Insatiable (14 page)

“I don‟t mean you want me pregnant now. But someday. After we‟ve had our perfect little wedding, it‟ll be time for me to shoot out our perfect little babies like the natural-born breeder I‟m supposed to be.”

“Well, I‟m sure they would be perfect little babies. I mean, c‟mon, look at the gene pool.”

His attempt at humor didn‟t sway her. In fact, she barely seemed to register his voice as she stared resolutely at the wall.

Trying again, he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. When she jerked as if he‟d struck her, he dropped his hand and sat back. “You know, maybe you‟re right. Maybe we shouldn‟t have had sex, because you‟re acting like someone I‟ve never met, never mind—”

“I told you!” Rachel turned away, but not before he glimpsed the tears glistening on her lashes. “I told you this would screw us up, but you wouldn‟t listen.”

Though he wanted to turn his back, her tears, as usual, hit him square in the gut. The lowest of low blows, especially when he had no clue what he‟d done to cause them. “Us having sex isn‟t the problem.” He searched for his patience, but realized he had none left. “
You
are.”

“Of course I am. That I won‟t fall right in line with the Cooper/Griffin agenda must really get your shorts in a knot.”

“Not wearing any,” he said easily, letting out a breath when she covered her face with her hands. “Okay, I‟ll play your way. For the record, I‟m not trying to trap you into marriage. Or having babies. I‟m not trying to trap you period. I wouldn‟t do that, Rach.”

When his declaration was met with stony silence, he continued. “But just in case what happened years ago with Halston has something to do with this two-headed monster trip, you can bet your pretty ass if you
did
get pregnant, I wouldn‟t be three thousand miles away.”

She blotted the tears dripping steadily down her cheeks, falling one after another in a deluge she wasn‟t fast enough to catch. “He never knew.”

“And if he had? You think he‟d have changed his plans? Temporarily, maybe.

Maybe he‟d have gotten a charge out of some kid calling him daddy, but then he would‟ve been off again.”

“You don‟t know that.
I
don‟t know that. It‟s useless to speculate, because my baby‟s dead.” She gathered her clothes off the floor. “As dead as you and I.”

The poison-tipped barb arrowed right into his chest, arousing a fury to match hers. “Is that it? You can‟t stand that I‟d stick by you, that I‟d want our child? That I 72

Cari Quinn

wouldn‟t ride my motorcycle off to the next woman while you cried yourself to sleep?” Unable to rein in his temper, he swung off the bed and hauled her up to face him. “Is that the fucking problem?”

“In case you haven‟t noticed, I‟m crying right now.” As she wiped her cheeks, her body vibrated from a mixture of anger and pain. And fear. He smelled it on her, the scent as pervasive as the earthy tones of her perfume. “Get out of my way.”

“Call security,” he suggested. “Yell your head off. I‟m not moving until you explain what happened between when you fell asleep in my arms, and when I woke up to you trying to kill me.”

“Your father happened.” She elbowed him out of the way so she could step into her panties. “I suppose I should take back last night‟s assertion that I‟m not your whore since apparently, you want us to get married like,
tomorrow
so I can start heaving out your rug rats.”

Shawn sank onto the mattress. “So you keep saying. Would be nice if I knew those were my plans, because seriously? Had no clue.”

“How stupid do you think I am?”

“Right now? You don‟t want me to answer that question.” Because he knew her penchant for histrionics, he didn‟t immediately pick up the phone, but he had to fist his hands to stifle the impulse. “My father said I wanted to get married and start having children with you. In those words exactly.”

“More or less.” Rachel shimmied into her dress and tied those detested straps with a few flicks of her fingers. “It‟s our destiny after all.” On went her strappy heels. “We‟re matched perfectly.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Too late, her sarcasm registered. His heart gave one nasty knock against his ribs as she narrowed her eyes until mere slits of velvet brown remained. He dug deep for his patience. “You‟ve never wondered what it would be like? We‟re great together. We knew that before, but now that we‟re lovers—”

“We
were
lovers. Past tense. And no, I
haven’t
wondered. Unlike you, I don‟t spend my time thinking about destinies and heirs.” She snatched her purse off the nightstand where she‟d dropped it the night before and strode to the door, moving so fast her hair swung out like a dark cape.

He rose and charged after her, then slammed a palm above her head on the door she‟d just opened. “We aren‟t through yet. Face me like a goddamned man instead of running away like a coward.”

“If I
were
a man, we wouldn‟t be having this discussion.” But she turned, raising her eyes defiantly to his.

She was so freaking beautiful when she was mad, even with puffy eyelids and lips she‟d bitten raw. For a long moment, he fumbled for something to say, but Rachel never suffered from that problem.

“You‟re not denying it. You went to your father for advice on how to get me to slip into my designated role within the family. Mrs. Rachel Griffin.” Her voice Insatiable

73

sounded flat now, as if all the fight had simply drained out of her. “It‟s got a ring to it, doesn‟t it?”

Fuck it. Just fuck it. She already believed the worst of him, so why not just lay the truth on the line once and for all?

“I always thought so.” Shawn didn‟t flinch under the scalding weight of her gaze. “You heard me. I‟ve thought about us getting married. I suppose if I‟m being honest, I‟ve even entertained the idea of you having our child. A couple of children, preferably. Not now. Hell, not even next year. But…yeah.”

Because he knew he‟d shocked her speechless, he scrubbed his hands over his morning stubble, suddenly aware he was having this conversation without benefit of pants. Or underwear. Apt, actually, that he‟d stripped himself bare when he truly was. “Whatever destiny crap my father laid on you, that‟s his spiel, not mine. I‟m not looking to broker a business transaction.”

“What are you looking for then?”

“What I‟ve already found.” He took a breath. Let it out again. “I love you, Rachel.”

When her expression didn‟t change, he let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Capital L, Rach. The big kahuna. Not best-pal love, but the I-want-to-eat-tropical-fruit-drizzled-with-honey-off-your-breasts-and-make-love-to-you-all-night kind. Get my drift?”

She said nothing. But her eyes welled with tears again, which wasn‟t a positive sign from his side of no-man‟s-land.

“I‟m not asking you to feel the same way.”
Liar
. “Okay, maybe I am. But that‟s my problem. I‟ve dealt with it this long, I‟ll keep right on dealing.”

She pressed her face into her hands. And he knew, just knew, that she was crying for
him
. “I don‟t want to hurt you. But I‟m not capable of—”

“Bullshit.”

“Dammit, Shawn.”

“You can tell me you don‟t feel the same way. That I can handle. But saying

„you‟re not capable‟ is one step up from „it‟s not you, it‟s me,‟ and that I won‟t accept.

You‟re one of the most loving people I know.” He picked up his pajama bottoms, slid them on. “You loved Halston. So don‟t feed me some line to get me out of your face.”

“Why didn‟t you tell me? If you really feel this way, why‟d you wait until I said I was coming here to see Ryan?”

He kicked his shoes under the bed then walked over to the nightstand to slide on his watch. “Think about it. See what you come up with.”

She sniffled. “You‟re not jealous of him?”

“Oh yeah, I am. I just told you I‟m in love with you. Connect the damn dots.”

When she stepped forward to lay a hand on his back, he stiffened as if she‟d branded him with a hot poker. Funny how the worm turned. “Rachel, I‟m fine.” He shifted to look at her, annoyed that even now he yearned to hold her more than he 74

Cari Quinn

wanted to do the smart, safe thing and steer clear. “We‟re not tied to each other.

You‟ve still got your freedom.”

She wet her lips. “What are you going to do now?”

He didn‟t know if she meant at that moment or in life, but he chose to answer the former. Thirty minutes into the future was about as far as he dared go. “I‟m gonna grab a shower.”

And plot ways to strangle my father.

“Okay.” Rachel rubbed her cheeks, creating blotches on both cheekbones he knew she‟d screech at when she looked into a mirror. “Then I‟ll just…”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Maybe later, we can… Oh, God, I don‟t know.”

“As far as I‟m concerned, this conversation never happened. It‟s tabled.

Permanently. If you‟re worried I‟ll go to pieces—”

“No.” She laughed thinly as she strode to the door. “It‟s not you I‟m worried about.”

“Figures.”

She rested her head against the door frame. “There‟s this Chinese restaurant, lower East side.”

So he‟d gotten his wish. Conversation tabled. Ridiculous crush-slash-puppy love dashed. “Come back around six. I‟ve got some stuff to do.”

“Okay.” She exhaled. “I‟m sorry.” She closed the door.

Shawn sat on the edge of the bed, gathering the sheets in his hands. They reeked of her summery scent, invoking the dreams he‟d just watched crumble around her.

“So much for home,” he murmured.

* * *

“
I love you, Rachel
.” Over and over she heard those words in her head, followed by her own. “
I don’t want to hurt you. But I’m not capable
—”

Several blocks from Shawn‟s hotel, she paused, holding a hand to her aching skull as she tried to decide which way to go. She‟d gotten turned around somehow and didn‟t remember if her hotel was left or right.

“Lost, little girl?”

At the familiar voice, she brightened. “Yeah. Actually, I am.” She let out a short laugh as she used the flat of her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. Seeing Insatiable

75

Ryan was both a relief and another reason to feel guilty, even though she‟d done nothing wrong. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came from your hotel.” He grinned, jerking a thumb to the right. “It‟s down the block.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Rachel flashed a wan smile. “I bet you were wondering where I disappeared to last night.”

“I had some idea.” He fell into step beside her and tossed her a sidelong glance.

“Are you happy?”

“
Happy
? Are you kidding me?”

He shrugged. “After I saw the sparks flying off you and Shawn at the costume place, I figured something was up. When you went MIA last night, it wasn‟t too hard to piece together.”

“Sparks? Off us?” She laughed the notion away. “He‟s my best friend.”

“What I saw didn‟t look all that friendly to me.”

“You saw wrong, Ryan.” Considering the matter closed, she glanced up at her hotel, then down at the heels pinching her toes into submission. “I‟m starving.”

“Me too. As much as I like that dress, wanna change first?”

His crooked grin prompted one of her own but didn‟t set off any butterflies in her belly. Not, say, like the smile of the man whose heart she‟d just splintered into shards.

Maybe splintered, if his confession of love could be believed. Probably he‟d just gotten twisted up in what his family had pushed upon him. Maybe, probably, could be.

Dammit.

“Rachel?”

“Uh-huh.” She let out a windy sigh. “A change is definitely in order. I‟ll be right back.”

If he thought it odd that she didn‟t invite him into her hotel, never mind her room, he didn‟t comment. “Where do you feel like going?” he asked as she ascended the stairs.

“Anywhere‟s fine.”

“How about the Pancake Hut? They have the best pancakes you‟ve ever tasted.”

Pancakes. Didn‟t it just figure. Nodding weakly, she pushed through the revolving door.

He was sitting on the curb when she returned, idly paging through a brochure similar to one she‟d seen on Shawn‟s nightstand. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Ryan smiled as he rose, dusting off his snug, frayed jeans as casually as if he hadn‟t been the guest of honor at an elite publishing soiree the night before.

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Cari Quinn

His sly blue gaze skimmed over her yellow sundress, lingering on her legs a shade longer than she liked.

Why, she didn‟t know. She was single. Totally free and unencumbered. And yeah, Ryan might not have been the most reliable of men, but sometimes passing time with Mr. Right Now was a dozen times more preferable than waiting for Mr.

Right.

“Feel like taking a spin?”

She blinked. “Huh?”

He gestured to a hulking chrome and black Harley parked a few slots away.

“That one‟s mine. I remember you used to like to ride.” His grin didn‟t end with a wink, but the implication hung between them regardless.

“
You can’t stand that I’d stick by you, that I’d want our child? That I wouldn’t
ride my motorcycle off to the next woman while you cried yourself to sleep
?”

“God, stop it.” She pressed her hands against both sides of her head and squeezed. Anything to obliterate the sound of Shawn‟s voice ringing in her ears.