INK: Abstraction (29 page)

She slides out of her
pants and lays before me on the bed, completely naked for me to see.
It’s as though she’s looking for my approval. I totally
fucking approve. I rub my hands across her belly gently. “I
love you Shay.” And Jesus Christ I don’t want to say the
words, but I know I have to. “If you want to stop I’m
okay with that.”

She sits straight up on
the bed and unbuttons my jeans, pulling them off and taking my hand,
pulling me down to the bed. She puts me on my back and straddles me,
kissing my neck, then my chest, nibbling on both of my nipples. Her
lips run gently down my chest to my stomach while her fingers bump
over my belly and her breathing becomes irregular. The lower she goes
the stronger the electricity is that travels straight to my dick,
like I hope she will. Her kisses are slow and deliberate around the
base, still rubbing her hands on my chest and then grasping me
gently. Her lips run a trail of kisses down my shaft. “Oh God.”
I can’t contain it, and I’m having to concentrate on not
blowing it right now. Her soft lips are running slowly up and down.
The vibration of her moaning against me is going to send me over the
edge.

She runs her tongue all
the way up and pulls at her lip and licks her finger. She bites down
on her lower lip, looking at me with those pale blue eyes on fire. I
take her face in my hands and guide her up to me and cover her mouth
with mine. I need to be inside her, now. I know she feels the same.
She grabs the back of my head, urging me to kiss her harder, running
her tongue over mine.

She reaches down to
guide me inside her. “Whoa, hold on.” I reach over to the
bedside table and get a condom out of the drawer and hold it up.

A wry smile blooms and
reaches her eyes. “Good thinking.”

“That’s me,
Mr. Sensible.”

She takes the condom
and by God she’s hot as hell unrolling it onto my dick. In one
smooth action she lands herself over me, hovering above me. The
anticipation of being inside her may fucking kill me. My hips
involuntarily rise up to meet her. When I feel her softness against
me I want to push inside her, but I hesitate. She looks me hard in
the eye while she slides herself down. My eyes roll back in my head
and a growl escapes me, expressing the profound pleasure I’m
feeling at this moment. There’s never been a better feeling
than being inside her. She writhes and grinds over me. Her breathing
and moaning cheers me on and brings me to the brink. She throws her
head back, letting out a low guttural gasp, moving with greater
urgency with each thrust. I can feel her pushing herself down as hard
as she can to feel the entire length of me inside her.

Her movements become
more erratic and her breathing is loud and uncontrolled. I’m on
the edge and about to reach the zenith of what feels like the
beginning and end of life itself when she digs her fingers into my
chest. Still moving on me she mouths, “I love you Eli.”

She quivers and shakes
and I sit up to meet her in every way, holding her body close to mine
as we both feel the explosion of our love culminate in that moment.

We sit holding each
other as close as any two people can ever be. Lovers in the most raw
and simple form. Her beautiful curves blessing me with the warm sweet
sweat of our lovemaking, we quiver in unison and achieve the ultimate
bond with one another.

“I love you too.”
I whisper hot in her ear, “Forever.”

Shay

The
room is the most beautiful shade of blue, hued with the early morning
light. Eli’s arms are wrapped loosely around me as he sleeps
soundly, holding me all night. I needed that, a little bit of
normalcy, a little bit of letting go. I hate to say it because it
makes me feel weak, but I really missed him, his body and the way he
loves me. I really didn’t think he could hold on as long as he
did, but he was the little engine that could. A lewd smile rises to
my lips.

I’m so hungry
after going nearly all night long. My stomach growls in protest of me
staying in the bed. I afford Eli a quick glance and unfurl myself
from him carefully so as not to wake him.

His robe is big on me,
but comfortable nonetheless. I head for the kitchen with my lids
still heavy with sleep, but sadly my stomach has won this battle of
the wills. I’m rubbing my eyes walking through the great room
to the kitchen.

“Hey kid.”
McNab’s voice startles me and I stop. Once the familiarity of
him sinks in I’m at ease, but I still pull the robe tighter
around me since it was just hanging open previously. When I reach the
kitchen I give a final tug on the knot in the belt. For some reason,
maybe having something to do with our last interaction not going so
well, I can’t quite look him in the eye.

“Hey.” I
open the refrigerator. “When did you get back?”

“A few hours
ago.” His answer is curt.

“Did you have a
good flight?” I ask, rummaging around in the pantry.

“It was long.”
He inhales a ponderous breath. “Were you looking for one of
these?” He steps out of the way to reveal a blueberry muffin
dripping with butter on the breakfast bar.

My eyes light up like
I’m seeing Eli naked. “Yes,” I say enthusiastically
and grab a fork from the drawer. I walk around to the other side of
the breakfast bar and sit down to dig in. “Thank you.”
Wow, it’s warm.

“Yeah, so how
have things been here?” he asks in a tone that if I wasn’t
so enthralled with this muffin might disturb me.

“Good.” I’m
not sure why I make a false proclamation of the status quo, because
aside from last night, everything is anything but good. As a matter
of fact it’s all a pretty big pile of what-the-fuck. “Well,
you know.” My backpedaling is feeble at best and all I can
think to do is point to the muffin with my fork and say, “This
is so good, thank you,” with a mouthful of muffin. I’m an
idiot.

He raises his eyebrows
and looks me in the eye for the first time. “You’re
welcome, and I’m glad things are going well for you.” He
turns away to get a bottle of water that he doesn’t open from
the fridge.

“What is that
supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I
said, I’m glad things are going well between you and Eli.”
He looks down at the unopened bottle and huffs out a labored laugh.
“Carl asked me to call him when things ‘calmed down.’
So I’ll assume things are going
very
well.”

The muffin has lost
it's charm and taken my appetite with it. I rest the fork on the
plate and swallow hard. “Are you judging me?”

“It’s not
really mine to judge. You’re a grown woman.” He’s
silent for a solid ten seconds, but I can tell he’s not done
with his statement. “But have you given any thought at all to
Aiden?”

“What the actual
fuck, McNab?” The fact that he’s found an interest in
Aiden’s place in my life is not only inappropriate, it’s
unsettling.

He shrugs and raises
his brow expectantly. “Have you?”

“Listen to me. I
love Eli. I have loved him for so long I don’t remember a time
not
loving him.” I stand on the rung of the stool to
lean across the breakfast bar. “He has always been there for
me, no matter what. No matter how many times I’ve fucked his
heart over, no matter how unkind I’ve been to him in my
indecision, he’s always waited. He’s never been cruel to
me; he’s never abandoned me, leaving me wondering what the hell
is wrong with me. He’s always been there.”

“So you were with
him last night because he was there?” He squints at me and gets
uncomfortably close to my face. “Because that’s no reason
to forget that you have a friend, someone you’ve professed to
love, missing and possibly dead.”

“Fuck you, McNab.
You have no right or basis to judge me on this.” I sit back in
the stool to put some distance between us. My anger is getting the
better of me and my blood is boiling. Who the hell is he to judge me?
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I mean
seriously, you’re emotionally retarded. Have you ever even been
in love?”

McNab slowly lowers his
eyes to the counter and takes in a breath. “I have, Shay, and
to this day I’ve never sullied the memory of my love for her
with lust or sexual missteps because I can’t control my urges.”
He looks up at me with a severity that cuts through me. “I
conduct myself as though she were here with me, as though I were
looking her in the eye right now, because I know I’ll always be
honest with
her
, even when I may not be honest with myself.”
He braces himself on the counter and looks down again. “Ask
yourself the question, Shay, what would you have done differently
last night if Aiden were here?”

The rage boiling in me
feels like it could ignite the walls and crumble this whole fucking
house to the ground. I look at him hard. “I love Eli; I want to
be with Eli. He is my everything and it feels good and pure and right
to be with him. We have a future together if he’ll have me.
Aiden could never love me like Eli does. I’ve come to terms
that all Aiden considers me as is his Florida franchise. He
has
to take pleasure in how he fucks with my heart like it’s a
yo-yo. I’m done with that. He’s only an infatuation, and
I’m finally over and done with it.” I have to look away
from McNab to hide the pain of that truth. “And my love for
Eli?” I pause for a long moment. “My love for Eli is
solid and true.”

He slams his palm on
the counter; I’ve never seen McNab losing it like this. “You
didn’t answer my question. What would you have done if Aiden
were here?”

“Aiden isn’t
here, and he isn’t good for me. I want to be with Eli, so your
question is invalid,” I challenge.

“What would you
have done? Because if you aren’t going to be honest with me, at
least be honest with yourself.”

“What do you want
me to say?” I raise my shoulders and wave my hands in a wild
gesture. “I’ve told you how I feel. Do you want me to say
that if he were here I would have been fucking Aiden all night? It
won’t make it true, it’s not true, but if that’s
what you need to hear then fine. If he were alive and here I would
have fucked Aiden all. Night. Long. Last night.” I lean closer
to McNab, each word punctuated with fire.

McNab’s eyes
round out in horror; he’s looking past me and my first thought
is that the Specter has manifested himself behind me. I turn to look
and find it’s much worse.

Eli stands in the
doorway to the living room with his arms hanging at his sides,
despondent. His expression is morphing from extreme hurt to anger in
no time flat. Surely he walked in at the wrong moment of that
conversation. Why not, this is my glorious clusterfuck of a life.

Eli turns back into the
bedroom without looking me in the eye. Just fuck.

I spin on McNab. “Are
you fucking happy? Is that what you wanted? You wanted him to hear me
say something that wasn’t true? You wanted him to be hurt?”
I shake my head in disgust and don’t give him a chance to
answer. I walk toward the bedroom in hopes of smoothing things over.

Eli walks through the
living room with his keys in hand, pulling a t-shirt on over his head
and wearing jeans and flip flops. He won’t acknowledge my pleas
for him to stop.

“Eli, you came in
at the wrong point of that conversation. It’s not what you’re
thinking, please let me explain.” Desperately I grab onto his
arm, begging him to stop and listen.

With more force than I
expect he shakes me off his arm. “Get off me.” He rests
his hand on the knob. “If you want Aiden so bad, why don’t
you go and find him. Not that you ever could before any other time he
left you.” He pushes the door open and slams it behind him.

I turn and look at
McNab. “I could almost appreciate your fucking manipulation if
what he heard was true, but it isn’t and you know it. Why did
you do this? Is this what you wanted?” I'm having a lot of
trouble holding back the tears threatening to crash down. But I would
rather die than have him perceive me as weak right now. I guess maybe
I just wasn't broken enough for him.

He lifts his eyes to
meet mine and with sadness and regret he whispers, “No, I just
wanted to know that you gave a shit after someone gave their life for
yours.” He turns and walks away from me, leaving me in the
kitchen.

I have to do something
to get Eli to understand that I love him and I don’t want
Aiden. I run out the front door barefoot and put myself behind his
car that’s pulling out of the garage, hoping to God that he
sees me before he runs me down, although at this point it may be
preferable than continuing in this shit storm of a life. “Eli,”
I belt out as it’s clear I’m about to be branded with a
Mercedes emblem.

Eli rolls the window
down. “Get out of the way Shay.”

“No, I would
rather have you run me down and put me out of my misery rather than
have you leave like this.” Unwanted tears form in my eyes with
each word.

“Shay, get out of
the way.” His tone is low and serious.

With my eyes closed I
shake my head. “No.”

He gets out of the car
and comes to me. He stops when he really sees me. Broken, crying,
with my shoulders and head hanging so low they might as well be
touching the ground. “Just hear what I have to say.”

“No.” He
puts his hands on my shoulders to move me and I collapse to the
ground sobbing.

“Please Eli, I’m
begging you to listen to me. What you heard, it’s not what you
think.”

His eyes are heavy with
sadness and sympathy. He looks away from me to avoid my gaze. “I
can’t do this anymore Shay, I’m exhausted. I just can’t.”

“I’m not
asking you to, all I’m asking you to do is listen to me.”
I look up at him through my lashes heavy with moisture. “I’m
begging you Eli; this is me on my knees begging you to listen.”