Innocence (25 page)

Calvin moved out of the way and watched the nurse take the incubator into the room. His heart had halted and all his senses had died. He stood outside the door not having a clue what to say or do. He longed to kiss Sophie and offer her the comfort she had craved for so many years, but it was too late and the next time he would see her… His heart broke, his knees turned to jelly, and thoughts raced around his head.
If I see her again!

“There is a waiting area down the corridor offering, tea, coffee, and snacks,” a woman muttered, dressed in light grey tunic dress.

“What, sorry,” he said hearing her faintly, more worried about Sophie and what the future held for her and the baby.

“The waiting room, sir, tea and coffee, and someone will be out soon to inform you of her and the baby's condition,” she said.

Calvin looked at her and she gave him a hesitant grin. He sensed she thought he was the father too. He wished he was.

He ran his hands through his hair, remembering he still had Sophie’s blood on his hands. He stared at them while his gut churned.

After a short while he strolled out the double door as his knees were buckling from underneath him. He quickly leaned against a wall, crouching down, and holding his head in his blood covered hands. The sound of a woman screaming penetrated his eardrums, no doubt in natural labour. His heart bled for Sophie everything the woman had been through and yet still shit fired her way. He guessed once you got unlucky in life, it was like a tornado and it would keep blowing you down without a fighting chance. Then he blamed himself for the fact that the last ten years had been hell because of him.

Calvin could do nothing but crouch down and drowned in his guilt. Tears rolled down his cheeks, never had he felt so low and afraid of the possible outcome.

He only came up north to spend some time with his parents and ended having his life spiral out of control and entered a living nightmare.

Anxious, nerves a mess, he tried standing and paced the maternity corridor, having so much running around in his head and had no idea when the roller-coaster would end, or at least let him off.

“Calvin, how is she?” Ross voiced.

He lifted his head to see his good friend.

“Oh, mate…” Ross approached him fast and wrapped his arms around his chest offering him a man hug. Calvin wept into his chest not believing the shit that happened.

“Oh, mate,” he sobbed.

“It’s okay…let it out, my good friend.”

Calvin pulled away and wiped his face with the back of his hand. “They are in surgery, something about the placenta on the cervix…the doctor gave it a flash name, but I didn’t understand it.”

“And the baby?”

“Going to be premature, they took an incubator in for her. Her heartbeat was faint and that was why they made the decision to give her an emergency C-section,” he informed him.

“Flipping heck, so it was a good job we brought her?”

“I should have brought her last night instead of trotting around the bloody Dales and thinking of myself. Then she had said the baby was fine and sometimes didn’t move…God,” he said in anger, longing to punch the nearest thing. “What a dick I’ve been.” He gritted his teeth. “I should’ve done more. I have made her life a mess and even now, listening to her saying the baby would be fine, I should have brought her here last night,” he snarled.

“Stop blaming yourself, for goodness sake. No one was to know that this was going to happen.”

Calvin looked at his best friend not sharing his enthusiasm. He ached and felt full of frustration. He couldn’t help but think back ten years ago and how that could have been their baby he had been awaiting the delivery of. Instead, he waited to hear about another man’s baby.

“You have to stop thinking about the past and think about the future. What happened back then was out of your hands. However, right now Sophie will need some support and that worries me,” Ross included.

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Calvin said glaring at him.

“Calvin, this isn’t your worry.”

“And who the hell else is going to look after her. She is having a major operation, and her baby might die, in fact, they both could die, and you're giving me a lecture on what I should do in terms of helping her?” he hissed.

“Look, she’s not your problem and you have no reason to feel guilty,” Ross added. “I will help her get a house.”

Calvin snapped, “Like she is thinking about a house right now… I don’t feel guilty,” he said, raising his voice when he heard a loud cough coming from a midwife further down the corridor about their loudness. “Stop interfering in my life. If I want to help her then I will.”

“And your life in London?”

“Fuck London,” he roared.

Calvin had to get away from Ross before he punched him in the face. The day had been hell. The pain in his chest was hitting him full force and he had no idea how to stop it. He couldn’t think straight and until he knew that Sophie and the baby were okay he would not settle.

He crouched in the corner, rubbing his hands in his hair, seeing the night he took her to the barn, then a few days ago when he coaxed her down off the bridge, yet what unravelled would never have been imaginable. All those years he was getting on with his life, being a businessman, going out and getting drunk, jetting off to the most stunning sights in the world…Sophie lived in squalor, with nothing, having no idea where her next meal came from, scared and fighting for her sanity and yet she’d got to the point she had no other choice but consider taking her life and not just hers.

He could not understand how anyone would even consider taking their own life, yet after listening to her story, and what created the problem in the first place, he’d been the one to blame. His dick, a young man full of testosterone, thinking of nothing but what was in his trousers and look where it got him? Sophie had been an innocent young virgin on the rebound of his adolescence behavior, without an ounce of consideration.

He closed his eyes, so sore unable to bring himself to forgive and forget his actions, and how she must have felt, having her life ripped apart and here she was…in a room being operated on to save her and her unborn child.

Calvin stood and found some tissues to blow his nose. He had not heard from anyone about how they were doing, whether either were alive or dead. Despite the fact the baby wasn’t his, he still cared— someone had too.

He was offered no end of drinks, but he just could not stomach anything. He stood hitting his forehead against the wall, hearing the cries of a woman giving birth. He glared down the corridor, seeing a man coming out of a room, breathing heavy and pale.
Lucky bastard…mine was killed!

Calvin paced up and down the corridor and decided to check his phone. There were many missed calls from Ross and his mum. What could he say to them? There was nothing to report other than still in surgery.

He turned around to see Rosalind and Alan, they both stood shocked to see him. He bet he looked like hell, covered in dry blood, with red eyes, and tousled hair. He stood not having a clue what to say to the couple. Actually, he had plenty to say to them, but where they were wasn’t the time or place.

Alan stepped forward. “What is happening?”

“Still in surgery…”

He walked away from them and headed back to the double doors.

“No one has been out?” Alan asked.

“No,” he replied.

He needed to bite his tongue, but he wanted to say the words that were racing around inside his head and tell them exactly what he thought about them. Ask how the hell they could abandon their daughter when she needed them? He could not understand, and to be honest, even if they tried to explain he bet he would not believe them. Her mum buried her head in the sands and pretended their daughter was a rebellious child who had shamed the family, she hadn’t, no, she had been curious the night of his party.

“The baby?”

Calvin shrugged his shoulders and decided to head into the waiting area, to grab a coffee, fearing he would need it to keep strong, along with the caffeine rush.

“What did they say before taking her in?” Rosalind asked.

He stood at the drinks machine, putting in the coins he needed for a drink, breathing heavily, trying to hold his wit, but the truth was he craved to break… longed to release the anger he had battled all day. He clenched his fists together.

“How could you,?” he snarled spinning around to face Rosalind.

“I am sorry, but she…”

“Sophie what? Spent her youth days opening her legs to all the boys…you made her kill my baby,” he roared and saw Alan turn his face to look at him, eyes wide open, stunned.

“What?” Alan spoke shocked.

“Yes…your wonderful wife had your daughter terminate her pregnancy when she was sixteen, my baby, and she hated her so much she left home,” he said, staring hard at Alan.

Alan stared mortified. His jaw dropped. He watched Alan turn to his wife, waiting for answers.

Calvin could not stomach being in the same room as the woman and therefore turned around, grabbed his coffee, and left them both in the room. Leaving Alan alone with the bombshell he’d just dropped.

Chapter Eleven

He crouched down leaning against the wall. Never had he felt so useless in his entire life. There was nothing he could do but hang around and wait for someone to come out of the operating theatre and inform him of what was happening. But, knowing her parents were here, he knew they would be the first to know everything and yet all these years they didn’t even care where or what she had been doing.

Calvin hated times like these, where people would suddenly come out of the woodwork and act sincere and pretend that they were interested. If Sophie’s parents cared about her they would never have allowed her to walk the streets and get involved with the wrong people. He understood why she ended up where she did. She was scared about being on the streets and the first time that some normality came to her life, she clung to it.

It had been a while since he had seen Rosalind and Alan. He wondered if they were arguing about Sophie and the past and what Rosalind had done in those days. Alan, the poor man had clearly been kept in the dark, judging by the look of shock on his face when Calvin announced the truth. He felt cruel, but Rosalind should never have kept it to herself. The fact she had deceived him for ten years was enough to make his stomach curdle. How could anyone be so nasty as to withhold the truth? Yes, she was a young vulnerable teenager, curious to the adult world, like any normal teenager. He had no idea if Sophie regretted that night, and right now it was the least of his problems.

Sophie was lying on theatre bed, opened up, but had no idea what stage she was at. He heard the double doors flap open at the entrance to the main reception area, and a paramedic came rushing in with what looked to Calvin like blood bags. He instantly stood, concerned, but the paramedic ignored him, and he watched as he headed through the double door and into the operating area.

He gasped. “Oh shit.” His heart trembled.

He stood, gobsmacked, hand across his mouth, imagining all kinds of horrendous things going on in that room. Was the blood for the baby or Sophie? Were they both fighting for their lives? Had the operation gone wrong? His head turned to mush. He waited. He stood and needed someone to come back out and explain things. After a few moments the man who brought the blood, came out looking relieved, he had succeeded in getting the blood to the surgeon. Calvin couldn’t help but step forward.

“Sorry, are they okay in there?” he asked. His stomach swirled around in agony.

“I cannot say my friend. Someone will be out soon to keep you informed.” The man placed his hand on his left shoulder. Calvin stood frozen staring at the double doors, deeply worried, having a really bad gut feeling.
Please allow them both to be okay…flaming hell, I cannot take this! I need to know.

The paramedic walked away leaving him standing like a statue. His heart thumped hard in his chest, while he gasped for vital breaths.

Rosalind and Alan emerged through the double doors, it was clear they both had been crying. They both had much to discuss.

“Have you heard anything?” Alan asked on approach.

“No, only they have taken blood into the room,” he said, with a dry mouth. He took a sip of his coffee, swallowed heavy, and scrunched up his nose.

He took a sip of his coffee, screwing his nose up, stone cold. He glared at the plastic cup annoyed longing to throw it anywhere. He leaned against the wall, dropping his head back, using the back of it to hit the wall, longing for some information as Sophie had been in there for hours, at least it felt it. Her parents stood close by sipping coffee and tea. A midwife came through to check if they were all okay, offering reassurance, but to be honest, they needed to hear from the staff working on the baby and Sophie.

The double doors slowly opened and out emerged an incubator. Immediately Calvin stood up and watched the staff pushing the trolley through the corridor with a few nurses by its side.

“Is that my grandchild, Sophie Richards’s daughter? I am her mum,” Rosalind sounded deeply worried, with a sudden hard frown on her face. Calvin could have screamed.
Now she wants to know what is happening? Typical.

“It is, we are taking her to the neonatal unit, she is struggling to breathe and needs assistance,” the young nurse said.

Calvin managed to try and look in the incubator to see the tiny little baby, his hand was bigger than her whole body. He gasped when tears filled his eyes to the pure sight of such innocence. His breathing hitched. He sobbed and watched the woman take the baby away from the corridor. His eyes focused intently on the incubator.

“Are you the father?” A nurse stopped to ask. He spun to stare at the woman, using the back of his hand to wipe the tears away.

“No, friend,” he replied. He so desperately longed to lie, but that would only start another fight with Rosalind and Alan, and they had enough to contend with.

No matter what had transpired in the past, Sophie needed them and so did her daughter, it was time to let go of the past and allow them to determine the future.

Yes, Calvin had an argument with Rosalind for making, no forcing Sophie to have the abortion, and no matter how much it hurt his heart, it had occurred and there was nothing he could do to bring that baby back.

“What he didn’t understand was why she never came to him? Why she never told his parents?

He held his breath back, silently grieving over the pain he suffered. Unsure, if it was the past that destroyed him or the fact her parents had neglected her, or was it the fact he should have brought her to the hospital yesterday, as soon as she mentioned the baby hadn’t moved? One thing was for certain, he should have brought her for medical attention and now Calvin was lathered in guilt. Boy, his heart was a mess

Calvin needed air and fast, his lungs were being restricted by the atmosphere in the corridor.

Once on ground level he stepped up to the automatic doors and the cool fresh air hit his face. He breathed in deeply, allowing the air to fill his struggling lungs, and exhaled powerfully. He walked a few yards to try and get some valuable space, not only tired and useless he needed a few minutes to reflect on his life and where it was heading. Drained, scared, and indecisive, not having a clue what the future held, as right now, Sophie was still in surgery and anything could happen.

He walked up and down the path, hearing cars passing and the sound of the emergency sirens of distant ambulances. He reached into his jeans pocket for his phone and saw several missed calls from his mum and Ross again. He hesitated to call his mum back.
Should I or shouldn’t I. God what on earth do I tell her? Everything is such a mess.
 

“Oh, thank goodness you have called. I have been out of my mind. What has happened?” his mum said concerned.

“The baby has been rushed to the neonatal unit and I am not sure what is happening to Sophie,” he said, trying to hold back the tears.

“Come home and get some rest,” she said in a low voice.

“No mum. I’m staying here with Sophie.”

“Calvin, what happened ten years ago was not your fault.”

“Yes, it was,” he snapped, his blood raged.

“No.”

He shouted into the phone. “I put my sperm in her.” Then he noticed a man standing outside the hospital having a cigarette looking at him in surprise. He turned his back and lowered his voice, “Please, Mum, I want to be here for her. I have seen the stress she has been through the last few days and I want to be here for her, help her.” “I know, son, I do. I understand, but she isn’t your responsibility. Are Rosalind and Alan there?” she asked.

He remained thinking about her previous statement,
Sophie sure as hell is, and I am bloody well staying here…not even an earthquake will move me from the hospital
.

“Yes, she is my responsibility,” he snapped. “I saved her, and took it upon myself to make her my problem…” He grimaced. He wanted the conversation to stop and now. “And yes her parents are still here.”

“Leave it to her parents. And no she isn’t your responsibility. You where there at the right time and helped her, and I am sure she would be delighted you have been in the hospital for all this time, but you need to try and understand you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Are you kidding me?” he roared. Conscious, that the man was still close by having his cigarette and listening.

“Calvin, stop punishing yourself,” she said, remaining calm.

“I am staying here until I know she is okay,” he stated.

“Okay, but then please come home,” she begged.

Calvin could not take anymore, aware his mum worried about him and rightly so due to the predicament he had found himself in. The fact remained he cared greatly for Sophie and wasn’t planning on going anywhere. He just wished people would understand him and mind their own business.

They finished the conversation. He took a little stroll to the side of the building and saw the sunset in its glorious oranges and reds. He inhaled a deep breath, trying to hold himself together, but the truth was, he was unsure if he could. All he wanted was to be here and make sure Sophie was okay. His head ached. He wished someone had a magic wand and could help him make the right decisions, right now...

Yesterday had been wonderful, sharing each other’s company allowing him to have time to get to know her. Sophie’s a sweet, sincere young woman who’d lost her direction, but that hadn’t been surprising. She looked radiant with her baby bump and the way she waddled as they went for the short walk to Aysgarth Falls. They sat on the rocks, watching the river bouncing off the stones. Many walkers had passed them, as they rested with a drink.

The day had been perfect, sun shining, a smile occupied her face so beautifully. He even watched her eat. She stole his breath, her eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hair, it was all stunning along with the summer dress draped over her bump and large swollen breasts. How could anyone say a woman carrying a child was not beautiful?

After a few minutes he headed back to the department where Sophie was and joined her parents in the waiting room. Not a word was spoken. He could sense the intense atmosphere with Rosalind and Alan scowling at one another.

“So how is London?” Alan asked him.

Calvin lifted his head from staring at his locked hands. “Great! Busy,” was all he could say. London hadn’t been in his thoughts, and he’d forgotten he’d been due to go back today to commence work in the morning. “Shit,” he muttered in annoyance.

He stood quickly and scooted back downstairs to text his secretary.

So sorry, not going to be returning in the morning, I have a serious matter up north that I cannot leave. I will call you tomorrow and reschedule my meetings. Sorry to have to drop this on you.

He sent the message and turned his phone off.

Calvin quickly made his way back upstairs to the unit and slowly walked down the corridor. He inhaled a deep breath. He glanced through the glass panel in the double doors and saw some movement. Quickly he dashed in. He recognised the doctor from earlier, wearing a gown.

Calvin stood before him.

“How is she?” Calvin asked. Bile filled his throat.

Sophie’s parents arrived at the door and immediately informed the doctor who they were. Calvin knew he was about to be kicked out of the equation.

“If we could go to somewhere quieter,” the doctor said. He then guided them all back into the waiting area.

Calvin followed in behind the doctor and stood anxiously, waiting for the outcome of what had happened.

“Miss Richards is now stable, we gave her an emergency caesarean section, mother and baby were at high risk due to her haemorrhaging. There was a placenta previa, meaning she had a low lying placenta, and this resolved in myself and the team taking an immediate action to operate. Miss. Richards lost a considerable amount of blood, so we had to give her a blood transfusion,” he said.

Rosalind broke down in tears.

“At the moment she is unconscious and is being sent to intensive care for her to be given around the clock care.”

“Will she recover?” Alan asked.

“She will be well looked after and given the best treatment possible. Unfortunately, there are never guarantees that she will come out of it, but then the chances are she will. She was a fighter in there and my team worked wonderfully under the pressure. She is being moved now that we have stabilized her. She will be moved to the main ICU and once she’s settled, you should be able to see her,” the doctor explained.

“And the baby?” Rosalind asked.

Calvin swallowed his heart.

“The baby has already been transferred to SBCU where she is closely being looked after under around the clock care, she was struggling with her breathing, which is expected in a premature baby.”

“When can we see her?” Rosalind asked.

“Now, I will get a nurse to take you to the department,” he said.

Calvin was pleased they showed interest in Sophie and the baby, but his heart said
too late!
But he guessed, Sophie would be delighted, just a shame about the circumstances.