Authors: Shuvom Ghose
Tags: #humor, #army, #clone, #war, #scifi, #Military, #aliens, #catch 22
"I was still looking at the part of her brain which thought of the washing machine."
Well stop! Look at my center brain again, how she would look at it!
"Very well."
"Sorry, Doc. Could you say those words again?"
She sighed. "Detroit, London, Paris, Detroit. Really Lieutenant, I can't sit here and-"
How about now?
"It flashed brightly for the first and last word."
I gave Three-Spot an annoyed look.
How brightly? At least fifty times more? What did you see exactly?
"It is difficult to explain. The colors changed in some areas but not others."
Damn it! I wish we could hook you up to a printer.
I turned back to Shannon. "Hey Doc, where were you born?"
"Milton Massachusetts," she said, looking at me strangely. "Were you just talking to the-"
"Chicago, Milton, Spain, Milton."
"Spain isn't a city," she said, even as I wasn't listening.
How about her amygdala- compare it to mine!
"It flashed on the second and fourth word. It was brighter than yours."
How much brighter? What percentage?
"One part in eight brighter."
I did some math, then said, "Doc, what would it mean if your amygdala had a 12 percent higher response to that test than mine did, after four resurrections?" I remembered to add, "Theoretically, of course."
She was frowning at me. "Well,
theoretically
, that sort of drop off would mean that serious personality damage would occur around the...seventh to twelfth resurrection, I would guess. And get progressively worse from there. But that's only one data point. It could be earlier or later. I'd have to get many more data points to-"
"If I could get you that data, for clones who have one death all the way up to ten or more, could you give me a solid idea of how much damage I've got?"
"Yes, if the test was conducted rigorously, accounting for experimental variables..." Her eyes narrowed. "How are you going to do such a test? Is this somehow connected to..." She looked over at Three-Spot with new interest. I probably should nip that line of inquiry in the bud.
I smiled at her. "Hey Doc, you realize that some might consider this our first date, right? I picked you up at your place and everything."
"This is not a date, Lieutenant."
Three-Spot?
"She partially considers it a date."
"Hot damn," I chuckled.
"I've got to go now, Lieutenant," she huffed, turning and walking out of the room. "I don't have time to listen to you talk to yourself."
Both Three-Spot and I watched her leave with interest.
"That is what you wish to mate with?" he said, his voice like rolling rocks.
Hell yes! Did you see her?
"Her legs are too spindly. She looks easy to tip over."
That's a plus, not a minus, my friend.
Butcher's cell phone beeped. The jammer was running out.
"I've got to go," I said out loud, and headed towards the door.
"Red-Stripe said that your squad killed the river snake."
I stopped with my hand on the knob. "We killed one. How many are there?"
"There is only one. We had not expected you to kill it. We had not even expected you to try. It is much larger than all of your clan put together."
"My squad can do great things if we put our mind to it. You'd be surprised."
He regarded me, really looked at me, for a few seconds. "Contact me before your next patrol. I am working out a proposal with Red-Stripe that may interest you."
***
***
FLEET INTER-SERVICE COMMUNICATION: PRIORITY 3F
FROM: UN HIGH COMMAND, DEPGENSEC, SWITZERLAND
TO: GENERAL OAKLEY, COMEARTHFOR, ANGIE'S STAR II
RE: PROGRESS OF WAR EFFORT
MESSAGE:
NEWS OF THE RECENT LIBERATION OF VALLEY 1X5J FROM ENEMY INFESTATION HAS REACHED THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF COMMAND. IT IS QUITE A HISTORIC ACCOMPLISHMENT. YOU ARE HEREBY PROMOTED TO FOUR-STAR GENERAL, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. SEE ATTACHMENT A FOR THE SCHEDULE OF AWARDS FOR YOUR SUBORDINATES.
HOWEVER, HIGH COMMAND IS CONCERNED OVER THE RECENT LOSS OF A TROOP HELICOPTER TO "ENEMY ACTION". DEPENEMYINTELL WAS UNAWARE THE ENEMY POSSESSED ANY ANTI-AIR CAPABILITY.
THIS INCIDENT, COMBINED WITH RECENT DISCREPANCIES FOUND BETWEEN ARMAMENTS SHIPPED THROUGH THE WORMGATE AND THOSE REPORTED RECEIVED, HAVE CAUSED HIGH COMMAND TO QUESTION THE EFFICIENCY WITH WHICH YOU ARE PURSUING THE WAR EFFORT. TWO NEW SQUADS DOUBLED THE SIZE OF YOUR COMMAND, SMAJ HUGHES HAS SOLVED YOUR MORALE PROBLEM, YET THERE HAS BEEN A SHARP DROP-OFF IN ENEMY CONTACTS AND KILLS REPORTED FROM EVERY ONE OF YOUR PATROL SQUADS EXCEPT ONE.
TO REPLACE THE LOST AIR ASSET, THE NEXT SCHEDULED TRANSPORT AFTER THIS MESSAGE WILL INCLUDE FOUR AH-64 GROUND ATTACK HELICOPTERS AND THEIR SUPPORT STAFF. WITH A FOUR-FOLD INCREASE IN SPEED AND ARMAMENTS OVER YOUR PREVIOUS AIR ASSETS, COMMAND EXPECTS YOUR KILL TOTALS TO RISE ACCORDINGLY.
ALSO ON THE TRANSPORT WILL BE INSPECTOR GENERAL ARTURO HIMENEZ.
WHILE HE HAS NO MILITARY RANK, INSPGEN HIMENEZ HAS A CHARTER FROM THE U.N. HIGH COUNCIL TO PROSECUTE FRAUD AND CORRUPTION ON ANY COLONY WORLD EQUIVALENT TO THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND. HIS MISSION WILL BE TO RESOLVE DISCREPANCIES AND ROOT OUT INEFFICIENCIES ANYWHERE IN YOUR COMMAND. PLEASE SHOW HIM YOUR FULL COOPERATION. IF HIS RECOMMENDATIONS FAIL TO INCREASE THE EFFICIENCY OF THE WAR EFFORT ON ANGIE'S STAR II, YOUR COMMAND ITSELF MAY BE REEVALUATED.
FINALLY, DEPENEMYINTELL IS STILL AWAITING RESULTS OF THE TESTING PLAN FROM THE CAPTURED ENEMY. PLEASE FORWARD AT ONCE.
END MESSAGE
***
Chapter Nine
Things actually started to go pretty well after that. Hughes, of course, showed up in our barracks at six the next morning ringing a cowbell because we had crashed that helicopter. But Ann-Marie and Steve had finally healed enough to join us, and it was good seeing them in the running ranks again.
And I was finding it easy to keep up with Hughes now. It must have been the mental conditioning, because god knows I was going through bodies too fast to build them up physically. But the run didn't seem so bad. The cool morning air, the ground flying past my light feet- it was actually kind of exhilarating.
Better yet, when the farmers already up and working their fields saw the patches on our fatigues, they cheered as we went by. Each whoop or “Ho! Infinity Squad!” lifted our spirits and just made Hughes madder. Good thing he didn’t know that, as he took us back around a second time and wove us around the farmhouses trying to tire us out in the warming sun, the farmers’ kids started handing us glasses behind one house, then collecting them before we came into Hughes’ view again. Hughes was happy because it looked like every member of our squad was absolutely drenched in sweat from the head down. We were happy because each lap gave us another chance to sip or splash our heads with ice cold water or, in one awesome misunderstanding between Juan and a seven year old, ice tea. We snickered at Juan’s brown, sweet smelling ‘sweat’ all the way back, when Hughes wasn’t looking.
I got back to the barracks energized, Zazlu was grumpy but barely winded, as were Juan and Ann-Marie. The privates and Steve were a little exhausted, which made it the perfect time to parade everyone in front of Three-Spot one at a time and ask them questions about their hometowns. The privates were too tired to wonder what was going on and we got a good baseline reading on all their amygdalas, and readings on Juan after one death and Zaz after two. I jotted everything down on a sheet for Doc Murphy and tucked it away inside my fatigues.
Omega Squad went out on patrol north of the mountain that afternoon. We warned Red-Stripe through Three-Spot, so Ching and his boys didn’t even report one contact. Immortal Squad went out that night, south and west of the valley, almost to the edge of the swamps. Red-Stripe couldn’t get all his hunters back in time, so the Immortals saw a few Spider butts disappearing into caves near the swamp but lost them after getting off the helicopter to pursue. Phoenix and Second Chance squads were getting some motivation from Hughes the next morning and didn’t patrol at all, which was fine with me.
Our next patrol was interesting, to say the least. Three-Spot warned us to take only our calmest, steadiest members so I took Zaz, Butcher and what the hell, Juan. As Jinx flew us to the clearing, Ann-Marie leaned forward in her seat.
"Why do you think Three-Spot told us to bring only light weapons?" she said, tapping the sub-machine gun slung under her shoulder instead of her normal assault rifle.
I shrugged. "I don't know. His voice sounded a little strange this time. Friendlier."
"Hold on a second!" Juan said. "The Hell-Spiders can TALK?"
"Of course they can talk," Butcher said, then turned back to me. "So I brought some frag and flash grenades but I was thinking I might leave them in the helo-"
"SINCE WHEN?" Juan demanded.
"Since always," I said as Zazlu and Ann-Marie started laughing. I saw the look on Juan's face and had to join them.
"Don't worry kid, I didn't know until now either," Jinx said through our headsets.
I grabbed Juan's shoulder, then reached back to touch Jinx's as well. "So now you both know our secret. The secret that's been keeping us alive. Relatively. And the secret that could get us all thrown in prison for a hundred years if you spill it. The Hell-Spiders can talk and don't want us to kill them any more than we want to try. Anyone who doesn't think they can keep that one-hundred percent to themselves, please remove your buffering band and step outside."
Neither Juan or Jinx threw themselves onto the jungle speeding by hundreds of feet below, so I nodded. "Good. Because I've got another huge secret for everyone."
I sighed, then continued. "Resurrection is killing us. Doc Murphy and Three-Spot and I are trying to put numbers on it, but it seems like a little of your mind may be replaced by the clone's memories each time you wake up in the tanks."
"So that's what that parade of hometowns in front of Three-Spot yesterday was?" Butcher asked.
"Yes. I haven't given the data to Doc yet because I want to test some high death clones like Immortals or Omegas. But, here's the important part- from this point on, no one in Infinity Squad is going to die again. Let the other fool squads get mind wiped away. We're going to do things smart and professional and careful, and keep our minds exactly the way they are right now. Hoo-ah?"
Zazlu was nodding. "Hoo-ah."
"Hoo-
Fucking
-Ah," Butcher agreed, the only one of us still in their original body.
I turned to the pilot. "Jinx?"
"No complaints here."
"Juan?"
The young soldier was staring out at the passing canopy. He finally looked at me. "Would have been nice of you to decide that TWO DAYS ago."
"Juan, we all make mistakes. I didn't know. And it was a snake the size of a dinosaur. Tell me that wasn't worth getting killed by! I first got killed by a spider." He was still frowning. "Hell, Zazlu got killed by a
bee
."
That finally got Juan smiling. "That's right, he did."
"Hey- it was more than one," Zaz said. "And they exploded!"
"It took a snake the size of Godzilla to do me in," Juan laughed, "but my Second Lieutenant got killed by a bumble bee this big!"
"Come on now..." Zazlu began, but he was tracking with me enough to let Juan have his way for a while. He and I should go open a Vaudeville act somewhere.
Ann-Marie was smiling at Juan. "The size of Godzilla, you say?"
"I'll show you a picture sometime."
I coughed to pull his eyes out of Butcher's and asked, "Hoo-ah, Private?"
He grinned and nodded. "Hoo-ah, sir."
We landed in the clearing, and Red-Stripe and his gang we waiting, in their same protective ring as always. But then three of them moved and opened a hole in it. Right toward their home caves.
"Really?" I asked.
Red-Stripe nodded. "Three-Spot thought it was time." He looked at my squad. "But not everyone in the clan agrees. You will need to keep all of your thoughts calm and peaceful, or a protective male may tear you to pieces."
"Sure, no problem." I turned back to the helo. "Butcher, leave the pineapples here. Everyone, safeties on and hands off weapons. And be
cool
." Just to be sure, my eyes flicked up to each of their buffering bands. Five bars, green. I turned back to Red-Stripe.