Innocence (13 page)

Lisa groaned.
 

If Nathaniel was correct, her reputation was long dead and already buried, and that was without taking Lord Copeland’s scandalous lies into account. It appeared she had failed her father in spectacular fashion. Appealing to the Duke for help upon his return was no longer an option. The last thing she wanted was to have her shame publicly revealed, her father’s name dragged even further through the mud. Neither did she want Nathaniel’s part in her downfall to become known. While she didn’t
think
the consequences to him would be substantial—the standards gentlemen were held to seeming vastly different to those for young ladies—he did not deserve to be tarnished with the brush of her ruination. He believed her a commoner, and did not know that, in keeping her safe, he had done her irreparable harm.

Lisa’s stomach lurched, as she considered another possible ramification of her identity becoming known. Nathaniel might think she had tricked him into compromising
her, hoping to force a marriage. A girl from her village had allowed a complacent suitor to
kiss
her at a garden party, making sure they were seen. The wedding had occurred forthwith, and the groom had not looked happy.

Shaking her head, she acknowledged the absurdity of the notion. One could not
force
a marquis to wed. Besides, no lady in her right mind would go to the lengths Lisa had been required for the purpose of procuring a husband. Compromising oneself was a risky endeavour, the fate of another young lady from her district a tragic example. She had found herself in a right pickle when her beau had refused to do the honourable thing after taking liberties with her person—what, exactly, was never disclosed—and was rendered unmarriageable. Forced to take a position as a governess to a family with seven children in a remote part of Wales, two years later, her parents were yet to come out of hiding, her younger sister’s prospects severely diminished.
 

Lisa put her discouraging thoughts aside when Nathaniel returned, attempting a show of gratitude at his consideration.

“Plain food but generally well cooked, or so I’ve heard,” he said after their dinner of roast lamb and spring vegetables was served. “I usually eat at the Hall where I
know
the cooks are exemplary,” he added, his smile replaced by a sympathetic look when she did not respond to his jest. “You must be tired after your long day.”
 

“A little.” She smiled wanly.

“The carriage should be here shortly. You can sleep on the return journey.” He reached across the table to wrap one of the curls she had left to fall on either side of her face around his finger. “You have beautiful hair, Lisa. It’s the most extraordinary colour.”

“It’s the bane of my life,” she said then grimaced at the nonsensical statement. What had always seemed a terrible burden—her
hair
colour—was now a matter of so little consequence, she felt foolish for raising it.

“Another reason to be grateful you’re no longer attempting to gain entry into society. All the ridiculous rules no longer apply to you.”

“There is that.” Lisa laughed, the sound feeble and verging on a sob. She considered herself an optimist, but counting her current blessings would make for a very short list. If it was not for the comfort she felt from Nathaniel’s presence—a counter-intuitive response indeed—she feared she would surrender to despair.
 

After they finished the main course, Nathaniel insisted she remain seated and brought their dessert, apple tarts with clotted cream, to the table.
 

“My lord, would you mind if I asked you some questions?” she asked when she had martialled her thoughts.

“Not at all. I’d like to know what’s occupying that agile mind of yours.”
 

Uncertain how or where to begin, Lisa hesitated.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, reaching across the table to stroke her hand.
 

“I’m curious as to your intentions, my lord. You’ve said you shan’t be letting me out of your sight. Clearly, that’s not a literal statement. I assume you mean you want to keep me
close,
but how will that work?”

“By making you my mistress.” He cocked his head to the side, awaiting her response. This was the second time she had heard Nathaniel use the phrase, and neither time was he referring to a wife.
 

“What does becoming a mistress entail?”
 

“Other than the obvious?” He raised her hand to his lips, kissing the back of her fingers and then, shockingly, turning her hand over to place a kiss on her palm. When she didn’t respond, distracted by his touch, he continued, “I want you with me as much as possible. I’ve tried to keep my distance, but it’s proved unwise.”

“But I’m a commoner.” The realisation her masquerade would have to continue indefinitely caused Lisa’s stomach to tighten in revolt. “And you’re a marquis,” she added on a whisper.
 

“Which means I can choose whomever I please for my mistress, and I choose you.”

“Will I still be a servant?”
 

“No, my darling girl. You will be under my protection.”

Protection.
 

It was what he had told the doctor, what she had crossed the country in hopes of finding. But Lisa had a feeling Nathaniel’s interpretation of the word and hers were not the same.
 

“We would spend
time
together?” She focused on the thing she wanted most even if it was mired in uncertainty.
 

“A great deal of time.”
 

“I think I’d like that,” she whispered, licking her suddenly dry lips.

“I
know
you would.” He brushed her damp lower lip with his thumb, and a shiver coursed through her.

Lisa no longer feared infatuation, having long since passed that state, but after such a short acquaintance, she didn’t know if her feelings for Nathaniel could be described as a true and lasting love. All she knew was she desired his company more than she had any other’s, and her heart was filled with a strange and growing hunger. Whatever her feelings indicated, they were so powerful, she couldn’t imagine them ever fading. But she also couldn’t, for the life of her, comprehend how they could have a relationship, an unwed couple from differing stations.
 

“You’re so beautiful.” He interrupted her musing with a gentle caress of her cheek. “I can’t wait to make you mine.”

“You say the most outrageous things to me.” Lisa was unable to stifle a smile.
 

“I plan on
doing
the most outrageous things to you,” he answered, and she blinked.
 

“Don’t worry.” He smiled. “I’ll make sure you enjoy each and every one of them.”
 

He kissed her cheek, her moue of disappointment not going unnoticed.
 

“You wanted a
real
kiss?”
 

Her cheeks flamed, but she nodded.
 

“So do I, but I fear if I start kissing you, I won’t be able to stop.”

“Heavens,” Lisa whispered, stunned by the thought of never ending kisses.
 

“Indeed it shall be.” Nathaniel drew in a deep breath. “My carriage should be here by now. It’s time I escorted you home.”
 

He offered her his arm, and Lisa’s throat tightened. It felt like an aeon had passed since she had been treated with the courtesy and respect she’d been raised to expect as her due.
 

Walking through the inn on Nathaniel’s arm, she couldn’t help notice the speculative looks sent her way. With the horrid newspaper article at the forefront of her thoughts, and her red hair on prominent display, the questions she wanted answered about his proposed arrangement took on a desperate hue.

Chapter 11

Good Intentions

“May I ask some more questions, my lord?” Lisa asked once they were settled on the padded seat of Nathaniel’s magnificent carriage.
 

“Of course. But considering the change in our relationship, I believe it would be acceptable for you to use my Christian name.”
 

Her eyes widened. “You mean, I should call you?”

“Nathaniel.”
 

“Very well,
Nathaniel.
”
 

He smiled, and Lisa returned it shyly. It was an honour that indicated considerable intimacy to be granted the use of a person’s Christian name, one rarely bestowed outside a person’s immediate family.

“You have a question or two?” He prompted, and she grimaced, embarrassed at how easily distracted she was by the sight of his blue eyes gazing down at her . . . and the proximity of his body . . . and the gentle caress of his fingers as he trailed them up and down her arm. Shaking her head in an attempt to clear it, she focused on the very real danger she faced.
 

“If I accept your offer to become your mistress—”
 

“You would reject it?” He sat back.

“I have some concerns and some
conditions
.”
 

“I see.” He gestured for her to continue.

“Will you take me with you when you leave Worthington Hall?” Remaining was no longer an option, as the Duke was sure to recognise her upon his return.

“I’ll take you everywhere with me, everywhere possible.”
 

“In that case, I’d like to be gone from Worthington Hall before your father returns, and you must promise you will never speak of me to him, in letter or person, nor force me to meet him face-to-face.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing so, but why?”
 

“My father held yours in very high esteem.” Lisa began her fabrication with a truth. “He wouldn’t want the Duke to know of my
downfall
. I’d like you to do this for me to honour his memory.”

“I can take it one further, if you like, and instruct the servants not to mention you, or our relationship, to my father either.”

“Do you think they would obey you once we are gone?”

“I believe so,” Nathaniel said dryly. “Especially if I offer a healthy incentive for them to keep our little secret, with a follow up payment if it
stays
kept.”

Lisa’s vision blurred. “You would do that for me?”
 

“This is one request I shall benefit from fulfilling, and as it obviously means so much to you, of course.”

“You must think me silly.” She dabbed at her eyes. “But reputation meant a great deal to my father. He had such high hopes for me.”

Nathaniel’s expression sobered. “I’m sorry our relationship cannot follow a more conventional path.”

“You mean if you were a commoner or I was a high born lady and we could wed?”

“I think I’d prefer the first option,” he said dryly. “If there’s anything I learned from my parents’ union it was marriages of the nobility are rarely congenial. It’s why most gentlemen keep a mistress on the side. My father certainly did, before Lord Wilberforce got hold of his ear. I think he would still have one if he wasn’t so enamoured of his new wife.”

Shocked, Lisa took a moment to respond. “One can have a mistress
and
a wife?”

Nathaniel’s laugh was hearty, but she didn’t see the humour in the subject.

“Of course. A
wife
is the woman one is forced to marry to procure an heir and satisfy society’s dictates. She’s chosen for her dowry and connections, and a husband endures rather than enjoys her company, as she does his, I imagine. Ladies of the upper
ton
are notoriously cold and unfeeling, which is why I am in
no
hurry to marry one.”

“And a mistress?” Lisa was appalled by his disparaging view of the woman of his—
their—
class.

Nathaniel’s tone mellowed, as he reached to caress her cheek. “A mistress is the woman a gentleman
chooses
to be with. Preferably from the lower levels of the
ton,
a widow or woman of experience who has managed to break free of the shackles of her breeding and upbringing. Occasionally, she’s a rare jewel, like yourself, who has risen above the position of her birth, though some men quite enjoy the company of a rough and tumble lass.” He shrugged. “Either way, she’s a woman whose company a man can wholeheartedly enjoy,
discreetly,
of course.”

“Of course.”
 

Lisa felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t think her father had kept a mistress, as she had fond memories of her parents being affectionate towards one another. Never in public, of course, but in the privacy of their home. It was what Lisa longed for in her own marriage, or she had before her life was so tragically disrupted. Had she been naïve in her expectations?

Shaken by his disclosure, she huddled into Nathaniel’s side.
 

“Does this mean you’ve decided to accept my offer?”

“Yes,” she whispered, stunned it had come to this but quite determined. There was no point denying she wanted to be with him, and with her changed circumstance, she had no idea what else to do.

“That’s cause for celebration,” he murmured, lowering his head to hers.