Inked on Paper (32 page)

Chapter Sixty-Four

Presley

Despite what it looked like, I honestly hadn’t been avoiding Jake for the past week. Not completely, anyway. Things had just been hectic. When I’d stepped foot into the shop last Wednesday, after I’d spent the night at Jake’s, Charlie had instantly informed me that she needed to head back to her hometown—a tiny dot on the map called Mystery Springs—because something had come up that she needed to take care of.

With her gone, that left me to handle a lot of the shit, and since I’d taken my fair share of time off recently, I’d merely sent her on her merry way and told her not to worry about a thing. On top of that, Blaze had come down with the flu—perhaps conveniently—and that left me one tattoo artist short, so I’d been forced to fill in. It hadn’t been pretty, but I’d managed.

Luckily, Blue had been around to help, pitching in to keep things clean and stocked, as well as spending more time dealing with customers. Twice I had allowed him to ink people when they’d opted for simple flash art designs. Truth was, Blue was going to be a brilliant tattoo artist.

When Charlie had come back this morning, I’d informed her I needed the night off and hadn’t bothered to call Jake before taking a quick trip over to Kerbey Lane Café and picking up dinner. The only thing I’d been able to think about all week was him, about what was going on between us, and about where this might be going. Granted, I was still having a million doubts, although something told me to suck it up and get over it before I ended up losing Jake because of my reluctance.

Jake wasn’t Adrian. Hell, he wasn’t anything like him, but still my heart was tentative about going into this full throttle. But now that I was here, I didn’t want to think about any of that. I just wanted to spend time with Jake, and I was hoping we could get dinner out of the way and move on to the encore.

“What’re you thinking about?” Jake asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I couldn’t hide the blush that infused my face. “Nothing.”

“Oh, it’s something, all right.” Jake studied me for a moment. “Presley Marie Abrams, are you thinking about sex?”

“Of course n—” I set my fork down. “Wait, how do you know my middle name?”

Jake’s grin started slow and ended in a devilish smirk. “I asked around.”

That made me happy, no lie. But I wasn’t about to admit it to him.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like your dad might’ve been an Elvis fan.”

I smiled. It seemed fairly obvious to me, but not many people ever asked. Granted, Gil and Gavin had given me endless shit about it, but that was to be expected.

“He was, yes,” I told Jake. “So, how’s the writing going?”

“It’s not.” His grin disappeared, and I could tell that the lack of inspiration was beginning to drain him. It didn’t help my theory that he only wanted me around due to my ability to inspire his writing. “But I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to read what I’ve got so far?”

“Me?” I couldn’t believe he’d asked me that. I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes, you. Since you’re the one who inspires me, thought maybe you’d be willing to give me some input.”

Somehow, I managed to hide my disappointment. I had inspired him, so that was the only reason he wanted me to read it. I couldn’t deny that it hurt a little.

“Sure,” I said when I realized he was waiting for an answer. “I’ll read it.”

“Thanks. You’ll have to take the notebook ’cause it’s the only complete copy I’ve got.”

I nodded, trying to wrap my head around it all. It wasn’t that he wanted me to get a glimpse into what he’d been working on; he simply wanted input because when I was around, he could write.

Not that I could blame him for wanting to find his muse. I felt the same way. I’d actually started a drawing while we’d been at the cabin, and when we’d gotten back to Austin, I had run down to the art store and picked up an illustration board and started over. Since I had the idea, it wasn’t hard, but two days into it—right after I’d spent the night with Jake—I had all but stopped.

I think walking away from Jake had caused me to lose my muse. And I didn’t know what to do about that. It felt almost as though I had become dependent on him in that regard, and I wasn’t sure if that was what was causing the roller coaster of emotions I’d been dealing with or if it was something else.

Figuring the topic was sensitive, I dropped it, and we both remained quiet as we finished dinner.

Half an hour later, we’d cleaned the kitchen and relocated to the living room.

I could tell there was definitely some tension between Jake and me, but it wasn’t merely sexual. Something was bothering him, and I suspected it had to do with me not being able to spend time with him this week. I would admit, it did seem coincidental, and yes, maybe some of it was. After all, we’d had a fantastic time at the cabin and I’d been feeling a little … off since.

“You okay?” I asked, dropping down onto the couch beside him and petting Cat when he pounced into my lap.

“That’s the same question I was gonna ask you.” Jake glanced at me sideways.

Although he was trying to sound upbeat, I could tell it was forced.

“Look, I know I’ve been busy this week—”

Jake turned to face me. “Is that all it is? That you’ve been busy?” He sounded skeptical.

“Yes,” I answered, probably a little too quickly. And yes, I realized I sounded defensive, but whatever.

“It’s just a little hard to believe since you live next door, Presley. How long would it take for you to knock on my door?”

Shit. I did not want to fight with him about this, but I knew I had to explain. “I needed some time to think.”

“And did you?” he countered, sounding angry.

“A little.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

Before he could come back with another question that would probably turn this into a full-blown argument, I made the decision to change the subject to something that we both could deal with. And sure, maybe I was using sex to avoid what would likely turn into a knock-down-drag-out, but at the moment, I wasn’t in the mood to fight. I wanted to soothe things between us, to get us back to where we’d been before.

Wherever that had been.

Moving Cat to the floor, I got to my feet and resituated myself so that I was straddling Jake’s lap. “I really have been busy,” I told him. It wasn’t a lie. “But I’ve thought about you all week.”

Something passed through his eyes a second before his smile returned, and I briefly saw the same man I’d last seen at the cabin staring back at me. Not a care in the world, content to be right where we were, right where I wanted us to be.

Well, maybe with his hands on me and without all the clothes in the way, but a girl couldn’t be choosy.

At least, not yet.

Chapter Sixty-Five

Jake

She wasn’t going to make this easy and I wasn’t going to play the game any longer.

I knew the instant Presley had wanted to change the subject, and I was beginning to think it was one of her coping mechanisms. Rather than dealing with shit outright, she resorted to something that didn’t require conversation. I’d seen it in her eyes, knew she had no intention of telling me whether something had been bothering her or if the distance she’d put between us this past week really was due to her being busy.

Regardless, I didn’t have any intention of arguing. I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t really give a shit. This back-and-forth thing between us… I’d never had to deal with it before, wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to handle it. It was a hell of a lot easier to make this about sex if that was how she wanted to play it.

I’d been that guy once; I could be him again.

It wasn’t difficult to do when the sexiest woman I knew was straddling my lap, smiling down at me. Fuck, the only thing I could think of was getting her naked and beneath me, so this was good.

“Are you gonna kiss me?” Presley whispered, her smile growing wider by the second.

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Yeah? Anything I can do to persuade you in the right direction?”

“Which direction is that?” I asked, trying to tease her the way she was teasing me.

“The one that results in your mouth on mine.”

“Hmm.” I pretended to consider that for a moment and Presley swatted me.

In a move that obviously surprised her, I flipped her onto her back, then came down over her, my mouth hovering close enough that I could feel her breath when she laughed.

“God, I’ve missed you,” I whispered softly, then leaned down and brushed her lips with mine.

The kiss went nuclear, hot and bright and incredible, and the only thing I could think of was fucking her right here on my couch. I damn sure didn’t plan to take her back to my bed. She’d been the first and only woman who’d been there, and I’d known the moment I’d woken up to find her gone why I didn’t go that route.

As much as I wanted things to be different with Presley, I didn’t think that was in the cards.

So, I would settle for this.

After slowly undressing her, I trailed my lips down her body, shouldering my way between her smooth, creamy thighs while she watched. I loved having her eyes on me, seeing how they darkened to the same color as a thunderhead.

“Jake.” As she moaned my name, her fingers threaded into my hair, holding me to her as I used my thumbs to separate her folds, my eyes dropping to the glistening pink flesh I revealed moments before my tongue dipped down.

I feasted on her for long minutes, focusing only on her, on the pleasure I could bring her. I didn’t relent until she came so beautifully, her broken cries and strangled moans echoing in the room.

By the time she came back down from her orgasmic high, I had removed my clothes and eased back over her, sliding my cock deep in one forceful thrust.

“Yes,” she hissed, her fingernails digging into my biceps.

I didn’t lean down to kiss her, forcing myself to keep my distance. I’d finally found the woman I wanted to keep in my life, but something continued to nag at me, something that said Presley wasn’t looking for the same thing I was.

So, for now, this was enough.

When she began raising her hips to meet mine, I changed the angle, lifting her legs up, her calves against my chest as I pounded into her, the smooth walls of her tight cunt pushing me closer and closer to release.

I didn’t stop, keeping my eyes closed as I pounded into her, secretly reveling in the way she said my name, as though I actually meant something to her. I’d never been on this side of things, and admittedly, I didn’t like it, but this I understood. I didn’t need the rest; sex would be enough.

If and when she was ready to let me in, I had the disturbing feeling that I would be there for her. Not that I had any intention of telling her, but I would take Presley Abrams any way she would give me.

“Harder,” she pleaded, her hands planted on the arm of the sofa above her head, keeping me from slamming her into it as I continued to deliver punishing thrusts just as she requested.

“Fuck.” I groaned the word, the tingle in the base of my spine intensifying, electrical pulses shooting through me, my balls tightening up against my body as the need to come grew increasingly more painful by the second.

“Jake! Oh, God.”

Presley’s cunt clamped down on my dick, milking my release from me.

But the moment the adrenaline began to ebb, I couldn’t pretend anymore.

Anger ignited, and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I pulled out of her, then headed for the bathroom to clean up. I glanced back at her a second before I stepped inside, considered telling her that if she left, we were done.

Only I couldn’t get the words to form, so I slipped inside and closed the door.

Just like the first time, I didn’t hurry, because I knew when I came back, Presley wouldn’t be there.

And this time, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Presley

When I stepped into my condo after leaving Jake’s, I had the sudden urge to turn right back around. I was an idiot and a coward, and walking away was the asshole thing to do, but I’d felt in the way Jake touched me he was retreating from me.

Not without good reason. It was what I’d been doing to him. But for some stupid reason, I had hoped he would fight for me just a little.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Hey,” Gavin greeted, coming to a stop just outside the kitchen doorway, his full attention on me.

I swallowed hard, staring back at him.

Jake hadn’t been the only one I’d been putting off this week.

“Can we talk?” Gavin asked. “And before you say no, you should understand that’s the wrong answer.”

That made me smile, despite myself.

“Gil here?” I asked, glancing around.

“No. Want a beer?” he asked and I nodded.

With two beers, we went to the couch and Gavin pulled me down beside him. I flopped back, dropped my feet onto the table, and put a death grip on my beer bottle. Rather than look at Gavin, I stared up at the ceiling, fighting all of the emotions that were swamping me.

I didn’t want to fight with Gavin. I didn’t want to push Jake away. It seemed everything was falling apart and I knew it was my fault. I was good at this part of relationships, letting them fall apart and never fighting to save them.

Gavin and I had been best friends since we were kids. I had come to rely on that, to rely on him. He’d always been a part of my life and a selfish part of me thought he always would be. Now, I wasn’t so sure that was the case.

“I want to apologize,” he said quickly, drawing my eyes to him.

That certainly wasn’t what I’d expected him to say.

“For what?” It wasn’t that I didn’t know what this conversation was referring to, but I didn’t think Gavin owed me an apology.

Although I hadn’t liked Jake’s response when I told him about what had happened with Gavin, it had put things in perspective for me. We’d both been protecting our friendship by pretending things hadn’t happened the way that they had. The lies and deceit had been unnecessary, to say the least.

“For interfering with you and Adrian. I just thought you deserved to know.”

“Not like that,” I mumbled, the anger and hurt reigniting.

“Exactly like that,” he countered hotly. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not the easiest person to talk to, Presley.”

That got my back up. “Why do you say that?”

“Since your dad died, you’ve managed to carefully guard your emotions.”

“I have not,” I argued.

“You have. Hooking up with my asshole brother was proof.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you knew exactly what Adrian was capable of. In fact”—his tone softened somewhat—“I think you were expecting it.”

I had been expecting it, but I didn’t want to admit Gavin was right. “You think I wanted that? That I was with him because…”

“Because you knew it wouldn’t last,” he filled in. “I know you, Pres. I know that you keep people at arm’s length, that you expect the worst from them, that you expect them to disappoint you.”

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what to say. Everything out of his mouth was the truth.

“Your mom was a no-show in your life, I get that. If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive her, either. But there are people who care about you. People who haven’t disappointed you.”

I knew that.

Gavin continued. “And when your dad died, for some fucked up reason, you decided that you didn’t deserve to do much more than exist. It was almost as though hooking up with Adrian was your own form of punishment. But I have another confession to make.”

I met Gavin’s eyes and waited.

“Adrian really liked you.”

I snorted. “He has a funny way of showing it.”

Gavin nodded sadly. “Adrian came to me to talk about you a couple of days before that happened. He was thinking things between the two of you could be serious, but I’d seen the way things were going. You weren’t invested in him, Pres.”

“No, I wasn’t,” I agreed.

“I didn’t want this thing to blow up for either of you.”

“Funny.” I forced a smile. “I didn’t want things to blow up for you.”

“I’m stronger than you give me credit for. And I’ve stuck by you through it all, sweets. Not once have I turned my back on you. And you should know this right now…” Gavin tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “I’ll never turn my back on you. No matter what.”

I tried to hide the tear that slipped down my cheek, but I couldn’t.

“I didn’t expect you to take the blame, and neither did Adrian. In fact, he told me what he did, told me that you’d seen him.”

I frowned. “He did?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t his finest moment, but he knew he had to cut you loose, so he’d made sure I had gotten wind of his plans, which ultimately was how I’d tipped you off.”

“He should’ve talked to me.”

Gavin nodded. “That would’ve been the grown-up thing to do, yeah, but that’s not the way Adrian operates.”

Wow. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen that.

“What about Jake?” Gavin asked.

I glanced over at him and frowned. “What about him?”

“It’s obvious you like him.”

It was significantly more than like, but again, I kept my lips sealed.

“Don’t push him away, Pres. He’s a good guy. You deserve someone like him.”

I didn’t want to talk about Jake, so I changed the subject. “This thing between you and Blaze…” I waited for him to look at me. “Is it serious?”

“Would it bother you if it was?” he countered.

“No.”

“Why is it that Blaze and I are allowed to find happiness, but you’re not?”

That wasn’t a question I wanted to answer, so I turned it around on him. I stared back at my best friend. “If he wants us to be happy, why doesn’t he fight for me?”

It was a selfish question, one that made my heart ache the more I thought about it, but I honestly wanted to know.

“Why don’t you fight for him?” he countered.

I narrowed my eyes at my friend. “What’re you talking about?”

“You think he doesn’t deserve that from you, too? Two-way street, remember?”

I did not like the practical side of Gavin one bit.

After taking a pull on my beer, I sighed. “Why does it seem that everything has been tied up into a neat and tidy bow?”

“Who says it hasn’t?”

“Shouldn’t there be more angst and drama?” I asked, sighing.

“Not necessarily. Sometimes it just happens, no drama necessary.”

“That only happens in fiction,” I said, looking down at my hands. “And I don’t believe in happily ever after.”

“Well, sometimes, Pres, it’s not about what you believe. It’s just the way that things are.”

For some god-awful reason, that broke me. The sobs started and I couldn’t stop them. The next thing I knew, Gavin had taken my beer bottle, set it on the table with his, and pulled me against him. He simply held me while I cried myself out, letting all of the pain and the desperation seep out through my tears. I hated that Gavin was right. I was my own worst enemy and I didn’t know what to do about that.

After my conversation with Gavin, when I’d finally managed to pull myself together, I had hugged him, then slipped to my bedroom, needing time to sort out my thoughts. I’d spent half an hour reorganizing my closet just so I’d have something to do, thinking about all the things that had happened as of late, but most importantly, about how I’d reacted to those things.

Gavin was right. Since my dad had died—hell, probably long before then—I’d been closing myself off. The thing that had happened with Adrian had been icing on the cake. And I’d used that as my force field.

Somehow, I’d managed to shut myself down even when I didn’t want to.

Like with Jake.

Something had been off with him tonight, and I knew I was the one to blame for that. From the day I’d met him, I’d wondered what his motives were, suspected he wasn’t on the up-and-up. But then, in the passing weeks, I’d realized he was a good guy. Even accepting that, I’d managed to keep distance between us, and I had to accept responsibility for my actions.

Still, I hadn’t been able to stick around knowing that he was angry with me. I’d seen it on his face, felt it in the way he’d nailed me to the couch. It had been phenomenal sex—angry sex was that way—no doubt about that, but it had been fueled by a different emotion than the other times. He’d been taking what he needed from me, the same as I’d done to him.

Which I completely deserved.

And that had been the reason I’d snuck out.

As for why I’d grabbed his notebook before I left, I wasn’t quite sure. He’d asked me to read the book, so I figured I owed him that much.

Only I wasn’t in the mood to read. So, after taking a shower and towel drying my hair, I went to the easel, picked up the charcoal pencils, and continued to work on the piece I’d started at the cabin.

It was a picture of Jake sitting out on the porch, lost in thought as he tapped his pen against his lip. I’d watched him like that for what seemed like hours, trapped somewhere inside his head, and I had never found him sexier than I had in those moments.

Oddly enough, it was translating into art, and I knew it was one of the best pieces I’d ever done, so I blocked everything out and focused on drawing.