Innocent Lies (24 page)

“I didn’t feel alone. The courtroom
was filled with people, from the community, that felt for me and
wanted to see him hang.” I swallowed. “I also had me. I learned a
long time ago as long as I held onto who I truly was and didn’t
forget the happy moments, I would always be okay.”

He started lacing and unlacing his
fingers through mine. “You are too damn perfect. I needed a hug
that day and I’ve never wanted anything more than to give you one.
I wanted to see you smile. I knew you were living at the Tennessee
Baptist Children’s Home, and I spent the next three days learning
all I could about the place. I found out they were good to the
girls.”

“Very, I was treated great there. A
few of the girls were rough, but it was all they knew.”

“I also learned that none of the
girls from there go to college.” He continued, trying to stay calm.
“I wanted you to have a future.” His whole body shrugged. “I wanted
one with you, but truly didn’t think it was possible. The one thing
I could give you was a chance for an education.”

I rose up to see his face. “I
thought you were starting with the hard stuff? How is taking care
of me hard?”

He kissed my moist lips and rubbed
my face. “Taking care of you is the most natural and easiest thing
in the world, but I need to tell you everything.”

I laid back down on his chest and
hooked my finger in his belt loop. I wanted to calm the ache in
him. I should have told him to hush. That it didn’t matter, but it
did.

“I got the trust set up for your
scholarship and paid to have your records sealed. I didn’t want
them finding you. I thought you would never let me touch you, much
less love me. So I wanted to make sure I couldn’t find you either.
Then my uncle got out of jail. He only had to serve three months
for selling drugs to Lou . . . that scum and the small amount he
had on him. He was pissed he had to serve at all and blamed you. He
placed a contract out for your life. Fifty grand for your
head.”

I snuggled into him to ease the
thumping in my chest. Why am I even breathing with a price like
that over my head? Ethan was my lifeline, my protector. “Why? Three
months was hardly anything.”

“Because you talked and he’s a rich
ass . . . I can never take back the years of pain and betrayal you
suffered. I hate what you have been put through. But I made you a
promise that no one else would hurt you, ever again. I went to my
uncle and humbled myself in front of the bastard. I told him it was
my fault you lived. I didn’t want the damn money. I wanted to prove
my loyalty to him. I couldn’t drink enough that night to wash those
words out of my mouth, but he bought it. It gave me time to figure
out how to keep you safe. Your records were sealed which I showed
him. It bought me more time. A few years actually, but he was about
to resend the bounty out when I got a copy of your report card.
Every semester they sent me your grades. They thought it was the
clause about the grades in your scholarship, but it was the only
way I knew you were okay. This time it was not a retype of your
grades. It was an actual copy of your transcript. Bingo, I knew you
were in Knoxville. My uncle was determined your days were numbered.
I didn’t know if I could save your life, but I’d be damned if I let
any of them hurt you again. If they wanted you dead, I would do it.
That is the only way I knew you wouldn’t hurt.”

I couldn’t hear anything, except
for the ringing in my ears. Even the task of breathing seemed hard
to accomplish. Ethan agreed to kill me. Then, now, I didn’t know or
care. I bolted to my feet.

He didn’t move a muscle, except
for his hand that gripped my ankle. “I couldn’t . . . yes, I tried,
but I always knew I couldn’t do it.” He gently pulled my feet out
from under me, sending me tumbling on top of him. “Sit and
listen.”

I nodded my head before my eyes
caught his. His eyes were focused on me, not wavering in the
slightest. He glared at me with an intensity I’d not seen before.
His eyes were aggressive, wide, and scared. I blinked rapidly and
paused. My heartbeat pounded in my ears as my breathing caught in
my throat. Of course, my body obeyed his unspoken
command.

“When I found you
in that restaurant, my heart stopped. Everything, I’ve ever-wanted
sat in that little booth. Everything that I was sent to destroy.
Brandon was with us that day, so I couldn’t say anything to you. He
would’ve killed you that night. Jamie and he are full-blooded
brothers and only a year apart. I went back every day looking for
you. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw you again. Fuck, you’re
beautiful, almost too beautiful.” He lightly touched my face,
barely making contact. “I couldn’t believe I finally was talking to
you. I tried not liking it, but hell, I loved it. The sound of your
voice it was different, stronger maybe. My heart was racing. I was
scared.” He flashed me his sexy-as-hell half smiled and winked
flirtatiously. “You, little lady terrified me. I had already
thought of the how and where, but the time hit me then. That Friday
was supposed to have been an excellent time to view the night sky.
I could have one perfect night with you, before . . .”

A teardrop slid down his cheek. I
wiped it away and tried smiling. I couldn’t decide if he was
telling me a nightmare or a love story?

“After work that Friday, I went to
the field to hide the gun and popped way too many pills. I’d never
been so stoned. If I was a little off that night, that’s why. I
thought if I got you relaxed, I could take the gun out, and shoot
without you ever knowing. My sweet miracle could sleep and never
live through any more pain. The minute you opened the door that
night, I knew that was not going to happen. I think I loved you
even then. Hell, I’ve loved you since I found you in that
field.”

He tilted his head, a frown line
creased his forehead, and he raised an eyebrow waiting on a
response. What could I say? I wanted to find the words, the right
words to make him smile. After judging my response for a few
minutes, he started up again.

“You fell asleep
in my arms. It would had been so easy, but nothing about taking the
life of the one good force in mine would have ever been easy. I
took you home. You woke up and for a moment, I still think you knew
who I really was. I laid you down and watched you sleep. For the
first time ever, I cried. You were what I wanted, needed. The girl
I had spent the last four years trying to forget. But no one my
family has ever put a contract out for lived. Hell, you had already
lived longer than anybody else ever did. I walked the rest of the
night, trying to figure out what to do. I ran into Jim at a bar. He
is one of my main dominants at the Dungeon. I told him everything.
He owned the farm outside of town that had the drive-in on it. It
was usually used for porn for his sex parties, but he set it up for
me. His nephew and son would kill you so I wouldn’t have too and
shoot me in the shoulder to cover my ass. You know the whole I took
her out in the woods and was robbed story.” Each word that came
from his mouth sounded like it was being ripped from his
soul.

The sorrow pouring out of his
warm, breathtaking eyes was deeper than I had ever seen before. The
already battered and bruised skin on his face was creased as if he
couldn’t handle any more pain. A face that pleasing should’ve never
been that haunting.

“I couldn’t stop
looking at you that night. It made me so happy to be next to you,
but at the same time, I wanted to ram my fist through the
windshield because someone was going to jump out of those woods and
take your life. I wouldn’t let ‘em. I raced out of there and you
know the rest of the story.” He locked his hands together at my
side and squashed his face onto my chest. I picked at his hair and
thank the good Lord, I was still somewhat numb.

I wanted to ask so many more
questions, but the sadness coming off Ethan washed over me and left
me without the faculty to speak. I curled myself around him. The
guilt in him was too much for me. It was a guilt I knew all too
well. A guilt he had to learn to release for us ever to move
on.

“My sweet E, you
didn’t hurt me. You have never hurt me. You wouldn’t even have sex
with me until you knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I can remember when my
daddy died. I was little but I could still hear them say he loved
me too much and was racing home to see my school play. He traveled
with his job and was coming home after being gone for a week. He
was trying not to miss my school’s Christmas play. I was playing
the elf that made the last gift. My aunt made the statement at the
funeral ‘If he wasn’t so wrapped up in Dylan he would have spent
one more night in Knoxville and still been alive’. They didn’t mean
to hurt me. I doubt they knew I was listening, but they made me
feel like I killed him.”

I snuggled as close as I could to
Ethan and held his hand in mine. I started picking at his cuticle
beds as the guilt my five-year-old self felt over the loss of my
dad overcame me.

“At the time, my mom was perfect in
my eyes and all she did was cry. I made her cry because I killed
daddy.”

Ethan started making a shushing
sound in my ear and franticly kissed by cheek. I didn’t even
realize I had started crying until my tears flowed over the
warmness where Ethan’s lips had been.

“Oh, E, I know now I had nothing to
do with it. Just like you had nothing to do with what happened to
me. You have to stow the guilt for all of it. So we can move on.
Just like I did. Even after mom started drinking and bringing home
one guy after another; I would pray that one of them would make her
happy like daddy did. Then maybe she wouldn’t hate me
anymore.”

“Privy, you were just a kid.
Nothing was your fault.”

“I know that now.
One weekend, my mom got me all dressed up. I didn’t know why until
later, but I was going to live with my grandma that summer. My
dad’s mom, Elizabeth. Mom told me that if I told grandma anything
she was doing that it would kill her too. I was scared to say
anything. No matter what my mom had become, I didn’t want her to
die too. That summer was the best summer in my life. Granny Beth
lived on a big farm. Every morning, I would jump out of bed to
fetch the eggs for the chickens. Uncle Rob, my dad’s brother,
taught me how to milk a goat. Still, no matter how much they all
loved me, I wouldn’t open my mouth to speak. I didn’t want my mom
to die, too. One night, I saw a little cow being born. The little
calf had something wrong with it and no matter what Granddaddy or
Uncle Rob did the little calf wasn’t going to make it. That was the
day that I learned that I can’t control anything but myself. Granny
Beth explained that no one could control that the little calf was
born sick. I had no control over the fact that my dad died in an
accident or even control the actions of my mom. Because they made
their own choices in life and as long as I made the right choices
for me, I didn’t have anything to be guilty for. I had to learn to
push the guilt away and remember that I couldn’t control the
actions of others just my own. See Ethan, I didn’t make my dad
drive home that day or force my mom to go off the deep end.”

I turned toward Ethan and brought
my face within an inch of his. “What Louie and those other boys did
to me was not my fault. It was them and their problems.”

I softly kissed his lips. “Just
like you. You can’t control what anybody did to me or wanted to do
to me. Only what you do and no one has been better to me than you.
You risked everything to save me. You didn’t hurt me; you couldn’t
even when you did try. You only ever saved me from more pain. I
can’t imagine how hard that was on you. Don’t feel guilty, because
honestly, I don’t know how I will ever repay you for all you have
done for me.”

My eyes locked with his. There was
an anguish in him that caused the muscles in my heart to clench
together. He raked is hands through my hair. Ethan was crazed. He
jerked me over on of top him and grabbed my shirt. I heard the rip,
before I felt it being tugged from my body. Shit, I didn’t have
another shirt out there in the middle of nowhere. Obviously, Ethan
didn’t get the memo because the button on my pants popped off from
the force of his grasp. His lips sealed with mine. He submerged his
tongue down the back of my throat. My oversensitive skin went
crazy.

“Stand up,” he
commended in a tight, frantic voice.

I hopped to my feet. He followed
right behind me. His mouth hardly had a chance to leave mine. He
pushed my pants to my knees, then used his foot to shoved them to
the ground where they tangled with my shoes. The hungry little
moans he was purring caused my body to react in ways I didn’t even
believe was possible. He unclasped my bra and took a step back. He
circled around my naked body and tapped his finger over his lips
before wrapping his arm around my waist. He jerked me to his still
clothed body.

“You’re mine, Dylan.” He trailed
the tip of his fingers down my breast and pinched my nipples. I
squealed. “Mine. All of you. My sweet, beautiful Dylan.”