Inside (26 page)

“It’s hard to understand unless you live it,” she said, but she suspected his tendency to put his own needs, wants and desires first was more to blame than his job. “Just a sec.” She went into the kitchen to set her purse on the counter and plug in her cell phone.

“Give me an update,” he called. “How’d it go with Skinner today?”

“Not as smoothly as I’d hoped. Can I get you a glass of wine?” she called back, but a quick glance in her fridge told her he’d already availed himself of the beer John had left behind when he’d brought dinner. “No, thanks.”

She poured herself a splash of chardonnay and carried it into the living room.

“So?” he said. “What happened?”

“Virgil’s already been shanked,” she announced.

His eyebrows shot up. “That didn’t take long. How badly is he hurt?”

She sat across from him because she couldn’t bear to sit any closer. “He’ll be okay, but the injury required twenty-six stitches.” After kicking off her heels, she tucked her feet underneath her. “Four men jumped him in the dining hall.”

“
Four?
He’s lucky to be alive. How’d he do?”

“He put three of them in the infirmary. They have to be impressed.” Which was what Virgil was hoping, of course. “Whether or not the damage he inflicted makes them want to kill him or recruit him remains to be seen.”

Wallace whistled. “We’re off to a running start.”

“There’s more.”

He was wearing the clothes he’d had on yesterday,
but he’d removed his tie, if he’d ever had it on to begin with, and rolled up his sleeves. “I’m all ears.”

“Weston Jager passed me a message.”

“Weston is…?”

“A high-ranking member of the Hells Fury.”

“Right. I’ve heard you talk about him before.”

“He’s also one of the men who went after Virgil.”

“Any chance you could call him something else?”

“Like…?”

“Skinner or Bennett. Every time you say Virgil, it’s as if…as if you consider him our equal.”

This
was what he focused on instead of asking about Weston’s message? “He
is
our equal! Why do you always have to put him down?”

“Why do you always have to defend him?”

She dropped her feet and scooted to the edge of the couch. “I should never have told you what happened between us. You can’t get past it.”

“I could if you didn’t give away your true feelings every time you mention his name! Was he
that
good in bed?”

He was amazing, the best, but not because he was so skilled at pleasure. Their night together, before she’d spooked him into throwing up his defenses, was the most honest sex she’d ever had, the first time she’d made love with a man whose soul was as bare as his body. Their night together had meant a lot to her. “You’re making too big a deal out of it,” she muttered. “I am?”

“Yes!”

“Fine. I just—” he pinched the bridge of his nose “—maybe it’s him. I don’t like the way he looks at you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This morning? At the table? There was so much raw desire coming off him it felt like he was making love to you right there in front of me. And he didn’t care whether or not it bothered me.”

Why would he care how it affected
Rick?
Wallace thought the whole world revolved around him. What was going on between her and Virgil had nothing to do with anyone else. It didn’t have anything to do with what Virgil was trying to accomplish or what she had dreams of doing, either. It was just…there. Unexpected, inconvenient, frightening in ways, but inescapable.

To avoid an argument, she attempted to redirect the conversation. “Can we talk about what really matters?”

“I’m in the middle of a divorce, Peyton. I’m trying to let you know that I’m interested. And all you can do is obsess about someone who’d be terrible for you. Do you realize that getting with a guy like that would ruin your whole career?”

She wanted to ask
how
Virgil would ruin her career. As long as they waited until after the investigation, it should be fine. But Rick hadn’t qualified his statement. If she chose Virgil over him, would he try to sabotage her position with the CDCR?

She suspected he might, which was shocking and insulting and only made her dislike him more. But Virgil’s stint in the infirmary was too fresh for her to forget the danger he was in. Maintaining the peace with Rick would create a far more stable foundation from which to help him. Anything unrelated to getting him out as quickly as possible could be dealt with later. “I just told you that Weston Jager passed me a note. Aren’t you the least bit curious about what it said?”

“What’d it say?” he asked, but she could tell he was still preoccupied with his jealousy.

She removed the torn paper from her pocket and handed it to him.

“‘Get me out of here, and I’ll get your man in.’” He glanced up at her. “What the hell?”

“I put him in the SHU because of the fight. I didn’t want to give him and his pals the chance to gang up on Virgil again. I felt the others would be much less likely to attack if Weston wasn’t there to give the go-ahead. Even if they did, Virgil would have one less opponent, right? But Weston’s scared of spending too much time in the SHU, blames his buddy’s stay there two years ago for sending him to the psych ward for good. So he wants out and he’s offering us a deal.”

“Then he knows?”

“That’s the odd part. I don’t think he does.”

“But this note…”

“Weston would
never
turn. He’s too strong right now, too angry. And if he knew, he would’ve gone after Virgil in a different way. It would’ve been serious from the beginning.”

“Getting shanked isn’t serious?”

“It started as a fight. They were just feeling him out, seeing what he had. Virgil admits he sort of provoked it.”

“You’re guessing that Weston’s fishing.”

“Based on the behavior he’s exhibited, yes. I’ve worked in corrections long enough to have a good feel for these things.”

He tossed the paper on the coffee table between them. “That’s quite a gamble.”

Weston’s chicken scratch stared up at her, making her doubt her conclusions. “He’s feeling us out, too.
There are all kinds of murmurings and conjectures at the prison. The slightest change or even rumor sets off a chain reaction, and the men are always pushing, testing boundaries, seeing what they can get away with. Maybe our trip to the library on Friday caused some speculation. He hears something’s up, meets this new guy who can fight and gets suspicions.”

“You’re that convinced he’s bluffing?”

“I am. Otherwise, I would’ve pulled Virgil out. Weston didn’t know when he fought Virgil in the dining hall, or that incident would’ve gone down very differently. That he’d find out within hours is…unlikely, especially when he spent most of that time isolated in the infirmary.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Rick argued. “He knows. It says so right there!”

“He couldn’t. We’ve told only a handful of people, trustworthy people who have nothing to gain by seeing this fail.”

“So how do you suggest we react to this?” He gestured toward the paper. “Leave him in the SHU?”

Would that create more or less danger for Virgil? She wished she could say with one hundred percent certainty…. “Yes. We laugh and tell him he’s crazy. Even if he does know, I think it would make him question whatever information he’s received.” At least that was the conclusion she’d come to at the prison while pacing in her office, weighing every detail in her mind. She’d thought it through carefully and decided to trust her intuition and the experience she’d gained working with men like Weston. Then she’d forced herself to drive home even though she was terrified to leave Virgil behind.

Rick crossed his legs, folded his hands in his lap and
leaned back. “
I
think you should set up a meeting with Weston.”

She jumped to her feet.
“What?”

“Don’t get upset. Just listen. If we can enlist his help, Virgil will become a validated member of the Hells Fury in no time. This other guy you’ve mentioned—this Buzz who’s his cell mate—he’s small potatoes by comparison, right?”

“Yes, but—”

“And Buzz’s about to be paroled. Weston would be the better sponsor. He’s more credible. And he’s giving us an opportunity. I say we take it.”

“No.” She shook her head. “If Weston learns Virgil’s a snitch, Virgil’s dead.”

“We don’t have a crystal ball, Peyton. This was a risk from the start. You pointed that out pretty emphatically. Enlisting Weston’s help will advance our goals the quickest.”

“You’re not listening.”

“What I’m hearing is that you don’t know for sure either way.”

“It
smells
wrong. I work with these men every day. Weston would’ve handled this differently if—”

“If you make a mistake, you could be signing Virgil’s death warrant!”

“I understand that. But I can’t trust Weston. I just can’t do it.”

A muscle began to twitch in his cheek. “Are you saying you
won’t?
”

The challenge he’d issued gave her pause. He was pulling rank.

“You’re not going to respond?” he said.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Then do as I say. Last I checked, I was still calling
the shots for this operation.” He cracked a smile, but she knew there was no levity in his words.

“What if you’re wrong?”

“Then I’ll take responsibility. I’m a big boy. I can deal with it.”

But if anything happened to Virgil, could
she?
“Fine. I’ll meet with Weston in the morning,” she said.

P
eyton slept badly all night, then woke before her alarm could go off and lay in bed trying to convince herself that the nightmares she’d had about Virgil weren’t a bad omen. He was okay. If he’d suffered a setback or been injured again, someone at the prison would’ve called her….

Grateful that the long night was finally over, that she could go back to work where she’d at least be close to him, she got up, turned off her alarm and crept up her curving stairs to the kitchen. Wallace was sleeping in the guest room, which she had to pass, and she didn’t want to wake him. She preferred to have this time alone.

Thinking of the conversation they’d had last night, she smothered a groan. Was she really going to cut a deal with
Weston Jager?
She couldn’t. But if she refused, Wallace would go to the warden and they’d proceed without her. He wouldn’t let her opinion override his.

Her cell phone buzzed as she was reaching for the coffee grounds. Surprised to be getting a call so early, she grabbed it, didn’t recognize the number, but walked out onto the deck. When she heard the voice of her caller, she hurried down the steps and into the forest.
No way did she want Wallace to know she was talking to Virgil.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped. “Tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“Good. Now that I can breathe… Everyone’s in their cells this time of the morning. How are you calling me?”

“I promised Buzz fifty bucks if he let me borrow his cell.”

Buzz had a cell? As a prison administrator, she wasn’t too happy to learn that. But hard as they worked to stop the smuggling, it went on. And personally, she couldn’t be happier that Virgil had found a means to contact her. “Where’d you get fifty dollars?”

“Where do you think?”

His gate money. They gave parolees two hundred dollars when they released them.

“I told him I needed to call my girlfriend,” he added with a chuckle.

She smiled at the admission. “So…
am
I your girlfriend?”

There was a slight pause, as if he wasn’t sure how to respond. Then he said, “You’re the only one I dream about.”

Remembering his kiss, reliving it in her mind, she moistened her lips. “That would probably be more flattering if you had access to other women.”

“All I care about is getting access to
you.
”

This was a far different Virgil, one who was showing his tender side. His injuries must be getting the better of him, or he was feeling fatalistic or depressed. “Is that the pain meds talking?” she asked. “Because the last time we chatted, you were pushing me away.”

“The meds can’t change how I feel, but…maybe
they’re changing what I’m willing to say. I shouldn’t be telling you that you matter to me. I’m a fool for even wanting you.”

Spinning in a tight circle, she savored the smell of the forest around her and knew she’d never forget this moment. “Then we’re both fools because I want you, too.”

“You can’t be serious.”

She couldn’t deny it. “I am.”

“See? Now that’s going to make me even crazier. Because I can’t be with you. And how long can I expect a woman like you to wait?”

The solidity of his medallion, which she’d put on before bed last night, reassured her as it hung between her breasts. She wrapped her fingers around it, glad that she had something tangible, something that belonged to him. “I can’t imagine I’ll be going anywhere. I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do.”

The tone of his voice suddenly became wary. “Someone’s coming. I gotta go.”

But she hadn’t broached the subject of the note from Weston yet…. “No, wait! I need to talk to you.”

“I can’t. I just…I wanted you to know—in case something happens to me—you’ve already been the best part of my life.” Those words came in a rush; then he was gone.

Tears rolled down Peyton’s cheeks as she stared at her phone. He’d risked his life to tell her that. If Buzz called back to see who he’d been talking to and got her voice mail—or she answered and he recognized her voice—Virgil would be exposed.

But the fact that she meant that much to him made her care about him all the more.

She caught herself.
Care
about him? Her feelings
were stronger than that. She s pretty sure she was falling in love.

Taking a few minutes to change her voice mail to a computerized response instead of a personal message, just in case, she hurried back to the house.

“You seem to be in a much better mood,” Rick said as he walked into the kitchen and found Peyton smiling over a bagel and her second cup of coffee.

Clearing her throat, she made an effort to rid herself of the goofy expression. “Yes, I’m, um, feeling better,” she managed to say.

He watched her curiously. “You must’ve slept well.”

“Well enough. You?”

“Like a rock.”

“Glad to hear it.” She added cream to her coffee. “What are your plans for the day?”

“I’m heading home. I didn’t pack enough clothes.”

“Things at work are probably piling up, too, huh?” She feigned interest in the paper, as if she was absorbed in an article. But she’d been trying to read it since she sat down for breakfast and couldn’t seem to comprehend a single word.

“I’m actually dealing with my workload. I handled quite a bit via the internet yesterday. Computers are great, aren’t they?”

Not if you preferred that he get back to the office…. “Mmm-hmm.”

“Where’d you get that?”

Peyton had been toying with Virgil’s medallion. When Rick asked about it, she slipped it under her blouse. “Oh, I picked it up at a flea market in San Francisco a long time ago. Why?”

He shrugged. “It’s sort of masculine, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little.” She got up and turned away. “What would you like for breakfast?”

“A cup of coffee will do. I’ve got a lot of driving ahead of me. I’ll pick up a breakfast sandwich on the road.”

“Okay.”

She was handing it to him when he said, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

The cup rattled in its saucer, but she covered her reaction by pretending to cough as he rescued his drink. “You’re coming right back?”

“Yeah. It’ll be more convenient to work here for a few days.”

“At
my
place?”

“If you don’t mind.”

She did mind. That was asking way too much. But she figured they could go over that when he returned. Right now, she didn’t want to give him any excuse to stay. “Mercedes doesn’t want you to…you know, get your things and move out?”

“There’s no rush. We’re going to break it to the girls tonight. Next weekend will be soon enough to pack.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “I’d rather be here to support you in what we’re trying to pull off. I know the anxiety isn’t easy for you.”

She didn’t challenge him on that, either. She was just happy he was leaving, for even a short period of time.

Her smile was strained. “I hope it goes well at home.”

“There’s not much chance of that, I’m afraid.”

Peyton felt genuinely bad about his acrimonious divorce, but she didn’t understand why he had to make
her
life miserable, too. “Hopefully, we’ll have everything down to a routine by the time you come back.”

“I don’t have to rush off. Would you prefer I came to the prison with you this morning? We could meet with Weston together.”

He seemed eager for any diversion or excuse that would keep him from facing the crisis waiting for him at home, but she wasn’t about to go for that. “There’s no need. It’ll be simple.”

Sighing, he poured some coffee into one of the foam cups she’d put on the counter. “You’re not going to let me in, are you.”

She began to wash up. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re completely closed off. You’re not even giving me a chance.”

“This is a stressful time, Rick. We’ve already discussed it. I’d rather leave it for now, okay?”

He lifted his cup in a small salute. “You’re right. Everything will be different once Virgil’s out of the picture. Then you won’t need to worry about him anymore. He’ll be off somewhere, living his own life, and things around here will get back to normal.”

She felt relieved that he’d been willing to accept such a flimsy excuse. “Right. First things first.”

“Call me after work,” he said, and surprised her with a quick kiss on the mouth before gathering his briefcase. “Think about
that
while I’m gone.”

As soon as he’d picked up his briefcase, grabbed his coffee and headed out, she wiped her mouth. She didn’t care if it was childish. Then she collected her keys and hurried to Pelican Bay.

When a stocky young C.O. came to get him from his cell, saying the chief deputy warden wanted a word with
him, Virgil was told it had to do with the fight. Buzz believed it, but Virgil knew better.

“What’s the matter, man?” Buzz said. “If she was gonna put you in the SHU she would’ve done it already.”

Virgil realized he was scowling. It wasn’t that he was unhappy about seeing Peyton; it was that he wanted to see her too badly. He’d let himself fall into the very trap he’d been trying so hard to avoid.

“Tell her I’m busy,” he said in a last-ditch effort to save himself.

The C.O. brandished his extendable baton. “Get going, and do it n-now,” he stammered.

Had that been anything close to a believable threat, Virgil might’ve refused and let the poor kid go to the stress and trouble of physically removing him. Why not? There wasn’t anything this guy could do that would be worse than what Virgil had in store for himself. He might as well tear his heart out as fall for the chief deputy warden of Pelican Bay. Even if she thought she wanted him in return, it couldn’t last.

But this poor C.O. had to be a new hire. He was so scared Virgil couldn’t make him use his baton.

Cursing his own stupidity instead, he allowed the guard to shackle his hands and feet to a belly chain and moved out of the cell.

The trek through the prison took longer than Virgil expected—because once he knew he was going to let himself see her, he couldn’t wait.

When they finally reached an office that had the name Joseph Perry, Associate Warden, on the door, Peyton was sitting behind the desk. She wore a suit similar to the one she’d been wearing on Friday, and
he felt his chest constrict as she looked up. He’d never seen such a beautiful woman….

She ordered the guard, Officer Dean, according to his nametag, to leave. Then Virgil understood why she’d sent such an inexperienced C.O.

“But…Chief Deputy,” Dean responded. “This man doesn’t have a good attitude.”

Virgil cocked an eyebrow at that. He considered himself to be on his best behavior. If he really wanted to, he could disarm the kid in a heartbeat, even with his shackles on.

Peyton gave him a look that indicated she’d handle it. “I’ve got someone else coming for him. In the meantime, I have an alarm box right here.” She pulled it out of her pocket. “Besides, I was a C.O. for years. I can handle him.”

Dean was only about two-thirds Virgil’s size, but he was still bigger than Peyton. He shot Virgil an uncertain glance before asking, “You’re sure you don’t want me to wait until—”

“I’m positive,” she broke in. “I want to make it easy for him to talk, if he chooses to do so. You understand.”

“Oh…” He nodded. “I get it.”

When he acquiesced, Virgil nearly grabbed him and told him that he should never, under any circumstances, leave her alone with any of the other cons, even if she insisted on it. In his view, having him do so today didn’t set a good precedent. Just because
he
was safe didn’t mean any of the other men in Pelican Bay could be trusted.

“I hope you don’t do this with regular cons,” Virgil said after the boy had left.

“I’m not dying to be alone with any of the other inmates.” She came around the desk to lock the door.

“Who’s Joseph Perry and why are we in his office?”

“He’s one of the associate wardens. My office is outside the fence, so this was my best option, unless I wanted to use a conference room.”

“What if he comes back?”

“He won’t. He’s gone for the day. Let’s get you out of those for a minute.” She removed a key for his handcuffs and belly chain from her briefcase, but she wouldn’t catch his eye while using it. She seemed nervous. For some reason, he was, too.

“Why am I here?” he asked, his voice a low murmur.

“I need to show you a note Weston sent me, see what you think we should do.”

The scent of her perfume clouded his ability to think. He could remember it so clearly from when he was running his lips over her skin last Saturday. Which led to the memory of her smooth flesh against his in the bed, her breasts bare beneath him in the moonlight….

“What’d you say?” His body had reacted to his thoughts, left him hard, every muscle rigid.

When she raised her eyes to his, she must’ve realized that he was too busy drowning in desire to comprehend anything else, because she didn’t try to talk to him about the note.

“God, it’s good to see you on your feet,” she said, and then the shackles dropped and his hands were free to touch her.

Peyton couldn’t stop kissing Virgil. He was safe, for the moment, and in her arms, and that was all that mattered. She knew there were concerns, dangers, and that
they were very real, but they floated somewhere beyond them, beyond that locked door.

“I want you,” he said, his hands already pulling her skirt.

She caught them. “We can’t. There isn’t time.”

“But I may never see you again.”

She gazed into his troubled eyes. “Don’t say that.” She couldn’t bear the thought of it. “You’re going to be fine. We’ll get through this.”

“Just let me touch you.”

Closing her eyes, she threw back her head as his fingers slipped beneath her panties and his lips moved down her throat. She had to say no before this went too far, but she wasn’t sure she could. She’d never felt anything this exquisite before. Her whole body ached for him—

But then he stepped back. “Why?” he asked, those blue eyes of his as piercing as ever. “Why me?”

He couldn’t trust anything, couldn’t accept even positive attention without examining it for danger. He’d been forced to defend himself for so long he didn’t know how to stop. He reminded Peyton of a wounded animal that both wanted attention and snarled at anyone who tried to provide it.