Or do more stable personalities demand your attention? Think of famous people in today’s society. What is it that makes them so magnetic? What kind of people do you most admire?

2. Throughout her life, Millie is trying to figure out whether or not she really believes in God. Her mother seems to rely on her faith to keep her anchored, singing hymns, praying, telling Bible stories, and quoting Scripture, yet she never takes Millie to church. Millie feels closest to God when she’s in nature, and she speaks of the gypsy gathering as “holy.” How does Millie’s questioning make you consider your own faith? When do you feel closest to God? What do you like or dislike about organized religion and traditions? Have you ever been judged, criticized, ostracized, or punished because of your faith? Have you ever visited a country (or do you live in a country) where religious worship is prohibited? What is the effect?

3. When Millie falls from the tree, she believes that a man catches her and saves her life. She sees this man many times, often when she feels most alone. Do you believe loved ones can watch over us after death? Do you believe in angels? Why do you think Millie’s guardian angel came in the form of Sloth rather than as one of her parents? What role did Sloth play in her life?

4. When Millie is just seventeen years old, she faces a choice of loving Bump or River. Do you think she makes the right choice? Do you think women have more options now than Millie did as a disadvantaged orphan girl in the 1940s? Even with more options, do women still tend to determine their life course based on their husband’s job and priorities? How does your religious affiliation affect the way you see yourself as a woman? Do you agree or disagree with your church’s view of women?

5. Throughout the book, Millie struggles to come to terms with traditional labels of “good” and “bad.” Bill Miller is described as a good man, even describing himself with those words as he begins to rape Millie. As a rodeo veterinarian, Bump might be looked down upon by the likes of the upper-class Millers. And Millie was surprised to find River a well-read, well-groomed adventurer, rather than the illiterate, dirty stereotype she thought he’d be. What does Millie learn about the way people are perceived and the truth about who they really are? Do you portray your true self to the public, or do you strive to maintain a perfect image, like the Miller family? What stereotypes or class issues do you struggle to overcome, either in the way you perceive others or in the way you are perceived? How many people know the
real
you?

6. How do you feel about the way Millie handled the situation in the steeple? Have you ever been a victim of sexual, verbal, or physical abuse? How have you learned to take a more active role in your own life in order to prevent further victimization? What would you do differently if you could go back to that moment again? Have you been able to forgive the person(s) who harmed you, and how has that ability or inability to forgive affected you? Likewise, have you ever been the one to inflict harm on another person? If so, take time to evaluate the causes and effects of such events. What can you do to break that cycle?

7. Even though Millie felt so alone most of her life, her life has been filled with lots of people who loved her: Sloth, Miss Harper, Mama. She also develops a special bond with Diana’s housekeeper, Mabel, and Diana’s daughter, Camille. What do you think about the relationship she builds with each of them? Do you think she’ll continue to develop those relationships after she leaves Iti Taloa? What people have helped shape your life? Do you believe people are put into our lives for a reason? What efforts do you make to nourish your friendships?

8. Millie has a complicated relationship with her mother and father, yet she loves them both. What do you value most about your parents or your children? What would you like to improve about your relationship? What steps can you take to build a healthier relationship with them? Likewise, Millie’s relationship with her grandparents is beyond strained. How do you see your role as a grandparent or grandchild?

9. Millie leaves town without confronting Bill Miller. She chooses not to let him control one more minute of her life. She tries to leave that history behind her and start her new life with Bump, claiming, “It is finished.” Do you think it’s possible to leave such traumatic events buried deep without ever coming to terms with them? Do you think the events that took place in the steeple will come back to haunt Millie, or is such a clean escape possible? Do you think she should tell Bump about the rape? Do you have secrets that you have kept from those you love? Have you ever wondered what would happen if you told the truth?

10. In the end, Millie reaches a comfortable place with her faith. She comes to believe that a loving God had been there all along, watching over her, allowing her to make her own choices. Do you believe everything is in God’s hands, and that all you need to do is pray (as Millie’s mother does)? Or do you believe God gives you options, and that it’s up to you to correct the negative things that happen to you, all while making your faith the central part of your life?

ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. This story ends when Millie is seventeen, the morning after a devastating assault. Millie is still numb and in “survivor” mode when she leaves, and she hasn’t come to terms with the event yet. What do you predict will happen to her?

2. Who is your favorite character in this story? Why? Who is your least favorite character? Why?

3. What is your favorite scene? What scene made you react with the strongest emotions (good or bad)? What scene would you change, and how?

4. Do you think Millie would have left with the rodeo even if Bump hadn’t been with her? Do you think Millie will go to Colorado with Bump or stay with the Cauy Tucker group and compete with Firefly?

5. What do you think will happen to Bill and Diana Miller? Camille? Are you upset that Bill walks away unpunished at the end of the book? Do you think he will suffer consequences in the sequel or do you think some men get away with this kind of behavior, as their victims choose to remain silent, sometimes shamed?

6. What could Millie’s mother, Marie, have done differently to create a better life for herself and Millie?

7. What do you think of the symbolism with the mother dog and her pups? Do you know of any women who are willing to sacrifice their own children’s safety in order to survive? What do you think of Marie? Millie? And Millie’s grandmother, Sarah? Do you see a pattern to the mothering styles of Sarah and Marie? Do you think Millie, if given the chance, will break that pattern?

8. What do you think of the scene in the baptismal pool?

9. How do you like the traveler woman, Babushka? And what do you think about her noticing the shift in Millie from yellow to red?

10. What role do you think Mabel ends up playing in Millie’s life?