Inside Bet: Vegas Top Guns, Book 2 (33 page)

“You’d like him, Dad,” she said with a sniffle. “You’d think he was an arrogant son of a bitch, but you’d like him.”

“I won’t hold it against him that he’s Air Force. Not too much.” He sobered then, his voice thick with an emotion Heather had rarely heard. “Does he keep you safe, baby?”

Heather let the tears flow, unable to fight them anymore.

No fear. Not here. Just admit the truth.

“He does, Dad. He really does.”

“Then go get him.”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The last thing in the world Jon wanted was a houseful of people. But bailing on his monthly poker game with Leah and Ryan would be tantamount to admitting something was wrong. Then what would he say?

Gee, Heather and I are done and I have no idea what happened.

The next step would be tucking his dick between his legs, buying a carton of ice cream and renting
Bridget Jones’s Diary
.

So he’d opened his door to the whole crew, which included Cass for the first time.

Jon smiled. Like he always did. Layered on charm and jokes. No hint that anything was chipping him apart from the inside. That was his thing. Giving and being there and treading through shit for it. He’d done it time and again and never learned his fucking lesson.

Heather’s voice still hissed in his ears, calling him a sick little shit. Sure, he’d deserved that one. But what should he have done? Begged for what he wanted?

Needed.

Wasn’t gonna happen.

Once the poker game hit a break, he ducked out. Alone in his kitchen, he poured a couple inches of scotch in a squat glass, tossed back a swallow and ignored the fine tremble in his hands.

“You okay, Tin Tin?” Leah stood in the doorway. Seeing a soda dangling from her fingers was still strange. She even looked more in control. The long brown hair scooped in a ponytail was much neater than usual.

Jon stuck his head in the fridge as if he really gave a damn whether there was enough guacamole. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

Why couldn’t he have gotten involved with someone like Leah? Not her, specifically, since they’d been friends so long it would be as disgusting as banging a cousin. At least someone who didn’t have all the mile-high defenses? Leah lived with every response out in the open.

He knew why. Because he would’ve been bored inside of four seconds.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter. The same bloody counter Heather had never seen. She couldn’t unclench enough to risk an encounter outside of her own territory. He should’ve known something was fundamentally broken between them.

“I said I’m fine.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t want to talk about it, that’s cool. But whatever happened to Mr. I Never Lie?”

He downed half his glass. The liquid burned like lava in his chest, but nothing could ease the sick emptiness there. “That line’s easy to pull when you don’t give a shit.”

Thank Christ, Leah let him stalk by without saying another word. He couldn’t take any of her usual smack-talking.

Out in the living room, he’d set up the green felt-topped poker table in the center. Cass and Ryan had migrated to the huge plate-glass window with the view of Las Vegas at night.

Heather would’ve loved it.

They stood with their fingers intertwined. “A hell of a place you’ve got here, Jon,” Cass said.

“Sure.” He finished the rest of his drink. Goddamned happy couples were nauseating. “We ready to play?”

They all resumed their seats. Jon leaned back as if he didn’t notice the wary glances they traded. “Anyone up for higher stakes?”

Ryan shook his head. “No way, Tin Tin. Your pockets are way too deep for my blood.”

“Fine, chicken out,” he said, dredging up all the charm he could find. “You’ve got a shit poker face, anyway. I’d hate if you had to take out an allotment to pay me.”

But a half hour later, there was no hiding the way he froze when the doorbell rang. His hand twitched on the deck he’d been dealing. Nothing moved but his gaze.

“I thought Dash said he couldn’t make it,” Leah said.

“Sunny was supposed to get in from DC this afternoon.” Ryan scooped a handful of pretzels. “Maybe she was delayed.”

“Then I’ve got this.” Leah hopped up to answer the door.

Heather stood there, with one hand tight around her purse strap.

On some level, Jon had known.

The smile he’d forced all night slid off his face. Only a cold clench of trepidation remained in his chest…and way underneath that, a single bright flash of hope—too quick to kill.

She looked as beautiful as always, despite the red that rimmed her pale blue eyes. Slim jeans clung to her hips. He’d never seen her in such a simple T-shirt because she never liked showing her true self.

Then again, neither did he.

Leah grinned. “Hey, Heather. Here for the game?”

Stepping inside, Heather wound her arms around her stomach. “No.”

Even Leah managed to catch the thick tension filling the air. Her gaze slid between Jon and Heather.

He forced his hands to move. Cards flicked out across the green felt in a smooth arc. “Hello, Heather. Fancy meeting you here. I knew you could find my place if you put your mind to it.”

“Can I talk to you? In private?”

“No. Don’t think so.” He smiled, ignoring how fucking painful it was to resume his crafted façade. After neatly stacking the rest of the deck, he leaned back. “Anything you need to say can be said in front of my friends.”

She blinked as if noticing the others for the first time. Her cheeks hollowed. Resolve flickered across her features and firmed her mouth.

“You were right,” she said tightly. “I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror last night. Or this morning.”

Jon’s stomach plummeted.
Fuck.
He hadn’t wanted to be right, not when it darkened her eyes with such naked pain. It wasn’t enough either. He needed more.

Ryan clapped his hands on the table and stood. “All right, that’s it. Our cue to leave.”

Cass popped up beside him. She and Leah collected their purses as they made for the door. Heather barely shifted, moving aside only a step.

One hand on the doorjamb, Cass paused. “Good luck, you two.”

Ryan grabbed her by the waist. “Outta here now, woman.” He pinned Jon with one last look. “You know where I’ll be if you need me.”

At least he hadn’t misplaced his trust with some people.

Jon started cleaning up the mess they’d made of his poker table, stacking the chips in their case. When he turned away from Heather, he allowed his eyes to close. He dropped his smile. It had become such a relief to quit pretending.

“I think we’re going to need more than luck,” he said, biting out the words. “Don’t you, Heather love?”

“Can you stop for just a minute? Look at me?”

He couldn’t. Not without breaking. He kept straightening up, gathering all the red-patterned cards. At his back he heard her steps as she crossed the hardwood floors.

“Is this you?”

She stood next to his bookshelves with a framed picture in her hand. He liked seeing her touching his possessions. In his home. She looked right in the surroundings. He enjoyed finely made things with classic beauty. That was Heather, through and through. But priceless works of art couldn’t be touched.

“Yes.”

“And your sister.” No question in her soft voice. She trailed a finger over the glass. “Curls, huh? I wouldn’t have ever pictured you with long hair. But then, you’ve surprised me all along.”

He clenched the edge of the table. The padded rim meant nothing to bite against his pain. “Made me look too young.”

She carefully returned the picture to its place on the bookshelf. Wariness shaped her posture. She walked slowly toward him. Again, she crisscrossed her arms over her stomach.

“I’m sorry, Jon. I’m so sorry. For everything. I want to talk about it. Please? To end it this way, with our fight…”

He gripped the table tighter to keep from reaching for her. The twisted regret on her face tore him up. “I can’t keep doing this.”

A glassy sheen covered her eyes. “Will you hear me out? Let me try? You deserve the truth first.”

“I’d have thought I deserved it from the beginning.”

“You did. You
do
. But
I
didn’t even know what was happening.”

He waved a hand. “Explain away. You have my full attention.”

She was near enough now that his bones tried to get to her. He fought his muscles, but nothing prevented a sweet inhalation of her scent.

“I was using you, Jon.” She didn’t look up at him from beneath her brows. Not this time. Instead, her pale blue eyes were wide and direct, lashes damp. Completely vulnerable. No hint of his playful, mischievous, wicked Heather to be found. Just a woman stripped of every defense.

“It wasn’t the way you probably think,” she said. “I didn’t like what I did when I was young and stupid. No, that’s an understatement. Those years have colored everything about me. I wanted to be successful, to repay the hell I put my parents through. I tried to play it safe with guys so that I wouldn’t lose control. But it went deeper—so deep that I didn’t see it until now.”

How much longer could he stand there and look
her
in the eye? She was aching, nearly as badly as he. Jon resolved, however, to stand there forever if that’s what it took. He needed to hear every syllable or he’d never be able to give this woman his heart, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Say what you think you need to,” he said quietly, his voice nearly quavering with bottled-up emotion.

“I used you to make it better.”

He frowned. And waited.

Nervous, graceful hands twisted at her waist. “With you, I got to do it all over again. All those crazy years, all the insane things I did. The chances. I loved dares, way back then. Any chance to prove I was fearless. Even a college psych major could see I was overcompensating. Lashing out. But with you… Every step along the way, you made old, dirty memories clean again. It wasn’t just being stupidly reckless, and frankly, I don’t think it was ever entirely about sex.
You
made it more. Special. Worthwhile.”

Hope was a painful thing, sharp-edged and wild as it tore inside his chest. “So, free psychotherapy? With bonus orgasms? Guess I should be thankful I happened to meet you at the right time.”

“No.” She shook her head frantically. “It’s not like that. It was you all along. Why else would I have gone with you that first night? Our challenges and risks—you made me feel safe from the beginning. As crazy as it was, I never had a doubt you’d take care of me. So it got to be terrifying. I was missing something, some flaw. I’d be proved blind and naïve all over again.” She released her wringing fingers long enough to begin reaching for him, but his glare must have stopped her. “Jon, you made it work. You made me feel free.”

“That’s ironic, when you were making me feel pretty damn caged in. Your rules, your territory. Only.”

A flinch. A nibble to her lower lip. He’d never seen her so rattled. Yet through it all, her eyes remained direct. She’d never looked at him without some hint of teasing or pretense.

“That wasn’t my intention,” she said. “Not consciously. I kept making reckless choices with you, sort of…purging them. As a grown woman now. I thought I could keep control this time—and that meant controlling everything. Any less and I’d spin out again.” Her words kept coming in one long stream. “And all the time, you gave me everything. Even things I didn’t know I needed. You’ve been wonderful. Through everything. Jon, please…”

Her voice broke. A tear ran down her pale face when she blinked.

The clawing inside of him settled. Only one thing remained true. He couldn’t give Heather up.

“Damn it, don’t cry.” He curled his hands around her cheeks.

“I don’t seem to be able to help it. I only want you. We trusted each other with the impossible, but we end it like this? Like scared little kids? We’ve been playing games and taking risks when it could be so much more. Don’t you feel it? I think you have for a long time. I’m so sorry I kept looking away.”

He swallowed. Might as well own up to his role in this train wreck. “I could have said something. Never did. It’s hard to want something true and strong from people who can’t return it.”

“Your parents,” she breathed. “Jesus. I did that to you too.” Her cheeks were awash with fresh tears. Sky-blue eyes glowed like neon. “Have they ever begged you to forgive them? Because that’s why I’m here, Jon. I’m begging you. Please give us another chance. A
real
chance.”

He closed his eyes. “They’ve never even seen what I needed, let alone begged.” Pulling their bodies together, flush and warm and right, he breathed the floral scent of her hair. “A real chance, Heather love.”

The tension in her body released on a long shudder and another graceless sniffle. She buried her face against his shirtfront. She was the one crying, but they both held on for dear life. Brave. And so damn relieved.

“But…” She lifted her face and hesitated. “I don’t want any of it without you.
Just
you. Not…not like what you said in the office.”

His angered words about her coworker lodged between them—the only thing he regretted about their fight. He’d never been particularly against the idea of bending relationship boundaries, but this was Heather. He wanted her all to himself.

“I didn’t mean it. You have to know that. God, sharing you would make me sick. I was…hurting.”

She brushed a kiss over the reddened, raw skin of his knuckles. “We both were.”

He focused on her mouth—her lush, trembling mouth. “But I can’t keep playing these fuck-fuck games, Heather. It has to be all or nothing.”

Her chest lifted on a fast, silent gasp. “Promise?”

Heather Morris had never been anything less than captivating. He’d been gone over her a long time, and now he could stay gone.

“Yes. If you can promise me something in return.”

“I’ll try. Whatever it is.”

“Don’t shut me out again.” He laced his fingers into her hair. “I can’t take it. I need you to let me in.”